Saurly Yours

So Very Sorry

2010-06-20T09:30:00.001-04:00

I am so very sorry that I simply cannot devote time to this blog and you wonderful people. It's a shame, but there it is.

Remember that I'm on Facebook, and we can always stay in touch that way. I will check this blog periodically for any messages/requests.

I have a new job and for the first time in a very long time, my personal life gives me great happiness. So unfortunately there just isn't enough time in the world for everything.

I wish you all health, good fortune, and joy and beg you to stay in touch.

Census Phone Call Follow-Up

2010-06-04T18:36:00.003-04:00

I got a call yesterday from the Census bureau. They wanted to follow up and ask additional questions. When they told me I HAD to take their call and it was part of the census, I grew infuriated.

As I pointed out, I'd read nothing about that and it certainly hadn't been mentioned on the census. I'm betting it's not illegal to refuse to answer any additional questions when you've already completely and accurately filled out the questionnaire and sent it in.

Besides, what a great con job it would be if someone called supposedly from the Census Bureau, and asked additional questions (such as your social security number, bank account number, etc.) I wonder how many people would fall for that?

I get a little antsy - I like my privacy. What can I say?

In the end, I chose not to stand on principle and I answered their questions.

What a sell-out!

Islamorada: The Florida Keys

2010-06-03T08:18:00.005-04:00

I Need Some Escapism... Any Recommendations?

2010-05-28T10:13:00.002-04:00

I hate TV shows because I have to deal with commercials. But I need some serious escapism so I'd like to hear what everyone recommends from books to movies to TV shows I can rent on Netflix (so I can avoid the commercials).

Old Friends

2010-05-26T08:11:00.002-04:00

Facebook is truly an amazing resource for finding old friends. I've been thrilled to find some long-lost friends from high school although it's very strange to realize where we've gone in our lives. A couple of my friends have four or more kids. FOUR!

It amazes me, because I knew them when we were young and responsibility was usually never anything we could be accused of.

Obviously if they were total strangers, I wouldn't have the same reaction. For all I know, a perfect stranger has been a responsible geek from age 1 and would be a natural for parenting. But who could ever guess that we would become those wise, nurturing parents that we were always in awe of?

Which gives me hope for mankind.

The Lucrative Rewards for Curing No One

2010-05-24T10:31:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine almost died of a drug overdose this weekend.

As I have a "no drug" policy, I have a very hard time feeling any sympathy for someone who makes the self-indulgent choices that I choose not to make. However, because I was the only one this addict could turn to at the time, I was the one who went to the hospital. Twice. Once to take him there for the O.D., and once to take him back during his detox as he was puking up blood.

Yeah, drugs are fun.

I called his best guy friend "Dan", who is a recovered alcoholic. During the weekend drama, Dan texted me saying "Oxys are what's killing everybody, just had an old friend die. He needs to go to rehab."

To which I replied "He's been thru rehab 3-4 times in the last year and a half. He could TEACH it. He needs to simply make up his mind."

Dan wrote "Well then, we will just watch him die, if he doesn't get help somewhere because what u c now is him making up his mind."

And what I said is completely true, given the quality of our rehab clinics. You see, rehab clinics get a ton of government money to conduct classes and therapy sessions for people who have been convicted of illegal drug use, or who qualify for a government program through other avenues.

These clinics can also anesthetize an addict who is going through withdrawal symptoms, so the addict is basically sedated as they come down. This only makes it easier for the addict to get on the stuff again, as there is no real punishment for it: The addict doesn't associate any real pain with the process, and in his opinion, the pain he causes others isn't important.

It also means the clinics get repeat customers, which is very important. After all, short of becoming dealers themselves, they need a constant influx of customers to justify the public funds they're dipping into.

There is one lone voice, crying in the wilderness, and his name is Dr. Stanton Peele. But Dr. Peele's clinic is too successful, in that it teaches self-control and stops the psychobabble which enables the addict. So, Dr. Peele's clients have a vastly lower recidivism rate than standard drug rehab facilities. That makes Dr. Peele a great threat to these clinics, and obviously they all keep hoping he'll just shut up and go away.

So our clinics in the Tampa Bay Area are worthless (and I assume most of them are). As long as they keep coddling our addicts and telling them that their choices are not their fault, they will never get better.

Which is exactly why there are no effective drug treatment centers here.

Dancing With the Harlots

2010-05-18T08:06:00.005-04:00

I've written about sleezy kids' dance recitals before. It incensed me then, and still does. Interestingly, the parents at the studio that I wrote about must have thrown a complete fit, because I was dragged unwillingly to this year's dance recital and it was actually in good taste!

But this tendency toward making kids into adorable hooker look-a-likes continues.

The mothers are often the first to defend this poor choice because (obviously) it makes them look very, very bad. Also, they may be re-living their childhoods through their children - we've all seen the desperate mom who obsessively thrusts her kids into anything that she wanted to do when she was young.

But... what's the school's excuse?

One thing's for sure - a child molester can get a floor show cheap these days.

Dipping My Toes in the Water

2010-05-14T12:12:00.002-04:00

A great big THANK YOU to Clew for her recent award!

I have been mulling it over and may return to blogging sooner than I expected. I can't be my opinionated self in my real life persona. Well, I CAN, but I really don't want war declared on me by a third world nation! Staying anonymous is probably healthier. ;o)

It's been wonderful to have been named one of the best blogs in Tampa Bay by a few major sources, and it's been rather disheartening to not be able to give this blog the full attention that it (and you) deserve.

Perhaps to throw in the towel is to admit defeat far too early.

So Little Time

2010-04-30T17:28:00.001-04:00

Just to let you all know, I am mostly on Facebook these days. If you know who I am, you know how to find me there. I will still be writing weekly, but how often I'll write a week is dependent on what my workload looks like.

Have a great weekend!

The Thrift Shop Find

2010-04-26T07:51:00.003-04:00

Every other weekend is filled with teenagers now. Which is wonderful. I don't understand people who don't want children around... or, in this case, young adults. Whatever. A full home is a happy home.

So this weekend we loaded up and hit garage sales, thrift stores, and the beach. New clothes (and other assorted sundries) were acquired and, best of all, we discovered this carved wooden statue:

Perhaps I should've bought it. It could come in "hand"y.

Friday

2010-04-23T10:31:00.002-04:00

The weekend is upon us, finally! It's beautiful here in Florida once more (and hot again, as well) and the weekend forecast is promising.

It's a great weekend for garage sales, thrift stores, concerts and picnics.

My life sounds rather dull lately, so it's rather difficult to put in print. How do you express the keen satisfaction you get from refinishing an old statue of a jaguar? Or the faux painting you've been doing for a friend?

I wish you all the same "dull" happiness this weekend!

The Russian Adoption Problem

2010-04-21T10:22:00.009-04:00

The woman who sent her adoptive son back to Russia with a note stating that he was a sociopath is hardly a woman who snapped after singing "I'm a little teapot" one too many times.

She has done what so many parents who have adopted from Russia have been tempted to do. (To read more about this, go here and here).

The sad truth, and one that has been known for years, is that most children from Russia (or many other third world countries) come with problems. It's easy to see why. Here's the recipe:

1. Go to a third world country (and parts of Russia are just that)
2. Take one child being generally unwanted
3. Institutionalize that child for a long time
4. Couple that with him moving to another country and being forced to assimilate the culture

And voila! One freshly made (you choose):

A. Sociopath
B. Child with severe attachment disorder
C. Hell on wheels
D. All of the above

I've read of these cases for years, and I'm shocked that it's taken this long for anyone to take real notice of them.

What's amazing is that it took this one incident to put the spotlight on an issue that's been going on for a very long time. And truthfully, there's no solution. If you want a child desperately enough, you may want there to be a solution, but wishful thinking can't change facts.

Studies repeatedly show a child's personality is developed between 3 and 5 years of age. And these formative years are usually filled with trauma in the case of an unwanted child.

Now other sympathetic families are weighing in, telling of their miserable Russian adoptions. Some have rationalized, some have muddled through it all, but most speak of the toll it takes and the burdens they must carry due to the children they took on.

We are exporting other countries' problems when we take on their children, with rare exceptions.

Years ago I had acquaintances who chose to adopt from India because they felt specially attuned to that country (due to the whimsical fact that the husband played the Sitar). They went through a long and painful process, sending money to India, getting pictures, etc.

The baby was a girl. She had been raised since birth in an orphanage run by nuns, but the problem was that the orphanage had very little funding. Therefore, the children often didn't receive proper nutrition.

When this couple received the baby, she was about 8 months old, had been held rarely (so her head was somewhat deformed from being left in the crib so much), and she was severely thin and undernourished (she was the size of a newborn). As a result, their pediatrician warned them that there was likely to be brain damage or at least mental development issues.

The parents joyfully announced all this to us because, frankly, it was new. And any experience, when new, is something you think you can happily overcome, slogging through mountains and singing the theme from The Sound of Music. It was A Challenge, A Rite of Passage, A Chance To Show Off Parenting Skills.

But that child is now about 18 and I wonder how she fared. And if she lived. And whether or not the marriage survived. And when the bloom fell off the rose, did the Sitar playing husband leave or did he merely sink into despair? For usually it's the wife who takes on the true burden of raising a special needs child.

It is often very hard to bond with a child that is not your biological child, for the simple reason that hormones play a factor when a baby is born. Without your hormones singing that child's praises, it's much tougher to get past the bumps in the road, let alone the crevasses.

Thus, an adoptive child does not have the advantages that a biological child has. Over the years, I have had close friends who were adopted, and not one of them ever felt that bond. And, may I venture to add that it's because their parents apparently never felt that bond, either.

I am sure that there are exceptions: For instance, if a parent adopts a child right after the loss of a child, they may be able to transfer the bond. And there are parents who may truly believe that they are as close to that bond as they can be. One adoption site says that research shows that adoptive families bond as closely as biological ones. I'm not disputing that bonding occurs, but I question to what degree it occurs.

Adoption and assimilation of children is tough enough as it is, without adding other problems to the mix. Although we certainly don't have enough children to adopt within the USA (due to abortion and restrictive laws), going outside of the country isn't a better solution.

"Immediate Family Only" Policy is About to End

2010-04-16T08:27:00.003-04:00

It's about time. Sometimes Obama gets it right, even if he has the wrong motives.

Barack Obama is ordering that nearly all hospitals allow patients to say who has visitation rights and who can help make medical decisions. But his reason is that he wants to pander to gays and give them equal rights when it comes to their partners.

This is a payoff for an earlier campaign promise Obama made in exchange for the gay vote. Not such an amazing reason, when there are so MANY varieties of reasons for this move. And not only gays will profit.

Couples who were living together have wanted this right for years. And in my case, the majority of my family no longer lives near me. In fact, my siblings all live overseas. So close friends and significant others have taken the place of family many years ago. And this is common in an America where people are constantly on the move. *I* am the mutant, having stayed in Florida for as long as I have.

Sadly, this change of policy is something that only a Democrat would have instituted, which shows how stagnant the Republican party has become.

Crist Makes Another Bad Decision

Despite my earlier belief that Crist couldn't possibly make another boneheaded move, he just vetoed a bill that would make teachers ... *gasp* ... work for their pay and demand job performance based raises.

Wow, that was close! Let's not get carried away! Good thing the unions got in the way, or we might have something in Florida resembling real education.

Fox News vs. Republicans

2010-04-15T08:51:00.002-04:00

An interesting article in Newsweek today argues that the Republican establishment is rejecting Fox News.

This only makes sense, as the Republicans are part of the same good ole boy network that the Democrats are part of. I can't imagine rank-and-file politicians favoring any network that can stir up the masses.

I'm not a fan of Fox News (I never watch it). I've always found CNN to be relatively impartial until Lou Dobson left. Now I just glean my news from internet news sources. But I find this new twist on network news to be fascinating!

Oprah

2010-04-13T15:15:00.005-04:00

It's about time someone tries to take Oprah Winfrey down a notch. For an accurate discussion of what Oprah believes, go to this article by a non-denominational Christian think tank. It's a pretty good assessment of what I've observed over the years.

Now Kitty Kelley, famous gossip hound and biographer, has taken on The Great O, and has found that many media outlets won't discuss the book with her, for fear of alienating Oprah.

Why?

Because Oprah has a large number of mindless, brain-dead fans who drool over every word she emits and follow her blindly. To anger Oprah is to anger her fans.

Kitty Kelley has done many biographies and angered many people. I've often heard the controversies, the arguments, and the denials. So, is she telling the truth?

The people who praised her biography of Ronald Reagan and were aghast when we questioned her facts cannot decry her now.

On the other hand, those of us who felt that she was full of crap to begin with may finally find some allies.

I won't buy the book, but you can bet that I'll rent it from our local library.

Lack of Michael Jackson

2010-04-12T08:58:00.003-04:00

It just hit me that I haven't seen a thing on Michael Jackson in days. For this, I am ever so humbly grateful.

Now if we can just stop hearing about Tiger Woods every 5 minutes.

Dear Roger

2010-04-09T07:56:00.003-04:00

Some of you may remember Roger, from When a Guy Can't Take a Hint. Well, he still hasn't taken the hint. Although he laid low for a while, he started annoying Cindy again. So, I helpfully composed a "Dear John" letter for her:

Dear Roger,

You are a putz.

For a guy who looks like he belongs in the geriatric version of The Village People, you really aren't all that virile, either. I wish I could say that you are a man that could fulfill my dreams, but you fulfill my nightmares.

If your personality were of any note, I would enjoy keeping you as a friend. But when a personality is as sour as old jockey shorts, there is little to recommend it.

Your sparkling wit and repartee... oh wait, you don't have that.

If I were to put together a list of all your virtues, you might make it into a fortune cookie slip.

Much love,
Cindy

If she has the guts to send this, I think it will solve the problem.

The Civil War from a Religious Perspective

2010-04-07T09:18:00.005-04:00

The Christian "Roll Over" Argument

Obviously since people have devoted entire books to the topic of the American Civil War, I cannot possibly do it justice in a short amount of time. (For those of you who are interested in delving into it, I highly recommend William Safire's book "Freedom").

However, there is a renewed interest in the Civil War at this time, due to the current Federal government's continual references to The Commerce Clause in the Constitution. There are rumors that states may, once again, try to secede.

I have heard some Christians cite scripture from the Bible, who say that it is our obligation to bow to the government, with little exception. (The exception would be if the government demanded we do something which is against what the Bible teaches).

But How Do You Define Government?

There were 13-16 states that defined the confederacy in 1861, out of a total of 33 states at that time. So it was a significant number of states (almost half) that decided to exert what they considered to be their state rights.

As Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Kentucky Resolution:

"Resolved, that the several States composing the United States of America, are not united on the principle of unlimited submission to their general government; but that by compact under the style and title of a Constitution for the United States and of amendments thereto, they constituted a general government for special purposes, delegated to that government certain definite powers, reserving each State to itself, the residuary mass of right to their own self-government; and that whensoever the general government assumes undelegated powers, its acts are unauthoritative, void, and of no force: That to this compact each State acceded as a State, and is an integral party, its co-States forming, as to itself, the other party....each party has an equal right to judge for itself, as well of infractions as of the mode and measure of redress."

Yeah, he was the master of the run-on sentence.

What It Boils Down To

But what it boils down to is that Jefferson (the third President of the USA) felt that the States called the shots and created the Federal government, thus the Federal government wasn't supposed to reign over the states, but was supposed to be ancillary to them.

Jefferson also wrote the famous "Separation Letter" which set the precedence for the separation of church and state, and contributed to a great deal of thought as to how government should work in the early stages of our republic, so let's not quickly dismiss him as a crackpot.

So, What Does it Mean?

So, is it truly rebellion if the states try to secede again? And if so, is it contrary to what a Christian should do? And, perhaps more importantly (as Christians are a minority), is it something that should be considered by a citizen of the USA?

Rebellion, like history, is in the eye of the beholder. It can certainly be slanted to justify whatever we might want. However, this is a topic which we need to begin to consider, as the Federal government continues to extend its powers via the excuse of the Commerce Clause.

Civil War or Civil Decline? Can America Save Itself?

2010-04-05T09:23:00.001-04:00

Here is a brilliant analysis of what our country is currently facing.

It also shows our problems are endemic in both major parties:

"When I was running for office in the Republican primary, a Republican stated Medicaid was a good deal for our state because for every dollar we spent, we got three from the federal government — as if those federal dollars were coming from Fairyland."

It's solidly researched and thought provoking. I highly recommend it.

Neal McDonough

2010-04-02T08:40:00.005-04:00

Neal McDonough is a name I hadn't heard before, as I watch so little TV. I recognize him from his pictures, but I have no idea what I've seen him do.

But Neal McDonough is apparently the man with the big cahonas in Hollywood, and he chooses not to share them with everyone. Because of that, he was recently fired from a new TV series, as he wouldn't do a sex scene with sleazy co-star Virginia Madsen (who apparently has no qualms about it and couldn't be bothered to stick up for the guy).

Wow, an actor with morals! I don't think we've seen such a thing since Pat Boone.

One writer snarkily commented that morals didn't stop McDonough from playing a serial killer once, but let's face it: Playing a serial killer hardly compares to getting naked in front of a crew of people and being very intimate with a naked skank when you're a married man with children.

At a time when we keep hearing how skeevy Hollywood men can be (thanks to Tiger and Jesse), McDonough brings a breath of fresh air.

Bravo, Neal McDonough, Bravo!

April Fools' Day

2010-04-01T08:30:00.008-04:00

In the grand tradition of April Fools' Day, Google has announced that they're changing their name to "Topeka". As Google is my homepage, I was met with this announcement immediately and, half awake, I read their explanation with growing bewilderment until it dawned on me that today is April Fools' Day.

You would think I would remember April Fools' Day. My grandmother was the patron saint of April Fools' Day. Forget about St. Patrick - no one can lay claim to a holiday like my grandmother could.

I don't know how the woman was able to find so much fake food in an era when there were no computers and we lived in Florida, for heavens' sake (there wasn't much shopping variety here in the 70s). But every April Fools' Day she delightedly fooled one of us into almost taking a bite from a sponge-and-rubber sandwich or a piece of angel food cake made from sponge. And that was just the opening round.

There was always a spectacular prank on April Fools' Day. We learned from an early age to be fully aware that April first was coming, but although we felt we were prepared, Grandma always was able to get at least one of us.

One year, fully knowing that it was April Fools' Day, I went running to answer the phone. "Saur!" my grandmother said excitedly, "Oh my goodness! Run outside and look real quick! There's a hot air balloon over your house and I can see it from here!"

What do you think I did? Yup, you guessed it. When I got back to the phone, Grandma was laughing hysterically.

Of course the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and I've been known to indulge in a prank or two myself.

One of my best friends, Pov, has a gorgeous collectible car that he's madly in love with. During the restoration process, he had become extremely annoying to all of us. We heard more about carburetors and paint jobs than any of us ever wanted to hear in our lives.

One day, when he was over at my house, I had run to the store to grab a couple things. When I came back I walked by him casually and simply said "Where's your car, Pov?"

He ran outside quicker than I ran when I thought there was a hot air balloon waiting for me.

Etc.

2010-03-25T08:48:00.002-04:00

Insurance is No Longer a Career: It's a Nightmare

I pity everyone who sells insurance for a living. As if it's not bleak enough, our local news channel 8 is blaring a breaking news story about scammers who bilk the elderly by pretending to be insurance agents.

I happen to know that the ONLY market for insurance right now is the supplemental Medicare market. When the elderly get spooked, that will close the final door in the insurance industry and agents will join the ranks of the unemployed everywhere.

The New Insurance Vista

Now that this botched Obama bill has passed, insurance will drastically change. For what I believe to be a very realistic look, go to this article in Investors Business Daily. It's an eye opener.

Jesse James

What a skank.

His third mistress has just "revealed" herself (pun intended) and at least one has said she's had unprotected sex with him. All of them are hardly the-girl-next-door types, unless you live next to a strip club.

Yuck.

The Sad-but-True Cost of the New Health Care Bill

2010-03-22T08:19:00.002-04:00

I really had hoped for something more. But, as the saying goes, a camel is a horse made by committee.

The New York Times believes it "...would raise, not lower, federal deficits, by $562 billion."

What a nightmare.

Hoodlums & Scalawags

2010-03-19T08:58:00.012-04:00

Our local newspaper, the St. Pete Times, tells of how a School Board member labeled disruptive jerks as "hoodlums".

The disruptive jerks were black, and the next thing you know, they took offense to the term.

If only they'd spend more time in the classroom and less time being hoodlums, they would've learned what it meant.

The reporter attempts to explain away their overreaction by this convoluted reasoning: The first half of the word "hoodlum" is "hood", as in "neighborhood", and since black thugs often refer to their home territory as "the hood", they own this term and it shouldn't be used in any other words about them.

I would suggest the term "scalawag", which was a favorite label my grandfather always used for hoodlums. But wait! It's fraught with meaning also! Apparently it was "...a moniker for southern whites who supported Reconstruction following the Civil War." Well, we wouldn't want to call black hoodlums "scalawags", then, would we?

How about "reprobate"? Nah - our hoodlums would probably think it has a sexual meaning (reproduction and masturbate) and we wouldn't want to confuse them any further. They can hardly be rocket scientists, after all, if they don't value schooling.

How about "delinquent"? Certainly not! Anyone who eats in a deli would be infuriated! Hold the mustard!

How about "hooligan" or "scofflaw"? Well honestly, could you take anyone seriously who used those terms? I know *I* couldn't.

"Avast ye hooligan! I demand redress for your knavish behavior! Yea verily, I shall smite thee!"

So...

How about just plain "jackasses"? As donkeys can't talk, it's safe to say they can't object.

Wolf Attack

2010-03-18T08:38:00.002-04:00

Wow. The wolf experts are shocked. There's been a fatal wolf attack in Alaska.

They express surprise! "Wow," they say. "This is only the second documented fatality ever recorded!"

Yeah, ya think? Know why? Because it's hard to document something when you're dead and your intestines have taken up residence in a wolf's belly!

Only survivors have the chance to talk.

There are two reasons we're now hearing of these attacks. First, we have better modes of communication.

For instance, let's say a wolf attack happened in the 1800s. If there were any survivors, they might eventually get to "civilization" where they could tell the tale of the attack but there would be no real evidence, little interest in finding any, and the story would become "rumor". And how many average people wrote then, and if they could write, how many took the time to do so when there was a living to be made? And how much of their writing would survive to become "documentation"? Very little.

Secondly, our modern lives give us better reaction time and we have more ability to do research than ever before. Not only were the wolves that killed this woman tracked and killed, but they're also going to make sure that the right wolves were killed by matching their teeth to the bite marks. This concept would have been unheard of in the 1800s.

To sum it up: Wolf attacks are quite plausible. I have always been amused by how many "experts" maintain that wolves are lovable, harmless fuzzballs. Look at their teeth, for crying out loud! It's not like they chew cud.

War? What War? Oh Yeah... THAT War!

2010-03-17T08:14:00.003-04:00

Meanwhile, the war continues.

As Richard Brautigan once wrote:

Someplace in the World a Man is Screaming in Pain

Someplace in the world
a woman is sitting
under a beautiful green tree,
and she is shelling peas,
and she is thinking only
of beautiful things,
like waterfalls or rainbows
or peas.

We need to stop shelling peas, and refocus. Although Obama promised a quick end to the war, we continue to do battle in Afghanistan. We cannot afford to be The World's Policemen right now. In fact, we never could afford it.

Bring our troops back to the USA, but keep them on payroll. Have them patrol the borders, instead. At least if they're in the USA, they can spend their money here and perhaps contribute some to our own economy.

And, there will be less soldiers screaming in pain.

Sloth Pin

2010-03-15T08:09:00.003-04:00

The Chinese Ebay sellers generally have no taste. And lately, I don't see many people snapping up their fakes. This one really takes the prize, though. It's billed as "Big Sloth Brooch Pin w/ Black Swarovski Crystals."

This is the kind of thing that visits me in my nightmares.

The "Honest" Company Rep

2010-03-10T09:59:00.006-05:00

My best girl friend, Cindy, owns a small company specializing in government bids. Sometimes government bids demand a mandatory get-together before companies can formally bid on a project. There is truly no need for a mandatory meeting, except that it can often discourage companies that are outside of the area. In other words, it gives preference to the local boys.

And since Cindy has a small company, she can't attend every bid, so she sometimes has a representative go for her.

Yesterday, Cindy was trapped at the office all day, so she asked her father-in-law to go for her. She also asked him to sign in as her, not because she was trying to pull some scam (and it is allowed) but because she wanted all information to be addressed to her. And since she'd had some run-ins with this particular governmental entity, she asked him to sign in under her alternate company, which they hadn't heard of.

However, "Sid" got an attack of conscience. Shortly after the meeting ended, he called her. Apparently he started out doing what she'd asked, which was to sign in and take notes.

But suddenly after he signed in, Sid felt remorseful. So, he went up to the man holding the conference, pulled him aside, and whispered "I signed in as Cindy Smythe. But, I'm not Cindy."

This was probably apparent to John, the head honcho.

"But you know Cindy," he added. "I think you may have had some disagreements before."

Well, if John hadn't remembered her before, Sid had been kind enough to help him out.

"And..." said Sid, "She owns two companies. I signed in as ABC Co., but we really are usually known to you as XYZ Co. I think you should know that."

So at this point, I think we can safely assume that John was pretty certain he was dealing with a shady company who was sending a man afflicted with some form of mental illness, in an attempt to somehow subvert the system.

Needless to say, Cindy will no longer be sending Sid to any functions.

Condoms vs. Catholics in the Philippines

2010-03-08T07:49:00.010-05:00

Let me start by admitting I have an uneasy relationship with the Catholic church. As a Christian who belongs in the "protestant" category, I have well-researched reasons for being there. I am too wise to fall into the "we-all-believe-the-same-thing-anyway" crowd. Frankly, we don't.

But, there is much good in what the Catholic church teaches.

For instance, I agree that in an ideal world, people abstain from sex before marriage, there is no promiscuity, and wise choices are always made.

But... we're talking the Philippines, here, people.

My brother is married to a Filipina and he currently supports some of the children in her family. I have an ex-fiance who's a conflicted "Flip" (Filipino). He's American, and his relatives accuse him of being the "whitest" Flip they know. But, he has visited his homeland, and he is only one generation removed from the islands.

Obviously our family has often crossed paths with the Filipino culture, so we have a great deal of knowledge about them.

One of the things that is striking about the Phillipines is the rampant promiscuity that exists. For example: As a result of this being an ego-centric culture, children are often thrown to the wayside. After all, kids can get in the way of a budding romance, so they are usually discarded. Yup - discarded like yesterday's fish.

It is not uncommon for a divorced or single mother to kick her young children out into the street or fend them off on relatives who abuse them or neglect them. Why? Because the new man in her life is going to want to start his own family and he doesn't want the burden of some other man's children. And, it's likely that her mother did the same thing to her.

Obviously if this is the way that many mothers feel about their children, most men are more than happy to take advantage of it. And this is just one example of the wanton lifestyle that exists not as an aberration, but as the norm.

So it is certainly no surprise to find that AIDS is soaring in their population.

The Philippine government has decided that they need to do what they can to reduce the STDs that are rampant over there, and they are especially concerned about AIDS. The cold, hard truth is that the government may not have to pay for all the street urchins, but they certainly don't need a plague on their hands. Homeless children aren't a direct concern, but AIDS could become so.

So, the government decided to put their workers on the streets to hand out condoms and roses to those who were passing by.

But, as the Associated Press reports, "It didn't get far. Within days, leaders of the powerful Roman Catholic Church began urging the faithful to reject condoms, reigniting a long-running battle over contraception in the overwhelmingly Catholic nation."

OK, yay for the Catholic leaders: They get to stand on principle. But do we really need to subject these people to such restrictions even when they're not truly practicing (or believing) Catholics?

Because, let's face it, a practicing/believing Catholic wouldn't be indulging in promiscuity anyway, nor would they disregard the care of their children. Therefore it's logical to conclude that most Flips really are Catholic in name only (at best).

Taking away a person's options to do what they want to do is not truly promoting belief. Instead, it is promoting restrictions. If the Catholic church wants to take control of the population, they should take over the government first. But if the Catholic church wants to control their hearts, it's going about it the wrong way.

Let's face it, the Bible teaches that God gave man free will. Even God doesn't want man to be forced to come blindly to him: God wants man to approach him with an open heart.

Why should the Catholic church behave any differently?

New Research on REM (Rapid Eye Movement)

2010-03-05T10:10:00.004-05:00

Some of my readers may recall that I suffer from Nightmare Disorder. It is an exceedingly rare, unpleasant sleep disorder which results in vivid, cruel nightmares that drag on all night. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

Athough Nightmare Disorder is not depression or anxiety, a mild anti-anxiety drug (Celexa), when taken at night, has been able to reduce it somewhat. Never the less, it remains there, lurking in the back of my subconscious, desperate to rear its ugly head whenever possible.

However, new research on REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep gives me some hope. Studies show that those of us who experience extended periods of REM are more prone to depression, vivid nightmares, and a negative outlook in the morning. Well, let's face it - if you faced Freddy Krueger every night, wouldn't you be a bit crabby in the mornings also?

So researchers agree that the way to combat such a problem is to reduce REM sleep, which goes contrary to what many of us learned in the psychology classes of the 1980s and early 90s when we were told all we needed was more REM. And, recent studies prove that these researchers are correct.

So, how do you reduce REM?

In sleep study labs, people who are woken up each time they go into REM sleep report less depression when they rise in the morning. But, this is hardly practical in everyday living. However some of the things that we can do to reduce REM are:

1. Have a little wine before bed
2. Up our intake of L-Tryptophan (small amounts are found in turkey and milk, but in order to reap the benefits, supplements are recommended)
3. Antidepressants of certain types
4. Any combination of the above

Of course it's not a license to become a wino or a pill popper. Instead, as with everything, moderation is the key.

But finally, there is hope.

Idiotnapping

2010-03-03T08:08:00.007-05:00

There's a weird new service for rich Frenchmen who are jaded with the everyday thrills. It is no longer enough to take the chance of becoming another Sonny Bono (death by skiing) or a John Denver (death by plane).

No!

They now have the option to pay to be kidnapped.

Perhaps the Mexicans who are kidnapping Americans* just over the border and holding them for ransom have got it all wrong. They merely need to run an ad in the wealthiest parts of America:

Are you bored with your daily routine? Is paragliding or swimming with sharks no longer enough for you? Well, have we got the solution for you!

We guarantee a kidnapping by one (1) Mexican gang, run by at least one (1) certified drug lord. This kidnapping will involve a minimum of two (2) semi-automatic rifles, assorted handguns, and some showy "grenades" which will add to the thrill of it all as we grab you off Wall Street and transport you to a sunny bordertown in Mexico.

But that's just the beginning! Thrill to see what your loved ones will do for your release. Will your wife put up that $5 million? Will your parents appear on CNN, tearfully pleading for your safe return?

Call 1-800-IDIOT-NAP today!

Seriously: How exciting can it be to sign up for your own kidnapping? How can you get worked up about it when you already have your exit strategy planned? These morons can sign up for a helicopter "rescue", for crying out loud.

As if we didn't already think the French were beyond freakish...

* (and their own wealthy citizens)

More Aid Overseas

2010-03-01T08:35:00.003-05:00

It seems the disaster season is upon us again. And whenever other countries are hit with a disaster, we gleefully saddle up and ride to their rescue. When we get there, we spend money like drunken sailors on shore leave and finally retire, happy with our emotional excesses and indulgences.

A little while ago, we enjoyed the tragedy in Haiti. Now we get to revel in the earthquake in Chile. I wonder how much money we'll spend this time?

The truth is that people love a good tragedy. The history of mankind proves this; Shakespeare's dramas, soap operas, the nightly news, court TV.

But we still feel a twinge of guilt: If we're going to watch the disaster unfold, blow-by-blow, perhaps we should do something to ameliorate the guilt. So we send money, which gives us the excuse to self-righteously proclaim that we "care", which in turn allows us to enjoy the disaster from the comfort of home.

The problem is that we are currently in great distress, a vast number of us are unemployed, homes continue to go into foreclosure, and there's no end in sight.

This is certainly no time to send money overseas.

The Lazy HR Manager

2010-02-26T15:02:00.002-05:00

...then there's the lazy Human Resources manager that we know. He hates recruiting, so he and his boss just hired another HR person to recruit for him!

Guess we know who's out the door.

Talk about downsizing yourself.

CNN: What a Tool

2010-02-25T07:15:00.007-05:00

There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don't even know where to begin. So let's do a rough draft and then we'll flesh it out, shall we?

1. An evil terrorist/serial killer named Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was killed in Dubai, where his actions were sanctioned and he was protected.

2. When M&M was killed, Dubai made the extreme claim that not one, not five, not ten, but twenty six people were involved in taking him out. Is this believable? I find it incredible that major news organizations like CNN are falling for this. My guess is that Dubai is throwing mud at the wall, seeing what will stick. They figure that their wild allegations will result in their being able to pin the killing on someone.

3. Everyone seems shocked that M&M was allegedly tortured. Yeah, that really goes beyond the pale, doesn't it? Goodness knows that terrorists never do anything so barbaric. We should all be surprised.

4. It looks like Mossad, the secretive Israeli foreign intelligence unit, was behind the killing. And several of the Mossad apparently used fake passports to enter Dubai. Now Australia's Foreign Minister Stephen Smith is shaking his finger at Israel and giving them a proper scolding and the European Union is saying about the same thing. I'm assuming that's as far as it will go: Governments often issue dire warnings and then everyone forgets about it.

5. CNN is now endangering the same alleged Mossad agents by publishing all twenty six pictures. That means that if some or all of these people are actually innocent, they don't stand a prayer if a terrorist sympathizer gets his hands on them. And who's to say that any of the twenty six are guilty? Only Dubai, home of the Terrorist Glee Club.

6. Mossad must hire some supermodels. Every one of the women are gorgeous, or close to it. Perhaps they simply need to start their own fashion line. I hear fashion opens doors.

Anyway, to organize all this into a summary: CNN is obviously a tool for Dubai. Their ignorant publishing of all twenty six pictures, as well as their assumption that Dubai is being completely truthful, really shows a lack of journalistic integrity.

I've never had any real problems with CNN before this, but I find them contemptible now.

Pediatricians Call for a Choke Proof Hotdog

2010-02-22T15:37:00.002-05:00

Pediatricians are calling for a choke-proof hotdog. I'll make it simple: It's baloney.

No really: Baloney. It's the same thing as what hotdogs are made of, and it's simply in a different shape.

Problem solved.

So what's the next "big" issue?

Musings on Truly Fresh Seafood in Pinellas County

2010-02-22T08:37:00.006-05:00

Krok wrote yesterday: "Who do you think makes the best grouper sandwich in Pinellas County? I say it's Harvey's."

Do you know I've only been to Harvey's once? I'm going to have to make it a point to go there soon!

Isn't it strange that most seafood restaurants here aren't locally owned and don't use local fish? It's so hard to get fresh fish unless you know where to go.

I've never been a big fan of grouper sandwiches, so I'm hardly a connoisseur. But if I were, I would've bet on Frenchy's, Clearwater Beach.

You know what's so odd about Frenchy's? They have a couple restaurants and the only one worth eating at is the one directly on the beach, near where the water tower used to be, and where the fire department still resides.

I highly recommend almost anything they make. However, avoid the seafood salad. The scallops are always as chewy as a pencil eraser due to the excess of lime juice (which turns most seafood into rubber unless it's applied just before serving).

Their sangria is divine (almost as good as the Columbia's), and their appetizers are excellent. But their most amazing fare is the she-crab soup, which is to die for! Most people can order a bowl of it and go home, content in knowing that they've just had the nicest experience of their day.

Perhaps best feature at Frenchy's is the view. When the weather is good, you can sit out under an umbrella on the patio and watch people on the beach, listen to the gulls, and simply relax.

Oddly, the Palm Pavillion (also the same location) doesn't have any of the magic that Frenchy's has. Their food, service, and atmosphere are all quite ordinary. I don't say that lightly, as I know and like the family that owns it.

If you want to buy your own and prepare it yourself, Ward's Seafood is the only place to go. Their fish is so fresh, it's just come off the boat, and they'll prepare it for you if you'd prefer (i.e. gutting, scaling, etc.). They also have a mini restaurant there, for take-out, and some pre-prepared dishes if you want something fresh but you're too tired to get out the mixing bowl.

If you decide to charter a boat to go deep-sea fishing (I love to do that!), then go to John's Pass for an enjoyable day out. When the day's over, you can pay the staff to clean your fish for you. In my opinion, this is the only way to do it!

Then you can take your catch home, or take some of it to the Friendly Fisherman restaurant there and have them cook it for you, with all the "fixins" to go with it. There is nothing more incredible than fresh off-the-boat-into-the-pan fish.

Then, of course, there is Ted Peters.

I can't rave enough about Ted Peters. The atmosphere is absolutely horrible and the service isn't much better, but the food is moan-while-you're-eating divine. It's a great local favorite, and that should tell you something. Tourists can have Red Lobster, but we natives head for Ted Peters if we're in the mood for seafood that is exceptional. They smoke the fish themselves, and I highly recommend the salmon.

NOTE: This is definitely not a paid advertisement for anyone mentioned in here, but I can be bought with fresh seafood. ;o) Just kidding.

Sort of.

When a Guy Can't Take a Hint

2010-02-17T19:31:00.009-05:00

My friend Cindy was good and tired of Roger, who was at least 20 years her senior and an arrogant ass who couldn't understand the jokes she told or how to date a modern woman.

Roger was the typical old-fashioned male chauvinist misogynistic cretin. One day at dinner, Cindy ordered fried chicken only to have Roger snap out to the waitress "No, she doesn't want that. Get her grilled chicken instead."

He then turned to Cindy patronizingly and said in front of all of us "It's just not good for you, sweetheart."

"Nonsense," said Cindy stoutly, and she proceeded to order the fried chicken.

But Cindy wasn't always resolute. She and Roger had a stormy relationship. Back and forth like a nauseating trip at sea, they fought like feral cats. There were times she gave in, there were times she didn't.

Roger had been a financial adviser in his less golden years. And, true to any used car salesman of the 1970s, he had the same transparent sales pitch. "Do you want to make some money? Do you?" he would start out.

I could always picture the person at the other end of the phone call thinking "Wow, what did *I* do to deserve this? I had a choice at the beginning: Pick up the phone or let it ring through to voice mail..."

Of course I never saw Roger make a sale, despite how loudly he praised himself.

When Cindy was finally over Roger, she decided to make it easier on herself. Instead of breaking up with him, she was determined to make him so sick of her that he would break up with her and thus save her the trouble, the recriminations, and the late night phone calls.

"Hey Roger," she said one day as he was droning on the phone with her. She had him on speaker phone and we were laughing silently, hoping that he couldn't hear us. "Roger!"

Roger kept droning on, because he believed that everyone was as equally captivated with Roger as he was. It was beyond belief that anyone might find him dull or annoying.

"Roger!!!" Cindy said loudly. "Listen to THIS!" And she let out an immense, long burp.

Roger kept talking.

She tried it again.

Roger kept talking.

Another time she met Roger at his condominium, just as he was walking out the door, talking on the phone loudly.

"No, no, no," he was chiding his helpless victim. "You can't make a sale that way! Listen to me, OK? You'll never lose a sale if you just say 'Do you wanna make some money? Do you?'"

Cindy actually collapsed laughing in the hallway, leaving Roger very bewildered. You would think at this point that he might realize how ludicrous he appeared to us all, but he never seemed to get it. He looked like Robert Culp, which was somehow even funnier.

One day he called Cindy and ordered her to have dinner with him at his condo. "I've got the wine chilling, and the steaks are on the grill," he announced.

For some reason, that became the hill that Cindy was willing to die on.

"I'm sorry, Roger," she said, "but I already have other plans."

How dare she? Roger could barely believe it. He was God's gift to women, and Cindy was not worshiping at the altar. So, he broke it off, fully expecting her to call the next day, begging and crying.

The next day came and went, and then the next. And the next. Finally he called her to ask her out to lunch, as if nothing ever happened.

"We're broken UP, Roger," Cindy explained. "That means I move on, and you move on. Remember, you broke up with me."

The only problem with Cindy's plan is that if a guy has chosen to break up with you and realizes the error of his ways, you have to work pretty hard to keep convincing him that he was right. So as time went on, Cindy reiterated to him again and again that he was absolutely right in breaking up with her: She was thoughtless and rude and way too immature for him.

One day I came across her talking to him on the phone. "No really, Roger," she was saying. "I wish you all the best in the world. If she's an alcoholic and you think that you can help her... What? You've only dated her twice and you've already told her to move in with you? Well, what stopped her? Oh, I see..."

When Cindy got off the phone, she was laughing. Roger had finally gotten more than he could handle.

Although he'd declared his undying love and dedication to fixing an alcoholic he'd just met, Roger was absolutely shocked to encounter her boyfriend when he went over to her house with the belief that he should force her to move out. The boyfriend made it clear in no uncertain terms that Roger was to leave, instead.

Immediately.

And so Roger left.

He had finally gotten the hint, and it came with a knuckle sandwich.

The Florida State Fair Sideshow

2010-02-15T19:58:00.007-05:00

The Florida State Fair always has plenty of what I never do: Rides of all types and descriptions.

Each one makes me queasy if I watch it long enough. There's the fun house, the tilt-a-whirl, the loopty-loop, the ferris wheel, and of course there are always those rides that make you wonder how many people die on them every year.

But I took my daughter to the fair this weekend and although we usually only eat as much junk as we possibly can, then check out the exhibits and the livestock, she wanted to go to the sideshow this time.

It looks most impressive, doesn't it? My daughter, Bugs, was impressed despite the bored looking Jamaican who wordlessly held out his hand for the $2 per person entry fee.

Needless to say, she was quite disappointed when she got inside. The pictures on the outside are hardly what you can find inside, and most of what can be found inside are poorly constructed models of what the "artist" thought something might look like if it was a third grade science project.

The "tortoise" was not a tortoise, but a giant snapping turtle who looked as bored as his keeper. I rather suspect the "live scorpion" had been dead for some time, and the siamese pigs (joined at the head) were sprouting wigs made of white mold, where the formaldehyde had recessed enough to allow the growth of something that probably posed a health hazard which could make a wonderful bio-weapon if placed in the right hands.

The "giant snake eating frog" was real, but had been dead for at least 20 years: At least as long as his "victim", a snake that had obviously been rigged into the frog's mouth post mortem.

The "elephant nose pig" was merely a pig fetus, the "little people of Borneo" were ill-constructed dolls, and there were more mutant creatures swimming in formaldehyde than I'd care to recount.

I wonder if the health department ever bothers to check out the sideshow exhibits? I rather hope not, or their standards may be low enough that I'll need to rethink the greasy pizza, egg rolls, cotton candy, funnel cakes, and sausage that we all sampled.

Come to think of it, I probably should rethink that anyway.

"Abraham" and Esther Hicks

2010-02-11T19:07:00.004-05:00

I got introduced to something new today: A new age guru who channels a legion of demons named "Abraham". Her name is Esther Hicks. To be charitable, perhaps she isn't possessed. Perhaps she is merely insane.

But what is definitely insane are the myriad people who attend her meetings and hang on to every word.

Somewhat creepy is Esther's lapse into her possession by Abraham and it/her encouragement of others to do the same. And the fact that Esther and her husband met these "beings" via a Ouija board (and due to an interest in another woman who "channels") would indicate a specific interest in the demonic. If you are only seeking the truth, why dabble in such obvious and stereotypical mediums?

Most of Esther/Abraham's advice is terrifically boring and mundane, full of standard platitudes which have been around for a very long time. In fact, this could be the very argument against demon possession, for surely demons must be smarter than this.

Particularly nasty are Esther/Abraham's assertions that evil comes to people who wish it upon themselves. This includes victims of crime, such as children who are molested. It's not only hard, but impossible to buy that a four year old has willingly brought molestation upon him/herself.

Some people claim this creature is merely a huckster, and perhaps she/it is (akin to the Amityville Horror hoax). But I find it almost impossible to believe anyone is so easily taken in by her/it.

Most amusing are the followers' claims that Abraham/Hicks must have their best interests at heart, as it/she has so many nice and "loving" things to tell everyone.

So did snake oil salesmen at one time.

Has anyone else heard of this idiocy?

Busy!

2010-02-09T07:56:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry about neglecting you guys, I truly am! Work has demanded a great deal of travel lately. Please come back on Wednesday (tomorrow). Thank you for your patience.

Out of Town / The Obama State of the Union Speech

2010-01-28T07:59:00.003-05:00

I'm out of town on a business trip and because I have no idea how much time I'll have, I can't blog for the rest of this week. I may blog on Saturday, and will definitely be back on Monday.

Because I'm in a time crunch, I can't dissect the State of the Union speech last night, but here is an article that does a beautiful job of it (thanks, Tom, for pointing it out to me).

Gary Baker: Contact me at saurblog at hotmail dot com and drop me a note in my comments section here, so I know you've done so (I check that email rarely). I want to ask you something. Thanks!

Cell Phone Deals

2010-01-25T08:46:00.009-05:00

Lately there's been a slate of ads touting reduced cell phone rates. I rarely watch TV, and I still have been subjected to countless ads that imply a victorious rate reduction from $99 a month to $69 a month.

I can't tell you how amazingly hokey they are. Ads are the reason I can't stand to watch TV to begin with, and so I suffer greatly in order to see the occasional episode of Criminal Minds.

The biggest problem I have with TV ads is that they're geared toward the average idiot, and they are a blatant attempt to manipulate. If *I* want a product, I'll research it through Consumer Reports first. I don't care if someone with a "witty" personality or capped teeth is trying to sell it to me.

Of course I'm in the minority.

However, being subjected to those ads is why this article is of such an interest to me. The author claims that (gasp!) these reduced fees are a precursor to future hidden fees.

Ah, the old "bait-and-switch." It's nice to know that the ethics of the snake oil salesman remain with us to this day. "The more things change, the more they remain the same," as Alphonse Karr said.

In the meantime, may I recommend Metro PCS?

Their customer service is absolutely horrendous, and you can almost never speak to a real person if you try calling them. So, when you DO need customer service, you usually have to go to a local company owned store and wait for an hour or so (I am NOT exaggerating). But... how often do you need customer service, anyway?

I probably lose 2 hours a year waiting to talk to someone at the store, and probably my blood pressure peaks close to a stroke when I try to call them a couple times a year, but you get what you pay for.

Metro PCS offers unlimited talk and texting for something around $60 a month. Yeah, you have to buy the phone, but I used to have Verizon and they positively rooked me for everything they could get out of me. My savings with Metro PCS are at least $100 a month, overall.

So in this economy:

Metro PCS = Cheap Rates + Poor Service

Other Companies = Higher Rates + Locked-in Contracts + Good Service

You do the math.

Roxxxy

2010-01-22T08:29:00.014-05:00

Originally the designer of Roxxxy intended for her to become a "home companion" for shut-ins. But because the porn industry is such a lucrative one, he decided to hone her into a highly sophisticated sex toy, instead.

Meet Roxxxy: Although she looks a little neanderthal, she is a large, talking doll with ... er... ports of access.

Yeah, she's not really a looker, but then again, I doubt that matters much. Anyway, this is being hailed as "progress" among a few who are supposedly tech savvy. The sad truth is, though, that although she's billed as a robot, she has no movement and is merely a large, pornographic version of the Chatty Cathy doll:

Technologically speaking, we are still a long way from Cherry 2000, that wonderfully campy SciFi flick from the 1980s. But in Cherry 2000, the protagonist finally learns the value of a true woman, flaws and all. I guess some men are still learning that lesson.

Scott Brown Takes the Kennedy Seat

2010-01-20T08:27:00.003-05:00

I am truly surprised. I never thought that a conservative could take such a liberal stronghold as Massachusetts, long dominated by the corrupt Kennedy clan.

Amazingly, this is what it will take to kill the President's health care agenda. I hear the mournful bells tolling now. And in some ways, it's a pity. I think we need national health care, but we don't need the Frankenstein's monster that Congress cooked up.

Apparently Brown's daughter is a former contestant from American Idol. I'm not familiar with his campaign race, nor am I familiar with his daughter. But I am led to wonder: Is this just another faddish election, like the election for Obama was? Or did people truly vote for Brown due to his principles?

Only time will tell.

Happy MLK Day

2010-01-18T18:37:00.004-05:00

To all friends and loved ones: Happy Martin Luther King Day!

Only roughly 50% of businesses were closed today. I see that as progress: I didn't even realize there were that many!

I have mixed feelings about Martin Luther King. For more on that, read my article last year. I would prefer this to be a holiday celebrating the ending of segregation, instead of naming it after one man only, when there were so many who were part of the movement.

However, we celebrate what MLK stands for, with the hopes that some day complete equality will be enjoyed by all of us.

Aid to Haiti

2010-01-15T08:47:00.005-05:00

There's nothing like hearing slobbering idiots like Pat Robertson make a bad situation worse.

According to Pat, Haitians made a pact with the Devil and this is payback time. Wow, Pat, all the Haitians? Really? Then they weren't getting much in return, were they? It's more likely a bet that the Pope got that deal: Look at his swanky bachelor pad.

And of course Rush Limbaugh waded into the fray, claiming that the Haitians already get enough aid from us.

Crazy, huh?

Well... Despite my distaste for Rush at times, he is correct.

When will the United States learn where our boundaries lie? Our territory extends no further south than Key West.*

Well, good thing we're all so rich and have such a robust economy here, right?

Oh, wait a minute...

Obama has pledged over $100 million in aid to Haiti. How nice of him to choose to send our tax dollars elswhere, when we need it so badly here.

Is Haiti's situation pitiful? Of course it is! But is it our business to fix it? Have everybody's problems become our own, when we can not even take care of ourselves?

The USA had 3.9 million foreclosures in 2009, and they predict even more this year. Unemployment is the highest in thirty years (and some believe it is higher). The US is already a nation in extreme debt. Couldn't that $100 million help us in any of these areas?

Charity begins at home.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Vagazzle?

OK, this is so tacky it may not be worth discussing, but Hewitt declared yesterday that she has pierced her vagina multiple times and embedded it with decorative Swarovski crystals (i.e. decorative cut glass). She says it looks like a disco ball down there.

First: Hewitt refers to her vagina as her "precious lady". How childish is that! Aren't we all grownups around here, or do men still have weewees?

Second: How can she clean herself effectively now? And how often does she remove the crystals to get out all the er...stuff that might accumulate in those crystals? Sounds pretty foul to me.

And don't they snag on everything? Sitting down must take a lot of adjustment.

Lastly, can the men really appreciate it? I'll bet they use a lot of Neosporin after a wild night.

There is a reason that even porn stars aren't... er... vagazzling. Or, are they? Perhaps this is a trend I've missed among skanks.

* That is, unless you include Puerto Rico: Another parasitic country masquerading as a US state only when it's convenient. And yet, Puerto Ricans don't pay federal income taxes to the USA. And, of course, neither does any other country on the face of the earth.

Blogger Spammers: How They Do It

2010-01-14T08:57:00.004-05:00

Lately we've all been getting these idiots who post to our blogs advertising products that they hope the gullible will click on.

Their attempts are very obvious. First they praise you for something you've written ("What an amazing insight into hemorrhoids!"). Then they try to segue their product into their observations ("And speaking of hemorrhoids, have you seen this article on Harry Reid?") The link is, of course, added there so that you can click on it and with every click, they make a little money.

One of you mentioned that spambots may have become more sophisticated.

They have. And they're called "gullible humans".

There's apparently a new "industry" which is taking advantage of the depression/recession (pick your term). People are paid miniscule amounts of cash for every spam bomb they can drop on helpless bloggers that result in click throughs.

Of course this will pay as well as the citizen journalism sites (pennies per article) and ultimately the fad will fade. But until then, be prepared for idiots.

The Breaking of Nations

2010-01-13T09:08:00.004-05:00

This is truly one of the most frightening articles I've ever read.

It's about how the European Union (EU) is now forcing all nations under them to drop or alter their laws, British citizens are being legally kidnapped by foreign governments to stand trial for alleged crimes, and the EU has forcibly installed "...a European justice system, replacing centuries of Anglo-Saxon common law with the Code Napoleon -- i.e., guilty until proven innocent."

This may not be an easy read, but if you read anything at all today, you really need to see this article.

And Americans aren't far behind. You will also read about how NAFTA and WTO are superseding our American government.

For those of you who aren't familiar with American Thinker, it is a very trusted and reliable source - and hardly The National Enquirer.

The Great Depression Redux

2010-01-11T08:45:00.002-05:00

I grew up with stories of The Great Depression because I was lucky enough to be very close to my grandparents on both sides. Although my mother's parents refused to discuss it, my father's parents had many 'entertaining' tales, such as:

1. The fact that my grandmother owned only one bra and one set of panties, which were religiously washed out the night before and hung up to dry for work the next day.

2. My grandmother had 7 siblings and two parents. Her father was the town drunk, who drank away any wages he got for the little work he did. That left it up to the rest of them to find money somehow. My great grandmother, Nana, raised chickens and sold the eggs for a little extra money, and my grandmother was the only one of the children who was able to find work.

3. Grandma was a telephone operator in New York and that was considered to be a plush job by Great Depression standards. Her bosses insisted on perfect diction, so the women would hold pebbles in their mouths and learn to speak clearly around the pebbles. If those standards were applied today, most telephone operators would be on the streets.

But what really stuck in my head was the great deprivation they all suffered. And it scares me, because I truly do not believe the American people are equipped for The Great Depression Redux. And although experts weren't sure before, they are now: We are in it. The job statistics and home foreclosures prove it.

Did I say it scares me? I should have said I'm terrified, because we have much farther to fall. No matter how much deprivation they faced in The Great Depression, they were never used to all the luxuries that we are. Think of how many things we have made "standard" since The Great Depression that were unheard of or luxuries at that time:

1. Electricity
2. Vaccinations and health care
3. Cable TV
4. Computers and internet
5. Electric Appliances such as microwaves, blenders, electric stoves, electric 'iceboxes'
6. Reliable and cheap food supply
7. Reliable and cheap clothing and shoe supply

I'm sure there are more: This is just off the top of my head.

Can we forgo all these 'necessary' items? Some of us may have to. And although I'm typing this on my computer in the comfort of my warm(ish) home while it's 34 degrees outside, I realize that I cannot fully appreciate the horrific impact should I lose it all. And I know that others are thinking the same thing. For a very bleak view of what the UK is seeing, read this article in The London Telegraph.

Is there any hope? Experts can't agree, so I cannot really say. But as long as we keep glossing this over and vegging out by watching mind-numbing TV, we will not be able to do anything at all about it.

My statistics professor once told us that our chances for winning the lottery are not nearly as good as our chances of being hit by lightening. But what he didn't tell us is that you can't win if you don't play: You have to get involved.

It's time for the American people to get involved. The current administration is busy ignoring this and we must wake them up. Although Nero fiddled while Rome burned, Obama is fiddling around, too.

Etc.

2010-01-06T11:59:00.007-05:00

Spammer Magnet

Boy, the spammers are coming out of the woodwork lately. I'm getting all kinds of retards who are leaving messages for insurance, products, and other crap. Hello, losers: Do you think this is effective marketing? Here's a tip for you: It's not.

Unrealistic State of Florida Driver's License Standards

Now the State of Florida is demanding all sorts of additional information in order to even renew licenses. This info includes a notarized birth certificate in addition to other documents.

Is it just me, or is this pretty unrealistic? How many of us can pull out something like that? I have no earthly idea where my birth certificate is. I'll grant you that this could be a lame attempt to curb illegal immigrants, but that's easy enough to solve: Put any employer of illegal immigrants in jail or fine him in such a way to really impact his business, and the problem is taken care of.

My Daughter

For those of you who are confused about my reference to my daughter in the last post, let me explain.

I have a 15 year old girl who's not my biological daughter but she's been in my life for ten years. Her parents are not really capable of taking care of her most of the time for various reasons (which isn't to say that they're bad parents) . Her father is my best friend, Pov. Her nickname is Bugs.

I'm proud to say that I got her into gifted programs at an early age, and she is a fine student as well as a great human being.

Punk'd

2009-12-31T10:38:00.003-05:00

My daughter "Bugs" and I were shopping at our local drugstore last night. We were standing toward the back of the store when two teenage kids walked up to us.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" the first kid began. He was a puny white kid, greasy hair artfully combed into what he thought was a "statement". I estimated he was about 14 years old, but he could have been older. He was holding a small pack of adult diapers.

"Yes?" I said.

"Can you tell me where the cash registers are?" he asked. OK, this was obviously starting to be a set up.

"Sure," I said. "They're up front."

Emboldened, the punk shot his friend a glance and continued. "I was wondering if you could help me. You see, I need to buy diapers for my son here." The older boy, a taller black kid, looked a tiny bit nervous but was obviously willing to play along. As I was.

"REALLY?" I said loudly to the black kid. "I am SO SORRY to hear about your bladder control problems! Is there diarrhea too? That makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in what DIAPERS you select!"

Both of the boys looked a little startled by my enthusiasm.

"Come here," I said in a chirpy saleswoman tone. "Let me help you." I grabbed the black kid by one arm and whirled the little white kid around, pushing him to the diaper aisle.

"Now let's see here," I said when we got there. "Here's a wide selection. Don't forget to take his height and weight into your calculations. OH, and don't forget baby wipes! It's very important to clean your butt crack THOROUGHLY!"

I then turned around and left them standing there.

I was at the register as they slunk out of the store. They had almost made it to the automatic sliding doors when I called out loudly in front of all the people at the register "Bye bye, boys! Don't forget the diaper creme for diaper rash! You don't want to suffer from THAT!"

They were out the door in record time.

Back To Work After Christmas

2009-12-28T07:37:00.003-05:00

Twitter & Facebook

For those of you who know me well, I am also on Twitter and Facebook. Please contact me at saurblog at hotmail dot com if you'd like to connect that way. Please Note: I will not respond to a request from anyone I don't know well. Please also let me know to look for your message in the contents section.

Sherlock Holmes

I'm a huge Sherlock Holmes fan, and own volumes of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's works. I have never been able to stomach the former television and movie versions of Holmes, because they fell so far from the original character.

However, the latest movie at last captures the real Sherlock Holmes. He is no longer the emaciated, supercilious creature portrayed by Jeremy Brett, Peter Cushing, or Basil Rathbone.

Although Robert Downy Jr. looks like none of the former actors who attempted this role, he captures the essence of who and what Sherlock Holmes truly was supposed to be.

Kudos to everyone involved in the making of this terrific movie.

Protestant Buildings

On Christmas Day during a religious discussion, my Catholic friends said they do not understand why there are so many Protestant divisions. They see it as a needless waste of resources and an indication that Protestants can't get along.

They have a point: I have been through the downtowns in The Bible Belt and there are often churches on almost every street corner, with small congregations due to schisms. (You have a problem with your church? Leave and build another one!)

And yet these divisions are a sign of our wonderful freedoms and ability to interpret the Bible and our faith as we see fit, instead of relying on others to tell us how to believe.

But what everyone forgets is that the "churches" we see are only buildings. The true church is what is inside. How I would love to see a stop to all the fancy buildings, many of which eventually fall into disuse or decay. Let's spend our money on the needy, and stop spending it on the latest, fanciest architectural designs.

Modern Christmas Carol

2009-12-25T08:55:00.005-05:00

(to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

Please don't rest all ye Congressmen
Just wade into the fray!
Remember most of us don't want
Your plans for the USA.
We shudder to think that healthcare
Will be mandator-ay.
Oh more taxes for us on the way,
On the way,
Oh more taxes for us on the way.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Rock The Vote Encourages Youth to Use Sex to Pass Obamacare

2009-12-21T09:27:00.003-05:00

I just stole the title of the article I am referring to: It says it all. Go here to see the video that tells young people to use sex (or the lack of it) to get what they want: Obamacare!

Ironically, youth are the least likely to want and need health insurance, which is why their insurance rates are so low when insurance is age banded.

What is age banding?

Many insurance companies charge rates according to your age and sex: And the cheapest rates are for the youth, because they have the least health problems and therefore the least need for any insurance.

What's really creepy is this push to use sex to get what you want. We are obviously de-evolving.

The Santa Lie

2009-12-19T08:58:00.005-05:00

OK. I am really fed up with The Santa Lie.

In a New York Times article, the author writes of her pitiful Christmases which were the only evidence of her mother's love. Because of this, she fixated on Christmas with her own children and took it to such an obsessive degree that one of her children was humiliated on the playground due to his belief in Santa when he was in third grade (which she had encouraged).

Most alarming is her dialogue with her 9 year old daughter:

“Is Santa real?” she asks after overhearing an older girl reminisce about Christmases back when she believed.

“I guess some people don’t think so,” I answer, carefully, still chastened by the misery I caused her brother. “But I do.”

She says nothing, and her silence communicates my failure to answer the question.

“I mean,” I try again, “it’s a little like it is with God. Some people do, some don’t.”

“I don’t,” she says.

“Are you sure?” I say. “I do. Or at least I do some of the time.”

“What’s that called again?”

“Agnostic?” I say. “It means you don’t know.”

“Can you be that about Santa?”

“Of course,” I say...

Good job, mom. Now her daughter equates God with an imaginary being named Santa Claus.

What's pitiful is that this is not an uncommon problem. But Santa Claus can easily be disproved: Try being alone on Christmas Eve, bolt your doors, turn on the alarm system, and go to bed. You will definitely not wake up to presents the next morning. The only thing you'll wake up to is the cold hard certainty that you are alone for Christmas.

God is not so easily disproved. Please note that I am not speaking only of the particular God that I believe in. I am speaking of the concept of God.

Yes, there are many ridiculous myths about the various gods that are obvious fairy tales. One of my favorites is the one in which the stars were made by a goddess who flung her breast milk into the sky. And, of course, who can forget the Greek and Roman pantheons? Almost no one believes in them anymore because it is such obvious fantasy.

But the concept of a god (or gods) of some sort lives on because it cannot be as easily disproved as Santa Claus. And a god potentially has more power than Santa and can affect your life not merely on Christmas, but all year 'round.

If, as many religions teach, their god is the only way to a better afterlife, then it is highly important that we seek God. It could be our one shot! Why would we not want to allow our children this same opportunity? Why would we want to burden their little psyches with the close-minded belief that God is as mythical as Santa Claus?

This n' That

2009-12-16T09:34:00.002-05:00

Naivete

I have once more come to the conclusion that although MY life is an open book, most people are shady at best.

How many times have I come to someone and told them the truth only to get a partial truth or no truth in return?

I find it easier to be honest: If you don't like me, someone else will. If you have a problem with something I do, best to know up front! And I'd like the same courtesy, please.

I know that my wise old grandmother is somewhere in the ether, looking down on me and saying with great pity "Ah, such naivete."

Christmas Drawing Nets Kid a Ticket to the Funny Farm

The P.C. crowd is especially busy this year.

"The 8-year-old boy was sent home from school and ordered to undergo a psychological evaluation after he was asked to make a Christmas drawing and came up with what appeared to be a stick figure of Jesus on a cross."

To see the entire article, go here.

What Are Big Boys Made Of?

2009-12-14T06:24:00.007-05:00

Here is Tiger Woods representing Tag Heur ("Tagged Her"... which he certainly did: Multiple times, with multiple women).

The ad asks "What are you made of?"

You know what? That's a great question!

An old nursery rhyme says that little boys are made of "Snips and snails and puppy dog tails."

What are big boys made of? Are they "Ho-bag males with big tall tales"?

My friend, "Sarah", uses the Tiger Woods debacle as an illustration for her assertion that "Men are only as faithful as their options." I've heard other people say similar things. In an article in Fox Sports, Jason Whitlock says that such behavior is a given when you're dealing with men who have a huge amount of wealth and unlimited choices.

Really? Is that all you are, guys? Unable to control your animalistic, primitive natures? Restricted to monogamy only when you're forced to be? Perhaps this is an argument against evolution.

As Whitlock writes, "Hook ya boy up!" is the rallying cry of a single man and many men given a weekend pass by their wife or girlfriend."

Perhaps I am naive: After all, I've certainly seen the worst in people and yet I still continue to hope that they are more than their base nature. In my faith, we believe we are all disgusting pigs without God to guide us and give us higher standards. But even those who don't share my faith agree that cheating is abominable. Right?

So... what are big boys made of?

Not Posting This Week

2009-12-10T22:13:00.000-05:00

I am so very sorry, but I cannot post this week - it is INSANE. But I will resume on Monday, and look forward to hearing your thoughts at that time. Thank you greatly for your patience with me.

Where Are the Editors?

2009-12-04T07:37:00.005-05:00

I've seen many badly written headlines lately. Where are the editors?

A headline out of The St. Pete Times today reads "Deputies: Man who robbed bank dressed as a woman captured".

It took me a minute to figure out what the heck this meant, because the sentence is structured badly. If you write for a living, shouldn't you be able to put something together that reads a little smoother? As I read the headline, I initially saw it in my mind's eye as:

"Man who robbed bank dressed, as a woman was captured." I could see the man struggling to get his pants on, as his female accomplice was getting tackled by cops. After this initial puzzling impression, I realized that a bank robber was impersonating a woman when he robbed the bank, and had just been captured by deputies.

Yikes. After that mental exercise before my first cup of coffee, I passed on reading the rest of the article. Instead, I moved on to "Cody the convenience store dog must go, state warns", which really needed two additional commas in the headline. Are commas that expensive these days? Are we rationing them?

But my favorite headline remains Bush Putin.

Grandma's Undies: Hot Fashion Craze?

2009-12-01T07:55:00.004-05:00

Wow. What an amazingly hot costume. I'm sure this will be the rage in all the nightclubs, thanks to Lady Gaga. So, being the helpful tips maven that I am, here's how to look like Lady Gaga.

1. Grandma's old girdle, cut in places of your choosing
2. Grandma's support hose (white)
3. Grandma's "slimming" body suit
4. Old foam skeleton from Halloween (use pieces to accessorize the feet, use the rib cage for your torso, but make sure that you cut out the strategic parts to show The Boobages).
5. Stripper shoes
6. Bra? What bra?

RIP Solange Magnano

I had the opportunity to meet Solange a couple of years ago. She was a very personable and kindly woman, and fluent in at least two languages. She wasn't beautiful (in my opinion) despite being a former Miss Argentina, but she carried herself with grace.

God forbid I ever die in butt surgery.

Chelsea Clinton's Parents "Proud"?

Chelsea has grown into a lovely young woman, who has just announced her engagement. CBS News just did a story on this, adding at the end that her parents will be beaming proudly as she walks down the aisle.

What? Since when is tying the knot The Goal for an up-and-coming young woman? This is something for her parents to be proud about? I feel like I just stepped into the 1960s, when The Little Woman dreamed of a shiny new MixMaster for Christmas.

Chelsea's parents have a great deal to be proud about, but her upcoming nuptials take a backseat to her true accomplishments.

Tiger Woods

2009-11-30T08:15:00.004-05:00

I am fascinated by the Tiger Woods Saga. Here's a really cute, talented guy who comes up from nowhere (thanks to two great parents), marries a waif, has a child, and is supposed to live happily ever after.

My best friend, Pov, accuses me of having a crush on Tiger but I don't. Really. That is as ridiculous as saying that I have the hots for Hugh Jackman.

*ahem*

But if I did have a crush on Tiger, it's taken quite a blow recently. I have no sympathy with men who cheat on their wives, as I've been through it before with my ex-husband. I also don't understand women who poach: Aren't there enough men in this world? Can't you find one that isn't wearing a wedding ring?

Of course this is assuming that Tiger did have an affair with an Angelina Jolie look-a-like who can't keep it in her pants. From news accounts, this supposed mistress has seen more male anatomy than a urinal.

It's currently speculated that Tiger's wife, Elin, helped him achieve his "car accident" as well as his six minutes of unconsciousness. I can never condone violence, although I certainly can sympathize if, indeed, Elin attacked Tiger after hearing of the affair. And of course this affects their two children, one of whom was born only this year.

Although some people are joking about Tiger's "wood", asking if he drove a Volkswagen Golf, and talking about how Elin is "green" with envy, this is no laughing matter.

I've written about heroes with blemishes before. They exist, but I'm hoping that we don't have to add Tiger Woods to that pantheon.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T09:15:00.002-05:00

Although I will mostly be avoiding the crowds today, I'm going to be fighting my way through the masses on Saturday. It's an experience like no other: There's an "end of the world" feeling when you're in the middle of a mob of women who are trying to buy the last wind-up fake hamster on the shelf.

As for me, I won't be buying much of anything at all. However, I love the hustle and bustle (perhaps it comes from years of retail management). This is the day that retailers often can breathe a sigh of relief. It's called "Black Friday" for a reason: It's the day that merchants finally go into the "black" and out of the "red" that they've been suffering through all year long.

There are predictions that this year will be better than last year. How could it not? Last year was the worst Black Friday in thirty years (according to the news last night).

Then again, experts argue that online retail is now where consumers are turning. This is good news for those of us who sell on Ebay. I don't sell much, but I am now frantically gathering up odds and ends of things that I meant to put on Ebay in the past: It's time to sell, people, sell!

One of the things that will drive online sales is the retailers' desire to lose as little money as possible. Therefore, stock is down, prices are up, and retailers are hoping they won't have to budge much on price this year. I even heard a commercial on the radio in which the head of a major chain is encouraging shoppers to buy what they want now, as they might not find it later. Good luck with that con. Let's see how gullible American shoppers are this year.

Best Thanksgiving Casserole Ever

2009-11-24T08:35:00.005-05:00

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. My best friend, Pov, got into a terrible car accident. He's sore and may have whiplash, but nothing is broken or ruptured, thank God. His beloved sports car is quite injured, but it could have been much worse.

Every Thanksgiving, my family has this amazing casserole. It's something that everyone wants more of and so it's always a great idea to double the recipe if you have room in your oven. Because Thanksgiving is around the corner, I'm sharing it with you. If you want a great potato based side dish, this is the casserole for you.

POTATOES DELUXE

2 lbs. frozen hash browns, thawed
1 C chopped onion
1 C cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup
1 pint dairy sour cream (non-fat works just as well)
1 stick (8 oz) butter or margarine, melted
8 oz. sharp cheddar cheese, grated
salt and pepper to taste
1 C crushed potato chips

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Put in 9x13 baking dish. Sprinkle with crushed potato chips. Bake 1 hour at 350F. Serves 12.

Seriously?! THAT is "The Sexiest Man Alive"?

2009-11-19T08:48:00.003-05:00

What am I missing here? And can someone hand that guy a razor? Perhaps a pair of shears?

Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

2009-11-18T07:43:00.000-05:00

Debunking Crystal Healing

2009-11-14T09:26:00.371-05:00

Once again, my apologies for not posting regularly this week. Unfortunately, life keeps getting in the way and I'm on my 4th week of battling what I believe is The Swine Flu.

CRYSTAL HEALING

At one time, I would have loved to believe in Crystal Healing, and for years I considered the possibility (though I never experienced it). I don't believe that "crystalogy" necessarily precludes any religions any more than aspirin does: If it works, then it works.

(A caveat: Some of what some crystalogists propose does contradict certain religious teaching, but much of it is supposedly for healing only).

And yet, despite my past desire to find this concept to be true, I have not been able to do so. Perhaps that is due to my being raised by an objective scientist who taught me analytical thinking at an early age. If I were more gullible, I might see it differently.

For eight years I went through a nebulous stage in my belief system. I was a born-again Christian at age 5, I had been raised from a strict Protestant standpoint, but at age 30 I set out to see if I had missed anything.

During this time I styled myself as an "agnostic" and did much research in the various religions of the world, with an open mind. I must note that I never seriously practiced other religions or belief systems, but I studied them intensely.

For many of these years I've owned "Love is in the Earth" by a woman who calls herself "Melody". It is the definitive bible for crystal healers, and it is the primary source of all crystalology. I have come to treat it as a work of fiction.

I have found nothing to substantiate crystalogy, despite all my research. This doesn't mean that I am right, but I see nothing to indicate any other conclusion at this time. Of course there is The Placebo Effect, and I do believe that it comes into play here.

CHILDLIKE THINKING

Since crystalogy is primarily based on Melody's book, it bears examination. Much of the metaphysical definitions of how crystals supposedly work come from Melody's claims, derived from her personal experiences.

What do we know of Melody? Very little, despite years of my attempts to find out anything about her. Melody is obviously not her real name, and although she claims to be a scientist with a B.S. degree and an M.A. in mathematics, there is no substantiation of this.

Her book is not well-written. Many crystal workers complain that it is vague in some parts (and indeed it is). There are also odd wording and spelling choices (such as the word "dis-ease").

Most importantly, however, is that Melody's decisions on how the stones work often seem to be simplistic (and perhaps subconscious) assumptions based on their composition, appearance, or the names of the stones themselves.

If an item's healing powers were linked directly to its name, then an aspirin (pronounced ass-prin) could only be used to treat hemorrhoids.

I am now going to list many examples. Feel free to skip this section and go directly to the next part, titled Dangerous or Foolish Claims.

AMBER: This is fossilized resin and is known as "Nature's Plastic". Like plastic, it can be rubbed to generate static electricity. Melody claims it can balance "...the electro-magnetics of the physical body." [sic]

ANGEL WING AGATE and ANGELITE and ANGLESITE: "...can also be used to facilitate the opening of the pathway for communication with those other-worldly beings..."

ANHYDRITE: A substance is said to be anhydrous if it contains no water. So obviously, anhydrite can "...ameliorate water retention and swelling."

APATITE: Suppresses hunger.

ASTROPHYLLITE: Helps the user with astral travel.

AURICHALCITE: "...clears the aura..."

AVENTURINE: (Sounds like "adventure") "...augment(s) the "pioneering" spirit."

AZURITE: Treats asthma. Note the "AZ" sound at the beginning of both words.

BABINGTONITE: (Do you hear the word "Baby"?) "It can be used during "re-birthing" sessions..."

BERTHIERITE: (Do you hear the word "Birth"?) "It can...enhance the security of the newly born. It has been used in the treatment of conditions associated with infertility."

BLOODSTONE (a.k.a. Heliotrope): Nicknamed "bloodstone" originally because it looks like blood (although there is green bloodstone), Melody says that it can be used to purify the blood, and can influence the flow of blood.

BOLEITE: (Do you hear the word "Bold" in this?) "It provides for courage... produces daring, unhesitating action..." BOLIVARAITE supposedly has similar properties.

BRAIN GEODE: These are geodes that look like human brains. Under "Geode", Melody writes that the Brain Geode "...has also been used in the treatment of brain tumors and mental imbalances."

BRAVOITE: Increases bravery.

BRAZILIANITE: Brazil is a hot place, right? So it makes sense that Brazilianite can "...alleviate the conditions of both heatstroke and sunstroke."

BROOKITE: Our circulatory system runs along like a series of rivers or brooks. And Melody claims that Brookite solves circulation problems.

BLUE AGATE: Ever hear about someone who is "true blue"? Well, it's no surprise that this stone teaches us about love. So do most of the blue stones, apparently.

CALCITE: (Sounds like "calcium") "...can be used to promote the de-calcification of bone growths; in addition, it is a balancing agent for the assimilation of calcium..."

CALEDONITE: "Cal" is a designation for "Calorie", which is defined as "the heat necessary to raise the temperature of 1 g of water from 14.5C to 15.5C." Since Melody claims to be a scientist, it is quite believable that she associates "Cal" with heat and, sure enough, Caledonite "...can be used in the alleviation of chills, to bring warmth..."

CARNALLITE: Merriam-Webster defines "carnal" as "relating to or given to crude bodily pleasures and appetites. Marked by sexuality." Melody says that Carnallite "...enhances passionate and procreative energies..."

CARROLLITE: I love to sing Christmas carols. In fact, I go carolling every year! So perhaps I need to carry some of this stuff, as "It can be used to enhance the voice and to stimulate clarity with respect to the verbalization of communication..."

CAT'S EYE: Obviously "This mineral can be used in the treatment of eye disorders..." and to increase night vision.

CELESTITE: (Sounds like "celestial") Melody claims this stone can be used in astral travel, allows you to be more spiritual and appreciate the Divine.

CHILDRENITE: This stone supposedly treats childhood ailments such as "...fevers, flu, measles, chicken pox, mumps, etc."

CHLORITE: (Sounds like "chlorine," the primary ingredient in bleach) and is "...a purifier and is quite useful for cleansing the aura, the chakras, and the energy meridians."

CHLOROCALCITE: Like Calcite, it's "...used to ameliorate calcium deficiencies...." and is supposed to also have the healing properties of Chlorite.

CHOCOLATE MARBLES: These are fossilized mud balls. But like chocolate, they "...are joyful stones and... tend to eliminate worries and to enhance ones state of well-being." [sic]

CHRYSOCOLLA: (Pronounced "Kris-Oh-Cola") Sugary colas are full of oxygenated bubbles. And Chrysocolla helps "balance the blood sugar" and "...has produced excellent results in re-oxygenation of the cellular structure."

CHRYSOPRASE: (Do you hear the words "Christ" and "Prays"?) "Chrysoprase helps one to recognize the trinity within oneself..."

CITRINE: (Color: Gold) Attracts money. Oddly, silver and gold do not (perhaps because that's too obvious).

COLEMANITE: (Do you hear the word "Coal"?) Coal is dark, but Colemanite ranges in color from white to yellow to gray, so it must be the opposite of coal, right? Therefore "It further provides light to the darkness of ones soul." [sic]

COOKEITE: There's nothing like a good cookie, fresh out of the oven. And if you are wearing Cookeite while you eat it, it can "...enhance the assimilation of nutrients."

CORAL: (Composition: Calcium Carbonate) This supposedly can be used to strengthen the bones of the body through meditation. See "SHELLS".

CORNETITE: Corns on your feet can be more than annoying: They can be painful. So it's nice to know that "It can be used in the treatment of disorders of the feet..."

CORUNDUM: According to Merriam-Webster, a conundrum is "an intricate and difficult problem." Corundum apparently solves those conundrums because it "...promotes insight to the unknown."

COWRIE SHELL: Cowries were used as coins by many Native Americans, so is it any wonder that they are supposed to "...bring both good fortune and affluence to the user."?

CREEDITE: A creed is a statement of belief, as in "The Apostles Creed." Melody claims that Creedite "...helps one to gain access to the sacred texts..."

CRYOLITE: You can cry out, or you can go on a crying jag. Either way, this stone is for you. "It assists one in public speaking and has been effective and constructive in the amelioration of speech disorders (which are) due to emotional and/or psychological needs."

CUPRITE: Cups hold liquid, just like the body does. So Cuprite "...can be used in the treatment of water retention...bladder and kidney disorders."

CUSPIDINE: A cuspid is a tooth. And "Cuspidine can be used to treat problems of the teeth."

CYANOTRICHITE: When someone is poisoned with cyanide, most cyanide is concentrated in the red blood cells: A simple test of a victim's red blood cells will reveal the poisoning. Cyanothrichite is used to treat "red blood corpuscles", among other things.

DAMSONITE: Ever hear of "the damsel in distress"? Apparently Melody has, because "This mineral stimulates the feminine aspects of a person..." If only Melody had known about damson plums.

DAPHNITE: Daphne is a nymph in Greek mythology who transformed into a tree. And Daphnite is a "stone for transformation and transmutation."

DATOLITE: Do you have trouble assimilating data? If you carry around Datolite, your troubles are ended because "It has also been used to enhance the memory."

DESCLOIZITE: (Sounds like "disclose") This stone allows information to be disclosed to you and "...assist(s) in the assimilation of information."

DIABANTITE: The word "Diagnostic" starts with the same three letters and, sure enough, Diabantite is "...helpful in diagnostic situations."

DIAMOND: A recent symbol of fidelity when worn as an engagement ring*, Melody claims a Diamond is "...known as a "stone of innocence", bringing forth purity, constancy, and the loving and open nature..."

DINOSAUR BONE: "It stimulates the adventuresome nature..." After all: What could be more adventurous than a dinosaur? And since bones are made of phosphorus (despite the fact that Dinosaur Bone is fossilized), "It can be used to assist in the assimilation of phosphorus..."

DOLOMITE: Merriam-Webster states that if you are dolorous, you are "...marked by, or expressing misery or grief." Happily, Dolomite "...relieves sorrow."

DUFTITE: If you are a duffer (an incompetent, ineffectual, or clumsy person), then Duftite "...helps rid one of inferiority complexes." Can you see the commercial now? "Are you a duffer? Try Duftite!"

DUMONTITE: (pronounced Dumb-on-Tite) If you're dumb as a box of bricks, "This mineral... increases ones imaginative capabilities... stimulates the intellect... (and) enhances speech..."

DUNDASITE: (Do you hear the word "Done"?) With Dundasite, consider it done since "It is a "stone for accomplishment".

EMMONSITE: The word "emancipate" sounds similar, doesn't it? And Emmonsite helps to maintain personal freedom.

ENARGITE: (Sounds like "Energize") Melody informs us that Enargite can "...be used to increase physical vitality."

EPISTILBITE: According to Merriam-Webster, an epistle is "a composition in the form of a letter." So if you are wearing a piece of Epistilbite, it "...assists one in writing personal thoughts clearly," or so Melody asserts. From the way her book is written, I have to assume that she had none in her possession when she wrote it.

FAUJASITE: "Faux" means false, but Faujasite "...acts to keep one true to ones feelings..." [sic]

FERRIERITE: As Wikipedia says, "A farrier is a specialist in equine hoof care, including the trimming and balancing of a horse's hoof and the placing of shoes to the horse's foot." Goodness knows a horse must be able to be in top shape in order to carry you any distance at all. Interestingly, Ferrierite "...is useful in matters concerning transportation..."

FERSMANNITE: (Do you hear the word "First"?) According to Melody, Fersmannite "...can assist one in gaining prominence..."

FILLOWITE: (Do you hear the word "Flow"?) "It enables one to flow with all situations..."

FLINT: To be "flinty" is to be unyielding and uncompromising. Melody claims that Flint "...assists one in severing the emotional ties..." Flint was once used in arrowheads and knives, and so it is logical that she believes it can be "...used for psychic surgery," as well.

FLOURITE: Fluoride is used to prevent tooth decay. So it is interesting that Melody prescribes Flourite (which sounds amazingly similar) to dispel various infections.

FOSSILS: If someone is resistant to change or is very old, you've heard them referred to as an old fossil. But Melody says that fossils "...can be used to dispense with old "programming" and schedules, and to be open and receptive to, and perceptive of, the fresh innovative forces which are available."

FOURMARIERITE: Do you recall that Melody claims to have an M.A. in Mathematics? Throughout her college studies, she was bound to learn about Joseph Fourier (pronounced "For-ee-er"), a famous mathematician. He is so famous, in fact, that many theories and equations are named after him.

Isn't it interesting that his last name sounds like the beginning of this mineral's name? Tellingly, Melody claims "Fourmarierite can help with the pursuits of the mathematician and analyst..."

GAUDEFROYITE: (Can you hear the words "God" and "Freud"?) Ever hear of someone who has a "god complex"? It basically means they're stuck-up. Well, if you meet someone like that, hand them a piece of Gaudefroyite because it "...helps one to eliminate pretentious and ostentatious mannerisms..."

GOLD: Remember the phrase "as good as gold"? And how many times do we hear about the purity of gold? So it's no surprise that Melody says "Gold symbolizes the purity of the spiritual aspect of "All That Is"."

HAMBERGITE: If you're like me, there's nothing better than a greasy hamburger, loaded with the works. Of course that can put on a great deal of weight, but if you use Hambergite, "It can also be helpful in the stabilization of weight." So, you can go on and enjoy that burst of cholesterol.

HANKSITE: When you have a cold, you use a hankie! Oh, and you also should use Hanksite "...to ameliorate "head colds"."

HARKERITE: Hark! What do I hear? Let me grab some Harkerite, which "...can help one to eliminate somnambulistic 'consciousness', to be attentive to the moment..." In other words, it can help me harken.

HARMOTOME: (Sounds like "Harmony" and "Tone", doesn't it?) According to Melody, Harmotome "...is also useful to one who is actively engaged in musical pursuits."

HEMATITE: The root "hemo / hema" means (referring to) the blood. It's used in hemorrhage, hemangioma, and other words relating blood problems. Hematite is Iron Oxide, and as we know, iron is important to blood function. With all these associations, it is no wonder that Melody claims that Hematite "...can be used in the treatment of... blood disorders (such as anemia)..."

HEMIMORPHITE: If you want to morph into something else, this mineral "...assists one in self-transformation, personal evolution..."

HERDERITE: When you are dealing with a herd mentality and you wish to take on the role of shepherd, look to Herderite which "...can be used to promote leadership qualities and is an excellent stone for facilitating tact and cooperation within groups..."

HETEROSITE: "Hetero" means "different", as in "heterosexual" (attraction to the opposite sex). So Heterosite encourages you to be different as well: "It also provides one with a freedom from the material world and rids one of undue modesty."

HIDDENITE: This mineral "helps to stimulate... the loving side of ones nature in order to bring forth the unknown." [sic] In other words, it reveals the hidden.

HODGKINSONITE: Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a type of cancer that attacks the white blood cells. Interestingly, Hodgkinsonite is supposed to "...improve cellular reconstruction activities."

HOLTITE: (Sounds like "Hold Tight") "This mineral can be used in disorders involving the hands."

HOMILITE: A "homily" is a commentary that follows a reading of scripture. And if you are wearing homilite while you give your homily, it "...improves ones conversational and understanding qualities when one is in communication... It also provides for centering during activities of writing and speaking."

HOPETITE: Hopetite gives you... wait, you guessed it already, didn't you? Hopetite gives you hope. "It can... be used to stimulate the faith necessary to facilitate healing on all levels."

HOWLITE: Have you ever gone wild and "howled at the moon"? How about howling in anger? Well, "Howlite can be used to eliminate...rage", and "It can help to lessen rudeness and boisterousness."

HUMMERITE: If you've ever been around a horny teenage boy, you've heard the word "hummer". For those of you who don't know what this means, I refuse to explain it. Just take my word for it: It's a sex act and it has nothing to do with the vehicle. According to Melody, "This mineral can be used to relieve the causes of frigidity and to help one to creatively and peacefully deal with ones sexuality." Good thing those teenage boys haven't discovered it yet.

HYDROZINCITE: "Hydro" means fluid. So it's obvious that Hydrozincite is "...useful in helping to balance the liquid in the body..." and is "...used to dispel the fear of water." It is obvious, isn't it...?

ILMENITE: If you're ill, use Ilmenite. It "...can be used in the treatment of all dis-eases." [sic]

IOLITE: (Pronounced "I-Owe-Lite") "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go." Iolite "...performs well when used for the elimination of debts..."

IRON: Like Hematite (and for the same reason), Iron can be used for blood disorders. In ancient Irish legends, iron was poison to fairies. However, Melody asserts it can be "...used to provide contact with the "fairy kingdom" of this world..." and says "It has also been used to stimulate contact with other-worldly intelligence..."

IVORY (FOSSILIZED): Ivory is akin to bone, so it's plain to see why Melody thinks "It can be used in the treatment of bone disorders..." and can fix "...dis-alignment of the spinal column." [sic] Of course if it's fossilized, Ivory is merely another type of stone.

JADE: According to Merriam-Webster, "jaded" means "... made dull, apathetic, or cynical." However, Melody says that you can counter jaded beliefs by using Jade in your meditations. "One who reveres a beautiful vision or ideal can utilize the energies of jade to assist in realizing those thoughts."

KATOPHORITE: Ever hear of The Cato Institute? According to Wikipedia, "The Cato Institute is non-partisan, and its scholars' views are not consistently aligned with either major political party." In other words, it's a think-tank. And Katophorite "...promotes intellectual decision-making..." and "...encourages originality in problem solving."

KIDWELLITE: Like Childrenite, Kidwellite treats childhood aliments such as "...dyslexia, mental confusion, learning disabilities, and instability."

KYANITE: Let's sing the Kyanite song (sung to "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins) "Let's go Kyanite! Up to the highest height! Let's go Kyanite and send it soaring..." Kyanite helps you to soar through the astral plane.

LABRADORITE: This beautiful stone is sometimes called The Dark Moonstone. It has a lovely iridescence and positively glows, which is why Melody assumes that it "...represent(s) the "temple of the stars...", and "...brings the light of the other planetary beings into the soul of the user."

LAMPROPHYLLITE: Like a lamp, this mineral "...energizes the chakras with the purity of illumination."

LAUBMANNITE: Have you ever heard of Laudanum? It's an old-fashioned opiate that was commonly used by our grandparents. It sure sounds a lot like Laubmannite, doesn't it? And like an opiate, Laubmannite "...enables one to feel pleasurable anticipation instead of anxiety..." and can aid acupuncture/acupressure... to support weight loss and to reduce the craving associated with smoking."

LAUMONTITE: "Laumon" sure sounds like "lemon" to me, which is a highly acidic fruit. It apparently does to Melody too, as this is one of only several stones I can find that counterract "acidosis."

LAVENITE: To "lave" is to wash. Lavenite can be used to "...decrease noxious odors."

LEAD: When I was delaying some chore that I had to do, my mom would snap "Get the lead out!" And you've certainly heard the saying "As heavy as lead." Well, according to Melody, "It assists in the elimination of sedentary aspects and encourages being "on the move"..."

LEAVERITE: If you want to leave certain problems behind, then Leaverite is the stone for you. It is "...helpful in banishing intolerance and prejudicial favoritism."

LEPIDOLITE: "Lepidoptera" are butterflies and moths, which are famous for transforming from ugly squiggly things to beautiful winged insects. Lepidolite "...is recognized as a "stone of transition," and "...allow(s) for smooth passage during the change." It "...assists in birth and re-birthing..."

LEUCITE: Sounds like "lucite", doesn't it? Lucite is a type of plastic (usually clear). My son collects lucite paperweights which are beautiful in their clarity. And, coincidentally, "Leucite provides a window through which to discover..."

LIBETHENITE: Ever hear of "libido"? Well, if your libido is a little under the weather, use Libethenite to "...stimulate ones sexuality..." [sic]

LIEBIGITE: Like Libethenite, this also starts with the "lib" sound (as in "libido") and can also address sexual issues such as menopause, "menstrual disorders", and "increase fertility."

LIMB CAST: This is another word for "petrified wood". And guess what? Limb Cast can be used to provide strength and stamina to... you got it! Limbs!

LODESTONE: It sure is a load off my mind to find out about this stone. "It assists in relieving burdens..."

MAGNESIOFERRITE: Do you remember those annoying Milk of Magnesia commercials? Who wants to hear about constipation during the dinner hour? Besides, who needs it anyway, when you have "Magnesioferrite (which) can be used in the treatment of... constipation..."

MAGNETITE: Like a magnet, "Magnetite provides for a connection..." and "...can be used to attract love." It also catches "things", whatever that means.

MANGANESE: Like Magnesioferrite, this sounds like it should aid the digestive system in some way... and it does! "This mineral can be used to diminish free-radical oxides in both food and in the body." Strangely, The Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry claims that our bodies need only miniscule amounts and it's highly poisonous in larger doses. Luckily we only use it for meditation, right?

MANGANOSITE: Like Magnesioferrite and Manganese, it can be used for "...intestinal disorders." Is anyone sensing a pattern here?

MARBLE: If you lose your marbles, just grab a hunk of Marble and meditate. "It helps to actuate the "unused" portions of the mind..." and helps you control your thoughts.

MARCASITE: This is a highly shiny stone, and it's used in a lot of jewelry making. Melody tells us "It also shows one how one may appear dull to others and encourages one to "shine"."

MARIALITE: If you are a Catholic and worship Maria, this stone is for you. "[Marialite] provides for the precious spirit of independence to be subservient only to the "light" of goodness."

MELIPHANE: "A mellifluous voice or piece of music is smooth and gentle and very pleasant to listen to." And Meliphane can help that by treating "...dis-ease related to the mouth and throat." [sic]

MESSELITE: Are you naturally a messy thinker? Messelite brings mental orderliness.

MICA: This very shiny mineral "...provides reflective qualities..." and also "It provides for self reflection..."

MICROLITE: Sometimes it's hard to see the small stuff without a microscope. And Microlite is that metaphysical microscope which "...allows one to see the "universe in a mustard seed..."

MIMETITE: Were you ever scared by mimes when you were young? Those darned mimes just wouldn't talk! If we'd known any better, we could have handed them some Mimetite which "...enhances the communication/receiver modes..." and is used for "...disorders of the throat."

MITRIDATITE: According to Google, "Mitral Valve Prolapse is a heart problem in which the valve that separates the upper and lower chambers of the left side of the heart does not close properly." Mitridatite also has something to do with the heart: It can be used "...in the repair of the arteries and valves at the heart locality."

MIXITE: Are you going to hold a mixer and you want it to be a success? Mixite "...enhances cooperation."

MONTICELLITE: When I was a kid, my parents took me to Monticello. I loved Thomas Jefferson's home. Let's face it: American Presidents are the closest thing we have to royalty. And sure enough, Monticellite "...is the stone of castles and kings."

MORDENITE: The beginning of this word sounds a lot like "morbid". According to Merriam-Webster, if you are morbid, you are "abnormally susceptible to or characterized by gloomy or unwholesome feeling." And if you're a JRR Tolkien fan, the mention of Mordor makes you shudder.

However, Mordenite counterracts any gloom. "It provides for a swift release from depression and disillusionment," writes Melody, and "It has been used to assist in white magic activities..." Take that, Sauron!

MORGANITE: This stone's "...colour ranges from pink to rose." So, naturally, "It helps to bring love into ones life..." [sic]

MOSANDRITE: Have you ever heard of the prophet Moses? Perhaps he carried a little Mosandrite with him, as "This mineral can stimulate the gift of prophecy..."

MUIRITE: I always loved the old reruns of the TV show "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir." She was a widow who lived with the ghost of a crochety old sea captain. Talk about the living trying to communicate with the dead! And Muirite helps you do just that: "It can assist one in understanding and clarifying "mixed" messages from both the Earth plane and from other worlds."

MULLITE: In case you need to mull something over, "It helps one to recognize all "sides" of an issue, enhancing the contemplative powers and dissipating ineffectual reasoning."

NATROLITE: The beginning of this word sounds a bit like "Natal", doesn't it? Natal means "of or pertaining to one's birth". And sure enough, "This mineral can be used to soften the experience of re-birthing..." And since we were all at one time completely submerged for 9 months in prenatal fluid, "Natrolite can be used to enhance swimming techniques, to overcome the fear of water..."

NATROPHYLLITE: Like Natrolite, this can be used "...to enhance the environment of the unborn..."

NORTHUPTITE: On a map, North is "Up". So if you want to go up, Northuptite is the way to go! "This mineral can stimulate travel (physical plane) and adventures. It can facilitate a connective force between those of the stars and those of this plane..."

NUUMMIT: (Pronounced "Numb It") "It has been used to relieve pain and discomfort..."

OBSIDIAN: If you run up against someone who is obstinate, "It provides a shield against negativity, transforming negative vibrations within an environment."

OCEAN SPRAY AGATE: This is apparently an agate that has a particular look to it - there are no pictures of this that I can find, so it may be up to interpretation. But since it's called "Ocean Spray", we realize that a logical train of thought could lead to "salty water spray" and sure enough, Melody says that this stone can treat sinusitis, congestion, and mucoid formation. Just like nasal spray.

OLIGOCLASE: (Pronounced "Olig-O-Class") An "oligarchy" is a type of government in which a minority of the upper class rule the majority. And if you are running an oligarchy, wear a necklace of Oligoclase because Melody is certain that "This mineral emits a sustaining energy, assisting one in maintaining a "hold" on situations or activities..."

OKENITE: If you want to feel OK, Okenite is a feel-good stone and "It provides one with inner approval..."

OPAL: Since opal has an ever-changing appearance, Melody assumes that it can be "...used to assist one in becoming "invisible"..." and "It brings one a quality of "fading-into-the-background"..." She also states that "It is known as a "stone of happy dreams and changes"...

ORTHOCLASE: Orthopedists fix problems in the skeletal system. Orthodontists fix teeth. And because Orthoclase begins with the prefix "Ortho", "It has been used in the alignment of the spinal structure and the teeth."

OVERITE: (Sounds like "ovaries") "It has been used in the treatment of... infertility in females."

PALERMOITE: If you are paler than most, this is apparently nature's blush. "Palermoite can enhance the purity of ones skin and can affect a glowing image, radiant in itself."

PAPAGOITE: Is your Papa a workaholic? Perhaps an alcoholic? Do you need to build a better family? "Papagoite is also quite useful in strengthening the bonding of relationships; it instills a deep connected-ness between one and the family..." [sic]

PASCOITE: (Pronounced "Pass-co-ite"). "Do not pass go, do not collect $200." Don't you just love Monopoly? But next time you play, make sure you have a piece of this mineral in your pocket. "Pascoite presents one with a "ticket" for entry to the realm of choice, providing for an unimpeded path during the journey."

PENNINITE: This word begins with the first three letters of the word "Penis" or "Penile" and, sure enough, "It can be used for the treatment of disorders associated with the male reproductive system..."

PERIDOT: Whenever I hear the word "Perineum", I cringe. I associate it with childbirth, as it is common to cut the perineum (the area below the birth canal) to make room for the baby to emerge. I guess because "Peridot" and "perineum" share the first four letters, Melody has determined that "It has been used as a facilitator for the birthing process... facilitating the opening of the birth canal."

PETOSKEY STONE: Melody informs us that this "...is a type of fossilized colony coral which exhibits an "eye" when polished." Because of this, "This stone stimulates the third-eye and the intuitive levels..."

PHARMOCOSIDERITE: Like a pharmacy, Pharmocosiderate "...can be helpful in the amelioration of all dis-eases and disorders." [sic]

PICTURE JASPER: This type of jasper has formations that resemble pictures. Melody asserts that it can provide insight and stimulate visualization (a.k.a. "pictures").

PIETERSITE: (Pronounced Peters-ite) By now you may be thinking I have a dirty mind, but I assure you that in my teenage years I heard more in the halls of my highschool than I've heard since. Most of you probably know that "peter" is slang for "penis". So it should come as no surprise that Melody believes that Pietersite can produce ("in the proper quantity") the hormones concerned with sex (among other things).

PLANCHEITE: (Pronounced "Plan-Chet") This has such striking similarity to the word "Planchette", which is the pointer used with a Ouija Board. Another type of communion with "the spirits" involves automatic writing and the mineral Plancheite "...can be used to stimulate automatic writing..."

POWELLITE: If you want power, Powellite "...is a good stone for support during presentations, oratorical displays, and when one is intent on convincing others..." It "...also activates the innate abilities to allow one to overcome physical handicaps and limitations."

PREHNITE: Do you notice how "Prehnite", "Prediction", and "Prepare" start out with the same prefix? So does Melody, who tells us that "It enhances ones ability for prophesy..." and "...prehnite is considered the stone to assure that the "commandment" to "always be prepared" is followed."

PSILOMELANE: Is it any surprise that this can boost psi powers?

PUMICE: This rock floats and it's very abrasive, so Melody has decided that "This mineral is a reminder for one not to "sink" into despair..." and "It helps to combat abrasive character traits..."

QUARTZ: The different varieties of quartz follow the usual metaphysical color associations. Among other definitions: Blue means fidelity, clear means clarity, etc. Melody also discusses different quartz formations and how they can relate to the user. As usual, what they look like has a great deal to do with what they supposedly can accomplish.

RALSTONITE: Does anyone remember the Ralston Purina company? They were famous for their dog chow. And speaking of dogs, Ralstonite can cure rabies! Look out, Old Yeller.

REDDINGITE: If you "red up" something, you're putting it right. And in the case of Reddingite, "This mineral can be used to assist one in correcting an unjust situation; to "right" a "wrong"..."

RHODOCHROSITE and RHODONITE: Coming in various forms of pink, these are obviously stones of love. Right? So if you love me, buy me a nice strand of the stuff: It's quite pretty.

ROSASITE: Have you ever hear the nursery rhyme about The Black Plague? It starts with "Ring around the rosy..." And there are many other diseases that produce a rosy skin problem. So Rosasite "...lessen(s) the affects of measles and chicken pox..."

ROSE QUARTZ: Like Rosasite, Rose Quartz is used to treat rosy skin. In this case, "It has also been used to diminish burns and to relieve and vanquish blistering due to heat."

SAGENITE: A sage is a wise man. And "Sagenite is a "stone for wisdom"," according to Melody.

SALESITE: What a coincidence! "It has been said to be an excellent stone for any "merchant" profession."

SANDSTONE: This stone is grainy and abrasive. Melody says "It can... be used to dispel abrasiveness..."

SCAPOLITE: Melody admits it looks like "cat's eye" and then states that "Scapolite can be used in the treatment of cataracts, glaucoma, dis-alignment of the iris..." [sic]

SELENITE: Selenium is a dietary supplement that is an antioxidant and helps prevent cellular damage. Selenite, on the other hand, can supposedly be used in meditation to "...facilitate regeneration of the cellular structure and the protective membrane linings which surround the cells - hence, providing a tool to both prevent and to overcome damage caused by the well known "free radical"..."

SERENDIBITE: Throwing all caution to the winds, Melody states that "It is known as a "stone of serendipity"..." What a happy coincidence.

SERPENTINE: Serpents are squiggly things that most of us would rather not pick up or have in our lives at all. Parasites are smaller squiggly things that... well, you get the picture. But Serpentine to the rescue! "It can be used... to eliminate parasitic infestations within the body..."

SIDERITE: For those people who are stuck inside, "Siderite is an excellent stone to use in the care of those confined, either to bed, to home, or to an otherwise confining environment."

SHELLS: (Composition: Calcium Carbonate) These supposedly treat calcium deficiencies (not through ingestion but through meditation) and can treat broken bones.

SILVER: (Mirror-like surface) "Can be used as a mirror to the soul."

SKAN: This stone is used to scan for problems during "Laying-on-of-Stones."

SODALITE: Am I the only weirdo whose parents used to give her baking soda for her acid stomach? It always worked but tasted like absolute hell. Interestingly, Sodalite "...can be used in the treatment of digestive disorders...", so I'm betting Melody has tried the baking soda remedy, too. Also, this stone is a lovely "true blue", so "It can be used to enhance truthfulness..."

SONOLITE: (As in "Son-O'-Light") Since it's masculine, "This mineral can be used to increase the male aspects of the character..."

SPHENE: This stone is only one letter off from "Sphere", as in "The music of the spheres", which is a theory about the stars and planets. So it's no wonder that Melody writes "This mineral can be used to promote contact with the heavenly bodies within the universe."

STITCHTITE: When you are suffering from hernia or ruptures and you need to be stitched tight, look no further than this mineral.

STILLWELLITE: If you can't stand still, "This mineral helps one to maintain motionless and stationary..."

STRENGITE: Strengite can supposedly strengthen the tendons and strengthen "...the power of the "silver cord" connection between the physical and astral bodies..."

SUNSTONE: This mineral can be used "...for a brightening of the chakras..."

TARBUTTITE: There is such a thing as a "Tartar Emetic", which makes you yip your cookies faster than you can say "Snickerdoodle." And Melody has found that Tarbuttite "...can also be used as an emetic."

TELLURIUM: In case you have trouble "telling" all, Tellurium "...is also a facilitator for communication..."

THOREAULITE: Henry David Thoreau is a famous philosopher who is renown for being an idealistic visionary. "Thoreaulite provides for an idealistic visionary state...," Melody informs us.

THUNDEREGG: "The ancients believed that the thundereggs were a result of the wrath and anger of the gods..." Melody declares. Therefore, it makes sense that "The thunderegg can be used to descrease anger and hostility."

TIGER EYE: Like Cat's Eye, it can help you see with clarity and "It has been used in the treatment of disorders of the eye..."

TIGER IRON: Showing no shame, Melody claims it "...stimulates the physical vitality to "put a tiger in your tank"."

TREMOLITE: If you have tremors, Tremolite "...can also be used to assist in stabilizing nervousness, shakiness, and those dis-eases related to these disorders." [sic]

TRILOBITE: A trilobite is an ancient critter which was covered in mud after it died. Eventually, it became fossilized. Melody writes "It is an example for humanity that one may be in charge of the world, and still, virtually, be required to "sit in the mud"."

However, trilobites first appeared in the fossil record during the Early Cambrian period and flourished up through the lower Paleozoic era. During the Paleozoic era, the trilobite had some competition. I wouldn't agree that he was King of the World.

TUFA: Tufa toughens you. "It can be used in disorders related to weakness in the body..."

TURQUOISE: Turquoise, which is sky-blue, "...has been used extensively in "cloud-busting" (initiating rain)..."

VALENTINITE: Valentine's Day and hearts go together like peanut butter and jelly. So it's pretty obvious that Valentinite "...stimulates... the heart chakra..." and brings "...the love of the heart to the actualization of the spoken word." It can be used to promote love in all relationships.

VARISCITE: Do you know someone who suffers from varicose veins? Variscite "...can be used in the treatment of... constricted blood flow, excessive blood flow..." and it "...can help regenerate elasticity in the veins..."

WAKEFIELDITE: If you are still awake in the wee small hours of the morning, "It has been used to alleviate insomnia."

WAVELLITE: Waves flow constantly. And "Wavelite can be used in the treatment of flows; energy flows, blood flows, etc."

WEEKSITE: "This mineral has been used to assist one in scheduling activities..." along with Daysite and Monthsite. Just kidding: Daysite and Monthsite don't exist.

WHITLOCKITE: Apparently "Whitlock" sounds like a mix of "Winchester" and "Flintlock" to Melody, as she writes "This mineral can be used to help one to "make a last stand"..."

WILLEMITE: Doesn't "Willem" sound a lot like "Welcome"? I think Melody would agree. "This mineral provides a "welcoming" aspect to those beginning the journey..."

WITHERITE: Withered (a.k.a. atrophied) limbs are not something that is healed easily (if at all). However, Witherite "...can also be used to ameliorate conditions of atrophy."

WOODHOUSEITE: "Woodhouseite can allow one to understand the meaning of the concept that the physical body is the temple of the soul..." I'm hoping my temple is sturdier than a wooden house here in Florida. Give me concrete block any day.

DANGEROUS OR FOOLISH CLAIMS

Certain stones, such as Ametrine, Eosphorite, Malachite, Sphaerocobaltite, and Mochi Balls supposedly "...stabilize and /or correct the RNA/DNA structuring within the body." Now how can Melody possibly know this without scientific research? It's easy to see a bone heal before your eyes, but RNA?

Similarly, Biotite "...has been used in diagnosing disorders associated with disorganized cellular patterns." Chiastolite is used "...to repair chromosome damage." Chromite does "...healing work on a cellular level." Kainosite "...can provide for cellular renewal..." Kasolite (which is radioactive) can treat "...cellular inadequacies." Lapis Lazuli is used to "...restructure cellular... disorders".

Some of Melody's claims are downright dangerous. As Jeffrey Shallit wrote:

"What's worse, however, is that this book is potentially extremely dangerous to one's health. First, here is the obvious danger that people who fall for this nonsense might avoid seeking competent medical treatment for serious conditions. For example, Melody recommends the use of a form of sphalerite for "the treatment of AIDS" on p. 592.

Second, Melody recommends various ways of creating "elixirs" on pages 62 and 63; this involves soaking the mineral in water and/or alcohol and then drinking the water. While most minerals are not very soluble in water, this process could still lead the user to consume small amounts of toxic minerals -- particularly because Melody almost never gives any warnings about the toxicity of various minerals.

Take witherite, for example. This mineral is barium carbonate (BaCO3), which is so toxic that it has been used as a rat poison in the past. The fatal dose for an adult human is about 5 grams, which is not that much because of witherite's high specific gravity. (See more about barium carbonate here.) But Melody doesn't say a single thing about the toxicity of this mineral. Instead, she says "It can be used in the treatment of disorders of the digestive system, providing for a cleansing effect on the unitary whole"! (p. 695) Anyone who followed Melody's recommendation and made an "elixir" of witherite might end up solving their digestive problems for good.

Other toxic minerals that Melody recommends for various uses include

* orpiment (arsenic sulfide) ("can be used to stimulate the intellect, to cleanse and to activate the solar plexus chakra, and to assist one in reasoning capabilities");

* anglesite (lead sulfate) ("It can be used in the treatment of nervous disorders, to stimulate neural transmitters, and to promote the circulation of blood")

* the radioactive mineral autunite (calcium uranyl phosphate) ("The energy emanating from autunite has been used to soothe the temper and to ameliorate heart disorders")

For betafite, a mineral which can be extremely radioactive, Melody suggests that it is "used to grid the body, via wearing and/or carrying". I would definitely not recommend wearing or carrying this mineral. You might set off radiation detectors at airports or borders, and you would be exposing yourself to a significant source of radiation, potentially leading to skin or other cancers."

SUMMARY

It may be that there is still a chance that crystalogy can work. But the supposed experts such as Melody have certainly done nothing to prove this. In fact, they have gone a long way to disproving it.

Are they merely as thoughtless and primitive as the savages who chewed on the bark of the white willow tree? Those savages knew that bark worked for them, but they didn't know why. It took someone of higher intellect to process it, market it to the masses, and call it "aspirin".

I don't believe they are equivalent at all. The savages had consistent results when they ingested the bark, but crystalogists do not and apparently cannot show such consistency.

If crystalogists are genuine, their standards need to be redefined, and crystalogy needs to be quantifiable (at least to a certain extent). Until then, I cannot buy into a system based on such ludicrous beliefs.

*Diamonds have only been used as an engagement ring standard within the last hundred years.

The GOP Must Stand United?

2009-11-05T07:04:00.004-05:00

In an article yesterday, Newt Gingrich writes "However, all of us who oppose the Left need to realize that civil war within the GOP will reelect Barack Obama and make Nancy Pelosi speaker for life."

Nonsense.

This ridiculous antiquarian attitude is what defeated the GOP during the last Presidential election. No prominent Republican wanted to publicly admit that George Bush was an idiot and therefore the public identified all Republican candidates with a moronic, weak, lame duck President who refused to listen to the people.

This attitude is why Gingrich openly endorsed Dede Scozzafava: A liberal Republican who stands for everything the party stands against. Why did Gingrich endorse her? Because she was a Republican.

If this is Gingrich's policy, all Barack Obama must do is change his party and Gingrich will fall right in line.

The Republican party is riddled with cancer. It is rife with special interest groups, Big Business, and has long ago forgotten the blue collar worker who made it what it was in the 1980s. The blue collar worker's values have not changed, but the Republican party has.

It is time for that civil war.

Domestic Violence a Big Secret?

2009-11-04T07:19:00.005-05:00

In a recent interview, recapping her beating by boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna says "Domestic violence is a big secret. No kid goes around and lets people know their parents fight. Teenage girls can't tell their parents that their boyfriend beat them up," according to The New York Post.

What?

Perhaps this is a cultural thing: I didn't grow up in Barbados as Rihanna did. What she considers to be normal is hardly the average American experience.

Of course there are cases in which domestic violence IS a big secret. But as a nation, we have grown much better about defining what it is, and what it isn't. In fact, we encourage people to cry "abuse" so often that there are times in which it has become like the Salem Witch Trials.

And it is easy to declare someone is abusive if it helps you get what you want: Does your mom demand you make your bed every morning? Threaten her with Child Protective Services! Does your wife want a divorce and you want the house? File a domestic abuse complaint with the court to have her forceably evicted!

On the other hand, there are genuine victims. We now have wonderful organizations that help abused women find shelter and jobs. In many states, stalking is now also considered to be abuse, which allows the victim additional protection.

And I have no doubt that Rihanna was abused.

But Rihanna's last sentence really seems to take it over the top. If, as a teenager, I had ever been beaten by a boyfriend, all I would have to do is tell my parents about it. They would have had the police at our door faster than you can say "body slam". And I firmly believe this is the way the vast majority of Americans would handle it.

But, sadly, we have become a nation of self-indulgent whiners. We can see this in the proliferation of daytime TV court shows and horrid train wrecks such as "Jon & Kate Plus 8". Marketing firms cater to this trend with slogans like "you deserve [fill in the blank]."

Why? Because we're special! We're unique! Just like everyone else!

This gullibility is alarming. Because we want to believe it, we do. It bars fact-checking because it reaches deep into our psyches and hits us where it counts.

Do we all truly believe, deep down inside, that we are better than everyone else? Yes: We all do. But it's up to us to realize that this instinctive belief is not the truth, and we must overcome this.

But I digress.

To sum it all up: Is Rihanna right? Is domestic violence a big secret?

No. Domestic violence has, for the most part, come out of the closet. And in the case of Rihanna, it is on page 1.

Monday Morning Comeback!

2009-11-02T07:23:00.006-05:00

My Bout With the Flu

When I haven't been resting, I've been working. There is little time for anything else, and I am so sorry that I couldn't write. I am still struggling with this flu. When you don't have insurance, a trip to the doctor's can be quite expensive, so I've been putting it off.

Never the less, I'm going back to my regular schedule now, as I'm feeling better enough to write!

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin has come out with a new book, "Going Rogue". Judging from the comments that both conservative and liberal men make about her, I hope she has a few pictures from her swimsuit segment in that famous beauty pageant. Her book will be a sure-fire bestseller.

My colleague, "Sue", is a dead-ringer for Sarah Palin: So much so, in fact, that Sue is constantly waylaid in public by men begging for her autograph and asking for a picture with her. When we are in a business meeting, the men are inevitably staring at her until they finally screw up the courage to ask her "Why do you look so familiar?"

It is an amazing experience to be part of "Sarah Palin's" retinue.

But although Sarah Palin is a highly attractive, polished woman, I feel that there is less substance to her than I'd like. I admit immediately that I've not read her book yet (it's release is slated to be November 17th). However, it's not clear if we can really call it hers, as she had it ghost written by Lynn Vincent.

Interestingly, there's another book about Sarah Palin that will be released shortly. It's called "Going Rouge", and is supposed to be composed of a group of commentaries written about her by a group of people who are distinctively unimpressed with her.

Both books will be interesting to ~~skim through~~... *ahem*, I mean read.

Sick With the Flu

2009-10-20T08:04:00.001-04:00

Goodness knows what I have, but that's why I'm not posting. See you on Wednesday, hopefully.

Meanwhile, I HIGHLY recommend that you read US Sponsors Plan to Restrict Free Speech. This affects us all.

The Strange Attacks Upon FOX

2009-10-14T07:48:00.004-04:00

I am not a big fan of the FOX network. I prefer CNN news which, overall, seems to be more unbiased than the others. Yes, you do have the liberal wackos, but there are enough far right nut jobs to counterbalance them. Overall, most of what CNN produces appears to be middle of the road, which is fine by me.

But FOX Network seems to be in the crosshairs of the Obama administration. And while FOX tends to be more conservative-leaning, it is hardly the right wing conspiracy that Obama's group wishes to label it as.

Among attempts to demonize FOX, the Obama administration's Whitehouse.gov has an entire page dedicated to fact-checking Glenn Beck on a number of issues.

Additionally, Anita Dunn, the White House Communications Officer, made the improbable declaration "I mean the reality of it is that Fox News often operates almost as either the research arm or the communications arm of the Republican Party. When they want to treat us like they treat everyone else — but let's not pretend they are a news network the way CNN is." She has also stated "We're going to treat Fox News the way we would treat an opponent."

Does Dunn not realize that there are other news stations out there?

With irresponsible comments like this, can we really trust Obama's administration to make rational decisions in other areas?

Oddly enough, I don't recall a Bush administration site dedicated to arguing family values with Howard Stern. And as kooky as the Clintonistas got at times, I never saw an official site trumpeting "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

It is beneath the dignity of the executive branch to dally with such issues: Let the news organizations battle it out between themselves instead of wading into the dogfight.

President Obama, don't you have more pressing matters to attend to?

(Additional recommended reading: What Would Mao Do?)

Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth

2009-10-12T07:42:00.008-04:00

I would love to keep this post up, but my attorney has advised me to remove it (at least for now). Thank you again for all your support in this matter.

Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Obama

2009-10-09T07:36:00.002-04:00

Way to go, Norway. You just awarded Obama with another incentive to continue to send money and troops overseas, despite his promises to the American people that he would bring change.

So far the difference between Obama and Bush is... very little. Oh he's pretty, all right: He looks good on camera and he's a wonderful orator. But Obama is all talk with very little substance. Even his liberal supporters are beginning to grumble. Loudly. Turn to the recent episode of Saturday Night Live to see a not-funny depiction of where they think he's going wrong.

Meanwhile, troops die in Afghanistan, still suffer in Iraq, and our monies continue to be funneled overseas to whatever particular cause the President thinks will make him look good. This isn't restricted to Obama, of course. He's only one in a line of weak-kneed Presidents who put everyone but their own citizens first.

We have entered into a Depression, we have more homeless than ever, and the best the government seems to be able to do is extend unemployment benefits for a little while longer. Since the Depression cannot lift for some time, all this will do is prolong the inevitable.

What the American public needs is real change.

Enough with the lauditory awards. Enough with the talk. Enough with throwing money at banks and institutions with vague promises that it will help the economy and increase jobs.

Obama will only deserve the Nobel Peace Prize when he brings peace to America.

Lindsay Lohan's Fashion Disaster

2009-10-06T08:37:00.006-04:00

The diva we love to hate has just released her clothing line to a chorus of boos and cackles of laughter. She just doesn't "have it", according to all the fashionistas and critics who have unanimously weighed in against her.

Joining the dogpile are Style.com ("“a bad joke of a fashion show"), the New York Times (who compared this disaster to a fry cook attempting to cook at a high class restaurant), and the LA Times (who pointed out that Lohan was teary at the end, and certainly had a reason to be). Of course the clamor is endless, with everyone pointing and laughing.

But, although I despise Lohan due to her horrific personal choices, I must say that her fashion line looks no less disastrous to me than anything you can find in the pages of Vogue. I admit her choice to plaster sequined hearts onto her models' heads is quite silly, but so is much that we find on runways and on the backs of starlets everywhere.

My biggest concern about her fashion line is that it appears to be designed for real bodies, and looks a little out of place on the emaciated corpse-like bodies of her models.

The colors are horrific, the style is definately a throw-back to the 80s, but hello? Has anyone out there ever heard of Betsey Johnson, Maven of Tackiness?

To see Lohan's notorious line, go here.

Why Longer School Terms Are a Bad Idea

2009-09-30T08:18:00.003-04:00

Lately there is a group of unlikely bed-fellows, including Newt Gingrich and Al Sharpton, who are advocating longer school days and less vacation time.

Their argument is that our youth is undereducated and can't compete effectively with the rest of the world. Therefore, their conclusion seems to be that we simply don't have enough time to teach. Gingrich points out that our current school year is outdated, and we need to spend more time in the classroom.

This argument is greatly flawed.

I have been active in both the public and private school systems. I have seen what works, what doesn't, and why it doesn't.

Our education standards are not poor due to time constraints. They are due to disciplinary problems. Many public school teachers have told me that they could get the instruction out of the way in half the time if their time wasn't occupied in discipline and ineffective attempts at creating order out of chaos.

Many students (especially in public schools) come from homes where order and self-control are not imposed. They are then unleashed on the world by parents who couldn't care less. The school system is then expected to make all the difference by catering to these children, while the children with better societal skills are neglected.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

What is truly pitiful is that teachers are pouring the majority of their time and energy into kids who, at best, will be saying "Would you like fries with that?" for the rest of their lives.

Those of us who finally decided to home school our children have found that we can give them the exact same education in half the time. This is why my son became a college freshman at age 15, with a 4.0 GPA.

If we want to reform the schools, we do not need to waste our childrens' time any more than we already do. Instead, we need to improve our disciplinary standards. We need to stop penalizing teachers from referring students to the Principal when they are misbehaving.

And ultimately, we need to rethink our "No Child Left Behind" policies. Some children need to be left behind. Some children will never amount to anything. And we need to come to terms with this, or all children will be left behind.

The Travesty of Bush Gardens' Howl-O-Scream

2009-09-28T09:01:00.008-04:00

I love a good scare. I enjoy ghost stories and most horror movies, knowing that they aren't true and cannot be possible.

There are different theories as to why many of us love to be frightened. I believe that we enjoy being faced with the absolute worst, knowing that we can still emerge into the comfort of our own homes. It gives us a sense of power (which explains why this genre is especially popular among teenagers).

But at what point does horror become horrible?

I refuse to watch anything that celebrates the depravity of humanity. This includes torture and sadism, and it's why I won't watch anything from the Saw series of movies. And I worry that when we go down that road as a society, there is no u-turn. It numbs us to the true horror of such actions and allows us to easily excuse what generations before us would never have excused.

That's why I won't go to Bush Gardens' Howl-O-Scream any more. The last time I went (three years ago), I saw things that should give anyone with a conscience nightmares for a lifetime.

But Howl-O-Scream is big business. And apparently the meat-grinder mentality never goes out of style. So, Bush Gardens is more than happy to continue to churn out tableaus that would make the most seasoned homicide detectives blanch.

To add insult to injury, they have peppered the Tampa Bay area with billboards depicting viciously evil vampires. Imagine the reaction of the vulnerable toddler who sees these billboards out the window as Mommy drives to the grocery store. That should drive the nightlight sales through the roof.

What recourse does a parent have? They can't blindfold their children. They can't make the choice to not expose them to this garbage, even though they can limit their television and internet experiences.

Bush Gardens has come a long way since their inception as a family-friendly park. Now families come dead-last to the almighty dollar, thanks to capitalism at its finest.

As their 2009 motto says, "Evil never goes out of fashion."

To my friends who've missed me these last two weeks: Thank you so much for letting me know it. I appreciate and value your friendship more than you probably understand. I feel that long-standing blogger friendships are often more genuine than our everyday ones, as we can speak freely and share our innermost thoughts and observations frankly.

I have been snowed under by work and this makes it pretty difficult at times. I will be resuming my blogging schedule this week and will truly attempt to make sure I don't neglect this blog again. If you'd ever like to contact me, please feel free to email me.

My Apologies

2009-09-17T07:44:00.000-04:00

My apologies for not blogging this week. A couple of crises have arisen and I've been going non-stop. I'll write on Friday.

Osama Bin Laden a Failure?

2009-09-11T07:47:00.005-04:00

Time Magazine, in the same wisdom that it uses to proclaim the man and woman of the year (as if narrowing it down to one candidate is ever possible) has also declared that Osama Bin Laden is a failure.

How puerile and sickeningly smug of them.

On the contrary, Bin Laden has been appallingly successful. He was able to rile up uneducated, evil people to kill masses of innocents, all in the name of Allah. And he continues to do so. He serves as an inspiration to serial killers and conscienceless minions everywhere.

And his battle is not over. The war to take over the world and subject it to Islamic domination has only begun.

If we err in taking this man and his faith lightly, we will not win this war. We cannot forget, we cannot diminish the utter evil this man represents. It is an evil which is shared by many other Islamic leaders as well. It is an evil that can bring the world to its knees if we choose to disregard or dismiss it.

Highway Overpasses in Tampa: Progress?

2009-09-09T09:40:00.004-04:00

Tampa is beginning to look like Miami. A slew of highway projects are coming to final fruition and we now have a confusing snarl of under and overpasses that we are trying to re-learn.

I found myself taking the wrong turn and having to renavigate my way through Tampa twice last week. As a result, I lost at least an hour of travel time, if not more.

Tampa's road engineers apparently are the not the cream of the crop. These must be the "C" students: The ones that barely graduated. How else can you explain the off-ramps that go in the opposite direction of where they used to be placed? The needlessly long treks you must endure before you can find a way to turn around? The confusing lack of signage or signage placed in the wrong areas?

Just as I dislike travelling through Miami, travelling in Tampa has become a nerve-wracking strain. I pity the poor tourists who will be navigating through Tampa on the way to Pinellas County's famous beaches.

Happy Labor Day

2009-09-07T22:53:00.000-04:00

...to those of us lucky enough to have a job. For those who don't, my abject sympathy and understanding.

The President's Speech to School Children

2009-09-04T07:04:00.006-04:00

There is a great old Southern word: Hootenanny. Ignore the official dictionary definitions. What it really means is a big fuss (good or bad). It can refer to a party or a riot.

Aren't you glad I gave your vocabulary a boost? This is your official Word For The Day. You use it like this:

Conservative talk show hosts are having a fit over Obama's upcoming speech to school kids. As a result, they're getting so many parents riled up that it's becoming chaos for those poor souls who answer the phones at our schools. Yup: It's a big hootenanny.

What is happening to our country? First we're dumb enough to elect Obama (a man with little experience and communistic leanings). Now we're overreacting like brain-dead rednecks.

I suppose both phenomenons can be attributed to the same source: A lack of education and the dumbing down of America.

The President's speech is no big deal. Certainly the controversy may have helped to force him to tone down his speech: We will never know what he originally intended to say. We only know that now he is focusing on something relatively inane.

But anyone with intelligence knows that the President's speech could not be full of communistic advice and fascist urgings. It would be a political death sentence and Obama's no fool.

I understand why some people got a little queasy when they heard that teachers would be following up with questions after the speech. These questions (suggested by the White House) could definitely be construed as an attempt to indoctrinate kids and perhaps pave the way to "The Cult of Personality" that so many people are citing.

On the other hand, I have raised my children* to be objective and thoughtful, so I wouldn't have worried.

The hippies had it right: Question Authority. A good teacher would also enforce this. But this message, if it comes from the home, should be enough.

With the dumbing down of America, we are leaving way too much power and authority in the hands of the government and there is too little personal responsibility. Until we start raising our standards in our homes, nothing will change.

* I have one of my own, and another that I have taken under my wing since she was five.

Kennedy Expresses Regret for Chappaquiddick

2009-09-03T08:40:00.002-04:00

How convenient. Ted Kennedy finally gets around to apologizing in his posthumous memoirs.

The problem is that we will never know the entire truth about Chappaquiddick. (For a good, short article which raises more questions than it answers, go here).

But for someone who was supposedly truly regretful during his lifetime, Ted never showed it. He was famous for asking people if they'd heard any new Chappaquiddick jokes. And he certainly never tried to make amends financially (or in any other manner) to Mary Jo Kopechne's family.

Kennedy wanted these memoirs to be published posthumously because he was hoping that history would somehow treat him more kindly than he deserved.

Sorry, Ted. I'm not buying it.

Ray Garton: Violent Porn Disguised as Literature

2009-08-31T08:29:00.013-04:00

I read whenever I get the chance. I go through a book a day, at times. So recently when The Dollar Tree had a bunch of paperbacks for only $1 a piece, I snapped them up. If something's not worth reading, I can always give it to charity or throw it away if it's a true piece of garbage.

Most of them are true pieces of garbage.

I read a wide variety of books, with the exception of autobiographies: Spare me from autobiographies. But at The Dollar Tree, I found a huge amount of horror and Sci Fi novels, and bought about ten of them.

As yet, I've skimmed through all of them because they're simply not worth reading.

There is one author that stood out among the rest: His name is Ray Garton.

Garton apparently won The World Horror Convention Grand Master Award. Did they honor him with this award after reading his novels? I hope not. Because these novels are violent porn, disguised as literature.

In one novel that I've skimmed so far, Garton has anally raped two heroines, followed by gang raping them (using thirteen men). In the coup de grace, he viciously decapitated one and mailed her head to her husband. The other was then repeatedly raped by a woman. Oh, and did I mention that Garton is highly descriptive?

In another of his novels, a victim is brutally raped by a werewolf in the first chapter.

Garton attempts to take no responsibility for these actions by portraying the men in these women's lives as being very sympathetic. It's almost as if he's saying "See? I'm on the good guy's side!" while he's relishing the details of the vicious rapes. This also allows the male reader to say and do the very same thing.

This literature should hardly be on The Dollar Tree's shelves. In my youth, it would have been hidden in the back of the bookstore, in the Adult section (at best). Now it's available to anyone who accidentally picks it up, believing it to be a "bargain".

Garton mentions his wife at the beginning of his books. He extols her praise and thanks her for her support. Really? She's supportive of this? She should not be supportive of this, or any other such garbage which relishes the brutalization of women.

Shame on Garton, shame on his wife, and shame on The Dollar Tree for selling such evil.

Jaycee Dugard: What Elizabeth Smart Could Have Become

2009-08-28T08:02:00.004-04:00

(age progression from age 11 to age 25, courtesy of the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children)

Many of us were stunned to find that Jaycee Lee Dugard was alive after eighteen years. She was kidnapped at age 11, and is currently 29 years old. If I had been her mother, I would have given up all hope. And I believe where there's life, there's hope.

However, at this point, she and her two children will need a lifetime of therapy to even begin to approach normalcy.

The picture above would only show Jaycee the way she would look in ideal circumstances. However, as details have emerged, it has become apparent that she and her children have led a life of great deprivation. She can hardly be expected to look this good.

During her time in captivity, she was repeatedly molested by her kidnapper, Phillip Craig Garrido. As a result, she produced two daughters: A fifteen year old that was born when Jaycee was only fourteen years old, and an eleven year old.

Phillip Craig Garrido was reportedly very "religious" (as Elizabeth Smart's captor was) and that's what ultimately was his undoing (just as it was the undoing of Elizabeth's captors).

As more details emerge, it becomes increasingly obvious that Jaycee cooperated with her captors just as Elizabeth did. And yet, Jaycee was also very cooperative with the legal authorities as well, which shows that her brainwashing wasn't complete.

Perhaps Elizabeth Smart, now a successful and mentally healthy college student, will be willing to meet with Jaycee as she sorts out the nightmare that she has lived for eighteen years.

Most of us find such an experience almost beyond imagining. But perhaps most amazing of all is the revelation which came to parents who had mentally buried their daughter many years ago.

Recent Celebrity Death

2009-08-26T07:59:00.007-04:00

Michael Jackson Was Murdered

The official report is that MJ was murdered due to a massive drug overdose at his request. Yes, MJ's doctor administered the fatal dose. But even though drug dealers might hand an addict that final, lethal dose... it is the addict's choice to take it.

Should his doctor be charged? Yes, of course.

But at what point do we hold the "victim" responsible as well? Let's not lose focus on the fact that MJ made some horrific lifestyle choices that finally caught up with him.

Ted Kennedy is Dead

Ted's moved on to the great Chappaquiddick in the sky. Years ago I watched a very disturbing movie called "What Dreams May Come." It doesn't show the classic version of hell: Instead, hell becomes whatever your worst fears are.

Will Mary Jo Kopechne be there to greet him with open arms or will his version of hell find him eternally drowning in the same car he left Mary Jo to die in?

I can't help but believe that Ted didn't end up in a happy place, despite what others may protest.

He will now be eulogized with great fanfare, and the only thing sweeter will be the sugary frosting on a cheap bakery cake.

But all I can think about is Mary Jo Kopechne: Alone, cold, trapped, and drowning.

Artist Jane Wooster Scott: Racist?

2009-08-24T07:36:00.010-04:00

As most of you know, I am a moderate. I also have a great deal of common sense, which is why I don't scream "Fire!" in a crowded theater, or "Racism!" unless it's blatant.

But I was shocked to find a famous Americana artist had recently produced a work of art that appears to me to be questionable at best.

My best friend (Pov) has a teenage daughter who is obsessed with jigsaw puzzles. Knowing this, we all buy her jigsaw puzzles whenever we can. If I opened a Christmas present to find a jigsaw puzzle, I would be sorely disappointed. However, there is nothing that Bugs likes better. A friend of her mother's recently donated over fifteen puzzles, and Bugs got to work.

The problem with Bugs' puzzle obsession is that once they're assembled, she can't bear to take them apart. That means that either her mother or I end up spending vast amounts of time covering the puzzles in Mod Podge and mounting them so that she can either keep them, give them to friends and family, or donate them.

This weekend I decoupaged about ten puzzles. I ran it like a production line, which is why I didn't notice this puzzle until the Mod Podge had dried. It's titled "Flights of Fancy." (click on the picture to view it in a larger version):

Now: What is wrong with this picture? (Hint: Look at the roller coaster)

That's right. The Confederate Flag is pasted all over it. I've written about the Confederate Flag before. I find it to be offensive for two reasons: It is a defeated flag, and it has become a symbol of racism.

But I thought, "OK. There are still some simpletons who think that it's 'charming'... that it's symbolic of a culture and not overt racism." So, I looked for the token black person(s) that might offset it.

I can't find any. And I looked over this puzzle diligently.

Could this be a simple oversight? Possibly. But I find the combination highly distasteful, none the less.

Perhaps Wooster Scott would argue that this is supposed to be a piece of Americana before (or during) the Civil War. However, the outfits are post Civil War era. I grant you that this was definitely a time of racism, but do we really want to celebrate it?

I am amazed that Wooster Scott's paintings are so popular. They're hardly my style. I enjoy art that appears to take true time, maturity, and thought. Her artwork looks as if a sixth grader did it. I would praise the sixth grader, but I can't praise a full-grown adult who produces such primitive art.

However, her paintings are apparently collected by some major celebrities, including "Marty Allen, Marlon Brando, Carol Burnett, Robert Conrad, Charlton Heston, Paul Newman, Leonard Nimoy, Victoria Principal, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sidney Sheldon, Nancy Sinatra, Sylvester Stallone and Loretta Swit... the list goes on."*

I wonder which one has Flights of Fancy hanging in their living room?

* from mgcpuzzles.com

No Privacy With Blogger

2009-08-21T08:41:00.002-04:00

By now, most of you know of the Liskula Cohen case in which she sued Google and succesfully won the right to discover the identity of a woman who was making disparaging comments about her online.

Were those comments accurate or slanderous? Not knowing Cohen, I couldn't say. But I do know that Cohen has dealt a severe blow to anonymity on the net.

For many who treasure their anonymity, this will mean a rush to alternative solutions such as IP anonymizers, but even those are not infallible.

I am not ashamed of what I write, but I hide my identity due to other reasons. For instance:

1. There are some groups that I definitely disagree with. These are groups who are not known for their debating skills or honesty. At best, they can harass you in unpleasant ways which make you wish you hadn't spoken up at all. At worst, their idea of a good debate can end with someone beheaded.

2. I am a professional business person. It is always wisest to never leave a trail that a potential client or employer may disagree with. Although it is smart to keep your opinions to yourself in the workplace, this rule should not bleed into your personal life. Writing under a pseudonym gives us all the opportunity to be ourselves without worrying about how it may impact our livelihoods.

Ultimately, honest opinions may be labeled as hate speech. At that point, none of us will be safe. Are you gay and you hate organized religion? Wait until the Catholic Church sues you.

Are you a Baptist who speaks out against Muslim repression? Wait until someone from the local mosque decides that he should put a fatwa (i.e. "hit") out on you and your family.

The KKK could target blacks, the Black Panthers could target whites.

Liskula Cohen's case is complicated by the fact that she's a minor celebrity. It's generally agreed that the public is free to speak about public figures. If not, Perez Hilton is out of business. But there are so many gray areas that it's safer to speak freely behind the mask of an assumed identity.

Blogger may have just taken away this freedom.

What is Really Going On With the Healthcare Protesters

2009-08-19T08:24:00.005-04:00

We see it everywhere in the news: Protesters are showing up at townhall meetings about healthcare and are making spectacles of themselves. The left accuses the right of orchestrating the protests, the right declares that even the average person sees the flaws in the proposed system and the rioting is simply natural.

How can the "average person" see those flaws?

An article in CNNMoney.com, titled 5 Freedoms You'd Lose in Healthcare Reform, states "To be sure, it isn't easy to comb through their 2,000 pages of tortured legal language." If so, then how can the average Joe be showing up at the townhall meetings to protest all the problems in the proposal? Surely it's obvious that he's been given a translation... slanted, of course, from the viewpoint of the translator.

I don't believe that Obama's proposal is completely perfect, and the CNN article certainly highlights some of the flaws. But we are not dealing with rational people or rational arguments when we involve rhetoric.

I am tired of seeing Big Business paying off enough people to smother any true debate. And I'm not saying that the individual protestors are being paid to protest. Most of them are entirely unaware that they're being manipulated, even as they think their opponents are being manipulated.

But the people doing the manipulation (such as conservative talk show hosts) are being paid either directly or through the magic of influence peddling. And, sadly, they are working up those individuals who are enjoying their 15 minutes of fame. Don't believe it? Take a look at this highly transparent interview between Sean Hannity and Katy Abram.

Are these protestors any better than the average street Muslim in a third world country who gets worked up after a rousing Friday sermon by his local Imam? Yes, because they aren't being incited to mayhem and murder. But these "Average Joes" seem to be almost as pliable.

I am a conservative-leaning moderate who is opposed to some things on each side of the aisle. There is an article by Joel Kotkin that beautifully sums up my current viewpoint of the system, and I can't recommend it highly enough. Kotkin points out the flaws in both parties right now, and I wish it were mandatory reading for everyone on Capitol Hill.

Until we find a true party that represents the people, we are doomed.

Currently, we have none.

What is a Slumlord?

2009-08-17T08:14:00.004-04:00

I own a mobile home in a very bad area. I had purchased it for my "friend", Zen, because she needed it (it was a rent-to-own arrangement). Zen then went on drugs (as did her son) and they trashed it and stopped paying on it, and I was forced to evict them. Now I'm stuck with it.

I could have sold it already, but because Zen owed me so much money, it would've been a terrible loss. So, I decided to rent it out while I figured out what to do. Finding a decent renter in that neighborhood was difficult, but thankfully the police have been intent on cleaning up that area by harassing everyone who sets foot there. This isn't necessarily the right way to do it, but I have access to a little higher quality renter as a result of it.

Still, there is little profit to be made there. Although it's one of the nicest trailers in the park, it has termites. It's expensive to treat termites (you have to tent the place) and because all the other trailers have them, it's only a matter of time before they infest your property once more. So, I do alternative treatments which aren't as effective but are not cost prohibitive.

Does that make me a slumlord?

At the risk of self-justification, I'd say no. I'm doing the best with what I've got. It's not as if I'm rich or will get rich by renting the @%$& thing.

So what is a slumlord?

Today the St. Pete Times has an article on a local would-be politician, Fabian Calvo. They say he's a slumlord, and from the description, I have to agree. If these are his business practices, let's hope he can never make any decisions on behalf of us. What's scary is that this guy is a conservative politico, full of rants and raves against liberals and "socialism".

Gee, thanks, Calvo. You are the reason we moderates are moderate.

What's amazing to me is that this idiot actually is running for a House of Representatives post. Obviously he'll never get it now (I hope) but the fact that he had the chutzpah to run at all simply amazes me.

Governmental Contracts

2009-08-15T07:22:00.002-04:00

I spent all day yesterday going over a contract that was issued by Pinellas County (which is part of the Tampa Bay area). By the end of it, my head was swimming.

There were so many errors, omissions, and downright disagreements in that contract that it took pages to document it all.

I'm a moderate that believes in governmental healthcare (I've discussed this previously) and I think that we desperately need to reform our healthcare system. I've heard the conservative pundits claim that over 80% of us are insured and I know that this is not true. I've seen the evidence to the contrary and I find it remarkable that someone can repeat such a fabrication with a straight face. In fact, experience alone has shown me that this simply is not the case.

But insurance companies make a huge profit (they are known as "The Silent Bankers" among financiers) and you can be guaranteed that they are throwing everything they can into the fight, including paying off whomever they can to spread their message.

On the other hand, the system will need to be run efficiently and well and common sense will be required. They cannot do as they have always done by giving contracts to the lowest bidder, as this results in a continual drop in the quality of service. There must be a better way.

And the government must do the same with their personnel: Cheapest is by no means best. A poorly paid employee is no bargain. At best you have an employee filled with resentment who is continually looking for work elsewhere. At worst, you have someone who has been promoted to his level of incompetancy.

To do governmental healthcare the right way, the government needs to rethink it's entire system. If they don't, they might as well hand it over to Pinellas County.

Swamp Cabbage Recipe

2009-08-12T17:16:00.005-04:00

I was talking to a co-worker at lunchtime and by the end of it all, I was positively drooling. First he shared his recipe for Lo Mein, which is basically cooked wheat pasta with stir-fried chicken breast and assorted vegetables in sesame oil with appropriate seasonings. Then he talked about Jamaican Jerk Pork.

Since he was so into cooking, I shared an old "Cracker" recipe.

Crackers are true, deep-south Florida natives. They're pretty rare these days, as most of them have died out and those of us who are natives in this area usually have parents who were northerners or were influenced by yankees as we were growing up. An old-fashioned Cracker talks with a deep drawl and usually grew up with no air conditioning in the middle of scrub palmettos, rattlesnakes, and pine trees.

Years ago, my ex-husband worked with an old Cracker. He shared a recipe with us that we absolutely love. It's something his mother and her mother before her used to make. They used "Swamp Cabbage" (which is the heart of the palmetto tree) but now we use regular cabbage.

Take a pound of smoked bacon, and chop it up. Fry it until it's crispy, draining the fat regularly into a mug or bowl. Make sure you wipe the side of the pan whenever you drain it, as the fat will drip on the burner and smoke.

Remove the cooked bacon and drain it on paper towels. Pour enough bacon grease back into the frying pan to cover it. Take at least half a head of cabbage, chopped, and put it into the frying pan along with generous amounts of salt and pepper. Keep stirring it until the cabbage has been reduced and is translucent. Add more cabbage, grease and seasonings as desired.

When all the cabbage is cooked down, stir the bacon back into the mix and serve with baking powder drop biscuits on the side.

Voila! Heart attack on a plate ... and it's sinfully good.

Needless to say, we eat this only once a year.

Tidbits

2009-08-10T07:22:00.003-04:00

Florida Highway Patrolman Fired Because He Didn't Give Out Enough Tickets

An FHP trooper was let go primarily because he didn't meet his ticket quota. I love this validation of what many of us know but police departments deny: Cops do have ticket quotas.

Teenagers are Nature's Form of Birth Control

I've been having problems with Sonosaur lately, and was complaining to my mother. "Oh, we understand," Mom assured me. "One day after a difficult battle with you, your father turned to me and said 'Why didn't we just go bowling on the night she was conceived?!' ...and he hates bowling."

I Will Blog on Wednesday and Friday This Week

My apologies for neglecting you. I've been swamped with work, but it's no excuse when I can write something short and pithy, grab a cup of coffee, and hit the door. I'll be blogging regularly from now on.

Snail Mandelbrot Icecream

2009-08-05T08:09:00.003-04:00

Lately I feel as if what I'm hearing from our leaders is nothing but a series of pithy sounding words and phrases, strung together in an attempt to sound more knowledgeable than they are.

What's new, right?

We are facing the world pandemic of Swine Flu which is destined to be extraordinarily serious, there is a new strain of the AIDS virus, and the pneumonic plague (which kills in 24 hours) has resurrected itself in a small town in China.

However, today everything goes on as it always has. Hillary Clinton has declared that we're "committed" to Africa's future. Yeah, we should be committed all right: Africa has little to offer us (except new versions of AIDS) but we are bound and determined to lavish attention on them. Why? It's not simply because Obama's relatives reside in Africa, because this sort of stupidity took root in the Bush administration.

The big news is the debate over the "successful" Cash for Clunkers program. How successful is it? It depends on who you ask.

There are some very good reasons why Cash for Clunkers is detrimental to our society, but even so, I am not going to stand on principle. If it's around when I'm ready to take advantage of it, I'll do so. But throughout this debate all I hear is a great deal of waffling without openly addressing the true concerns that arise from this program. Instead, the real issues are discussed in print by the people who cannot make the decisions for us.

How about a little attention to the genuinely serious issues, guys? I think we're going to need it. Right now we're looking at worsening economic conditions, potentially serious plagues that will or can find their way here combined with a lack of decent health coverage, and a rising sense of hysteria among the jobless.

But obstreperous juju masticus is key, while finagling the snitterbawls in August. I believe that we are perspicacious when we say that it is all purely scatalogical.

Hamster on a Wheel

2009-07-31T07:35:00.008-04:00

I wish I could post more than I do, but it's next to impossible lately. The company that I work for part time has engulfed me and I find that I am often up at sunrise, and working til sunset and beyond.

I was hired as a consultant and general Jack-of-All-Trades for this business, but it may have been too late. The business was already floundering and it may be that nothing can bring it back. I am too busy putting out fires to help push us ahead. I'm exerting energy but getting nowhere.

All this, and that company may still go under. This economy is destroying so many of us, and the businesses we work for and there is no end in sight. Frankly, I think things will get worse and (unlike government predictions) they may never get better. We may be seeing an entire restructuring of the way that we live.

How's that for your Happy Friday post?

Obama Takes Time for a Beer

2009-07-28T07:50:00.003-04:00

Barack Obama has decided that he needs to take important time away from the health care debate, the economy, and world events and turmoil. What's so important?

A beer with a disgruntled, racist black Harvard professor and the cop that was forced to arrest him.

Now the press is breathlessly speculating on what beer Obama will choose. ABC News pronounces that Obama's choice of beer could make or break a particular brand.

Puhleeze. Who cares?

One thing's for sure: He won't be choosing Colt 45.

Why is Obama taking such a personal interest in this fracas? Because he foolishly opened his mouth (before he knew all the facts) to chide the police for arresting the idiot. Now he's saving face.

And they say racism isn't dead. I agree: Obama is living proof of that.

If the officer had any guts, he'd turn down the invite... whether Obama's serving Colt 45 or champagne.

The Latest Harry Potter Movie Has No Magic

2009-07-20T08:05:00.002-04:00

I am the only one in my family that likes the Harry Potter series.

My son doesn't like the series, which has always puzzled me. I chalk it up to his father, who is a Christian extremist who used to tell him that Harry Potter was "of the Devil" (so to speak) and wouldn't allow him to read the books when he was younger, no matter how much I fought it or tried to explain the concept of "fantasy".

So, when "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" came to the theatre, my best friend Pov was kind enough to text me a reminder and ask if I wanted to go. Sonosaur remained silent on the issue.

Deciding that opening night would be insane, we opted to go the next night, dragging our children with us. Needless to say, Sonosaur was less than thrilled but at least I didn't have to literally drag him through the theatre.

When the exhaustingly long movie ended, I felt forced to apologize to everyone for it. Here I'm the fan, and I was bored silly.

I think the primary problem behind it is that Harry Potter himself has lost his wonder of it all. He is no longer enchanted by what the latest potion can do. He is not amazed any more by the fabulous toys and gadgets. And since we see everything through the eyes of Harry Potter, we find ourselves a little jaded as well.

Additionally, the actor who plays Harry Potter has not turned into a talented actor in his older years. Daniel Radcliffe's acting is wooden, and even his laughter rings false. Perhaps there is no amount of coaching in the world that will solve that, but I would think the studios should be hell-bent to try.

When he was not in the Harry Potter series, Daniel was busy acting the fool by appearing in "Equus", a horrid, esoteric stage play in which he got to prance about naked. Perhaps this hasn't helped his acting ability. It's a great shame, as he's surrounded by talent.

I am sorry to say that this may be the last Harry Potter movie I ever choose to see in the theatres. Like other movies that are suspect, I will wait till the next ones come out on DVD.

Gold Isn't the Answer: Barter Is

2009-07-17T08:11:00.006-04:00

It's bad everywhere, I realize that. But it keeps getting worse. Here in Florida, state unemployment is the highest since 1983, and the Unemployment Benefits office is besieged by calls. Their volume is so high, it's making the news.

Everywhere you go, every discussion turns to the economy.

My best friend, Pov, just lost his job.

I still have my two jobs, but the new one may not last long because the owner, Claire, is out of cash and can't even make the current payroll.

The two luxury yacht salesmen I know have lost their jobs. This is truly a bad sign, because (in general) wealthy people keep spending no matter what.

In the thrift stores, signs are posted begging for donations. No one is donating right now because everyone is hanging on to what they've got, putting off replacing whatever it might be.

I recently went to Synovus Bank to cash a check. While I was there, the teller leaned over and confided to me that they had all just had a pay cut but it was better than losing their jobs altogether. I didn't know this woman - she's a total stranger who apparently is on the edge.

I was in the store the other day and a pleasant-looking older woman accosted me, begging me to pass on her personal information if I knew of any jobs out there. "I'll do anything," she emphasized. "Scrub toilets, whatever it takes. I'm desperate." She was a former cosmetics counter manager for a major department store.

This is what networking has come to. We no longer want to find a better job: Any job will do.

You hear shills on the radio encouraging you to invest in gold. Sure! I'll just take that extra several thousand dollars I've got stuffed in my mattress and I'll buy a couple of coins.

Obviously buying gold isn't the answer, but it's unaffordability is only one reason. Here's another:

Gold is not a common currency, so you'll have to eventually convert it into cash anyway. And if cash is worthless at that point, you can't even do that. All you will be able to do is trade it.

At that point, good luck finding someone who is willing to trade for a solid gold coin. You might find the occasional person who will, but they will be very subjective in evaluating what that gold coin is worth to them personally. They will know that it's not an easily tradeable commodity and that will actually devalue your "investment".

If we're returning to the economy of the early 80s, we need to look to the solutions they had in the early 80s. Barter became the solution to many problems, and it probably will again.

What was bartered? Services and items. Couches that at one time would have ended up in thrift stores were bartered for computer services. Haircuts were bartered for home-cooked meals or babysitting services.

There were two types of bartering groups:

1. The kind that directly exchanged services and goods.
2. The kind that converted all services and goods into "Barter Bucks" that could be spent at will among other members of the group.

My ex-husband and I belonged to both types of groups. The second was a much superior idea, but it only works when a large number of people have banded together. This would work, for instance, with Craig's List participants, but Craig's List would have to see a need for this and create it.

It's time to get out some of the old ideas and dust them off once more. It's time to get creative.

The Inhumanity: Corporate "Homemade" Food

2009-07-16T09:03:00.005-04:00

I am so very sick of hearing people say "Oh the humanity!" whenever there is something horrible that has occurred. I hear it echoed on the radio, in ads, and on television. It makes my skin crawl because, of course, the true phrase is "Oh the inhumanity!"

Of course it could be argued that the human race is intrinsically evil and it's much more accurate to bemoan it by saying "Oh the humanity". More accurate, perhaps, but it's certainly not what the original phrase intended. It was predicated on the mistaken belief that people are inhumane when they do something evil.

Which leads me to another grammatical pet peeve of mine:

How is it that corporations and restaurants can boast "homemade" anything? Do they farm it out like a cottage industry to little old ladies on social security? Is each batch specially whipped up in a warm, clean kitchen in someone's home? I picture little old ladies everywhere, bringing vats of soup to the backdoors of restaurants throughout the nation.

In my kitchen, as I write, there is a large box of "homemade" pecan brittle by Russell Stover. My, but those little old ladies are busy. You'd think a corporation as big as Russell Stover could find a more efficient and cost-effective way to produce the stuff.

Oh the inhumanity!

A Successful Blackberry Transfer from Sprint to Metro PCS

2009-07-15T08:47:00.004-04:00

I finally got my Crackberry back. I am relatively happy now, though there are minor glitches which are probably due to my converting it from a Sprint Blackberry Curve to a Metro PCS one. The biggest problem I have is that I can't seem to download the applications needed connect it to my Gmail account and I have to access the web to get to my email.

By my calculations, it has to hold up for 9 months for me to break even. I'm not worried about that: This thing seems to be highly durable. I already dropped it from shoulder height to a tiled floor and it didn't even get a nick. Of course I am a notorious klutz...

The shady operation that performed the transfer tried to ding me for another $25 on top of their original $75 charge because it was somehow more difficult to do than they originally anticipated. After I threw a total fit in their lobby in front of three other potential customers, they let it go for $75.

Overall, I spent $275 in lieu of the $400 that Metro PCS would have charged. Some might sneer at a savings of $125, but it's still a savings and I'm happy.

Michael Jackson: Dead Freak

2009-07-13T08:50:00.012-04:00

I wasn't going to talk about Michael Jackson any more. Really. But some idiot keeps attempting to post something that goes like this:

"Leave Michael ALONE! He is DEAD! Let that man rest in PEACE!"

It reminds me of the "Leave Britney Spears ALONE" whiner on YouTube.

Since when are we supposed to rewrite history? If we are banned from telling the truth about people after they're dead, let's throw out the history textbooks. If we're going to apply that rule to everyone, then:

1. Hitler was a talented architectural artist, with a great taste in classical art, and was a military genius.

2. Marilyn Monroe was a virginal, innocent beauty.

3. American slavery never existed. After all, all those slavers are dead now. In fact, should we call them slavers? Perhaps "People Merchants" is a more politically correct term.

Spare me from fools.

As I wrote before, it is not possible to exploit Michael Jackson. The man begged for publicity. He even demanded that MTV begin calling him The King of Pop. What, you thought that title came from nowhere? I want to be called The Grand Poobah, but MTV isn't returning my calls right now.

Yes, Jackson's daughter proclaimed him to be the best father in the world. But what could she compare him to? It's not as if she had a normal childhood, and kids are notoriously gullible. For all she knows, it's normal to live in seclusion, wear mardi gras masks in public, and have a black father who pretends he's a white woman. And perhaps Jackson didn't molest her: He was notoriously fond of boys.

Interestingly, McCauley Culkin didn't attend the memorial service and has issued no statements about Jackson's death, despite his former public (and probably paid-for) statements denying that Jackson had ever molested him. And people who were molested as children often have very conflicting emotions about the molestors, for varying reasons. If he was molested by Jackson, I'm sure that Culkin wants to put this behind him.

So what if Jackson was beaten by his father? Many people were abused as children but made the choice to live wholesome lives as adults. A sordid past is a reason, but it is never an excuse for future behavior.

If Michael Jackson were still alive, he'd be enjoying this publicity. Perhaps somewhere, somehow, he is tearfully whispering into a microphone in his faux falsetto that he is ever so grateful for his fans, but why can't everyone just leave him alone? It's not like he's ever done anything to deserve all this! Oh, and by the way, that's "King of Pop". Yes, Pop. Capital P.