The worst men I've met are, sadly, through Christian Mingle. Christian Mingle doesn't really vet the men on there and it's quite obvious. I've often asked myself WHY these men are so much more...well... frankly, evil than the men that can be met on any other dating site.
I still don't have the answer. I suspect it may be for a couple reasons, however:
1. The man who is morally corrupt but wants a 'pure' woman.
2. The man who is self-medicating through religion, and isn't doing a very good job at it.
These men make up the far majority on Christian Mingle, which is finally why I gave up on the site.
One day I met a Confederate Soldier at Panerra for coffee.
"Oh," you say. "Wait a minute. Didn't the Civil War happen a very long time ago?"
Yes, it did. But there are still weirdos who identify so much with the culture of that time that it's almost crippling to them. They are only one asylum visit away from believing they are Robert E. Lee.
I've written about the problem of the misnamed "Confederate Flag" before. It's worth reading if you don't know the history of this obscure flag that's risen to red neck prominence. Go ahead and take a minute to read it, and then I'll continue.
Are you finished?
OK.
Strange how it ties into The Muppets, isn't it?
OK, that was just a test to see if you really read it or not. It had nothing to do with The Muppets, or else Miss Piggy could never carry on an inter-species relationship with Kermit.
So back to The Confederate Soldier. Let's call him "Lee" in honor of his idol.
I walked into Panera and Lee was already sitting there. I recognized him from his photo, which was refreshing, as I once had a 60 year old guy surprise me after posting his photos from twenty years before.
Lee was plain: Silver haired, ice blue eyes, and teeth spaced a little too widely apart for comfort. His lantern jaw was perpetually thrust out aggressively. I remember my grandmother used to say "If you keep making that face, someday it will freeze that way." Lee apparently never had a grandmother that issued such dire warnings.
I slid into my seat, and we chatted briefly. He was divorced, two kids in their tweens, and very involved in their lives. So that was a plus. He went to church weekly. Another plus.
"AND," he suddenly added, "I proudly fly the Confederate Flag."
Cue the screeching sound of brakes.
"You...wait, what?" I stammered. He repeated it. "Why?" I asked, faintly. I am not kidding, here. I was really shocked. After all, he had just told me that he was attending a very respectable Baptist church.
"Well I have the right to be proud of my heritage," he said with great confidence. I sensed a bit of childish glee in successfully throwing me such a curve. This was a man who took great pleasure in shocking others.
"So you have an ancestor who fought in the Civil War?" I asked.
"Nope," he said. "But I take pride in my Southern Roots." He said it in such a way that you could really sense the capitalization: Southern Roots.
"Uh, there are many things to be proud of in the south," I said. "But the Civil War? Aren't you offending others?"
"Well I don't care if I AM offending others," he answered, smugly.
"The Bible makes it very clear that Christians are not supposed to be deliberately offensive to others," I said, almost pleadingly. It was a statement, but it was also a question. How could a Christian resolve such a dilemma within his heart?
"But then," said Lee, "whatever we could do could be seen as offensive. Where do we draw the line? I have the right to display what I'm proud of."
"Which is your southern heritage," I stated. He nodded.
I then got into the history of the flag (in the article I asked you to read - the one that tells you about how the Muppets were involved). It fell on deaf ears.
"I don't care," he replied, stubbornly. "This is what it means NOW."
"Doesn't it symbolize racism?!" I asked
"Not to ME," he answered.
"But to OTHERS," I stated.
"That's THEIR problem, and not mine," he said gloatingly. "In fact," he continued, "we have a black preacher. And I like him!" Well there you go. He has a black preacher that he likes. So he can't be racist. Case closed, his motives are pure.
"Well surely you are offending HIM?" I asked.
"Oh at first he was offended," said Lee. "But I set him straight. He preached a sermon about racism and how the Confederate Flag was a racist symbol, but I took him aside in God's love and explained to him how wrong he was. Now he sees the light."
I'm sure he did see the light, and it was a piercing spotlight on Lee's heart.
And thus ended our first and only date. Later, Lee texted me to tell me he didn't think we were a good fit. I had rather thought that went without saying.
