Etc.

Insurance is No Longer a Career: It's a Nightmare

I pity everyone who sells insurance for a living. As if it's not bleak enough, our local news channel 8 is blaring a breaking news story about scammers who bilk the elderly by pretending to be insurance agents.

I happen to know that the ONLY market for insurance right now is the supplemental Medicare market. When the elderly get spooked, that will close the final door in the insurance industry and agents will join the ranks of the unemployed everywhere.

The New Insurance Vista

Now that this botched Obama bill has passed, insurance will drastically change. For what I believe to be a very realistic look, go to this article in Investors Business Daily. It's an eye opener.

Jesse James

What a skank.

His third mistress has just "revealed" herself (pun intended) and at least one has said she's had unprotected sex with him. All of them are hardly the-girl-next-door types, unless you live next to a strip club.

Yuck.

The Sad-but-True Cost of the New Health Care Bill

I really had hoped for something more. But, as the saying goes, a camel is a horse made by committee.

The New York Times believes it "...would raise, not lower, federal deficits, by $562 billion."

What a nightmare.

Hoodlums & Scalawags

Our local newspaper, the St. Pete Times, tells of how a School Board member labeled disruptive jerks as "hoodlums".

The disruptive jerks were black, and the next thing you know, they took offense to the term.

If only they'd spend more time in the classroom and less time being hoodlums, they would've learned what it meant.

The reporter attempts to explain away their overreaction by this convoluted reasoning: The first half of the word "hoodlum" is "hood", as in "neighborhood", and since black thugs often refer to their home territory as "the hood", they own this term and it shouldn't be used in any other words about them.

I would suggest the term "scalawag", which was a favorite label my grandfather always used for hoodlums. But wait! It's fraught with meaning also! Apparently it was "...a moniker for southern whites who supported Reconstruction following the Civil War." Well, we wouldn't want to call black hoodlums "scalawags", then, would we?

How about "reprobate"? Nah - our hoodlums would probably think it has a sexual meaning (reproduction and masturbate) and we wouldn't want to confuse them any further. They can hardly be rocket scientists, after all, if they don't value schooling.

How about "delinquent"? Certainly not! Anyone who eats in a deli would be infuriated! Hold the mustard!

How about "hooligan" or "scofflaw"? Well honestly, could you take anyone seriously who used those terms? I know *I* couldn't.

"Avast ye hooligan! I demand redress for your knavish behavior! Yea verily, I shall smite thee!"

So...

How about just plain "jackasses"? As donkeys can't talk, it's safe to say they can't object.

Wolf Attack

Wow. The wolf experts are shocked. There's been a fatal wolf attack in Alaska.

They express surprise! "Wow," they say. "This is only the second documented fatality ever recorded!"

Yeah, ya think? Know why? Because it's hard to document something when you're dead and your intestines have taken up residence in a wolf's belly!

Only survivors have the chance to talk.

There are two reasons we're now hearing of these attacks. First, we have better modes of communication.

For instance, let's say a wolf attack happened in the 1800s. If there were any survivors, they might eventually get to "civilization" where they could tell the tale of the attack but there would be no real evidence, little interest in finding any, and the story would become "rumor". And how many average people wrote then, and if they could write, how many took the time to do so when there was a living to be made? And how much of their writing would survive to become "documentation"? Very little.

Secondly, our modern lives give us better reaction time and we have more ability to do research than ever before. Not only were the wolves that killed this woman tracked and killed, but they're also going to make sure that the right wolves were killed by matching their teeth to the bite marks. This concept would have been unheard of in the 1800s.

To sum it up: Wolf attacks are quite plausible. I have always been amused by how many "experts" maintain that wolves are lovable, harmless fuzzballs. Look at their teeth, for crying out loud! It's not like they chew cud.

War? What War? Oh Yeah... THAT War!

Meanwhile, the war continues.

As Richard Brautigan once wrote:

Someplace in the World a Man is Screaming in Pain

Someplace in the world
a woman is sitting
under a beautiful green tree,
and she is shelling peas,
and she is thinking only
of beautiful things,
like waterfalls or rainbows
or peas.

We need to stop shelling peas, and refocus. Although Obama promised a quick end to the war, we continue to do battle in Afghanistan. We cannot afford to be The World's Policemen right now. In fact, we never could afford it.

Bring our troops back to the USA, but keep them on payroll. Have them patrol the borders, instead. At least if they're in the USA, they can spend their money here and perhaps contribute some to our own economy.

And, there will be less soldiers screaming in pain.

Sloth Pin

The Chinese Ebay sellers generally have no taste. And lately, I don't see many people snapping up their fakes. This one really takes the prize, though. It's billed as "Big Sloth Brooch Pin w/ Black Swarovski Crystals."

This is the kind of thing that visits me in my nightmares.

The "Honest" Company Rep

My best girl friend, Cindy, owns a small company specializing in government bids. Sometimes government bids demand a mandatory get-together before companies can formally bid on a project. There is truly no need for a mandatory meeting, except that it can often discourage companies that are outside of the area. In other words, it gives preference to the local boys.

And since Cindy has a small company, she can't attend every bid, so she sometimes has a representative go for her.

Yesterday, Cindy was trapped at the office all day, so she asked her father-in-law to go for her. She also asked him to sign in as her, not because she was trying to pull some scam (and it is allowed) but because she wanted all information to be addressed to her. And since she'd had some run-ins with this particular governmental entity, she asked him to sign in under her alternate company, which they hadn't heard of.

However, "Sid" got an attack of conscience. Shortly after the meeting ended, he called her. Apparently he started out doing what she'd asked, which was to sign in and take notes.

But suddenly after he signed in, Sid felt remorseful. So, he went up to the man holding the conference, pulled him aside, and whispered "I signed in as Cindy Smythe. But, I'm not Cindy."

This was probably apparent to John, the head honcho.

"But you know Cindy," he added. "I think you may have had some disagreements before."

Well, if John hadn't remembered her before, Sid had been kind enough to help him out.

"And..." said Sid, "She owns two companies. I signed in as ABC Co., but we really are usually known to you as XYZ Co. I think you should know that."

So at this point, I think we can safely assume that John was pretty certain he was dealing with a shady company who was sending a man afflicted with some form of mental illness, in an attempt to somehow subvert the system.

Needless to say, Cindy will no longer be sending Sid to any functions.

Condoms vs. Catholics in the Philippines

Let me start by admitting I have an uneasy relationship with the Catholic church. As a Christian who belongs in the "protestant" category, I have well-researched reasons for being there. I am too wise to fall into the "we-all-believe-the-same-thing-anyway" crowd. Frankly, we don't.

But, there is much good in what the Catholic church teaches.

For instance, I agree that in an ideal world, people abstain from sex before marriage, there is no promiscuity, and wise choices are always made.

But... we're talking the Philippines, here, people.

My brother is married to a Filipina and he currently supports some of the children in her family. I have an ex-fiance who's a conflicted "Flip" (Filipino). He's American, and his relatives accuse him of being the "whitest" Flip they know. But, he has visited his homeland, and he is only one generation removed from the islands.

Obviously our family has often crossed paths with the Filipino culture, so we have a great deal of knowledge about them.

One of the things that is striking about the Phillipines is the rampant promiscuity that exists. For example: As a result of this being an ego-centric culture, children are often thrown to the wayside. After all, kids can get in the way of a budding romance, so they are usually discarded. Yup - discarded like yesterday's fish.

It is not uncommon for a divorced or single mother to kick her young children out into the street or fend them off on relatives who abuse them or neglect them. Why? Because the new man in her life is going to want to start his own family and he doesn't want the burden of some other man's children. And, it's likely that her mother did the same thing to her.

Obviously if this is the way that many mothers feel about their children, most men are more than happy to take advantage of it. And this is just one example of the wanton lifestyle that exists not as an aberration, but as the norm.

So it is certainly no surprise to find that AIDS is soaring in their population.

The Philippine government has decided that they need to do what they can to reduce the STDs that are rampant over there, and they are especially concerned about AIDS. The cold, hard truth is that the government may not have to pay for all the street urchins, but they certainly don't need a plague on their hands. Homeless children aren't a direct concern, but AIDS could become so.

So, the government decided to put their workers on the streets to hand out condoms and roses to those who were passing by.

But, as the Associated Press reports, "It didn't get far. Within days, leaders of the powerful Roman Catholic Church began urging the faithful to reject condoms, reigniting a long-running battle over contraception in the overwhelmingly Catholic nation."

OK, yay for the Catholic leaders: They get to stand on principle. But do we really need to subject these people to such restrictions even when they're not truly practicing (or believing) Catholics?

Because, let's face it, a practicing/believing Catholic wouldn't be indulging in promiscuity anyway, nor would they disregard the care of their children. Therefore it's logical to conclude that most Flips really are Catholic in name only (at best).

Taking away a person's options to do what they want to do is not truly promoting belief. Instead, it is promoting restrictions. If the Catholic church wants to take control of the population, they should take over the government first. But if the Catholic church wants to control their hearts, it's going about it the wrong way.

Let's face it, the Bible teaches that God gave man free will. Even God doesn't want man to be forced to come blindly to him: God wants man to approach him with an open heart.

Why should the Catholic church behave any differently?

New Research on REM (Rapid Eye Movement)

Some of my readers may recall that I suffer from Nightmare Disorder. It is an exceedingly rare, unpleasant sleep disorder which results in vivid, cruel nightmares that drag on all night. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

Athough Nightmare Disorder is not depression or anxiety, a mild anti-anxiety drug (Celexa), when taken at night, has been able to reduce it somewhat. Never the less, it remains there, lurking in the back of my subconscious, desperate to rear its ugly head whenever possible.

However, new research on REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep gives me some hope. Studies show that those of us who experience extended periods of REM are more prone to depression, vivid nightmares, and a negative outlook in the morning. Well, let's face it - if you faced Freddy Krueger every night, wouldn't you be a bit crabby in the mornings also?

So researchers agree that the way to combat such a problem is to reduce REM sleep, which goes contrary to what many of us learned in the psychology classes of the 1980s and early 90s when we were told all we needed was more REM. And, recent studies prove that these researchers are correct.

So, how do you reduce REM?

In sleep study labs, people who are woken up each time they go into REM sleep report less depression when they rise in the morning. But, this is hardly practical in everyday living. However some of the things that we can do to reduce REM are:

1. Have a little wine before bed
2. Up our intake of L-Tryptophan (small amounts are found in turkey and milk, but in order to reap the benefits, supplements are recommended)
3. Antidepressants of certain types
4. Any combination of the above

Of course it's not a license to become a wino or a pill popper. Instead, as with everything, moderation is the key.

But finally, there is hope.

Idiotnapping

There's a weird new service for rich Frenchmen who are jaded with the everyday thrills. It is no longer enough to take the chance of becoming another Sonny Bono (death by skiing) or a John Denver (death by plane).

No!

They now have the option to pay to be kidnapped.

Perhaps the Mexicans who are kidnapping Americans* just over the border and holding them for ransom have got it all wrong. They merely need to run an ad in the wealthiest parts of America:

Are you bored with your daily routine? Is paragliding or swimming with sharks no longer enough for you? Well, have we got the solution for you!

We guarantee a kidnapping by one (1) Mexican gang, run by at least one (1) certified drug lord. This kidnapping will involve a minimum of two (2) semi-automatic rifles, assorted handguns, and some showy "grenades" which will add to the thrill of it all as we grab you off Wall Street and transport you to a sunny bordertown in Mexico.

But that's just the beginning! Thrill to see what your loved ones will do for your release. Will your wife put up that $5 million? Will your parents appear on CNN, tearfully pleading for your safe return?

Call 1-800-IDIOT-NAP today!

Seriously: How exciting can it be to sign up for your own kidnapping? How can you get worked up about it when you already have your exit strategy planned? These morons can sign up for a helicopter "rescue", for crying out loud.

As if we didn't already think the French were beyond freakish...

* (and their own wealthy citizens)

More Aid Overseas

It seems the disaster season is upon us again. And whenever other countries are hit with a disaster, we gleefully saddle up and ride to their rescue. When we get there, we spend money like drunken sailors on shore leave and finally retire, happy with our emotional excesses and indulgences.

A little while ago, we enjoyed the tragedy in Haiti. Now we get to revel in the earthquake in Chile. I wonder how much money we'll spend this time?

The truth is that people love a good tragedy. The history of mankind proves this; Shakespeare's dramas, soap operas, the nightly news, court TV.

But we still feel a twinge of guilt: If we're going to watch the disaster unfold, blow-by-blow, perhaps we should do something to ameliorate the guilt. So we send money, which gives us the excuse to self-righteously proclaim that we "care", which in turn allows us to enjoy the disaster from the comfort of home.

The problem is that we are currently in great distress, a vast number of us are unemployed, homes continue to go into foreclosure, and there's no end in sight.

This is certainly no time to send money overseas.

The Lazy HR Manager

...then there's the lazy Human Resources manager that we know. He hates recruiting, so he and his boss just hired another HR person to recruit for him!

Guess we know who's out the door.

Talk about downsizing yourself.

CNN: What a Tool

There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don't even know where to begin. So let's do a rough draft and then we'll flesh it out, shall we?

1. An evil terrorist/serial killer named Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was killed in Dubai, where his actions were sanctioned and he was protected.

2. When M&M was killed, Dubai made the extreme claim that not one, not five, not ten, but twenty six people were involved in taking him out. Is this believable? I find it incredible that major news organizations like CNN are falling for this. My guess is that Dubai is throwing mud at the wall, seeing what will stick. They figure that their wild allegations will result in their being able to pin the killing on someone.

3. Everyone seems shocked that M&M was allegedly tortured. Yeah, that really goes beyond the pale, doesn't it? Goodness knows that terrorists never do anything so barbaric. We should all be surprised.

4. It looks like Mossad, the secretive Israeli foreign intelligence unit, was behind the killing. And several of the Mossad apparently used fake passports to enter Dubai. Now Australia's Foreign Minister Stephen Smith is shaking his finger at Israel and giving them a proper scolding and the European Union is saying about the same thing. I'm assuming that's as far as it will go: Governments often issue dire warnings and then everyone forgets about it.

5. CNN is now endangering the same alleged Mossad agents by publishing all twenty six pictures. That means that if some or all of these people are actually innocent, they don't stand a prayer if a terrorist sympathizer gets his hands on them. And who's to say that any of the twenty six are guilty? Only Dubai, home of the Terrorist Glee Club.

6. Mossad must hire some supermodels. Every one of the women are gorgeous, or close to it. Perhaps they simply need to start their own fashion line. I hear fashion opens doors.

Anyway, to organize all this into a summary: CNN is obviously a tool for Dubai. Their ignorant publishing of all twenty six pictures, as well as their assumption that Dubai is being completely truthful, really shows a lack of journalistic integrity.

I've never had any real problems with CNN before this, but I find them contemptible now.

Pediatricians Call for a Choke Proof Hotdog

Pediatricians are calling for a choke-proof hotdog. I'll make it simple: It's baloney.

No really: Baloney. It's the same thing as what hotdogs are made of, and it's simply in a different shape.

Problem solved.

So what's the next "big" issue?

Musings on Truly Fresh Seafood in Pinellas County

Krok wrote yesterday: "Who do you think makes the best grouper sandwich in Pinellas County? I say it's Harvey's."

Do you know I've only been to Harvey's once? I'm going to have to make it a point to go there soon!

Isn't it strange that most seafood restaurants here aren't locally owned and don't use local fish? It's so hard to get fresh fish unless you know where to go.

I've never been a big fan of grouper sandwiches, so I'm hardly a connoisseur. But if I were, I would've bet on Frenchy's, Clearwater Beach.

You know what's so odd about Frenchy's? They have a couple restaurants and the only one worth eating at is the one directly on the beach, near where the water tower used to be, and where the fire department still resides.

I highly recommend almost anything they make. However, avoid the seafood salad. The scallops are always as chewy as a pencil eraser due to the excess of lime juice (which turns most seafood into rubber unless it's applied just before serving).

Their sangria is divine (almost as good as the Columbia's), and their appetizers are excellent. But their most amazing fare is the she-crab soup, which is to die for! Most people can order a bowl of it and go home, content in knowing that they've just had the nicest experience of their day.

Perhaps best feature at Frenchy's is the view. When the weather is good, you can sit out under an umbrella on the patio and watch people on the beach, listen to the gulls, and simply relax.

Oddly, the Palm Pavillion (also the same location) doesn't have any of the magic that Frenchy's has. Their food, service, and atmosphere are all quite ordinary. I don't say that lightly, as I know and like the family that owns it.

If you want to buy your own and prepare it yourself, Ward's Seafood is the only place to go. Their fish is so fresh, it's just come off the boat, and they'll prepare it for you if you'd prefer (i.e. gutting, scaling, etc.). They also have a mini restaurant there, for take-out, and some pre-prepared dishes if you want something fresh but you're too tired to get out the mixing bowl.

If you decide to charter a boat to go deep-sea fishing (I love to do that!), then go to John's Pass for an enjoyable day out. When the day's over, you can pay the staff to clean your fish for you. In my opinion, this is the only way to do it!

Then you can take your catch home, or take some of it to the Friendly Fisherman restaurant there and have them cook it for you, with all the "fixins" to go with it. There is nothing more incredible than fresh off-the-boat-into-the-pan fish.

Then, of course, there is Ted Peters.

I can't rave enough about Ted Peters. The atmosphere is absolutely horrible and the service isn't much better, but the food is moan-while-you're-eating divine. It's a great local favorite, and that should tell you something. Tourists can have Red Lobster, but we natives head for Ted Peters if we're in the mood for seafood that is exceptional. They smoke the fish themselves, and I highly recommend the salmon.

NOTE: This is definitely not a paid advertisement for anyone mentioned in here, but I can be bought with fresh seafood. ;o) Just kidding.

Sort of.

When a Guy Can't Take a Hint

My friend Cindy was good and tired of Roger, who was at least 20 years her senior and an arrogant ass who couldn't understand the jokes she told or how to date a modern woman.

Roger was the typical old-fashioned male chauvinist misogynistic cretin. One day at dinner, Cindy ordered fried chicken only to have Roger snap out to the waitress "No, she doesn't want that. Get her grilled chicken instead."

He then turned to Cindy patronizingly and said in front of all of us "It's just not good for you, sweetheart."

"Nonsense," said Cindy stoutly, and she proceeded to order the fried chicken.

But Cindy wasn't always resolute. She and Roger had a stormy relationship. Back and forth like a nauseating trip at sea, they fought like feral cats. There were times she gave in, there were times she didn't.

Roger had been a financial adviser in his less golden years. And, true to any used car salesman of the 1970s, he had the same transparent sales pitch. "Do you want to make some money? Do you?" he would start out.

I could always picture the person at the other end of the phone call thinking "Wow, what did *I* do to deserve this? I had a choice at the beginning: Pick up the phone or let it ring through to voice mail..."

Of course I never saw Roger make a sale, despite how loudly he praised himself.

When Cindy was finally over Roger, she decided to make it easier on herself. Instead of breaking up with him, she was determined to make him so sick of her that he would break up with her and thus save her the trouble, the recriminations, and the late night phone calls.

"Hey Roger," she said one day as he was droning on the phone with her. She had him on speaker phone and we were laughing silently, hoping that he couldn't hear us. "Roger!"

Roger kept droning on, because he believed that everyone was as equally captivated with Roger as he was. It was beyond belief that anyone might find him dull or annoying.

"Roger!!!" Cindy said loudly. "Listen to THIS!" And she let out an immense, long burp.

Roger kept talking.

She tried it again.

Roger kept talking.

Another time she met Roger at his condominium, just as he was walking out the door, talking on the phone loudly.

"No, no, no," he was chiding his helpless victim. "You can't make a sale that way! Listen to me, OK? You'll never lose a sale if you just say 'Do you wanna make some money? Do you?'"

Cindy actually collapsed laughing in the hallway, leaving Roger very bewildered. You would think at this point that he might realize how ludicrous he appeared to us all, but he never seemed to get it. He looked like Robert Culp, which was somehow even funnier.

One day he called Cindy and ordered her to have dinner with him at his condo. "I've got the wine chilling, and the steaks are on the grill," he announced.

For some reason, that became the hill that Cindy was willing to die on.

"I'm sorry, Roger," she said, "but I already have other plans."

How dare she? Roger could barely believe it. He was God's gift to women, and Cindy was not worshiping at the altar. So, he broke it off, fully expecting her to call the next day, begging and crying.

The next day came and went, and then the next. And the next. Finally he called her to ask her out to lunch, as if nothing ever happened.

"We're broken UP, Roger," Cindy explained. "That means I move on, and you move on. Remember, you broke up with me."

The only problem with Cindy's plan is that if a guy has chosen to break up with you and realizes the error of his ways, you have to work pretty hard to keep convincing him that he was right. So as time went on, Cindy reiterated to him again and again that he was absolutely right in breaking up with her: She was thoughtless and rude and way too immature for him.

One day I came across her talking to him on the phone. "No really, Roger," she was saying. "I wish you all the best in the world. If she's an alcoholic and you think that you can help her... What? You've only dated her twice and you've already told her to move in with you? Well, what stopped her? Oh, I see..."

When Cindy got off the phone, she was laughing. Roger had finally gotten more than he could handle.

Although he'd declared his undying love and dedication to fixing an alcoholic he'd just met, Roger was absolutely shocked to encounter her boyfriend when he went over to her house with the belief that he should force her to move out. The boyfriend made it clear in no uncertain terms that Roger was to leave, instead.

Immediately.

And so Roger left.

He had finally gotten the hint, and it came with a knuckle sandwich.

The Florida State Fair Sideshow

The Florida State Fair always has plenty of what I never do: Rides of all types and descriptions.

Each one makes me queasy if I watch it long enough. There's the fun house, the tilt-a-whirl, the loopty-loop, the ferris wheel, and of course there are always those rides that make you wonder how many people die on them every year.

But I took my daughter to the fair this weekend and although we usually only eat as much junk as we possibly can, then check out the exhibits and the livestock, she wanted to go to the sideshow this time.


It looks most impressive, doesn't it? My daughter, Bugs, was impressed despite the bored looking Jamaican who wordlessly held out his hand for the $2 per person entry fee.

Needless to say, she was quite disappointed when she got inside. The pictures on the outside are hardly what you can find inside, and most of what can be found inside are poorly constructed models of what the "artist" thought something might look like if it was a third grade science project.

The "tortoise" was not a tortoise, but a giant snapping turtle who looked as bored as his keeper. I rather suspect the "live scorpion" had been dead for some time, and the siamese pigs (joined at the head) were sprouting wigs made of white mold, where the formaldehyde had recessed enough to allow the growth of something that probably posed a health hazard which could make a wonderful bio-weapon if placed in the right hands.

The "giant snake eating frog" was real, but had been dead for at least 20 years: At least as long as his "victim", a snake that had obviously been rigged into the frog's mouth post mortem.

The "elephant nose pig" was merely a pig fetus, the "little people of Borneo" were ill-constructed dolls, and there were more mutant creatures swimming in formaldehyde than I'd care to recount.

I wonder if the health department ever bothers to check out the sideshow exhibits? I rather hope not, or their standards may be low enough that I'll need to rethink the greasy pizza, egg rolls, cotton candy, funnel cakes, and sausage that we all sampled.

Come to think of it, I probably should rethink that anyway.

"Abraham" and Esther Hicks

I got introduced to something new today: A new age guru who channels a legion of demons named "Abraham". Her name is Esther Hicks. To be charitable, perhaps she isn't possessed. Perhaps she is merely insane.

But what is definitely insane are the myriad people who attend her meetings and hang on to every word.

Somewhat creepy is Esther's lapse into her possession by Abraham and it/her encouragement of others to do the same. And the fact that Esther and her husband met these "beings" via a Ouija board (and due to an interest in another woman who "channels") would indicate a specific interest in the demonic. If you are only seeking the truth, why dabble in such obvious and stereotypical mediums?

Most of Esther/Abraham's advice is terrifically boring and mundane, full of standard platitudes which have been around for a very long time. In fact, this could be the very argument against demon possession, for surely demons must be smarter than this.

Particularly nasty are Esther/Abraham's assertions that evil comes to people who wish it upon themselves. This includes victims of crime, such as children who are molested. It's not only hard, but impossible to buy that a four year old has willingly brought molestation upon him/herself.

Some people claim this creature is merely a huckster, and perhaps she/it is (akin to the Amityville Horror hoax). But I find it almost impossible to believe anyone is so easily taken in by her/it.

Most amusing are the followers' claims that Abraham/Hicks must have their best interests at heart, as it/she has so many nice and "loving" things to tell everyone.

So did snake oil salesmen at one time.

Has anyone else heard of this idiocy?

Cell Phone Deals

Lately there's been a slate of ads touting reduced cell phone rates. I rarely watch TV, and I still have been subjected to countless ads that imply a victorious rate reduction from $99 a month to $69 a month.

I can't tell you how amazingly hokey they are. Ads are the reason I can't stand to watch TV to begin with, and so I suffer greatly in order to see the occasional episode of Criminal Minds.

The biggest problem I have with TV ads is that they're geared toward the average idiot, and they are a blatant attempt to manipulate. If *I* want a product, I'll research it through Consumer Reports first. I don't care if someone with a "witty" personality or capped teeth is trying to sell it to me.

Of course I'm in the minority.

However, being subjected to those ads is why this article is of such an interest to me. The author claims that (gasp!) these reduced fees are a precursor to future hidden fees.

Ah, the old "bait-and-switch." It's nice to know that the ethics of the snake oil salesman remain with us to this day. "The more things change, the more they remain the same," as Alphonse Karr said.

In the meantime, may I recommend Metro PCS?

Their customer service is absolutely horrendous, and you can almost never speak to a real person if you try calling them. So, when you DO need customer service, you usually have to go to a local company owned store and wait for an hour or so (I am NOT exaggerating). But... how often do you need customer service, anyway?

I probably lose 2 hours a year waiting to talk to someone at the store, and probably my blood pressure peaks close to a stroke when I try to call them a couple times a year, but you get what you pay for.

Metro PCS offers unlimited talk and texting for something around $60 a month. Yeah, you have to buy the phone, but I used to have Verizon and they positively rooked me for everything they could get out of me. My savings with Metro PCS are at least $100 a month, overall.

So in this economy:

Metro PCS = Cheap Rates + Poor Service

Other Companies = Higher Rates + Locked-in Contracts + Good Service

You do the math.

Roxxxy

Originally the designer of Roxxxy intended for her to become a "home companion" for shut-ins. But because the porn industry is such a lucrative one, he decided to hone her into a highly sophisticated sex toy, instead.

Meet Roxxxy: Although she looks a little neanderthal, she is a large, talking doll with ... er... ports of access.

Yeah, she's not really a looker, but then again, I doubt that matters much. Anyway, this is being hailed as "progress" among a few who are supposedly tech savvy. The sad truth is, though, that although she's billed as a robot, she has no movement and is merely a large, pornographic version of the Chatty Cathy doll:



Technologically speaking, we are still a long way from Cherry 2000, that wonderfully campy SciFi flick from the 1980s. But in Cherry 2000, the protagonist finally learns the value of a true woman, flaws and all. I guess some men are still learning that lesson.