Nightmare Disorder

I suffer from a rare problem called Nightmare Disorder. Only 1 - 2% of the population has it: Leave it to me to be different.

It's a horrifically unpleasant ailment that is sometimes associated with other physical or mental illnesses which, thankfully, I don't have. I haven't written about Nightmare Disorder before, because I have lived with it all of my life and therefore it seems normal to me. I'm sure when you're done reading about it, you'll be thankful that it's not normal for you.

Remember the Freddy Krueger series? He always came to people in vivid nightmares and killed them in their sleep. Well, I often have those types of nightmares but, unlike Freddy's victims, I survive to see each morning.

If they could package my nightmares, George Romero would be jealous. If I wanted to be a horror writer, I could make a fortune. I've read Stephen King and Dean Koontz's novels and find them to be merely childplay (I find Koontz's novels to be relaxing, in fact). But I've hesitated to try my hand at the genre, for fear that it would make my nightmares even worse. After all, what I can dream up is so much scarier than what they've ever written.

What's particular to the Nightmare Disorder is that you have dreams like this very frequently. I have them every night.

I've had terrible nightmares for as long as I can remember. I recall being very young and believing myself to be awake, watching ravenous wolves leaping about in my bedroom.

I was once very sick, and during a fitful night, I dreamed my mother had come to the door of my bedroom. She turned on the hall light, the light streaming from behind her. She stood in the doorway, almost looking like an angel, wearing a floorlength nightgown. Then she slowly smiled at me, revealing fangs which dripped blood. I still can see every detail, including the drop of blood on her chin and the light winking off her fangs.

When I grew older and was married and in college, I passed into a second stage where I would wake up in a panic, run to the bathroom, and vomit continually until I was sedated. After a few years of this, I was able to psych myself out of growing so upset, but it still occasionally happened (although I haven't had a bout in years now).

No one really knows what causes Nightmare Disorder. Various suggestions abound. At times it's been linked to Borderline Personality Disorders (which I don't have), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (nope), heredity (possibly), and having a high IQ and highly artistic and sensitive nature (which I do have).

There is no known cure. Usually psychiatric treatment is recommended, so that the sufferer can get to the heart of their problems and find ways to solve them in a healthy manner. This doesn't work for me: I know what stresses me, I know how to solve it, but the nightmares continue with or without stressors.

The only other option is possibly anti-anxiety medications. But why should someone who is otherwise healthy (and non-anxious by day) take any additional medications if they can soldier through the ailment?

So, I persist in dealing with the regular nightmares.

Perhaps if they had suddenly sprung upon me, I would have sought treatment actively. But they've been a part of my life for so long that I've never sensed the urgency. Lately they've been getting worse, so I'm beginning to rethink my options even though I've avoided adding another bottle to the medicine cabinet.