Metal Scrappers

Yesterday I advertised on Craigslist: "Two huge metal sheds for scrap: You supply the labor." This was taking a risk, of course. Most people know what a metal scrapper is like.

Within minutes, my phone was blowing up. First come/first served, so I immediately took the ad down once John responded that he would be there in less than 2 hours.

Sure enough, he arrived within two hours, girlfriend in tow. At 10 AM, booze was wafting out of her very pores and both looked like they'd lived under a tree in the hot sun for many years. They drove a rattletrap car.

My daughter advised me to keep an eye on them throughout the entire process, so I put on gloves and waded right in, helping to clear out debris and haul off metal.

He put his wallet and things, including a ring box with a solid gold Marines ring, on an outdoor window sill. I opened the box at one point, thinking it had come out of the shed. "Oh thet's MINE," he said. "I brung it with me."

"Were you in the Marines?" I asked. "My brother was! That looks like HIS ring." He waffled around and said he was dishonorably discharged. I was quite certain he'd never seen the inside of a barracks. (Yes, I'm sure that wasn't my brother's ring - in case you're wondering).

During the day, John alluded to my customized bike (I've had three neck fusions so it's rather odd looking). "Got a need fer thet?" he asked. "Yes," I said firmly, explaining why.

Later he asked about my lawnmower and something else of value.

Putting two and two together, I knew they were (at the very least) opportunistic scavengers. And his constant inquiries about what he could take had me on edge.

Last night I locked the gate in front of them.

Today they came back to finish the job. As they were getting ready to dig in again, I said casually "OH, by the way: If you see a cop car, don't freak out. My boyfriend's a cop and he may just stop by for a minute."

You've never seen white trash move so fast.

I consider that a creative prank and not a downright lie.