Sunday, December 30, 2012

Racist Slur

I see an ad on Craigslist for a clothes washer. We go to this house where a pot bellied redneck comes strolling out to meet us. The washer is an old avocado green one that's been painted over in an attempt to make it look newer, and it's not worth the $75 he's asking. I point out the chipped paint and offer $50.

"Hey naw," the redneck drawls. "Ah KNOW what it's wuth. Yah cain't jew me down lak"

WHAT??? Did that piece of ignorance just come out of his mouth? I can't hold back, so I lie (I know, lying is wrong - don't do this at home, kiddies).

"I find that very offensive," I say coldly, "since I am Jewish."

His eyes shift. "Er, uh, wahl it's awl good," he replies.

"No," I snap, "It ISN'T." And I turn on my heel and leave.


Saturday, December 08, 2012

No Need For Concern

While Austin was putting up Christmas lights, 3 police cruisers went by and a helicopter searched the neighborhood. Austin finally flagged down a cop who told him that "it wasn't something for the public to be concerned about."

Ten minutes later we heard siren wails as police cars raced down the road. Austin poked his head in the door and announced "The cops are now chasing whoever we aren't to be concerned about."