Friday, February 26, 2010

The Lazy HR Manager

...then there's the lazy Human Resources manager that we know. He hates recruiting, so he and his boss just hired another HR person to recruit for him!

Guess we know who's out the door.

Talk about downsizing yourself.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

CNN: What a Tool

There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don't even know where to begin. So let's do a rough draft and then we'll flesh it out, shall we?

1. An evil terrorist/serial killer named Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was killed in Dubai, where his actions were sanctioned and he was protected.

2. When M&M was killed, Dubai made the extreme claim that not one, not five, not ten, but twenty six people were involved in taking him out. Is this believable? I find it incredible that major news organizations like CNN are falling for this. My guess is that Dubai is throwing mud at the wall, seeing what will stick. They figure that their wild allegations will result in their being able to pin the killing on someone.

3. Everyone seems shocked that M&M was allegedly tortured. Yeah, that really goes beyond the pale, doesn't it? Goodness knows that terrorists never do anything so barbaric. We should all be surprised.

4. It looks like Mossad, the secretive Israeli foreign intelligence unit, was behind the killing. And several of the Mossad apparently used fake passports to enter Dubai. Now Australia's Foreign Minister Stephen Smith is shaking his finger at Israel and giving them a proper scolding and the European Union is saying about the same thing. I'm assuming that's as far as it will go: Governments often issue dire warnings and then everyone forgets about it.

5. CNN is now endangering the same alleged Mossad agents by publishing all twenty six pictures. That means that if some or all of these people are actually innocent, they don't stand a prayer if a terrorist sympathizer gets his hands on them. And who's to say that any of the twenty six are guilty? Only Dubai, home of the Terrorist Glee Club.

6. Mossad must hire some supermodels. Every one of the women are gorgeous, or close to it. Perhaps they simply need to start their own fashion line. I hear fashion opens doors.

Anyway, to organize all this into a summary: CNN is obviously a tool for Dubai. Their ignorant publishing of all twenty six pictures, as well as their assumption that Dubai is being completely truthful, really shows a lack of journalistic integrity.

I've never had any real problems with CNN before this, but I find them contemptible now.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Pediatricians Call for a Choke Proof Hotdog

Pediatricians are calling for a choke-proof hotdog. I'll make it simple: It's baloney.

No really: Baloney. It's the same thing as what hotdogs are made of, and it's simply in a different shape.

Problem solved.

So what's the next "big" issue?

Musings on Truly Fresh Seafood in Pinellas County

Krok wrote yesterday: "Who do you think makes the best grouper sandwich in Pinellas County? I say it's Harvey's."

Do you know I've only been to Harvey's once? I'm going to have to make it a point to go there soon!

Isn't it strange that most seafood restaurants here aren't locally owned and don't use local fish? It's so hard to get fresh fish unless you know where to go.

I've never been a big fan of grouper sandwiches, so I'm hardly a connoisseur. But if I were, I would've bet on Frenchy's, Clearwater Beach.

You know what's so odd about Frenchy's? They have a couple restaurants and the only one worth eating at is the one directly on the beach, near where the water tower used to be, and where the fire department still resides.

I highly recommend almost anything they make. However, avoid the seafood salad. The scallops are always as chewy as a pencil eraser due to the excess of lime juice (which turns most seafood into rubber unless it's applied just before serving).

Their sangria is divine (almost as good as the Columbia's), and their appetizers are excellent. But their most amazing fare is the she-crab soup, which is to die for! Most people can order a bowl of it and go home, content in knowing that they've just had the nicest experience of their day.

Perhaps best feature at Frenchy's is the view. When the weather is good, you can sit out under an umbrella on the patio and watch people on the beach, listen to the gulls, and simply relax.

Oddly, the Palm Pavillion (also the same location) doesn't have any of the magic that Frenchy's has. Their food, service, and atmosphere are all quite ordinary. I don't say that lightly, as I know and like the family that owns it.

If you want to buy your own and prepare it yourself, Ward's Seafood is the only place to go. Their fish is so fresh, it's just come off the boat, and they'll prepare it for you if you'd prefer (i.e. gutting, scaling, etc.). They also have a mini restaurant there, for take-out, and some pre-prepared dishes if you want something fresh but you're too tired to get out the mixing bowl.

If you decide to charter a boat to go deep-sea fishing (I love to do that!), then go to John's Pass for an enjoyable day out. When the day's over, you can pay the staff to clean your fish for you. In my opinion, this is the only way to do it!

Then you can take your catch home, or take some of it to the Friendly Fisherman restaurant there and have them cook it for you, with all the "fixins" to go with it. There is nothing more incredible than fresh off-the-boat-into-the-pan fish.

Then, of course, there is Ted Peters.

I can't rave enough about Ted Peters. The atmosphere is absolutely horrible and the service isn't much better, but the food is moan-while-you're-eating divine. It's a great local favorite, and that should tell you something. Tourists can have Red Lobster, but we natives head for Ted Peters if we're in the mood for seafood that is exceptional. They smoke the fish themselves, and I highly recommend the salmon.

NOTE: This is definitely not a paid advertisement for anyone mentioned in here, but I can be bought with fresh seafood. ;o) Just kidding.

Sort of.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

When a Guy Can't Take a Hint

My friend Cindy was good and tired of Roger, who was at least 20 years her senior and an arrogant ass who couldn't understand the jokes she told or how to date a modern woman.

Roger was the typical old-fashioned male chauvinist misogynistic cretin. One day at dinner, Cindy ordered fried chicken only to have Roger snap out to the waitress "No, she doesn't want that. Get her grilled chicken instead."

He then turned to Cindy patronizingly and said in front of all of us "It's just not good for you, sweetheart."

"Nonsense," said Cindy stoutly, and she proceeded to order the fried chicken.

But Cindy wasn't always resolute. She and Roger had a stormy relationship. Back and forth like a nauseating trip at sea, they fought like feral cats. There were times she gave in, there were times she didn't.

Roger had been a financial adviser in his less golden years. And, true to any used car salesman of the 1970s, he had the same transparent sales pitch. "Do you want to make some money? Do you?" he would start out.

I could always picture the person at the other end of the phone call thinking "Wow, what did *I* do to deserve this? I had a choice at the beginning: Pick up the phone or let it ring through to voice mail..."

Of course I never saw Roger make a sale, despite how loudly he praised himself.

When Cindy was finally over Roger, she decided to make it easier on herself. Instead of breaking up with him, she was determined to make him so sick of her that he would break up with her and thus save her the trouble, the recriminations, and the late night phone calls.

"Hey Roger," she said one day as he was droning on the phone with her. She had him on speaker phone and we were laughing silently, hoping that he couldn't hear us. "Roger!"

Roger kept droning on, because he believed that everyone was as equally captivated with Roger as he was. It was beyond belief that anyone might find him dull or annoying.

"Roger!!!" Cindy said loudly. "Listen to THIS!" And she let out an immense, long burp.

Roger kept talking.

She tried it again.

Roger kept talking.

Another time she met Roger at his condominium, just as he was walking out the door, talking on the phone loudly.

"No, no, no," he was chiding his helpless victim. "You can't make a sale that way! Listen to me, OK? You'll never lose a sale if you just say 'Do you wanna make some money? Do you?'"

Cindy actually collapsed laughing in the hallway, leaving Roger very bewildered. You would think at this point that he might realize how ludicrous he appeared to us all, but he never seemed to get it. He looked like Robert Culp, which was somehow even funnier.

One day he called Cindy and ordered her to have dinner with him at his condo. "I've got the wine chilling, and the steaks are on the grill," he announced.

For some reason, that became the hill that Cindy was willing to die on.

"I'm sorry, Roger," she said, "but I already have other plans."

How dare she? Roger could barely believe it. He was God's gift to women, and Cindy was not worshiping at the altar. So, he broke it off, fully expecting her to call the next day, begging and crying.

The next day came and went, and then the next. And the next. Finally he called her to ask her out to lunch, as if nothing ever happened.

"We're broken UP, Roger," Cindy explained. "That means I move on, and you move on. Remember, you broke up with me."

The only problem with Cindy's plan is that if a guy has chosen to break up with you and realizes the error of his ways, you have to work pretty hard to keep convincing him that he was right. So as time went on, Cindy reiterated to him again and again that he was absolutely right in breaking up with her: She was thoughtless and rude and way too immature for him.

One day I came across her talking to him on the phone. "No really, Roger," she was saying. "I wish you all the best in the world. If she's an alcoholic and you think that you can help her... What? You've only dated her twice and you've already told her to move in with you? Well, what stopped her? Oh, I see..."

When Cindy got off the phone, she was laughing. Roger had finally gotten more than he could handle.

Although he'd declared his undying love and dedication to fixing an alcoholic he'd just met, Roger was absolutely shocked to encounter her boyfriend when he went over to her house with the belief that he should force her to move out. The boyfriend made it clear in no uncertain terms that Roger was to leave, instead.


And so Roger left.

He had finally gotten the hint, and it came with a knuckle sandwich.

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Florida State Fair Sideshow

The Florida State Fair always has plenty of what I never do: Rides of all types and descriptions.

Each one makes me queasy if I watch it long enough. There's the fun house, the tilt-a-whirl, the loopty-loop, the ferris wheel, and of course there are always those rides that make you wonder how many people die on them every year.

But I took my daughter to the fair this weekend and although we usually only eat as much junk as we possibly can, then check out the exhibits and the livestock, she wanted to go to the sideshow this time.

It looks most impressive, doesn't it? My daughter, Bugs, was impressed despite the bored looking Jamaican who wordlessly held out his hand for the $2 per person entry fee.

Needless to say, she was quite disappointed when she got inside. The pictures on the outside are hardly what you can find inside, and most of what can be found inside are poorly constructed models of what the "artist" thought something might look like if it was a third grade science project.

The "tortoise" was not a tortoise, but a giant snapping turtle who looked as bored as his keeper. I rather suspect the "live scorpion" had been dead for some time, and the siamese pigs (joined at the head) were sprouting wigs made of white mold, where the formaldehyde had recessed enough to allow the growth of something that probably posed a health hazard which could make a wonderful bio-weapon if placed in the right hands.

The "giant snake eating frog" was real, but had been dead for at least 20 years: At least as long as his "victim", a snake that had obviously been rigged into the frog's mouth post mortem.

The "elephant nose pig" was merely a pig fetus, the "little people of Borneo" were ill-constructed dolls, and there were more mutant creatures swimming in formaldehyde than I'd care to recount.

I wonder if the health department ever bothers to check out the sideshow exhibits? I rather hope not, or their standards may be low enough that I'll need to rethink the greasy pizza, egg rolls, cotton candy, funnel cakes, and sausage that we all sampled.

Come to think of it, I probably should rethink that anyway.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

"Abraham" and Esther Hicks

I got introduced to something new today: A new age guru who channels a legion of demons named "Abraham". Her name is Esther Hicks. To be charitable, perhaps she isn't possessed. Perhaps she is merely insane.

But what is definitely insane are the myriad people who attend her meetings and hang on to every word.

Somewhat creepy is Esther's lapse into her possession by Abraham and it/her encouragement of others to do the same. And the fact that Esther and her husband met these "beings" via a Ouija board (and due to an interest in another woman who "channels") would indicate a specific interest in the demonic. If you are only seeking the truth, why dabble in such obvious and stereotypical mediums?

Most of Esther/Abraham's advice is terrifically boring and mundane, full of standard platitudes which have been around for a very long time. In fact, this could be the very argument against demon possession, for surely demons must be smarter than this.

Particularly nasty are Esther/Abraham's assertions that evil comes to people who wish it upon themselves. This includes victims of crime, such as children who are molested. It's not only hard, but impossible to buy that a four year old has willingly brought molestation upon him/herself.

Some people claim this creature is merely a huckster, and perhaps she/it is (akin to the Amityville Horror hoax). But I find it almost impossible to believe anyone is so easily taken in by her/it.

Most amusing are the followers' claims that Abraham/Hicks must have their best interests at heart, as it/she has so many nice and "loving" things to tell everyone.

So did snake oil salesmen at one time.

Has anyone else heard of this idiocy?