Vignettes

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I'm training the new sales guy, and am sitting in on his second call out when someone answers the phone.

"Hello?" she says in almost a whisper.

"Hello Dr. Ferra," says the new sales guy and he launches into his pitch.

"Oh yes!" says the doctor. "I HAVE received your emails. But I'm not. in. a. position. to. act. on. that. now," she adds in a "do-you-understand-what-I'm-hinting-at" tone of voice.

The new sales guy looks at me, baffled. I shrug.

"Oh, uh, okay," he says hesitantly. "Do you want me to...?"

"You can keep sending me information," she says as mysteriously as if she was passing government secrets to the Russians.

"Well, OK, I will," he says, put off his stride at this point. "I, will, um, send you emails."

"Good," she breathes into the phone. "Until I'm in a different position, it will have to remain that way."

The sales guy gets off the phone and looks at me. "What was all THAT about?" he asks.

HO HO HO

My nail tech indulges in soliloquies sometimes. Last night she began with a random one.

"So we were in Vegas last week," she began, "and our Uber driver's name was Lee Chong-Ho. And he said he chose Ho as his family name when he came to the states, instead of Chong.

And I asked him WHY? WHY would you choose Ho as your family name?

He said it was a dynasty. I said "What is wrong with the CHONG dynasty?"

She paused, inspected one of my nails, then continued.

""I come from a long line of Hos.

My parents were Hos.

My entire family is all Hos.

I'm a Ho."

See why that doesn't work?"

BECAUSE OF WINN DIXIE

The chubby checkout guy at the grocery store readjusts his too-tight company shirt as he swaggers at his cash register. Until now, I'd never realized you could swagger while standing in one place, more or less.

"Well hello," he says.

"How are you," I say perfunctorily.

"I'm ALT-LEFT," he says, delighted to show off.

I don't smile. "Alt left?" I ask, feeling obligated.

"Oh well EVERYONE says they're all-RIGHT," he says. "So I want to be different. I'm ALT-LEFT, now."

"Ah," I say, my voice trailing off.

"Because it's not like everyone else says," he adds unhelpfully.

"Ah," I say again.

Michael Scott from The Office is reborn in a cashier at my local Winn Dixie.