Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Keeping Helga Busy

My best friend, Pov, and I recently volunteered to field calls for our local Christian radio network. It's a great network, full of very kindly people and great programs. As with all charitable groups, donations keep it afloat and they were having a fund drive.

Pov ended up seated next to a very nice elderly lady, who introduced herself to us as "Helga". Helga had a wonderful sense of humor, and soon she and Pov were as thick as thieves. Pov missed his calling as a stand up comedian, and in-between phone calls you could hear Helga shrieking with laughter. I cringed at times, wondering if it carried onto the airwaves, as the deejays were drifting among the volunteers, interviewing them on the air.

"Alissa", a personable and flamboyant deejay, came up to us during a lull in the calls and told us that she'd be interviewing us soon, if we weren't on the phone. Pov shook his head violently. "Oh no, not me," he said. "You don't want that. Pick her," he said, gesturing at me.

"OK, I'll just talk to the better half, then," said Alissa, winking at me. Everyone was assuming that Pov and I were married, and I didn't have time to correct her misconception as she drifted off again.

We ended up with a growing volume of calls that kept us busy for a while. Our average donation was around $50, although some were pledging as little as $15 and some were pledging as much as $400. Many people were asking for prayer as they'd just lost their jobs. I was happy that they had enough sense to keep their donations to a minimum.

In a little while, Alissa caught me when I wasn't busy and she did a warm little folksy "so-why-are-you-doing-this" interview. I was relieved that she didn't bring up my "husband", which would force me to correct that on-air.

I soon grew busy with the phones again, and the next time I looked up, Pov was gesturing to me with an agonized look upon his face.

"What is it?" I hissed.

"I TOLD her not to interview me!" he said, looking very strained.

"What happened?" I asked skeptically. After all, how bad could it be?

"Well," Pov began, "She came up to me, thrust a microphone in my face, and asked me why I was doing this! I couldn't think of anything to say, so I told everyone to donate so that they could help keep Helga off the streets!"

"Oh NO," I gasped. "You didn't! Is Helga still talking to you?"

"Yeah," he said, looking abashed. "But," he added with growing wonder, "it worked!"

"What do you mean it worked?" I asked.

"The next call I got was from a lady who said that she had heard me on the radio and pulled over right away so that she could call in her donation immediately," he said, watching my face.

"Really?" I said incredulously.

"Yup," he nodded. "And guess how much she pledged?"

"How much?" I asked.

"Six hundred dollars," Pov announced triumphantly.


daveawayfromhome said...

I find this post rather ironic, considering the discussion on the last post concerning morality and religion.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Dave, Christians can have a sense of humor and still believe. It has always amazed me how many people think that if you're a Christian, you can have absolutely no sense of humor or perspective. There is a wonderful balance in my world. ;o)

When it comes to the more caustic remarks being made elsewhere, please note that I'm not the one who is making them.

The Doozie said...

I've never known Saur to make caustic remarks, which I admire her for. Was Helga indeed about to live on the streets?

Saur♥Kraut said...

Doozie, No - she was the sweet little old lady who was working the phones next to Pov. ;o)

Uncle Joe said...

It appears the Doozie is back.

Angela said...

Quite the funny story. Congrats on the new hubby! :-)


The Lazy Iguana said...

Nice. See, you need to learn marketing. It is OK to lie, as long as the lie sells product.

For example - Pepsi tastes better than Coke.

No, it does not. Pepsi is too sweet.

Or how about this whopper! "I did not even know I was drinking diet soda!"

Really? You can not tell sugar from rat poison? What kind of goon are you?

So what if he said "help keep Helga off the streets". After all, it did work. In theory. What you do not know is how many people just turned off the radio with that comment, thinking it to be bullcrap.

You could make it so you or Pov are NEVER interviewed again. Just say (on the air would be best) oh we are not married. We are just shacking up! He pops those male enhancement pills like they are Pez candy, and let me tell you - IT WORKS!!"

There. Never going to be interviewed again :)

And you might get more donations.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Lazy, I think you missed the point entirely. Pov wasn't lying - he was just extending his joking with Helga onto the airwaves. It was only afterwards that he realized that such joking was probably not appropriate humor for a Christian radio station.

Incidentally, Helga had already been interviewed about 10 minutes before, so she was not unknown to the listeners.

daveawayfromhome said...

If people were giving money because they thought POV's comment about Helga was funny, then there is no problem. If people were giving money because they thought a sweet old lady was out on the street (but she was not), then there is a big problem.

Do you see my point here? It wasnt about humor.

M@ said...

I think a $14 donation is nice. Warms my heart and is definitely worthy of a phone call. There are 1-2 billion human minds living on a dollar or two a day....

Uncle Joe said...

Doozie wants her 600 dollars back.

Underground Logician said...

Uncle Joe:



Please give Saur the benefit of the doubt.


What are you suggesting?

The Lazy Iguana said...

Come on. Anyone who could not tell it was a joke is brain dead.

How would donating money to a radio station keep some old lady from having to live on the streets? You are donating to keep the station on the air - which if they sell commercial air time I would be suspect of anyway.

daveawayfromhome said...


Saur♥Kraut said...

Dave, No one really thought that Helga was a street walker.

I think I am seeing a disturbing lack of humor among the agnostics in here. And to think that we are always made out to be the Puritans! ;o) Or is the "gluuuuuh" an expression of dawning realization?

M@, I think I understand you and if so, we agree.

Uncle Joe, I am afraid you may have to break it to her.

Angela, Thanks! I think.

Underground, True.

QUASAR9 said...


The Doozie said...

Well I wasn't thinking about her prostituting herself, I thought you meant homeless? Because if she was going to prostitute herself, I want my 600 back, she would have that much made in one day of servicing perverted 20 yr olds who made a bet with their best friend about who could do the oldest lady.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Doozie, Pov says that if you want to give up any funds, he could use some so that he can afford charm school.