My Mosquito-Ridden Life

I just won a big argument on Ebay. Someone had stolen a couple of the pictures I'd taken (I do take excellent pics worthy of being stolen). I had a fit, contacted Ebay, and demanded that they be taken down. They agreed, and the pics were removed. I gather this happens all the time, so it's really not worthy of notice except to seque into the topic of mosquitoes in Florida.

I am outdoors often. Although I usually work from home, there are reasons to be out and about. For one thing, I am always taking those pictures that I mentioned. To take a really GREAT picture (not merely a good one), you need full-blown, high wattage sunlight.

So in the summer, the dedicated outdoor photographer has runnels of sweat cascading down her back and pooling in her bra, back cramps from bending over, and mosquito bites. Lots of them.

No matter how much insect repellant you've sprayed on yourself, or how many times you repeat it, some mosquitoes have apparently built up an immunity. These b*tches (the only mosquitoes that bite are female) seem to feel that it's worth biting you anyway, poison-be-damned. I can only hope that their offspring mutates in an undesirable way, but it's more likely that they're building up a tolerance and passing that on to the next generation.

Even worse, any trips in or outside will bring at least one mosquito indoors. They are prolific breeders, and this is the time of year when they're swarming. They swarm more than paparrazzi, and are more annoying than those horrid Las Vegas radio commercials that make you want to turn your engine off and use your keys to gouge your eardrums out. (What, they don't make you want to do that? Then I'm betting that you haven't heard Tanya Roberts' grating and patronizing tones).

This is why it's truly funny to see an article today giving us advice on how to minimize mosquito bites.

One suggestion is to wear light-colored clothing. Puhleeze! We've all tried that. This is supposed to alert you when there is a mosquito landing on you so that you have time enough to swat her. The problem is that the moment that you are out the door, you are set upon by so many mosquitos that you could potentially be carried off, as the little flying monkeys carried Dorothy off to visit with the Wicked Witch of the West.

Another suggestion mentions that we should use repellant that contains DEET. My mosquitoes aren't phased by DEET. They drink it as a shot, followed by a chaser of blood. In fact, I rather suspect they'd be sorely disappointed if I were missing the delightful tang of DEET.

I'll certainly agree that standing water needs to be eliminated, but what do we do when we have moronic neighbors who don't do it? I admit I've been tempted to lob bug bombs over the fence, but it certainly won't help neighborly relations, will it?

What happened to those good old-fashioned mosquito trucks that would silently travel through town in the middle of the night, spraying toxic fumes into the air? Is this just one more example of something that has died out due to political correctness? Were people complaining that it wasn't healthy? I'll tell you what isn't healthy: Mosquitoes. And right now, there are no good solutions to the problem.