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Friday, June 20, 2008

My Real Name Is...

So I was shopping at the grocery store the other day when a little old Italian man came up to me and asked "Excusa me, miss, ah, but woulda you happen, ah, to know where I canna get some, ah, facial crema?"

"Sure!" I said. "Just let me grab this deoderant real quick, and we'll go look for your face cream."

"Ah, thanka you, thanka you," said the man. "You know what?"

"What?" I said.

"You were given, ah, the wronga name," he said, gesturing in a way that only old Italian men do.

"When you were, ah, born, ah, you were born with, ah, clear eyes. Eyes with no color. Did you know that?" he asked.

I shook my head, bemused.

"And, ah, the good Lord, he ah said, ahhhh! I will take the blue from the sky and I will put it in her eyes," he said.

"And so you had, ah, blue eyes! And when they went, ah, to name you, they didn't know your name was Perfecto! And so they gave you the name you go by now. But you should, ah, go to the courts. Yes! Go to the courts and demand that your name be changed back! Because it is not, ah, right for you to go by that other name," he declared.

"Er, thank you," I said, blushing. "Thank you very much." Feeling rather common after that speech, I added "Uh, here's that face cream," as I handed it down to him.

The man blessed me, dramatically told me to follow my dreams, and we parted ways.

At the cash register, as I was being rung up, I saw him in the next lane over. He was speaking to the cashier, a pretty black girl with long braids.

Faintly, from a distance, I heard him begin.

"Do you know what?" he asked her. "You were given, ah, the wronga name..."

12 comments:

Eddo said...

That's great! I can't wait to get old so I can say things like that and people will just think I am being kind instead of hitting on them.

krok91 said...

Saur,

Oh crap, you found me.

The Lazy Iguana said...

$10 says he knew where the face creme was.

daveawayfromhome said...

So where did he say that the cashier's eye's came from, since I'm guessing they were not blue?

The Lazy Iguana said...

Dave - I would love to hear how he explains BROWN eyes. Youra eyes, they were clear - but the God hea grabbed the brown from a pile of dog poop.....

Saur♥Kraut said...

Lazy & Dave, I got a real chuckle out of that. I have NO idea where he went with THAT explanation. I shoulda stuck around.

Lazy, I wouldn't take THAT bet. ;o)

Krok, I shoulda have, ah, known!

Eddo, ...or at least they couldn't tell the difference!

Bryan said...

He knows a babe when he sees one. :)

Mr. Grey Ghost said...

Too funny!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Mr. Grey Ghost, ;o)

Bryan, why thank you, kind sir!

United We Lay said...

I love little old men! We had a neighbor when I was a kid who was one of the nicest little old men I've ever known. I'm off for the summer and will be able to write more!!

Three Score and Ten or more said...

He was goood. If I were old enough, I might try that just to see the reactions.

CrazyCath said...

Awww it IS refreshing to see that good old fashioned chivalry - or is it blagging? - is alive and kicking.
At least he brightens a girl's day as he passes along...

Except... laughing at lazy iguana's suggestion for brown eyes...
All of you. Too funny.