Monday, June 16, 2008

A Taxing Time

My 2006 taxes aren't done, due to the fact that my ex-accountant is a crook and lazy as hell.

I wasn't in a rush, as he assured me that I would break even or the government might even owe me a little money.

Over the last year, I would periodically check and would be told that I had never given him [insert latest item he'd lost]. Over that year, I replaced tax and bank statements, a mortgage statement, and more.

At one point, his secretary even tried to tell me that I'd never given him the file at all. In a long-suffering tone, I told her exactly where it was in his storage room and what it looked like. She called me back later that day to admit that that was exactly where it was.

When others were getting their 2007 taxes done, he told me that those were the priority and mine would be done afterwards. When I dared to question this, he told me that if he could't take his time, I would probably end up with all sorts of taxes to pay after all.

What is this? Does this guy belong to the Accountant Mafia?

Although he is a business accountant, his lack of professionalism stymies the imagination.

I got fed up in April after months of his excuses, and went to collect the papers myself.

Since then, I've been trying to make sense out of the jumble he'd created. It's not been easy, but I hesitate to trust them to another accountant. They're late already: Why trust them to someone else who is likely to have absolutely no idea where The Mobster left off? And certainly they'll have no idea what most of the expenses are. So, I've been slogging through it as I have time.

On Friday, I got a friendly note from the IRS telling me that I need to cough up my tax return and I should call them immediately. There was also a note informing me that they might interview my employer, employees, bank, friends and neighbors.

Not to thumb my nose at the IRS or anything, but don't they realize that this is as threatening as a day at the beach? I've already been through The Audit From Hell. I know I'm in the right here, and they're welcome to contact my employer (me), my employees (me), my friends (who know about me), my bank (who doesn't care about me), and my neighbors (who undoubtedly need new material on me).

Still, the letter asked me to call them ASAP, so I dutifully called today to explain that I needed more time. Mr. Asswipe answered the phone and bluntly told me that they didn't want any explanations. Instead, he took the opportunity to threaten me by telling me that if my taxes weren't in by the end of the year, they'd assign a "fictitious amount" (his words, not mine) to me and demand payment.

I told him I really didn't need to be threatened and I understood they were the bad guys and I wasn't going to let grass grow under my feet. Mr. A was very offended by my allegation and told me so. He also added that they didn't need an explanation, so I said that was fine by me, and hung up.

Fancy that: I'm thinking that the IRS doesn't have my best interests at heart. Shocking! What's next? Is it possible that the FDA isn't really a competant organization? Perhaps George Bush isn't a paragon of virtue!

The mind reels.


Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Don't start me on taxes, during the current fiscal climate they are very unwanted as they seem to steeple along with everything else, squeezing the budget very tight.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I would have told them that if they assigned a fictitious amount to me that I would pay it in equally fictitious money. Do they prefer money from Monopoly or Life? If I were them I would go with Life as it has $100,000 bills.

Perhaps Bush is not a paragon of virtue? Perhaps?? Do you even think the man knows what the word paragon means?

He probably thinks "paragon" means "the opposite of" and therefore he would say he IS a paragon of virtue. And truth. And trustworthiness. And achievement through hard work.

He would also say he is NOT the paragon of what being born rich with the right family last name can get you. If his last name were "Smith" then he would have been laughed out of the primaries in 2000.

Just be happy he is so concerned about getting rid of the "death tax" so that future generations of trust fund kids who did not create anything and never had to work a day in their lives for anything will be able to inherit unlimited amounts of money without being "unfairly" taxed.

If I were running things any amount inherited over say $5 million would be subject to a 100% tax. If $5 million is not enough then people Paris Hilton can get a job at McDonalds or something.

Yea I know - that plan is unfair. The inherited money was already taxed. And then rich spoiled kids will not be able to afford to spend $100,000 getting their cell phone encrusted with diamonds and other jewels.

It will be a sad day in America indeed. The jewel encrusted cell phone market would collapse. 2 people would be out of work!!

Just look at all the evil trust fund family family money has created. It got a stumble bum elected President. And now that stumble bum is more concerned about taking care of his own than anything else.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Lazy, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said.

You know, it's funny: Most of my degrees were in business and I was naturally inclined toward being a staunch Republican in my early years. Now I'm a moderate (aging brings balance) and some have accused me of being LIBERAL (which I'm not).

But as time goes by, I DO see that inheritance taxes are a great idea. As you point out, if you can't make do with, say, half a billion instead of a billion dollars, then get a job!

Paris Hilton is a classic example of an undeserving heir who got her comeuppance and still is making out all right.

I know fellow Repubs will be having a cow when they read this. I'm always hearing a conservative talk show host say that rich people need to be left alone - after all, it's their money! Well, how about us poor or middle incomers? It's OUR money too! Why do the feds get to grab OUR money?

Saur♥Kraut said...

Daniel, I'm with ya, brother. Give congrats to your talented girl, too! Way to go Eva-Jane!

United We Lay said...

Did you know that it's illegal for your employer to take taxes out of your paycheck without your consent but most places will not hire you if you refuse to fill out a W-2 form?

daveawayfromhome said...

"The inherited money was already taxed. "

All money has been taxed. And taxed again. It gets taxed every time it changes hands. And if an inheritance isnt money changing hands, I dont know what is.

exMI said...

I can live without inheritance taxes. I am one of those who think the government should bloody well keep it's hands off my (and everyone else's) Money.

That being said, the IRS often acts like a domestic terrorist organization.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Exmi - you realize that only inherited money over a set amount is subject to the tax right? It is somewhat complicated but in the end there are credits that count towards the tax. If the current law sunsets and is not renewed then the credit is $1,000,000 - pretty much meaning that if you inherit $1,000,000 or less there is no tax on it.

But if you inherit $500 million you can deduct $1 million and pay a 45% tax on the remaining $499 million.

I feel soooooo sorry for them. Why they may have to make do with the paltry sum of only $100 million!! How will they make ends meet?!?!?!

doozie said...

You put up with the tax nazi way longer than I would have. and speaking of the FDA, yes, they are crooks