Monday, August 04, 2008

The Crackhead Renter

True to the old warning that no good deed goes unpunished, I am still suffering at the hand of fate.

If you recall, I did a rent-to-own agreement with a former friend of mine, who turned to drugs, trashed my place, didn't pay her rent, and I finally had to evict her and her deadbeat son.

I then spent more money to fix up the place and rent to a woman who was on probation at the time. "Trixie" had been a former prostitute, drug dealer and crackhead, but as she was on probation and was on meds, I felt comfortable renting to her.

Although I had told her that I would consider doing a rent-to-own, I had promised myself that I'd wait to see if Trixie could stick to her monthly payments for 6 months before I would commit to anything more.

Little did I know that Trixie was about to come off probation.

Trixie immediately returned to her peculiar ways, and added a boyfriend as well. This guy is prone to seizures, apparently due to too many drug overdoses in his past.

Trixie went off her meds, picked up the crack pipe, and promptly stopped paying rent with all the excuses that crackheads are so very good at. In this case, her boyfriend suddenly needed new meds, and there simply wasn't any money left.

I let it go a month, due to my being busy and all her pitiful pleadings. June passed by, with promises of her ability to pay both June and July's rent on the first of July.

When I found out that she only had June's rent, I started proceedings to evict her.

In an attempt to delay or halt the eviction, Trixie treated us all to such a gloriously awful letter that I really had to share it with everyone. It's too long to publish here, but the translation is here and photos of the actual document are here.

On Friday, finding out that the eviction was going forward, Trixie showed up twice at the Clerk of the Circuit Court's offices, screaming and hollering at everyone in an attempt to stop it, apparently. It didn't work, and the eviction continues. She should be out on Wednesday at the latest.

I only hope for everyone's sake that she doesn't do anything really stupid to the place.

Trixie stands out as a golden example of Whitney Houston's famous "crack is whack" statement.

Some of my favorite excerpts:

1. Trixie seems to think I have a partner, despite what I've told her, and makes multiple references to my maintenance guy whom she apparently THINKS is my partner. When she was writing this, she called us both up, hollering her demands to be told his last name, as if this piece of precious information would win her the case. To her great frustration, she had to go without it.

2. I like how she has "windows to the utmost insecurity."

3. Trixie triumphantly claims to have given me money that I've accepted as partial payment, but gives no proof of this falsehood, as if the courts will merely accept her assertion.

4. According to Trixie, I want to disown my trailer.

5. Trixie thinks she really scores at the end, by pointing out that I forgot to renew my title / taxes on the trailer. That set me back a whopping $43.20 today. Thanks, Trixie, for the reminder.

6. The "personal matter" that she coyly refers to is the difficulty I'm having getting any money out of my former tenant, Zen. Happily, Zen's employer is cooperating with me on getting some of it out of her worthless hide. Trixie found this out when I told her that I certainly wouldn't wait to see if she could get as far in debt to me as Zen did.

7. I love how she's willing to accept $2,000 to move out immediately. If that isn't blackmail, what is? It takes chutzpah to blackmail someone in court documents!


Ed Abbey said...

All I can say is priceless!

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Bloody hell, funny for us reading but horrible for you to deal with.

Rent to normal people in future please?

M@ said...

You spend a lot of time spinning your wheels for nothing. First, arguing endlessly w/ some eBay person and now your move into the low-rent housing industry.

You should sell that trailer as soon as you get the opportunity. With all of the hours you've spent on this nonsense, is it worth it?

Sorry about the stress but it is awfully entertaining for the readers.

Saur♥Kraut said...

m@, I'm not sure what you mean by arguing endlessly with an eBay person, but if I have a client that is wrong, I don't merely accept it(?) Still, I know when to call it quits. Not sure what you mean by an eBay person, though. I do sometimes prank idiots, however, and I find that very satisfying.

I think this trailer park drama IS very entertaining, and it makes it somewhat worth it.

I can't sell the trailer, I have too much invested in it at this time due to my mistaken trust in my friend (whom I originally purchased it for). However, if I can rent it for a little over a full year I'll break even and THEN I can sell it. In fact, I can sell it after 6 months of renting it, if I want to break even then.

Daniel, I would LOVE to rent to normal people. Normal people don't want to live in this neighborhood, I'm unhappy to say.

Ed, ;o)

The Lazy Iguana said...

Send me some email. I have an associate in the Tampa area who owns a trailer park. Somehow this associate is related to me. Second or third cousins? Whatever.

The point is that this person I know owns a trailer park FULL of Trixies. Maybe he can tell you how to sell that albatross and get it out of your life. Maybe he will buy it and move it to his park? Maybe he will tell you how screwed you are and you should get used to this. Who knows. He may already own the park. If your rental property in an established (been there for a while) trailer park near the water? Cause if it is then it may be the park the relative owns. Somehow that would be funny.

So what did we learn??

1. You are not a bank, therefore you should not get into the whole real estate financing racket.

2. Do not rent to anyone on probation.

3. Do not rent to anyone whose former job is listed as "prostitute". Unless she is hot and you think she can make a lot of money. But in that case she would be renting something not a trailer. Hookers want to live on the water in a luxury condo with a nice pool too you know.

4. Crack heads can not write letters.

5. Being a landlord pretty much sucks.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Lazy, I just shot you an email! Your relative can't buy me out, as I'm in to this trailer twice what it's worth! :P Bleah. But perhaps he can commiserate with me. Or shoot me.

1. Yeah, I'll never help another friend financially. Learned that lesson.

2 & 3. Not practical in THIS trailer park. I might as well advertise at the jail, as this is the typical renter.

4. Check!

5. Check!

exMI said...

Hey, at least she had good handwriting.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Trixie should get a job writing for the newspaper. Hoo boy!

doozie said...

You have experience with crackheads, so your renting to one is a shock to me? I have no sympathy for your plight with this particular situation. WTF were you THINKING!!!!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Doozie, Perhaps you didn't mean to sound nasty, but it certainly came off that way. I've been there for you in the past (via phone/email), never once asking you WTF were you thinking or telling you that I didn't have sympathy for you in your situations.

But sympathy? I don't want or need any - who said I was looking for it? As to what I was thinking: I was thinking what I said I was - she was on probation. That's as good as it gets in that area. I can hardly expect to rent to Lord Mountbatten.

I wasn't looking to either be beat up OR to get sympathy. It is what it is, and the other landlords in the park go through the same thing because of the quality of the people that are available in that neighborhood.

So no, I'm not being stupid, and I don't "deserve" this, as you imply. I am, however, stuck with this trailer until I can rent it long enough to at least break even.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Old Hoss, She's quite the little wordsmith, isn't she?

Exmi, do you mean "at least she can write?" ;o)

doozie said...

I didn't intend to sound mean, it's just that I hate to see you getting burned again and again by these people. You deserve better

Saur♥Kraut said...

Doozie, thanks, hon. There's just a certain sort of white trash that rents from that trailer park, and there's little that you can do about it. The main park owner evicts TONS of people every month - it runs like clockwork for them. They still find it to be profitable (probably because they keep the deposit).

I've sent away for a book written by an expert in this field, so I can at least break even as quickly as possible, and hopefully end up making some money on this! It probably will be a year or two before I see any profit, though.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Exmi, yeah...for a crackhead. ;o)