You are a putz.
For a guy who looks like he belongs in the geriatric version of The Village People, you really aren't all that virile, either. I wish I could say that you are a man that could fulfill my dreams, but you fulfill my nightmares.
If your personality were of any note, I would enjoy keeping you as a friend. But when a personality is as sour as old jockey shorts, there is little to recommend it.
Your sparkling wit and repartee... oh wait, you don't have that.
If I were to put together a list of all your virtues, you might make it into a fortune cookie slip.
If she has the guts to send this, I think it will solve the problem.