Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Boss Hog's Gate

A bunch of us went to the The Strawberry Festival recently. I've written about it before. The Strawberry Festival is an annual event in Florida that everyone should see at least once. It's like the State Fair, but the entire theme is strawberries.

You can strawberry crepes, strawberry waffles, strawberry kabob (dipped in chocolate), strawberry lemonade, strawberry icecream... well, you get the picture.

One of my friends has Multiple Sclerosis. MS is a weird disease, which (over the many years she's struggled with it) has caused Linda to alternately go blind for a year, live in a wheelchair for a number of years (now she walks again), have weak spells, etc.

Linda is currently relatively healthy, but she still has her spells and she knows her limits. She enjoys life and is always trying to drag me off to different places, but she also knows when she needs her rest. Linda's primary difficulty is the fact that she might experience some sort of attack while she is out and about. She doesn't worry about it, however. "The Lord's got this one," she always says.

But Linda loves getting out and about. Despite her MS, she is one of the most adventurous of all my friends, so she was an obvious choice to invite to the festival and she actually drove the five of us there.

While we were at the Strawberry Festival, Linda separated from the rest of the group. We wanted to do see Robinson's Racing Pigs. (If you would like to see them, click on the video below).

Linda wanted to go to some awful yodelling gospel music concert, and we told her we'd join her after the races. So, after the races, we headed for the stadium.

Guessing that Linda would prefer the handicapped section to the bleachers, we headed for the gate which led to the handicapped section. My son and I walked past a policeman at the gate and were suddenly stopped by a loud shout.

"HEY!" the fat policeman hollered. "What are ya doin?"

I looked, and realized that the area was both for the handicapped and special seating (to get closer to the awful, yodelling gospel group).

"We're looking for a friend," I answered Boss Hog.

"Wahl, then, ya kin look fer her outsahd the gate," announced Boss Hog.

"Not really," I said, "She's handicapped, it's a big stadium, and there's no way I can see who's sitting there if I'm a hundred yards behind them, looking at their backs."

Boss Hog was angry. "Wahl now," he stated impressively, "I don' know who yer think ya are, but this is mah gate. And ah don' like no one gettin' one over on me."

"Gee," I said hotly, "I didn't realize this was your gate. I didn't see your name on it anywhere. I'm just trying to find my friend!"

Now Boss Hog grew red and agitated. "FINE!" he snapped. "But jest you. T' others kin stay outsahd the gate."

"Whatever," I said, and motioned for the others to wait. My son and I turned and went to look for her but Linda was no where to be found.

I came back to the gate and joined the others. We decided to walk over to the bleachers section to look for Linda. Happily, that was open to the general public, and we found her there.

We joined Linda to listen to country music that was only slightly more melodic than a cat scratching a blackboard while having its tail pulled. While we sat there, wincing, we watched Boss Hog stride impressively about below, mingling with other deputies who also apparently took great pride in guarding the ramps and gates from onslaughts by commoners.

God help the poor souls who might try to get past the fine deputies of the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department. And God help anyone who wants to go through Boss Hog's Gate.


Mr. Fabulous said...

I love the Strawberry Festival. Sorry that douchebag had to be such a downer.

Emma Sometimes said...


Maybe the Sheriff Dept was just bored and this was a fine day to flex the muscles of the law. hehe.

That race was funny....

M@ said...

Not sure I'd let you through my gate either, Sauer.

Reminds me of the time I tried to smoke a cigarette at the baseball stadium in Seattle. The big gal had to stamp out the cigarette herself and looked at me as if I'd just molested an elderly woman.

Uncle Joe said...

Where are Bo and Luke when you need them?

dumb question of the day:
Was Geraldine Ferraro racist in her Barack comment?

Aunt Jo said...

You just didn't show enough leg Saur. Duh. Maybe if you had a big turkey leg to share with him he would've let all y'all through. ;o)

Uncle Joe said...

You probably could have yodeled your way through.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I have found that MOST cops are assholes.

You remember the dumb jocks from high school? The guys who spent more time throwing around balls than trying to get out of remedial math and language arts? The guys out back drinking and shit, thinking that skipping class was cool? The ones constantly harassing other students actually trying to learn, and who thought they were God's gift to all the chicks?

Well those guys had to do something after high school. And with their amazing academic achievements there were only a few career paths open to them.

So they are ALL either:

1. In jail.
2. Cops.
3. Mall security guards (these are the people who broke the law before deciding to be cops, and so who can not get hired for anything else except guarding the mall fountain from terrorists).
4. Out of jail, but working on getting back in.

I have very little respect for the cops here. I have seen cops double parked in crowded parking lots (taking up more than one space with their marked pig mobile), running red lights for no reason (marked cars running lights in Dade County when the pig car had "Broward School Police" painted on the side of it), driving vehicles that were not street legal while all their pig buddies (in uniform) gawked at it, running boats at night at high speed in zones clearly marked "slow speed manatee zone" WITHOUT their emergency lights on (presumably not on an emergency call), and pretty much doing whatever they want without regard to any rules.

Pigs. When they have respect for the laws they enforce on other people (who are not in the pig fraternity) then MAYBE I will have respect for them.

Anonymous said...

what if you were to fall down at the festival and get a "raspberry"? would that be traitorous? What if you whipped out your "blackberry" and did some text messaging? would they shoot you?

Saur♥Kraut said...

Doozie, :-D Leave it to you. Missed ya, hon. Write me sometime. You know the main email addy.

Lazy Iguana, We agree on over 95% of everything, and I'll agree with you up to a point here, but I have to make a caveat: I don't think ALL police are corrupt (although I believe that many are) and I don't call them pigs. I DO call the corrupt ones *ssholes, however.

I dunno - "pig" just seems like a 60s slur equivalent to "N*gger". Maybe it's just me.

One of my regular and relatively anonymous readers (Ange) is dating or engaged to a cop. She often sticks up for the police because of him, which makes me hope that he is one of the good ones.

I also have a childhood friend who is a cop and I KNOW he's honest.

BUT... I know many more that aren't honest, tamper with witnesses, make promises they can't keep... The Largo PD undercover narcotics squad is especially notorious for corruption and I've heard similar rumors for the Pinellas County Sheriff's undercover narc squad too.

When I lived in Tampa, Hillsborough County Sheriffs were notorious womanizers and were equally disdained for similar corruption. Recently, they're undergoing investigation at one of the jails because there have been SO many handicapped people that have been suing them for mistreatment.

Uncle Joe, Mebbe ah coulda kinvinced him that ah wuz a celebriddy.

Bo and Luke didn't show. :P Yeah, how do you like Ferrarro's idiotic comment? Time for Hillary to distance herself from THAT has-been.

Auntie Jo, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, eh?

m@, Yeah, I AM a little shifty-eyed. ;o) But YOU - you LAWbreaker, you!!!

Emma, those little pigs are SOOO cute. This year they had tinier ones and they were so sweet!!! They feed them oreo cookies as a reward at the end of the track.

Mr. Fabulous, Yeah, he was NOT the highlight of the day.

After we left, one of my friends said "Ah, Saur? Why don't you let ME deal with The Law from now on?"

Jamie Dawn said...

He sounds like Buford T. Justice.

The yodeling thing sounds ghastly. I would have opted to NOT attend too, also, as well.

In Patterson CA, they have the Apricot Festival.
YUMMY!!! I know I'd LOVE the strawberry one in Florida. It sounds fun and delicious.

Those swimming piggies are kind of cute.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Like I said, MOST cops are assholes. The ones who are not are the exceptions.

Seems like you gave plenty of evidence to support my view.

When they respect the laws they impose on everyone else, I may change my views. But as long as rules apply to me but not to them, they are only here to harass and confiscate - not to protect and serve.

As a cop, I think you are subjecting yourself to a higher standard. If you do not want to be held to that higher standard, be a mall security guard. And being held to that higher standard, and very visible to the public (who pays your salary and overtime and funds your free take home vehicle) you should be constantly aware of this and make every effort to NOT be a pig and follow the rules. This means waiting at red lights just like everyone else UNLESS you have a valid emergency call AND are on duty.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Lazy, yup, then we agree. Have you heard of the recent debacle here? We've had cops in Hillsborough running red lights. Something like HALF of them didn't have valid reasons and NOW their police union is trying to fight the tickets by saying that the individual cops shouldn't pay the tickets as the tickets were issued to the CARS and the cars are registered with the COUNTY so the COUNTY needs to pay up!!! Of course we're not the exception - such behavior is everywhere. Just google it.

Groovy Mom said...

I'm imagining the fat sheriff in Smokey and the Bandit. Great characterization!

I had a friend with MS. She had a seizure on the examining table during a routine doctor's visit and died. :( Like Linda, she was blind intermittently and in a wheel chair for the last years of her life. Now another friend has just been diagnosed with MS. I think there are some exciting advances in treatment. I really hope they find a way to cure that disease soon.

The Lazy Iguana said...

What a load of CRAP!!!!!!

If I drove a County car (regular County car not a pigmobile) and I got a ticket - OH MAN! You do not even want to know the poop that would storm down on me. It is for that reason I would not want to drive a County car. I would rather just use my own vehicle. And how about bus drivers? Should they also not get tickets? And what if I rent a car? It is not mine! So give the tickets to Hertz! Hey Saur, let me borrow your car! I feel like speeding and I do not want to get the ticket.

No way should the cops not have to pay the tickets or go to traffic school. And if the cops who gave the tickets out simply "forget" to go to court so the cases can be dropped - FIRE THEM!

This is just one small reason why I have lost respect for the police. They need to clean house.

Lee Ann said...

Wow, those pigs are amazing!
I have never seen a pig up close and I had no idea they raced.
Very cool!
Have a great Friday and weekend!

Three Score and Ten or more said...

I love Florida during strawberry season, but you need to examine your carma (Karma??) All of the bad things that happened with Boss Hawg really happened because of the evil things you were planning (in your hear of hearts) to write about Gospel and Country music. Repent sinner and Boss Hawg will turn to bacon.