Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Peter Rabbit: The Sequel

Today we have a sequel to the Tale of Peter Rabbit.
Peter Rabbit, now in his teenage years, had acquired a girlfriend named Trixie. She was not just any rabbit, and of this he was proud. She was a lovely albino with shiny red eyes like rubies or, as old Mrs. Rabbit had once said quietly to her friend Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle, rather like blood.
But there was no separating Peter and Trixie. Through thick or thin, boredom or all types of trouble, Mother's adages and sage advice continued to be disregarded (especially because Peter was, in rabbit years, 16 years old and knew everything).
"Now don't go into Dr. Drake's backyard," warned Mother once again, as Peter and Trixie prepared to leave to find dinner. "She has a Mutant Wolf Pack and they're itching to get their paws on anything. Just a couple months ago they brought a baby possum to her door and scared that possum almost half to death!"
But did Peter listen? No. And we can't really ask if Trixie listened. She had bad parents who were always out all night partying and left the children to raise themselves on weeds and palm frond leaves.
So Peter, who was very naughty, chose to ignore Mother. The moment they were out of sight of the rabbit hole, he said to Trixie "Come on! Let's go to Drake's backyard! She's never up that early in the morning to catch us, and the grass is EVER so much better there." And Trixie, being a typical albino rabbit whose parents never taught her anything, went along with it.
So they squeezed through a crack in her wooden fence at the very back of the property, and helped themselves to the lush grass. They nibbled a bit here, a bit there, moving ever closer to the house. Trixie, being slightly more timid, kept toward the wooden fence. Peter, however, felt the best way of earning Trixie's approval was to display his usual machismo and bravely came almost up to the back door... when what should happen?
The back door opened and The Mutant Wolf Pack emerged.
Upon spotting Peter and Trixie, they let out a horrid cacophony of yelping barks. In terror, Trixie bolted for the hole in the wooden fence, but Peter was now too far away to make it on time.
The Mutant Wolf Pack separated. One veered after Trixie, who was able to duck through the wooden fence in time, and two chased after Peter.
Peter ran as fast his legs could take him, heading for the gates that led out of the backyard and into freedom. They didn't look like the wooden fence he was familiar with, but there were plenty of holes and so it seemed like it would be easy to wiggle through. He made a leap for a hole and...found himself stuck, halfway in and halfway out, with The Mutant Wolf Pack snapping at his heels.
As he struggled, panicked, a pair of old sneakers appeared in front of him and a disheveled looking woman began to screech at The Mutant Wolf Pack, who fell back. She then mumbled something to him which he could only assume was "Mmmm! Now we can have rabbit stew!" This caused Peter to struggle even harder, but to no avail.
Drake, for it had to be Drake, attempted (rather weakly, in Peter's opinion) to help extricate him from the fence but he was stuck good and fast. And then suddenly she wasn't there! She had abandoned him! He knew it was just a matter of time before she released those hounds of hell once more.
More terrified than ever, Peter wiggled about frantically. Pausing for breath, he looked up to see her returning with white gloves! Surely white gloves could only bring dire consequences, so with one final, heroic effort, he wiggled back into the backyard.
In shock, he paused. He was free! He was FREE! And with this sudden knowledge, he quickly turned and raced for the hole in the wooden fence at the back of the yard. To his surprise, there were no remnants of The Mutant Wolf Pack. Drake must have corralled them during his capture and it only made sense: Rabbit stew was not meant to be shared, or so his sister Flopsy used to tell him when they were exchanging campfire horror stories.
He made it home lickety-split and careened in the front door, where old Mrs. Rabbit was busy making a nice vichyssoise. She gave Peter a side glance. "Well, it's nice to see you made it back again," she said rather tartly. "I gave up on seeing clothes on you after the Mr. McGregor incident but at least you lost Trixie THIS time."