This is a post about a fellow blogger. I am not being mean and I don't wish him any ill, so I won't mention who he is. I doubt he even reads my blog any more, since he hasn't commented in here in many months. Let's call him Mr. X.Mr. X posted something that sounded almost suicidal about a week ago. He had been growing increasingly negative in his posts. Not despondent, but angrily accusatory. He is furious with the world right now, and one of his peeves is the people who don't read his blog any more. The other one is that he's not attracting women (could it be the attitude?).
Now, I understand wanting interraction, and I understand loneliness, and I understand stress. Mr. X isn't the only one out there having to cope right now.
But on the day that he posted the "suicidal" post, Michelle called me to tell me that Kathleen had just sent her an email, worrying about Mr. X. (For those of you who don't know her, Kathleen is a real person who chooses not to blog or even enter her name into the system, but she reads my blog regularly).
So, Michelle called me to ask me to get in touch with Mr. X (they knew I had his email address) and find out if he was OK. I find Mr. X to be an intelligent person with a great deal of potential if he'd only choose to cope with his issues. So, I was troubled as well.
The following is a conversation from OnStar. No - kidding! Here's our email exchange:
¤º°`°º¤ø - ø,¸,ø¤ - ¤º°`°º¤ø - ø,¸,ø¤ - ¤º°`°º¤ø - ø,¸,ø¤ - ¤º°`°º¤ø
Saur: Hi hon! Kathleen and Michelle and I are all concerned about you. Kathleen saw your post first, and emailed Michelle begging her to get in touch with me and find out if you're OK. Michelle then called me immediately (I was on the road) to ask me to find out how you are ASAP. So, you apparently mean a great deal of something to three women! Is there anything we can do?
Mr. X: I'm fine. I'm just tired of not getting what I want I just got tired of no comments on the blog, so I disabled comments. If people want to give me their two cents, they can email.Hmmmm. Petulant, and uncommunicative. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something. Perhaps he only needs a little push in the right direction...
Saur: Well, none of us gets what we want all the time. In fact, many of us don't get what we want MOST of the time. The nice convenience of posting a reply is obvious, though. And for people like Kathleen who treasure their anonymity, well...? You may not get to hear from her again. But I could be wrong about that, I don't know.You may want to make a post where you mention your email addy, and your new policy of contact thru email alone if you wish to stick to that. But your attitude will drive people away. If you really want friends, try re-thinking it. You never know who might be reading your blog - maybe the next Ms. Right!
Mr. X: Well, no one comments. I don't care about who reads my blog anymore. Its not for them, its for me. As I mentioned in a previous post.Well, we all know that THAT isn't true. After all, he's angry because he's being neglected. Let's try to make him see that:
Saur: BUT, if you really thought that, you wouldn't CARE how many people (if any) post in your blog. Right? So you care. I know you crave interraction just as the rest of us do! If it was simply for YOU, you wouldn't do it online. But, as long as you're content, then I am too. I was just worried about you. You have friends, you know! ;o)Mr. X.: Well, like I said, I obviously don't care anymore because I removed people's ability to comment. If i still cared, I wouldn't have done that.¤º°`°º¤ø - ø,¸,ø¤ - ¤º°`°º¤ø - ø,¸,ø¤ - ¤º°`°º¤ø
OK, I'm done. I didn't bother replying. I don't have the energy to coddle someone unless I'm tied to them in some way. And even then, my patience would be wearing thin. I coddle enough people as it is, and in the process, I often neglect myself.
I have little time to spend interracting with the people that enrich me! Mr. X has nothing to contribute, and obviously has Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder. I hope he seeks the help he needs. I have removed him from my links because I can no longer honestly recommend his never-ending tirade against the world.
I don't like to vent in my blog, so why am I discussing this here? Because it occurred to me that many of us try too hard to cope with someone else, when there are times we need to simply dust ourselves off and walk away, if we are to stay healthy and positive. You are worth more than that, and so am *I*.
P.S. For those who missed this weekend's posts: I published a short story, which I've never done (since I'm preparing a compilation for publishing).
28 comments:
Mr. X has issues. I know how that downward spiral works and how easily it can get away, grow so enormous that not much, if anything makes sense anymore. You are a good friend, Saur - not so much because you made an effort to reach out to Mr. X, which is admirable in its own right, but because you heard the concerns of Michelle and Kathleen and tried to ameliorate them.
Unfortunately, there comes a time when the only person that can have any impact on Mr. X is Mr. X himself. He is the self-fulfilling prophecy incarnate. It doesn't sound as though he is serious about suicide (although I'm no expert - don't sue), just about making everyone else as miserable as he is. Sad, really - I hope the best for him.
~Mike
Sounds like a tough situation. I hope that your "friend" feels better and gets the help that it sounds like he needs.
Cheers,
scott
Mike A, You're right! As I mentioned in another post elsewhere: Strangely enough, studies indicate that if you act happy and enthusiastic, and force a smile on your face, you eventually become happy and enthusiastic. It's interesting, isn't it? The mind doesn't deal well with conflict, so eventually it caves. So "mind over matter" really isn't true. Instead it's matter over mind!
Scott, I hope so, too. If and when he does, the "door" will be open.
Mindless, exactly. If someone really reaches out and wants help, I'll be there. But I won't take the time to help someone who spits in my face.
Blogging is such a strange thing. And it is almost always a very "me" thing. Many people wind up with grand ideas about how their poems or love rants are going to be found and looked at by 1 million people daily. Most people never get that. I personally like to find random blogs now and then (using the next blog botton) and just leave a note to the guy who probably never will get a comment again.
But it is silly to get all insane when you no longer get comments. I personally blog (a word that bugs me a bit, just sounds so ugly) for the fun of it. To post things for me and my friends because we like to joke around about porn and nude women, and naked women, etc... But some make it this big social thing. And this can be good, and it can be bad. Like AIM, like Email, like the phone, like the telegraph, like smoke signals, like hunting images on a cave wall.
Now I wont be the old guy here and say it is bad, I dont think all things are bad at all times: but it if isnt working for you, either your blog needs to change (more interesting content?), or you need to change your expectations.
Not to be a jerk, but Saur here gets huge numbers of readers, I would guess (she can tell us better) about 1000 hits a day easy. Why? Because she has good content. But also it doesnt seem like she is the type to freak out about that. She seems to enjoy the work. Maybe you should look to that Mr X. And the whole EMO road isnt going to get you comments, unless you make a silly video that people love to dl.
I get about a half dozen people that read and comment on my blog. They are welcome though I certainly don't ask or even require them to do so. But what amazes me are the thirty or so others that stop by on a daily basis and never leave comments. It is these silent majority that inspire me to keep on writing, more so than the vocal ones.
But when it comes down to it, I blog for myself and when I cease to enjoy it, I will hang up my "hat" and fade off into the sunset.
Hmmmm....he doesn't care about comments, then whines about the lack of comments? If you write solely for yourself you would choose a bic and notepad...not a public blog.
Only about 1 percent of my blog viewers leave a comment. Few people like to do it, which is strange to us because we clearly are big time chatters!
Alex, really? That was something I didn't know! Thanks for the info! I have a hit counter hidden in here somewhere. Maybe I should take it out and dust it off and see what my traffic's been! This is making me curious. I really appreciate the complimentary feedback, too. It beats a loud YOU SUCK!!! any day! ;o)
Mike, 'zactly!
Ed, Really? That many? Interesting! You and Alex are making me think. I'm going to see what sorta traffic I've been getting!
Saur, you are an evil woman. :)
i completely agree with the 'brush the dust off your sandals' approach. my biggest flaw in the past was staying waaaay too long hoping things could improve. i'd see the class as half full, even if the liquid was toxic.
comments: hey, i'm a onceuponatime actress. actors thrive on interaction and approval... and the best actors (like myself, of course) listen to and use the critisim to improve. so, yep, i'm a comment junkie.
p.s. I'll ready your story tonight :)
I had a blogpal that got nuttier and more depressed and mired in her own misery. Even her psychiatrist said she couldn't be helped with her attitude and stopped treating her. I finally had to sever contact because she began obsessing over me and taking everything I said to be a criticism or personal attack. Hopefully she got the help she needed, although people like that aren't going to get any better until they first decide to change.
Yikes
crazy. : {
Now in that photo of the three Wizard of Oz characters, who is Saur, who is Michelle, and who is Kathleen?
Well, he just sounds depressed to me. The poor guy is probably too isolated.
Now that I think about it - I am pissed that I get less comments than I used to! YEA!
But - I just can not get worked up about it very much. Even if I try, which I do not because I am too lazy.
Being angry all the time takes a lot of effort.
I thought this whole blogging adventure was supposed to be about fun in the first place. So what if you don't get as many comments as somebody else? I've read plenty of blogs where brilliant writers might only get one or two comments consistantly, but they write on because the written word is a higher priority.
If everyone had to worry about the stats they'd never get anything else done. Let's face it, blogging is almost like having a second job. You write, you comment, you go on to links and comment, then you have to seek out new and interesting blogs from your links, so that you can get people over to your blog to read... whew! I'm out of breathe just thinking about it.
I agree with Alex, the content usually has a lot to do with the number of people who will stop by and comment. However, it also depends on the number of people who respond back after you leave a comment. Why should people feel the need to comment if you don't return the favor to say you've read their comment?
It's too bad your friend feels this way, and I believe he has put too much pressure on his abilities, which I never thought was the intention in the first place when I took on blogging.
Yeah, it's nice to see all the comments, but no need to go off the deep end if I only end up with 4 comments. To me, it's never been about the stats.
Ok... enough. I'll just stop right here before I turn this into a post.
Ellen, I agree. I won't pretend that I'd be happy if I was only getting TWO comments, though. It's nice to get feedback, isn't it?
...SaurKid and I are off bike riding, be back later to comment on the rest...
Glad I didn't have his e mail address.;o) Grumpy Man ... very funny!
I wish him well...of course he will never know.:D
Kathleen, who knows, maybe he'll choose a healthy path. We can only hope!
ActonBell, I hope he will, too.
Lazy Iguana, being angry is a lotta work, isn't it? I really have NO idea why more people aren't checking out your blog. It's truly excellent.
AP3, possibly depressed. I'd bet on the Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder, first.
Jenn, :D I was wondering who'd ask that first. I shoulda guessed it would be you! I'll leave Kathleen and Michelle to sort that one out.
Nihilistic, great new pic!
Grant, you are absolutely correct. They belong to the class of people that blog to supplement something which is missing in their lives. As we all do, to some extent. The difference is the level of seriousness which we assign to it.
McKay, I'll remember that! I'm an ex-actress, too. I suppose I still would, if the opportunity presented itself, but I don't seek it out.
Michelle, well... *I* think my posts in your blog are adding spice to it! In fact, you might really up your readership if you follow my advice! ;o)
You asked for it. Sweet N' Saur just turned Sweet N' Sassy!
At least you tried ...
Unfortunately you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You did your best.
Take care, Meow
Saur,
It's weird how women shrink and get hairy ears as they grow old.
I think you were right on with how he must truly feel.
I too, hope he gets the help he needs.
You are a friend indeed, you definitely made the effort, maybe he will think about it and come around!
Wow, when I came by this morning, you didnt have the great graphics, just the words. I had no response at the time, (though I was thinking about it), so I left for a while. Now I'm back, and I'm wowwed!
I still dont have an answer for you, though. I will say that comments are the veins of blogging (as opposed to the arteries, i.e., what you yourself write), or at least maybe until you hit the really big time (and that's debatable). You can tell yourself you're only writing just for yourself, but you can only howl down a privy hole for so long. Communicating is so much better than not communicating. To go back to the blood analogy, if it only flows one way, eventually you'll swell up, burst, and then bleed out... (ew, sorry about that)
Hmm. I think everybody is entailed to whatever content they choose to blog about. Some people choose the ‘depressed road’, while others lighten it up a bit. I know for myself, if I’m feeling down, I’ll post something a little melancholy. Blogging is therapeutic for me, and helps me write out my feelings.
The whole ‘comment thing’ should be a choice. It comes down to that ol’ blogger etiquette and you scratch my back I scratch yours bit----and it’s a back and forth process of a comment exchange. He should blog with the intent to write, to express himself—whether sad or happy—but not to focus on comments so much.
It’s almost a narcissistic way of satisfying one’s ego…and it’s done by blogs. Sad. I hope your friend is okay and realizes that blogging isn’t the be all end all.
I had a blogging friend who constantly quit his blog due to lack of comments, then restarted it, then quit, and I always tried to encourage him to put it back up. Then he flipped out on me and told me to f off because too many people were pressuring him. (I didn’t mean to sound controlling—like YOU BETTER PUT YOUR BLOG UP!) I just tried to encourage him and told him what a wonderful writer he was and it would be a shame to see him go. He said, “Well obviously NO ONE is commenting! And now you’ve effin’ pissed me off!”
He was an extreme case. I think he missed his daily dose of lithium. (ha) But no—your guy sounds more subtle than the crackpot I dealt with. I feel bad for your friend. He’s probably depressed and needs a little encouraging.
I am always amazed that people who say they don't want comments, have comments enabled. wow. I'm not sure if I feel better, maybe the Springer show wasn't for me.
LOTS of good advice here.
I've gotten upset when people didn't comment in the past, I have even been passive aggressive before - so many times, but now I have matured to a point where I realize people are busy. New blogs pop up every day and I have to be more and more creative to keep people interested in my blog - thankfully I have a nice fan base of family and friends and I really write for them and for me.
Wow, this is a rambling comment...
Anyway, this is a great post and Mr. X needs to chill. Turning off your blog doesn't hurt anyone, being passive aggressive normally only hurts yourself.
Eddo, a beautiful summary!
Rev, :D
Deb, well, he may be depressed. But I think he's Passive Aggressive, which means that "trying to jolly him out of it" would be merely feeding into it.
Daveawayfromhome, Ahh, the Gray's Anatomy version. ;o) Glad you like the graphics. I was suddenly inspired when I began to think that my responses were somewhat smarmy (as if Glinda were saying them). It was a mild way to poke fun at myself.
Lee Ann, one can only hope! ;o)
Reverberate, I'll have to check out Joshua's artwork! Thanks very much for the link.
Mr. Gator, isn't it, though?
Meow, all we can do is try!
Post a Comment