Thursday, September 21, 2006 The Little Gray Lie

As many of you remember, I removed my profile from However, let me tell you about one of the date disasters that I had before I took it down.

One day, out of the blue, I received a message from a guy (we'll call him Dean) who'd seen my profile and was interested in getting to know me. I looked over his profile and found him to be a pleasant looking 39-year old guy. Dean wasn't a stud-muffin, and his eyes were set a little too close together, but he looked nice and well put-together. One of his pictures had him standing outside, wearing a casual suit with a book in his hand. I didn't know if it was a Bible or not, but he actually reminded me a little of Eric Liddell (made famous in the Chariots of Fire movie).

We exchanged a couple emails, exchanged numbers, and he called to ask me to a last minute dinner (he had been out of town and had just returned). I had no plans, so I agreed to meet him at a local restaurant.

I got there a couple minutes earlier than he did. When he walked in, I didn't recognize him at first, because he was both wrinklier and at least 10 pounds heavier than his pictures. Now, I don't mean that he was as wrinkled as a cotton skirt left in a dryer, but he was obviously older than his photos. However, he was very pleasant and when the hostess came up to us, he motioned for me to go ahead of him. We were seated, and began the usual chitchat that newly-met people make.

We had a wonderful visit. I truly enjoyed the conversation. However, (as you can guess) I couldn't avoid the topic forever and finally had to ask "So, Dean, why did you say you were only 39 in your profile?"

Dean looked cornered. At first he tried to laugh it off. "Uh, what do you mean?" he asked. "How old do you think I am?"

He looked 50. "45," I guessed.

He looked shocked. "What?" he gasped. "Most people guess that I'm 35!"

Only if they ran into you in a very dark alley, I thought to myself. "Really?" I asked. "Well, how old are you?"

"50," he answered. "But I have a good reason for lying in my profile! This will be the only thing I'll ever lie to you about, I swear!" Here he put his hands dramatically on his heart. "You see, if I had told the truth, we would never have met, would we? Your profile said you were interested in men from 35-45. I would never have had a chance!"

Nope, you wouldn't have. Now you still don't, but you're out the price of a dinner, bub.

I tried to be as gracious as possible, and since he had assured me that we could remain friends no matter what, we had a pleasant dinner. During that dinner, he also told me that he had recently had two hip replacements. That's when I realized that his motioning me to walk first (as we were being seated) wasn't merely being polite. He had done it to save himself the embarassment of having to explain why a 39 year old guy had just had two hips replaced. As he walked me to my car, it was obvious that he needed a walker or a cane as he struggled to swagger jauntily along.

When I got home, I re-read Dean's profile. Not only was he advertising himself as 39 although he was 50, but he also was looking for women aged 25-45. Talk about a hypocrite! He wasn't even willing to consider women in his own age range! That did it for me. I wrote him a nice email thanking him for the dinner but stating that someone who lies in such a way would be no one I'd be interested in. I never heard back from him.

Go figure.

I could have understood an omission of a year or two. But I don't understand what anyone could possibly hope to gain from such a bald-faced lie. In Dean's case, his words lied. His photos lied. I suppose his Ms. Right will be a few points short in the IQ department. She would have to be, in order for her to swallow his little gray lie.


Miss Cellania said...

You did, of course, the right thing. I would've rejected him too, only because of the lying. 50 is not that old... since I am getting awfully close. But even if he had been honest, I may have thought twice about his HEALTH. I would consider a man up to maybe 60 IF he were in decent health.

Ed Abbey said...

As the saying goes about internet dating, "The odds are good but the goods are odd!"

~Deb said...

Remember, everyone puts their best foot forward. In my case, when I was 'dating' a few years back, I went on a personal site. Now, most lesbians will LIE THEIR BUTTS OFF-------with------"Oh, I'm very feminine." I go meet them, and can't decide if they remind me of David Spade or Ellen DeGeneres.

That's scary.

Badoozie said...

so, i laughed a little about this. but i would have to say, i have oft wondered at the appearance compared to the stated age. i'm willing to bet a lot of men do that, because for some reason, older men think they need young women.

it actually makes me mad. your time is valuable, and for him to waste it like that, baiting you in with pictures and fake age, etc, i would have possibly just got up and dumped his hippy ass right there.

those personals are a problem for sure. next time arrange to meet the person, then hide in the corner in disguise, and observe them from afar. if they look like they lied, just hurry and run away, leave them hanging, cause they deserve it

Grant said...

Lying is always a bad start, and I doubt many good relationships could form on such a foundation. Did he handle your rejection well?

The Lazy Iguana said...

Hip replacements are all the rage! Eddie Van Halen had one. Keith Richards has had several.

I started to sign up with or some other similar crap. Maybe it was I can not remember.

what did it in for me was the million questions. I felt like I was stuck in a bad Scientology personality test. The questions just went on and on and on and on with no end in site!! I could not deal with it. I closed the web browser and was done with that insanity.

The Lazy Iguana said...

By the way, the squirrel story is under a post titled "Adventures In The Mid-West"

Ellen said...

I found his lies to be a few shades darker than grey. Sorry, just my opinion. Glad you ended it.

Kathleen said...

The whole process sounds depressing. I say, get involved in the community, church or club and meet someone in a safe environment who has similar interests.

The whole older men with much younger women is just creepy to me. I also feel the same way about older women choosing to be with much younger men. What was that movie with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keeton? The scenes with him and the young chik just made my skin crawl.

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

I don't mind the age differences but the lying does me in, can't see why they bother.

Free food is good!

js said...

i can't fathom why anyone ever would lie. There are folks out there that have fetishes in every direction. He should have put I am 50 and disabled and need a young cheerleader type to make my dreams come true. Someone out there would have hit that bait.

Good for you x'ing him out

R2K said...

When are you going to send me bathrooms images for my NYbathrooms blog? : )

Nihilistic said...

Don't they get that they will have to come clean sooner or later...Bluhhh

slopmaster said...

I see nothing wrong with him wanting to date 25-45 year olds.

However the lying is unnecessary. Two hip replacements are a little much.

So any luck lately?

mckay said...

well, i hope you ordered some very expensive wine!

ugh, internet dating. my sister bugged me to try eharmony. i had tons of emails, several phone conversations, a total of two dates, neither that were a good match for me (i've been battling my ex in court for 4 years and guess my first date's profession? criminal defense attorney. NEXT!)

i'm just not ready to date yet. maybe someday, but not yet. and i doubt i'll ever try internet dating again. i like the idea of meeting the old fashioned way...does that still happen or is that only in the movies?

EmmaSometimes said...

I proded Suserbadoozer to write a post on what Male, 38, 5ft 10, self-employed, athletic build really meant.

I have been married for so long, I can't imagine how different dating is now (think 1992)

Saur♥Kraut said...

Emma, 1992 and now... really not so different. But we are. We are more mature, more selective, more balanced. That puts us at odds with the dating world.

McKay, no, I didn't. In fact, I usually insist on going dutch. This time he said repeatedly that he wanted to pick up the tab, so finally I did let him. I figured he owed me a meal for wasting my time. As for dating the old fashioned way, I'm with you. Right now, I'm satisfied with staying at home, doing my own thing (for the most part).

Slopmaster, the only thing wrong w/ it is that it's hypocritical if he doesn't include his own age range. What, he's so special that he can't date women his own age? I've been "out there" but nothing serious has developed. Yet.

Nihilistic, 'zactly!

Alex, oh wow! I need to do it! I will tackle the assignment this weekend, if possible! I have to put my thinking cap on and think about what bathrooms there are in the area that you would find interesting... Women's bathrooms are usually SO much more decorative than men's!

JS, very true! Good point!

Valerie, ;o)

Kathleen, as usual, we see eye-to-eye. I agree with everything you've said and I'm already on the assignment... ;o)

Ellen, well, the "gray" was a pun on his age. I agree, the lie was a serious one.

Lazy, I will check it out today! Sorry I haven't had more time lately! :P Yeah, the tests are very detailed. I suppose it's a good thing, because it narrows the field, but all I got on eharmony were creepy looking mutants that looked like closet serial killers.

Grant, it's hard to say how he handled it, since he never wrote back. I assume he handled it well. He was telling me over dinner that he has a coterie of women friends that I'm sure could reassure him.

Susie, OR... you could jump out at them, screaming "imposter!" while whaling away at them with a large umbrella. It could be fun.

Deb, *LOL* Although I don't really think of Ellen as being "butch". I certainly think of Rosie O'Donnell that way, though!

Ed, *LOL*

Miss C, age isn't always a factor. If he had been Sean Connery, I'd be picking out my wedding china.

Lucy Stern said...

My husbands Uncle Larry is in his late 70's and he has a dating profile which he lists his age as 60. I asked him why he thought he had to lie and he said no one would date him if they knew he was in his late 70's.

Myself, I can't see starting a relationship with a lie. You were smart to give him the heeve hoe.

notsocranky said...

I'm surprised he had hip replacements at 50. You sure he didn't lie twice about his age?

Carrie said...

Who cares how old he is. It's not like he was off by 20 years. Women have been lying about their age for milleniums. For that matter we lie about our true hair color everytime we have it highlighted and we lie about our true breast size everytime we put on a push up bra. So should a guy write us off for misrepresenting ourselves?

Now if he lied about his marital status and criminal history then I could see a problem, but age, I mean really, what's the big woop? He makes a good point. People do judge without giving someone a chance.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Men! They are impossible!

Christine said...

What the hell is wrong with being 50?
I find the "grey" comment a bit insulting.

Be careful, people, what you project as OLD or feeble (hip replacement,etc.) may come back and bite you in the ***. Don't want to set up bad Karma for yourselves!

Oh, yeah Carrie. I agree. What else do women lie about? Weight, size? And those lip injections! Can't tell me those are the lips we're born with.
Simply applying makeup is a big fat lie.

carrie131 said...

shoe size
clothing size
how much they spend at the mall (if they are married)
when we say size doesn't matter

Just though of something.....When you have hip replacement, don't you tend to walk better afterwards?

I would think he would have trouble walking prior to hip replacement surgery, not after.

You could look at it this way...he has brand new hips.

Anonymous said...

My current ex is lying about his age on He just turned 50 and is saying he is 44, so he can meet women "35-42". I am very tempted to ask him how he handles this, does he fess up before they meet, after they meet, or never? He probably know that most 35 year old women will not give him a shot if they see his age as 50. And this is a guy who is certain he does not want kids. Sigh. I am, of course, too old for him at 48.