Monday, September 04, 2006

Some Top Reasons to Leave a Relationship

I had forgotten I'd written this a long time ago. Perhaps you don't do as much creative writing as I do, but have you ever run across something, thought to yourself "I wish I'd written that!" and then realized you did? (No? Maybe it's just me). Anyway, here are...

Some Top Reasons to Leave a Relationship

When you suddenly look at your birth control pills and wonder why you’re taking them anymore.

When you see him as sexually fascinating as Helen Thomas.

When you realize that some of your most important discussions are revolving around the TV set.

When you realize the rest of the important discussions revolve around him.

When you’d rather be home alone in peaceful, golden silence than anywhere with him.

When you tire of picking up all his clothes. And everything else. For years on end. 24/7.

When you discover that he continually keeps secrets from you.

When he helps himself to your cash without telling you, because (he says) you wouldn’t have loaned it to him, anyway.

When the white powder on his upper lip isn’t from a donut.

When you work full time, and then discover that he expects you to work full time at home, too.

When you start to feel like you should have “ATM” tattooed on your forehead.


Senor Caiman said...


Excellent post.

It's weird these are many of the same points Charlie Crist brought up in justifying leaving his first wife. Timely list.

Miss Cellania said...

Yes, I would think that those things would each be a red flag. I wish I'd written thast!

Lucy Stern said...

Those are some compelling reasons to leave a relationship. If you get to that point, you've stuck around too long.

The Lazy Iguana said...

That Helen Thomas photo is going to haunt me for years to come.

"Sex" and Helen Thomas" should NEVER EVER be used in the same sentence. That is just wrong.

Badoozie said...

this is flippin FUNNY stuff girl!

mckay said...

hmm, looks to me like helen's had a little nip tuck...not!

interesting list, girl. funny that none of those have been reasons for me in the past. one of my reasons:
while looking for warm wooly socks at the BF's pad, instead of finding something to warm my feet i found porno flick receipts in his sock drawer. the deal breaker for me were the ultra sicko titles, which i've repressed into my subconscious. ewww.

ah, live and learn :)

Mr. Fabulous said... don't find Helen Thomas totally hawt?

Maybe it's just me...

EmmaSometimes said...

Those are great! hehe.

Or maybe when he loves singing show tunes, can tell you Beyonce's latest hit and continuously borrows your clothes & shoes.

Your comment over at my blog about being happily married cracked me up...

daveawayfromhome said...

I dont find Helen Thomas at all sexually fascinating, but at least I know I'll still respect her in the morning.

Combine this with Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, and you'll have a hit.

Meow said...

Great post, very interesting !!
Hope you had a good weekend.
Have a fabulous week.
Take care, Meow

Saur♥Kraut said...

Meow, you too, hon!

Daveawayfromhome, ;o) Helen is definately a one-of-a-kind gadfly. At one time I despised her but I hafta say, I love watching her go at Pres. Bush.

Emma, ;o) Glad I gave you a chuckle today. I took your test and ended up Elizabeth Barrett also!

Mr. Fabulous, oh why not. Some guys are chubby chasers, too. Every one has some kinky preference they don't talk about much. I draw the line at Tom Cruise, though.

McKay, I once dated a guy who seemed normal until I found girlie magazines under his bed which were of teens. Barf.

Susie, coming from a pro like you, I take that as a serious compliment.

Lazy, 'zactly! :D I've found an awesome pic for you. I'll post it at your blog tomorrow.

Lucy, yeppers. :P

Miss C, I'm flattered! Feel free to use the list in one of your wonderful amalgamated posts that you do.

Mr Gator, Charlie is a discriminating man, isn't he... :P

Nihilistic said...

All very good reasons!

Edge said...

You forgot, "When you discover he's really a woman."

If I had a nickel for every woman who said they were a woman and were really a man ...


jsull said...

All excellent reasons
I sure do hope my bride or any other woman for that matter sees me a sexualy fascinating as Helen Thomas!

Anonymous said...

Men are pigs.

js said...


Aunt Jo said...

Well. I think you 'bout summed it up!

jj mollo said...

Jack Kennedy used to joke and flirt with Helen Thomas when she was a young reporter. She was as relentless and unreasonable then as she is now.