Friday, December 15, 2006

Your Kids Are Your Priority

I'm going to tell you two stories of molested girls. This is not a pretty subject, but I'll spare you the details as much as I can.

The first girl is 20 years old now. We'll call her Ava. She was molested by her mom's boyfriend (who later became her mom's fiancee) from the age of 10 until the time her mom broke up with him. Ava was around 13 by then.

At one point Ava tried to tell her mom. Her mom told her flatly that she was lying, because it was easier to do that than face the horrid truth and the loss of a meal-ticket. When Ava then turned to her grandmother for help, her grandmother told her that all women go through this sort of thing and wouldn't discuss it with her any further.

I learned of this from Ava only a year ago. I advised her to seek help and get on medication. I don't have the time and energy to counsel anyone anymore and she needs intensive therapy. She saw that as a weakness, and felt that she should just "suck it up" now. She ended up joining the military, and couldn't hack it. When they sent her to a psychologist, the psychologist said that she was surprised that Ava hadn't been institutionalized yet (I agree).

Ava is being discharged. She wrote a very sweet note to me in which she said, "I really thank you so much for being there when I needed someone to talk to..." Sadly, her mother was never there for her and continues to deny what happened, which will make her recovery harder but not impossible.

The other child is "Cameron". She looks just like Cameron Diaz, and is a very sweet girl. Her stepfather started molesting her at age 10 too, right after her grandmother died. "He waited till after she died because she was the only one that would have protected me," she explained to me.

Cameron's stepfather molested her for three years as well, until her mother separated from him. Emboldened, Cameron approached her mother and told her the awful truth. Her mother was scandalized, reported it to the police, and investigation ensued, they asked Cameron if she could be brave enough to testify and she said yes, and...

Cameron's mother turned into a raging whore. She started leaving the kids with a friend and hanging out at the bars almost every night. In only two months of time, she had numerous one-night stands, and got her tubes tied so she wouldn't get pregnant (but wasn't concerned about sexually-transmitted diseases!) The kids saw their mother rarely.

One day Cameron's mom decided that her husband wasn't so bad after all. She missed him, they had a 2 year old child that they shared, and what the hey...! He said he's going to change and made some terrible mistakes. OK, then!

So, Cameron's mom skillfully manipulated her into believing that it's important to "forgive" the Stepdad and get on with life. And then Cameron's mom went with the Stepdad to the judge, pleading for a reduced sentence. Cameron's now asking for a lesser sentence even though she admits it all happened, because she "just wants her family back."

Now the Stepdad is talking about taking them out of the state when they can leave. This is a classic tactic of an abuser: Isolate your victims from any support group that they have.

Poor Cameron. Poor Ava. Two shattered lives that will take a long time (if ever) to be rebuilt, all because their mothers were more interested in their own sex lives than their children.


Anonymous said...

You've been full of sunshine lately, Sauer. :)

That's a sad story. Sorry to hear that....

Saur♥Kraut said...

Matt HA! You're right, it seems kinda bleak lately, doesn't it. And the funny thing is that I'm not trying to come across that way at all but there is a lot of personal stuff weighing on my mind, and a great deal of responsibility rests on my shoulders right now, so perhaps I'm more somber than most of the time. Next week I'll try to be "up" more. We all need a little pep rally!

Badoozie said...

we do need a pep rally, and i want to lead the cheer. can i? oh purty please?

i don't think molesters deserve to die, i think they deserve to be kept alive, to be tortured until the day they die of natural causes. they should be castrated, because they re-offend. duh.

hows that for radical thinking. like that? think i'm gonna get some hate from that? i bet someones gonna be hatin on me for that. but thats ok cause i'm protected by that amendment thingy that says i have freedom of speech. shucks. i wish that were actually true, cause it seems like around here lately the haters are just hatin on each other. i hate hatin.

Anonymous said...

Badoozie! I am a HUGE fan of the 1st Amendment.

The 19th Amendment... not so much. :)

The Lazy Iguana said...

You know - sometimes I just have to sit back, crack open a beer, and wonder just what the hell is wrong with people. The girls who were molested are not who I am talking about - it is everyone else involved with these events.

Senor Caiman said...


What a sad story.

Meow said...

That is so sad. It is awful to think that stuff like that happens. How can adults do such evil things to innocent children. What is wrong with them.
Have a happier weekend.
Take care, Meow

Saur♥Kraut said...

Meow, When I was a girl, I once told my dad that I was very frustrated because I couldn't understand such evil. And Dad said solemnly, "be glad you don't understand it. If you understood it, you'd be like they are." It's a terrible shame, because I think that in such cases all parents should only get one shot, and once they've molested a child (or condoned it), there's no second chances.

Senor Caiman, very true.

Lazy Iguana, I KNOW!

Badoozers, Well, my friends and readers range from morose to peculiar to normal to positive-100%-of-the-day. So, the fracas is normal. ;o)

EmmaSometimes said...

sorry for the retracts, saur. not worth the grief of being bashed for having a different opinion.

as for this story, sad. it's sad that no one listened. I am afraid that it will only get worse with people going unpunished, or getting a slap on the hand and multiple offenses. Badoozer, torture, yes. Perhaps shipping them to Lost Island and let them have it out with each other.

Miss Cellania said...

How old is Cameron now? Even with a reduced sentence, the guy was found guilty, so there should be some legal mechanism in place to keep him away from minors. But I don't know if there is, I'm just sayin there SHOULD be.

Badoozie said...

this is funny..i have to look up which one the 19th amendment is LOL.

honkeie2 said...

The more things change the more they stay the same