Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Here we are, facing V-Day again. At one time, when I was single but younger than I am now, I dreaded this holiday. It was the day that I didn't get flowers, didn't receive a valentine, didn't have anyone to share it with. However, most of the time I've had a special someone for Valentine's Day.

Now that I'm single once again, I'm resigned to a day without any showers of affection. Friends have called me, concerned. "Are you going to be all right on Valentine's Day?" they've asked. I've told them truthfully that I'm fine. My friends and family are my valentines. I am too busy to worry about who will be my next Valentine, and that makes me happy.

But Valentine's Day is a truly interesting holiday. And in the spirit of V-Day, I am republishing my post from last year:

Happy Lupercalia Day!

According to tradition, Valentine was a Catholic bishop who was martyred for his faith. He's now omitted from the calendar of saints' days because he probably never existed. His festival was on the 14th of February, but the custom of sending ‘valentines’ to a loved one on that day seems to have arisen because the day coincided with the Roman mid-February festival of Lupercalia.

Lupercalia was a festival in celebration of Romulus and Remus, the two brothers who were supposedly raised by wolves (like Tom Cruise). So how was the original holiday celebrated?

Two village boys were annointed with blood and milk, and then (dressed in goat skins) they went running through the town streets with whips, hitting anyone they could. It was a purification ceremony of sorts. You were lucky if you got hit.

In fact, this is where the month February gets it's name; from the Roman word februa, which means purification.

As time went by, a sort of lottery system evolved, where available girls put their names in a box to be drawn out by the young men of the city. Look at it as the first recorded instance of "blind dates".

Typical of the Catholic Church, in it's continued attempt to absorb and replace pagan traditions, Lupercalia was eventually compromised to a "saint" day, and people drew the names of different saints, instead of phone numbers.

You can see why this never took off.

Eventualy the singles lottery emerged again during the medieval days of romance and chivalry. And from there, it evolved into the actual exchanging of valentines.

I think we make too much of Valentine's Day. There are many people who are very depressed on this day, because they're without a "significant other". And for many of us, our true valentines are our children or our families, no matter whom may come into (or walk out of) our lives.

So, I am recommending that we go back to Lupercalia festivities. Of course the jewelers may be reluctant about this, I'm sure. But instead of churning out diamond-studded whatnots, they could create jewelry in the theme of wolves.

Card companies could start putting out little sentiments that emphasize how family-oriented wolves are, and how wolves mate for life.

Instead of the occasional Olympic torch running, we would now have youths dressed in goatskin, running yearly through the streets with whips. And because it's good luck to be whipped, we'll all have a front row seat to see every member in Congress line up for a much-deserved whipping.

It could work.


Ed Abbey said...

Happy Valentines Day Saur! Your blog is always a pleasure to read every morning and to participate on occasionally. I don't know what my morning would be like without you!

Matt said...

That's Nancy Pelosi there, isn't it? She's got big old ones, I'll tell ya.

actonbell said...

Ew, I don't want to see any congressional bums, thankyouverymuch, lol!

Happy Lupercalia Day!

Senor Caiman said...

Dear Saur,

Happy Valentine's Day.

I think if you had a good neck you could find a guy. So many of my moves require that the woman have a good neck.

Is that you getting spanked?

The Lazy Iguana said...

The formerly very reverend Ted Haggard would probably like to get whipped by boys anointed with blood and milk and dressed in goat skins. Lets see, there is the whipping part, the boys part, and on top of it all they are dressed like goats or sheep? He would need to go back to gay rehab for another two weeks.

Today is a totally made up phony holiday. So TODAY you tell someone you love them. And what about tomorrow? Dump their ass? Get into a fight and yell and scream? And of course there is ALWAYS the "Brenda's boyfriend got her TWO dozen roses" shit. Well you know what? Brenda's boyfriend is a moron because he spent at least $150 on that crap. Want to date a moron? Be my guest. When Brenda is living under a bridge in a cardboard box because her boyfriend has poor money management skills you can move in with the both of em.

But once again, using special ninja skills that took YEARS to develop, I dodged this "holiday". People think I work for the CIA and am off doing secret spy shit from Feb. 8 - 15 every year. No matter how much the Country needs my special spy skills, I always seem to arrive back in town for the boat show.

Send flowers??! What, and blow my cover? Against CIA rules! :)

Here are the other phony made up holidays.

1. Boss's day.
2. Secretary's day.
3. any other "holiday" when EVERYONE is expected to show up at work without getting special pay.

Happy made up phony contrived ancient pagan whipping day!

Anonymous said...

oh that lazy iguana. what a charmer. he needs to be spanked!

The Lazy Iguana said...

Badoozie - left cheek only please. I injured the right one during one of my secret CIA missions I can not talk about because it would compromise national security. Lets just say I was helping a certain set of twins secure alcohol without having to get busted using a fake ID. They got wicked drunk, started to ___________ then took my __________ and ___________ and _______________.

I probably said too much.

Emma Sometimes said...

oh, that is fab Lazy....

(the red bull is under the water)


I hope you have a good day regardless...

Beaver said...

This year I have decided to completely ignore the holiday.

So I wish you a great normal ordinary day that is in no way a holiday.



P.S. The post was great last year and still is.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I am totally up for a Lupercalia resurgence!

Hey, I am sorry I haven't been by. I just realized that somehow you disappeared from my Bloglines. It seems to drop a site every now and then. I have rectified the problem, though!