Thursday, February 08, 2007

Rosie's Cancer

I haven't blogged about this yet, but there are days that I don't feel like writing anymore. I am dealing with many business problems, and Rosie has inoperable bone cancer which is terminal. She's only 42. I haven't written about this before, because to write about it is to put misery to words and dwell on something that I dwell on too much, as it is.

It is hard to watch a good friend decline. She is refusing chemotherapy because her health is already so bad that she can barely make it through the day. She can't keep food down, she's lost drastic amounts of weight, and the only saving grace is that she was very large and had fat to spare.

Rosie's spirit remains unbroken, although it is weak. We still laugh together, but now we cry together, too. Her husband is stressed and is doing the best he can to deal with it, but she is the love of his life, and they've only been married two years.

I've seen my readership decline because I am not able to participate actively in other blogs. This leads me to believe that, perhaps, it is silly to continue to write. However, writing is sometimes my only therapy in otherwise stressful times. I find that if I force myself to concentrate and write something every morning, it is a creative outlet that helps me get through the day.

I don't often share what I'm going through, because the last thing I want to do is to produce a maudlin blog that everyone shuns. And I am generally an optimistic person! As my grandmother always said, "This, too, shall pass." I still have much to be grateful for, I realize. But right now, the stress is rising with no end in sight.


Matt said...

I had a cousin who married in his later years, only to die of cancer a couple of years later. That's so terrible.

Forty-two was once a good age for an American to die. Not anymore, though.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Matt, it is awful! Yeah, she isn't faced with any good choices, either. Surgery would definately make her a quadraplegic, and it still might not get the cancer and she wants to die while she still has the use of her limbs. She's too weak for chemo. We're hoping that the new pain meds might help her appetite a little. If she can start eating more and gain a little strength, maybe she'll reconsider chemo.

Miss Cellania said...

I'm so sorry, Saur. I'll say prayers for Rosie and her family. Don't fret about the blog, it will be here when you have the time and the spare energy, and your readers will come back.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I had a friend who developed a mystery lump on his neck. Doctors did their thing to it and pronounced that Dave had the big C. At 30.

He died in that year. It was fast. Last time I saw the dude he was looking pretty rough.

None of us come with a warranty. Dave did inspire a group of us to take up healthy living. But you know how that goes.

It all sucks.

Ted said...

I am convinced that you are one of the coolest people on earth. A rare find indeed. I wish I could change the situation for your friend. The last thing you need is some simple "cheer up" message. The truth is this is horrible and will effect you for ever. But also true you are tough enough to take it and smart enough to go to the source of peace. Rosie was given to you for a reason.

Three Score and Ten or more said...

Don't quit blogging. Some of us, even those who often disagree with you, really appreciate you. Rosie may suprise you. I have a friend who has breast and lymphatic and abdominal cancer. Four (almost five) years ago an oncologist told her that she had three months to live. She looked him in the eye and said "You're not God, God decides how long I have to live." She is still around. She has had chemo a few times but the last time, she turned it down. She is in a wheel chair and carries an ogygen tube wherever she goes, (and she has done a lot of "death preparation") but she is still around.

Sometimes you look death in the eye, and say, "not yet", and sometimes it works. I know.

(I wish I could do that with word verification, I don't know whether it is my vision, my typing or just age, but I'm reaching the stage where I have to do it four times or more.

~Deb said...

I’m so sorry to hear about what Rosie is going through…and what you’re going through as well. It has to be torturous on your emotional status. Rosie will be in my thoughts and prayers as well as you! Hang in there.

As far as what you said though:

”…I find that if I force myself to concentrate and write something every morning, it is a creative outlet that helps me get through the day.”

Write for you. Believe me Saur, you’re a terrific writer. Don’t write what people “want to hear”, write what’s in your heart. I’m sure you already know this, but is it the decline in readership, or the decline in comments? I’ve seen blogs that have a ton of readership and exposure, and absolutely no comments. You blog is thought provoking and stirs controversy at times – which is what people want to read!

mckay said...

i offer my prayers to Rosie, her hubby and you during this time. having been caretaker for my mom while she died of cancer, i know the slow, seemingly endless pain you are all feeling. the suffering will end, but the heart still tugs at missing a loved one. this is life. wonderful, silly, sad life.

too bad we're on opposite coasts. we could go have a glass of wine together and be silly girls for a little bit ;0)

Anonymous said...

hang in there and keep writing if it helps you, after all you're doing this for you and not us

Kathleen said...

I am really sorry about Rosie and her bleak diagnosis. She will be in my prayers and you are, too. I have sensed you were struggling. Don't worry about your blog buddies. We will be here if you don't write every day.

I think it is time for a road trip with SaurKid.

Senor Caiman said...


I will pray for Rosie but I always suggest at a certain point in the fight against cancer that the morphine doses be adjusted to expedite the healing process.

Who cares about readers. Do what's right for you. I'll miss you though. Who will I share a broiled grouper sandwich and slaw with?

jsull28fl@yaho said...

well just so you know you are the first blog on my faves
don't quit writing
i hate it for rosie
i really do
that sucks alot
sorry sugar for your friend

Ed Abbey said...

Blogging is great therapy. I started off only for that reason and still do to this day although I have a lot of people who read it on a daily basis. I never understand why.

Death comes to us all. I pray for Rosie what I pray for myself, that her death will be a good death. It is possible to have a good death even with cancer. My friend Dick died a good death with cancer. Hang in there.

daveawayfromhome said...

I guess my question would be whether you write the blog because you like to write, or because you like to be read. Feel free to be maudlin, angry, or even devastated here. You've always written with class, whatever the subject, and the beauty of the blogosphere is that it's filled with people who actually like to read. If you need to put your grief on the page, dont let worries about us stand in the way.

Oh, and Three Score, the word verification thing aint you, it's the New Blogger. It sucks. I hope we wont have to keep going through this switchover process every couple years.

green said...

Even though I don't visit here as often as I'd like, your blog is always a good read every time I do stop by.

Please don't give it up, especially after all of the work you've put into it.