Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Cheryl Crow: Crud Butt

Cheryl Crow, in typical Hollywood style, is beginning to think of herself as royalty. This is evident in her recent exchange with Carl Rove:

"As he turned to leave, Crow reached out to touch his arm. "Karl swung around and spat, 'Don't touch me'," recounted Crow and fellow eco-celebrity Laurie David in another blog. "How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow?"

But the singer was not deterred. "You can't speak to us like that, you work for us," she thundered to the departing Mr Rove, who responded, "I don't work for you, I work for the American people."

"We ARE the American people," the singer shot back."

You know, I've always wanted to actually speak for the American people like that, and use the royal "we". I think I'll start it first thing this morning at the McDonald's drive-thru:

Saur: We will have a baconeggcheesebiscuit with a diet Coke.

Pimply Drive-Thru Person: Very good. Anything else?

Saur: That completes our order, my good man. We ARE the American people, so get on with it quickly - spit spot!

Pimply Drive-Thru Person (in quavering voice): If you are the American people, shouldn't your order be a little bigger?

And how about Cheryl's latest statement: The Toilet Paper Rant? In her website, she recently proclaimed that everyone should use only one square of toilet paper unless absolute necessity drove them to three squares.

I think that this, in and of itself, completely explains her break-up with Lance Armstrong.

And if Cheryl uses so little toilet paper, does she smell like Jerry Seinfeld's infamous date that smelled like soup? Or is she even more rancid than THAT?

We can only hope that Cheryl carries a portable bidet around with her. But that leads to my next question: What does she wipe herself with when she's done?

And now something from Nadiya, an Algerian rock star who is decidedly NOT Cheryl Crow:


Hans said...

Dixie Chicks now Sheryl Crow, I like them so much better when they just sing. When they start to get political it reminds me of the advice that my parents gave. "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're stupid than to open it up and remove all doubt."

BTW, you can get away with one square if you use both sides.

Cranky Yankee said...

I'll take Sheryl Crow and her icky-butt over Karl Rove any day. He is the very embodiment of right wing filth. Regardless of how much toilet paper he uses that stench will never leave him.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Cranky, I don't want either one. :P

Hans, when will stars learn this? Your parents were very wise (and got the quote from Mark Twain, I believe). Funny about the TP tip. Er... thanks. ;o)

The Lazy Iguana said...

I try to shit right before I take a shower. That way I can put the shower hear on the "massage" setting and pressure clean the area with a stream of warm water. No toilet paper needed.

Karl Rove is removed from reality, I think it would be funny if he were taken captive by q bunch of hippies and forced to live in a hippie community for a few weeks.

I have noticed that many blogs are obsessed with toilets, pooping, wiping, and related topics lately.

Hans said...

Lazy- That's why I don't have my own blog. It would be 3 times a week complaining about traffic and 2 times about body functions. I'm a counter puncher.

Karl Rove is good at what he's supposed to be good at, Winning Elections.

Mr. Althouse said...

She got her start with Michael Jackson...

'Nuff said.

Thanks for stopping by sweety! I owe you a long email - much goings on in Mr. Althouse's life. One month until this semester is over...


Slick said...

I still think she looks good....the smell might get me though.

One sheet of TP? She's done lost her mind.

Nice to see you're still around :)

daveawayfromhome said...

One sheet? Three sheets??? I must be a terrible person, because I use at least a half dozen (which is probably more than I needed to tell you).
Fear the stinky finger!

I'd need at least a half-dozen sheets to touch Rove, also.

Lee Ann said... have me crackin' up!
OOPS...I meant that you have us crackin' up!

I know...1 square to be more aware....BS! Sorry, it won't happen with me "us"!

jsull said...

surely she was funnin
not even the furthest left idiot would buy into that. I hate shes a cool-aid drinker i always found her sexy and kinda like some of her songs. What I found interesting is didnt california stop using plastic bags?? What about the trees to make the paper bags???
Thats the same logic as Global Warming
some idiots will believe anything, next thing you know they will tell us we came from apes!

Senor Caiman said...


I'd still have wild sex with her but I'd tell her it wasn't that good.

If Sheryl had a hairy butt like mine I don't think she would be endorsing 3 squares. I'm not shaving my butt either because I remember how bad my front itched when I shaved it. I thought I was going to die but I didn't.

QUASAR9 said...

My that Nadiya is hot ...

I'm sure she was using the royal we
"Oh My we are hot today"

I like Sheryl Crow
but 'thift' has its limits
Should be take her literally?
or is it a matter of
"it is not the letter of the law but the intent ..."

don't use three ply if two will do
don't buy three cheryl crow albums when two will do
don't drink three beers when two will do

But alas two paracetamol are never enough - give me more, I want more

In the midnight hour she screams More More More - Billy Idol

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Hans: The Dixis Chicks were right, Bush is something to be ashamed of and just because you're an artist doesn't mean you have to suddenly not care about politics or the terrible path your country is being led down. Please see Iraq and Afghanistan for ref.

Hans: Karl Rove is good at fixing elections, which is kinda like winning them but involves cheating.

Jsull: surely you jest, Global Warming is real and happening, please see freshly exposed parts of Greenland for ref. As for plastic bags, I think the idea was that to use less would mean less of a environmental footprint in the future and to use less packerging fullstops, aslo, most paper bags are sourced from recycled material and/or sustainable forests so it all makes perfect sense...unless fo course you think God made us out of ribs...

Hans said...

Daniel- The Dixie Chicks and Sheryl Crow are entitled to their opinions and I'm not disputing that. As the saying goes "Opinions are like a**holes. Everyone's got one and they all stink". Some obviously worse than others.

Before we start talking about the terrible path MY country is being led down, where did these problems start? The same place as the Pakistan / India problem and the Israel / Palestinian problem. Miscalculations by the British in the 1940s.

Cranky Yankee said...

Saur - that video??? It's crappy pop music. Who listens to that crap? You like that stuff?

Saur♥Kraut said...

Cranky, I like a wide variety of music. Some of it is, frankly, crap. ;o) Or at least, there's always SOMEone who thinks so.

jsull said...

the crack must be good

Three Score and Ten or more said...

Cheryl Crow's comment on toilet paper brought to mind an editorial I received today from the Center for Science in the Public interest. The whole editorial is a challenge for all of us to eat vegetables in order to cut the market for beef animals because they fart too much methane. (I wonder what people do when they eat the food that cows should eat??)
I'm sorry but it was the first time in my life that I read anything from the center for Science in the Public Interest that made me laugh.
Maybe I'll put it on "three score"

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Hans: judgements on opinions being worse than others are flawed, best to stick with what's actually happened and in terms of that The Dixie Chicks were right. They win and I hate their music.

And are you seriously trying to pass off the current mess on the UK, the only allies you've got in the illegal war?

Jsull: nice way of losing an arguement dude, suggest I'm on crack rather than dealing with the facts.


Anonymous said...

the toilet paper thing is precisely why kid rock was in a hotel room with another woman, some cocaine and whiskey instead of her.

Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

Saur--long time! Nice post. One roll? You gotta be kidding...

Hans said...

Daniel- I used to enjoy the Dixie Chicks music when it was fun. I still enjoy Sheryl Crow's music. Which is why I made my original statement. They've started making stupid statements (my opinion) and they are no longer fun but preachy (my opinion).

The current mess in Iraq is a direct result of failed UK policies following WWI (not the 40s but the 20s). I recommend you do some research on Churchill's Folly. I believe the relationship between the UK and the US is appreciated by almost all Americans.

Hans said...

Daniel- One more thought. The Dixie Chicks caught themselves in trouble with the American people because they broke a simple rule. "Nobody hits my brother but me". On foreign soil they spoke poorly about the President. It's not what they said it's where they said it. Which is also why I defend my President.