Colon Cleansing

I was googling a GNC vitamin regimen and came across this site. Obviously it was put together by someone in a foreign country, hoping to trap unwitting Americans who are health-conscious.

The entries are hysterical. Two of my favorites are:

You are in all probability asking: 8216 Why should I detox my thing earlier Thanksgiving and Christmas? Your body, and particularly your colon is adoration a sweage system. Just suppose your town s garbage collection staff went on smack over the Holiday season? Loads and loads of balderdash would be piled along the streets. Infestation, rats, prestilence etc. This is exactly what happened to your colon this year. Now, don t get me wrong, you testament not enjoy rats in your system, however, you may invite the fallacious 8216 inhabitants and you heel up with worms, or worse.

1. Thank you, 8216, for explaining why I should detox my thing.

2. I've never considered the possibility of my town's garbage collection staff going on smack over the holiday weekend. In fact, I've never even pictured them smoking a joint. I will now be worrying about balderdash and prestilence piling up.

3. They are amazingly accurate! My testament does not enjoy rats in my system. In fact, only Richard Gere's testament enjoys rodents in his system, but I hear they're gerbils.

4. I never realized that I could heel up with worms. I now have something to supplement my untreatable Nightmare Disorder, which involves feet and worms with grappling hooks.

Aside from our residence and gardens, we should also consider cleansing our bodies. We are exposed to toxins on a diurnal basis, if it be chemicals, environmental corruption or dietary poor food acceptance and excessive indulgence of sugars and alcohols and all these toxins put extra work on our body� s away emigration systems. The organs most responsible championing toxin removal are the liver, kidneys, lymphatic system, fleece and colon. Overloading our corpse with toxins can bulge to reduced work in these considerable organs.

1. You know, I have never given much thought to my body's emigration systems, but it's nice to hear I have a champion in my fleece. Everyone needs a champion!

2. They kind of lost me on the part about overloading my corpse. Truthfully, after I'm done with my body, I doubt I'll worry about how toxins can bulge to reduce work. But of course with modern medicine, we certainly appear to be sustaining life way beyond normal life expectency. Perhaps this tip would help Larry King.

So, after reading these helpful and inspiring memos, I decided to write to them as my alter-ego, Jacinta Buggs:

dear sir, i am abstemious in my regard for your corpsical references. in most particulate, i am interstitial in colon cleansing and will hope for a perspicious endeavor with your help. of most interest to me is the question: should i use an enema or merely partake of enough sensate material to give me diarrhea? i await in erudite pleasure for your reply.

sincerely,
jacinta buggs
I am eagerly awaiting their reply.