Debunking Crystal Healing

CRYSTAL HEALING

At one time, I would have loved to believe in Crystal Healing, and for years I considered the possibility (though I never experienced it). I don't believe that "crystalogy" necessarily precludes any religions any more than aspirin does: If it works, then it works.

(A caveat: Some of what some crystalogists propose does contradict certain religious teaching, but much of it is supposedly for healing only).

And yet, despite my past desire to find this concept to be true, I have not been able to do so. Perhaps that is due to my being raised by an objective scientist who taught me analytical thinking at an early age. If I were more gullible, I might see it differently.

For eight years I went through a nebulous stage in my belief system. I was a born-again Christian at age 5, I had been raised from a strict Protestant standpoint, but at age 30 I set out to see if I had missed anything.

During this time I styled myself as an "agnostic" and did much research in the various religions of the world, with an open mind. I must note that I never seriously practiced other religions or belief systems, but I studied them intensely.

For many of these years I've owned "Love is in the Earth" by a woman who calls herself "Melody". It is the definitive bible for crystal healers, and it is the primary source of all crystalology. I have come to treat it as a work of fiction.

I have found nothing to substantiate crystalogy, despite all my research. This doesn't mean that I am right, but I see nothing to indicate any other conclusion at this time. Of course there is The Placebo Effect, and I do believe that it comes into play here.

CHILDLIKE THINKING

Since crystalogy is primarily based on Melody's book, it bears examination. Much of the metaphysical definitions of how crystals supposedly work come from Melody's claims, derived from her personal experiences.

What do we know of Melody? Very little, despite years of my attempts to find out anything about her. Melody is obviously not her real name, and although she claims to be a scientist with a B.S. degree and an M.A. in mathematics, there is no substantiation of this.

Her book is not well-written. Many crystal workers complain that it is vague in some parts (and indeed it is). There are also odd wording and spelling choices (such as the word "dis-ease").

Most importantly, however, is that Melody's decisions on how the stones work often seem to be simplistic (and perhaps subconscious) assumptions based on their composition, appearance, or the names of the stones themselves.

If an item's healing powers were linked directly to its name, then an aspirin (pronounced ass-prin) could only be used to treat hemorrhoids.

I am now going to list many examples. Feel free to skip this section and go directly to the next part, titled Dangerous or Foolish Claims.

AMBER: This is fossilized resin and is known as "Nature's Plastic". Like plastic, it can be rubbed to generate static electricity. Melody claims it can balance "...the electro-magnetics of the physical body." [sic]

ANGEL WING AGATE and ANGELITE and ANGLESITE: "...can also be used to facilitate the opening of the pathway for communication with those other-worldly beings..."

ANHYDRITE: A substance is said to be anhydrous if it contains no water. So obviously, anhydrite can "...ameliorate water retention and swelling."

APATITE: Suppresses hunger.

ASTROPHYLLITE: Helps the user with astral travel.

AURICHALCITE: "...clears the aura..."

AVENTURINE: (Sounds like "adventure") "...augment(s) the "pioneering" spirit."

AZURITE: Treats asthma. Note the "AZ" sound at the beginning of both words.

BABINGTONITE: (Do you hear the word "Baby"?) "It can be used during "re-birthing" sessions..."

BERTHIERITE: (Do you hear the word "Birth"?) "It can...enhance the security of the newly born. It has been used in the treatment of conditions associated with infertility."

BLOODSTONE (a.k.a. Heliotrope): Nicknamed "bloodstone" originally because it looks like blood (although there is green bloodstone), Melody says that it can be used to purify the blood, and can influence the flow of blood.

BOLEITE: (Do you hear the word "Bold" in this?) "It provides for courage... produces daring, unhesitating action..." BOLIVARAITE supposedly has similar properties.

BRAIN GEODE: These are geodes that look like human brains. Under "Geode", Melody writes that the Brain Geode "...has also been used in the treatment of brain tumors and mental imbalances."

BRAVOITE: Increases bravery.

BRAZILIANITE: Brazil is a hot place, right? So it makes sense that Brazilianite can "...alleviate the conditions of both heatstroke and sunstroke."

BROOKITE: Our circulatory system runs along like a series of rivers or brooks. And Melody claims that Brookite solves circulation problems.

BLUE AGATE: Ever hear about someone who is "true blue"? Well, it's no surprise that this stone teaches us about love. So do most of the blue stones, apparently.

CALCITE: (Sounds like "calcium") "...can be used to promote the de-calcification of bone growths; in addition, it is a balancing agent for the assimilation of calcium..."

CALEDONITE: "Cal" is a designation for "Calorie", which is defined as "the heat necessary to raise the temperature of 1 g of water from 14.5C to 15.5C." Since Melody claims to be a scientist, it is quite believable that she associates "Cal" with heat and, sure enough, Caledonite "...can be used in the alleviation of chills, to bring warmth..."

CARNALLITE: Merriam-Webster defines "carnal" as "relating to or given to crude bodily pleasures and appetites. Marked by sexuality." Melody says that Carnallite "...enhances passionate and procreative energies..."

CARROLLITE: I love to sing Christmas carols. In fact, I go carolling every year! So perhaps I need to carry some of this stuff, as "It can be used to enhance the voice and to stimulate clarity with respect to the verbalization of communication..."

CAT'S EYE: Obviously "This mineral can be used in the treatment of eye disorders..." and to increase night vision.

CELESTITE: (Sounds like "celestial") Melody claims this stone can be used in astral travel, allows you to be more spiritual and appreciate the Divine.

CHILDRENITE: This stone supposedly treats childhood ailments such as "...fevers, flu, measles, chicken pox, mumps, etc."

CHLORITE: (Sounds like "chlorine," the primary ingredient in bleach) and is "...a purifier and is quite useful for cleansing the aura, the chakras, and the energy meridians."

CHLOROCALCITE: Like Calcite, it's "...used to ameliorate calcium deficiencies...." and is supposed to also have the healing properties of Chlorite.

CHOCOLATE MARBLES: These are fossilized mud balls. But like chocolate, they "...are joyful stones and... tend to eliminate worries and to enhance ones state of well-being." [sic]

CHRYSOCOLLA: (Pronounced "Kris-Oh-Cola") Sugary colas are full of oxygenated bubbles. And Chrysocolla helps "balance the blood sugar" and "...has produced excellent results in re-oxygenation of the cellular structure."

CHRYSOPRASE: (Do you hear the words "Christ" and "Prays"?) "Chrysoprase helps one to recognize the trinity within oneself..."

CITRINE: (Color: Gold) Attracts money. Oddly, silver and gold do not (perhaps because that's too obvious).

COLEMANITE: (Do you hear the word "Coal"?) Coal is dark, but Colemanite ranges in color from white to yellow to gray, so it must be the opposite of coal, right? Therefore "It further provides light to the darkness of ones soul." [sic]

COOKEITE: There's nothing like a good cookie, fresh out of the oven. And if you are wearing Cookeite while you eat it, it can "...enhance the assimilation of nutrients."

CORAL: (Composition: Calcium Carbonate) This supposedly can be used to strengthen the bones of the body through meditation. See "SHELLS".

CORNETITE: Corns on your feet can be more than annoying: They can be painful. So it's nice to know that "It can be used in the treatment of disorders of the feet..."

CORUNDUM: According to Merriam-Webster, a conundrum is "an intricate and difficult problem." Corundum apparently solves those conundrums because it "...promotes insight to the unknown."

COWRIE SHELL: Cowries were used as coins by many Native Americans, so is it any wonder that they are supposed to "...bring both good fortune and affluence to the user."?

CREEDITE: A creed is a statement of belief, as in "The Apostles Creed." Melody claims that Creedite "...helps one to gain access to the sacred texts..."

CRYOLITE: You can cry out, or you can go on a crying jag. Either way, this stone is for you. "It assists one in public speaking and has been effective and constructive in the amelioration of speech disorders (which are) due to emotional and/or psychological needs."

CUPRITE: Cups hold liquid, just like the body does. So Cuprite "...can be used in the treatment of water retention...bladder and kidney disorders."

CUSPIDINE: A cuspid is a tooth. And "Cuspidine can be used to treat problems of the teeth."

CYANOTRICHITE: When someone is poisoned with cyanide, most cyanide is concentrated in the red blood cells: A simple test of a victim's red blood cells will reveal the poisoning. Cyanothrichite is used to treat "red blood corpuscles", among other things.

DAMSONITE: Ever hear of "the damsel in distress"? Apparently Melody has, because "This mineral stimulates the feminine aspects of a person..." If only Melody had known about damson plums.

DAPHNITE: Daphne is a nymph in Greek mythology who transformed into a tree. And Daphnite is a "stone for transformation and transmutation."

DATOLITE: Do you have trouble assimilating data? If you carry around Datolite, your troubles are ended because "It has also been used to enhance the memory."

DESCLOIZITE: (Sounds like "disclose") This stone allows information to be disclosed to you and "...assist(s) in the assimilation of information."

DIABANTITE: The word "Diagnostic" starts with the same three letters and, sure enough, Diabantite is "...helpful in diagnostic situations."

DIAMOND: A recent symbol of fidelity when worn as an engagement ring*, Melody claims a Diamond is "...known as a "stone of innocence", bringing forth purity, constancy, and the loving and open nature..."

DINOSAUR BONE: "It stimulates the adventuresome nature..." After all: What could be more adventurous than a dinosaur? And since bones are made of phosphorus (despite the fact that Dinosaur Bone is fossilized), "It can be used to assist in the assimilation of phosphorus..."

DOLOMITE: Merriam-Webster states that if you are dolorous, you are "...marked by, or expressing misery or grief." Happily, Dolomite "...relieves sorrow."

DUFTITE: If you are a duffer (an incompetent, ineffectual, or clumsy person), then Duftite "...helps rid one of inferiority complexes." Can you see the commercial now? "Are you a duffer? Try Duftite!"

DUMONTITE: (pronounced Dumb-on-Tite) If you're dumb as a box of bricks, "This mineral... increases ones imaginative capabilities... stimulates the intellect... (and) enhances speech..."

DUNDASITE: (Do you hear the word "Done"?) With Dundasite, consider it done since "It is a "stone for accomplishment".

EMMONSITE: The word "emancipate" sounds similar, doesn't it? And Emmonsite helps to maintain personal freedom.

ENARGITE: (Sounds like "Energize") Melody informs us that Enargite can "...be used to increase physical vitality."

EPISTILBITE: According to Merriam-Webster, an epistle is "a composition in the form of a letter." So if you are wearing a piece of Epistilbite, it "...assists one in writing personal thoughts clearly," or so Melody asserts. From the way her book is written, I have to assume that she had none in her possession when she wrote it.

FAUJASITE: "Faux" means false, but Faujasite "...acts to keep one true to ones feelings..." [sic]

FERRIERITE: As Wikipedia says, "A farrier is a specialist in equine hoof care, including the trimming and balancing of a horse's hoof and the placing of shoes to the horse's foot." Goodness knows a horse must be able to be in top shape in order to carry you any distance at all. Interestingly, Ferrierite "...is useful in matters concerning transportation..."

FERSMANNITE: (Do you hear the word "First"?) According to Melody, Fersmannite "...can assist one in gaining prominence..."

FILLOWITE: (Do you hear the word "Flow"?) "It enables one to flow with all situations..."

FLINT: To be "flinty" is to be unyielding and uncompromising. Melody claims that Flint "...assists one in severing the emotional ties..." Flint was once used in arrowheads and knives, and so it is logical that she believes it can be "...used for psychic surgery," as well.

FLOURITE: Fluoride is used to prevent tooth decay. So it is interesting that Melody prescribes Flourite (which sounds amazingly similar) to dispel various infections.

FOSSILS: If someone is resistant to change or is very old, you've heard them referred to as an old fossil. But Melody says that fossils "...can be used to dispense with old "programming" and schedules, and to be open and receptive to, and perceptive of, the fresh innovative forces which are available."

FOURMARIERITE: Do you recall that Melody claims to have an M.A. in Mathematics? Throughout her college studies, she was bound to learn about Joseph Fourier (pronounced "For-ee-er"), a famous mathematician. He is so famous, in fact, that many theories and equations are named after him.

Isn't it interesting that his last name sounds like the beginning of this mineral's name? Tellingly, Melody claims "Fourmarierite can help with the pursuits of the mathematician and analyst..."

GAUDEFROYITE: (Can you hear the words "God" and "Freud"?) Ever hear of someone who has a "god complex"? It basically means they're stuck-up. Well, if you meet someone like that, hand them a piece of Gaudefroyite because it "...helps one to eliminate pretentious and ostentatious mannerisms..."

GOLD: Remember the phrase "as good as gold"? And how many times do we hear about the purity of gold? So it's no surprise that Melody says "Gold symbolizes the purity of the spiritual aspect of "All That Is"."

HAMBERGITE: If you're like me, there's nothing better than a greasy hamburger, loaded with the works. Of course that can put on a great deal of weight, but if you use Hambergite, "It can also be helpful in the stabilization of weight." So, you can go on and enjoy that burst of cholesterol.

HANKSITE: When you have a cold, you use a hankie! Oh, and you also should use Hanksite "...to ameliorate "head colds"."

HARKERITE: Hark! What do I hear? Let me grab some Harkerite, which "...can help one to eliminate somnambulistic 'consciousness', to be attentive to the moment..." In other words, it can help me harken.

HARMOTOME: (Sounds like "Harmony" and "Tone", doesn't it?) According to Melody, Harmotome "...is also useful to one who is actively engaged in musical pursuits."

HEMATITE: The root "hemo / hema" means (referring to) the blood. It's used in hemorrhage, hemangioma, and other words relating blood problems. Hematite is Iron Oxide, and as we know, iron is important to blood function. With all these associations, it is no wonder that Melody claims that Hematite "...can be used in the treatment of... blood disorders (such as anemia)..."

HEMIMORPHITE: If you want to morph into something else, this mineral "...assists one in self-transformation, personal evolution..."

HERDERITE: When you are dealing with a herd mentality and you wish to take on the role of shepherd, look to Herderite which "...can be used to promote leadership qualities and is an excellent stone for facilitating tact and cooperation within groups..."

HETEROSITE: "Hetero" means "different", as in "heterosexual" (attraction to the opposite sex). So Heterosite encourages you to be different as well: "It also provides one with a freedom from the material world and rids one of undue modesty."

HIDDENITE: This mineral "helps to stimulate... the loving side of ones nature in order to bring forth the unknown." [sic] In other words, it reveals the hidden.

HODGKINSONITE: Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a type of cancer that attacks the white blood cells. Interestingly, Hodgkinsonite is supposed to "...improve cellular reconstruction activities."

HOLTITE: (Sounds like "Hold Tight") "This mineral can be used in disorders involving the hands."

HOMILITE: A "homily" is a commentary that follows a reading of scripture. And if you are wearing homilite while you give your homily, it "...improves ones conversational and understanding qualities when one is in communication... It also provides for centering during activities of writing and speaking."

HOPETITE: Hopetite gives you... wait, you guessed it already, didn't you? Hopetite gives you hope. "It can... be used to stimulate the faith necessary to facilitate healing on all levels."

HOWLITE: Have you ever gone wild and "howled at the moon"? How about howling in anger? Well, "Howlite can be used to eliminate...rage", and "It can help to lessen rudeness and boisterousness."

HUMMERITE: If you've ever been around a horny teenage boy, you've heard the word "hummer". For those of you who don't know what this means, I refuse to explain it. Just take my word for it: It's a sex act and it has nothing to do with the vehicle. According to Melody, "This mineral can be used to relieve the causes of frigidity and to help one to creatively and peacefully deal with ones sexuality." Good thing those teenage boys haven't discovered it yet.

HYDROZINCITE: "Hydro" means fluid. So it's obvious that Hydrozincite is "...useful in helping to balance the liquid in the body..." and is "...used to dispel the fear of water." It is obvious, isn't it...?

ILMENITE: If you're ill, use Ilmenite. It "...can be used in the treatment of all dis-eases." [sic]

IOLITE: (Pronounced "I-Owe-Lite") "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go." Iolite "...performs well when used for the elimination of debts..."

IRON: Like Hematite (and for the same reason), Iron can be used for blood disorders. In ancient Irish legends, iron was poison to fairies. However, Melody asserts it can be "...used to provide contact with the "fairy kingdom" of this world..." and says "It has also been used to stimulate contact with other-worldly intelligence..."

IVORY (FOSSILIZED): Ivory is akin to bone, so it's plain to see why Melody thinks "It can be used in the treatment of bone disorders..." and can fix "...dis-alignment of the spinal column." [sic] Of course if it's fossilized, Ivory is merely another type of stone.

JADE: According to Merriam-Webster, "jaded" means "... made dull, apathetic, or cynical." However, Melody says that you can counter jaded beliefs by using Jade in your meditations. "One who reveres a beautiful vision or ideal can utilize the energies of jade to assist in realizing those thoughts."

KATOPHORITE: Ever hear of The Cato Institute? According to Wikipedia, "The Cato Institute is non-partisan, and its scholars' views are not consistently aligned with either major political party." In other words, it's a think-tank. And Katophorite "...promotes intellectual decision-making..." and "...encourages originality in problem solving."

KIDWELLITE: Like Childrenite, Kidwellite treats childhood aliments such as "...dyslexia, mental confusion, learning disabilities, and instability."

KYANITE: Let's sing the Kyanite song (sung to "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins) "Let's go Kyanite! Up to the highest height! Let's go Kyanite and send it soaring..." Kyanite helps you to soar through the astral plane.

LABRADORITE: This beautiful stone is sometimes called The Dark Moonstone. It has a lovely iridescence and positively glows, which is why Melody assumes that it "...represent(s) the "temple of the stars...", and "...brings the light of the other planetary beings into the soul of the user."

LAMPROPHYLLITE: Like a lamp, this mineral "...energizes the chakras with the purity of illumination."

LAUBMANNITE: Have you ever heard of Laudanum? It's an old-fashioned opiate that was commonly used by our grandparents. It sure sounds a lot like Laubmannite, doesn't it? And like an opiate, Laubmannite "...enables one to feel pleasurable anticipation instead of anxiety..." and can aid acupuncture/acupressure... to support weight loss and to reduce the craving associated with smoking."

LAUMONTITE: "Laumon" sure sounds like "lemon" to me, which is a highly acidic fruit. It apparently does to Melody too, as this is one of only several stones I can find that counterract "acidosis."

LAVENITE: To "lave" is to wash. Lavenite can be used to "...decrease noxious odors."

LEAD: When I was delaying some chore that I had to do, my mom would snap "Get the lead out!" And you've certainly heard the saying "As heavy as lead." Well, according to Melody, "It assists in the elimination of sedentary aspects and encourages being "on the move"..."

LEAVERITE: If you want to leave certain problems behind, then Leaverite is the stone for you. It is "...helpful in banishing intolerance and prejudicial favoritism."

LEPIDOLITE: "Lepidoptera" are butterflies and moths, which are famous for transforming from ugly squiggly things to beautiful winged insects. Lepidolite "...is recognized as a "stone of transition," and "...allow(s) for smooth passage during the change." It "...assists in birth and re-birthing..."

LEUCITE: Sounds like "lucite", doesn't it? Lucite is a type of plastic (usually clear). My son collects lucite paperweights which are beautiful in their clarity. And, coincidentally, "Leucite provides a window through which to discover..."

LIBETHENITE: Ever hear of "libido"? Well, if your libido is a little under the weather, use Libethenite to "...stimulate ones sexuality..." [sic]

LIEBIGITE: Like Libethenite, this also starts with the "lib" sound (as in "libido") and can also address sexual issues such as menopause, "menstrual disorders", and "increase fertility."

LIMB CAST: This is another word for "petrified wood". And guess what? Limb Cast can be used to provide strength and stamina to... you got it! Limbs!

LODESTONE: It sure is a load off my mind to find out about this stone. "It assists in relieving burdens..."

MAGNESIOFERRITE: Do you remember those annoying Milk of Magnesia commercials? Who wants to hear about constipation during the dinner hour? Besides, who needs it anyway, when you have "Magnesioferrite (which) can be used in the treatment of... constipation..."

MAGNETITE: Like a magnet, "Magnetite provides for a connection..." and "...can be used to attract love." It also catches "things", whatever that means.

MANGANESE: Like Magnesioferrite, this sounds like it should aid the digestive system in some way... and it does! "This mineral can be used to diminish free-radical oxides in both food and in the body." Strangely, The Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry claims that our bodies need only miniscule amounts and it's highly poisonous in larger doses. Luckily we only use it for meditation, right?

MANGANOSITE: Like Magnesioferrite and Manganese, it can be used for "...intestinal disorders." Is anyone sensing a pattern here?

MARBLE: If you lose your marbles, just grab a hunk of Marble and meditate. "It helps to actuate the "unused" portions of the mind..." and helps you control your thoughts.

MARCASITE: This is a highly shiny stone, and it's used in a lot of jewelry making. Melody tells us "It also shows one how one may appear dull to others and encourages one to "shine"."

MARIALITE: If you are a Catholic and worship Maria, this stone is for you. "[Marialite] provides for the precious spirit of independence to be subservient only to the "light" of goodness."

MELIPHANE: "A mellifluous voice or piece of music is smooth and gentle and very pleasant to listen to." And Meliphane can help that by treating "...dis-ease related to the mouth and throat." [sic]

MESSELITE: Are you naturally a messy thinker? Messelite brings mental orderliness.

MICA: This very shiny mineral "...provides reflective qualities..." and also "It provides for self reflection..."

MICROLITE: Sometimes it's hard to see the small stuff without a microscope. And Microlite is that metaphysical microscope which "...allows one to see the "universe in a mustard seed..."

MIMETITE: Were you ever scared by mimes when you were young? Those darned mimes just wouldn't talk! If we'd known any better, we could have handed them some Mimetite which "...enhances the communication/receiver modes..." and is used for "...disorders of the throat."

MITRIDATITE: According to Google, "Mitral Valve Prolapse is a heart problem in which the valve that separates the upper and lower chambers of the left side of the heart does not close properly." Mitridatite also has something to do with the heart: It can be used "...in the repair of the arteries and valves at the heart locality."

MIXITE: Are you going to hold a mixer and you want it to be a success? Mixite "...enhances cooperation."

MONTICELLITE: When I was a kid, my parents took me to Monticello. I loved Thomas Jefferson's home. Let's face it: American Presidents are the closest thing we have to royalty. And sure enough, Monticellite "...is the stone of castles and kings."

MORDENITE: The beginning of this word sounds a lot like "morbid". According to Merriam-Webster, if you are morbid, you are "abnormally susceptible to or characterized by gloomy or unwholesome feeling." And if you're a JRR Tolkien fan, the mention of Mordor makes you shudder.

However, Mordenite counterracts any gloom. "It provides for a swift release from depression and disillusionment," writes Melody, and "It has been used to assist in white magic activities..." Take that, Sauron!

MORGANITE: This stone's "...colour ranges from pink to rose." So, naturally, "It helps to bring love into ones life..." [sic]

MOSANDRITE: Have you ever heard of the prophet Moses? Perhaps he carried a little Mosandrite with him, as "This mineral can stimulate the gift of prophecy..."

MUIRITE: I always loved the old reruns of the TV show "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir." She was a widow who lived with the ghost of a crochety old sea captain. Talk about the living trying to communicate with the dead! And Muirite helps you do just that: "It can assist one in understanding and clarifying "mixed" messages from both the Earth plane and from other worlds."

MULLITE: In case you need to mull something over, "It helps one to recognize all "sides" of an issue, enhancing the contemplative powers and dissipating ineffectual reasoning."

NATROLITE: The beginning of this word sounds a bit like "Natal", doesn't it? Natal means "of or pertaining to one's birth". And sure enough, "This mineral can be used to soften the experience of re-birthing..." And since we were all at one time completely submerged for 9 months in prenatal fluid, "Natrolite can be used to enhance swimming techniques, to overcome the fear of water..."

NATROPHYLLITE: Like Natrolite, this can be used "...to enhance the environment of the unborn..."

NORTHUPTITE: On a map, North is "Up". So if you want to go up, Northuptite is the way to go! "This mineral can stimulate travel (physical plane) and adventures. It can facilitate a connective force between those of the stars and those of this plane..."

NUUMMIT: (Pronounced "Numb It") "It has been used to relieve pain and discomfort..."

OBSIDIAN: If you run up against someone who is obstinate, "It provides a shield against negativity, transforming negative vibrations within an environment."

OCEAN SPRAY AGATE: This is apparently an agate that has a particular look to it - there are no pictures of this that I can find, so it may be up to interpretation. But since it's called "Ocean Spray", we realize that a logical train of thought could lead to "salty water spray" and sure enough, Melody says that this stone can treat sinusitis, congestion, and mucoid formation. Just like nasal spray.

OLIGOCLASE: (Pronounced "Olig-O-Class") An "oligarchy" is a type of government in which a minority of the upper class rule the majority. And if you are running an oligarchy, wear a necklace of Oligoclase because Melody is certain that "This mineral emits a sustaining energy, assisting one in maintaining a "hold" on situations or activities..."

OKENITE: If you want to feel OK, Okenite is a feel-good stone and "It provides one with inner approval..."

OPAL: Since opal has an ever-changing appearance, Melody assumes that it can be "...used to assist one in becoming "invisible"..." and "It brings one a quality of "fading-into-the-background"..." She also states that "It is known as a "stone of happy dreams and changes"...

ORTHOCLASE: Orthopedists fix problems in the skeletal system. Orthodontists fix teeth. And because Orthoclase begins with the prefix "Ortho", "It has been used in the alignment of the spinal structure and the teeth."

OVERITE: (Sounds like "ovaries") "It has been used in the treatment of... infertility in females."

PALERMOITE: If you are paler than most, this is apparently nature's blush. "Palermoite can enhance the purity of ones skin and can affect a glowing image, radiant in itself."

PAPAGOITE: Is your Papa a workaholic? Perhaps an alcoholic? Do you need to build a better family? "Papagoite is also quite useful in strengthening the bonding of relationships; it instills a deep connected-ness between one and the family..." [sic]

PASCOITE: (Pronounced "Pass-co-ite"). "Do not pass go, do not collect $200." Don't you just love Monopoly? But next time you play, make sure you have a piece of this mineral in your pocket. "Pascoite presents one with a "ticket" for entry to the realm of choice, providing for an unimpeded path during the journey."

PENNINITE: This word begins with the first three letters of the word "Penis" or "Penile" and, sure enough, "It can be used for the treatment of disorders associated with the male reproductive system..."

PERIDOT: Whenever I hear the word "Perineum", I cringe. I associate it with childbirth, as it is common to cut the perineum (the area below the birth canal) to make room for the baby to emerge. I guess because "Peridot" and "perineum" share the first four letters, Melody has determined that "It has been used as a facilitator for the birthing process... facilitating the opening of the birth canal."

PETOSKEY STONE: Melody informs us that this "...is a type of fossilized colony coral which exhibits an "eye" when polished." Because of this, "This stone stimulates the third-eye and the intuitive levels..."

PHARMOCOSIDERITE: Like a pharmacy, Pharmocosiderate "...can be helpful in the amelioration of all dis-eases and disorders." [sic]

PICTURE JASPER: This type of jasper has formations that resemble pictures. Melody asserts that it can provide insight and stimulate visualization (a.k.a. "pictures").

PIETERSITE: (Pronounced Peters-ite) By now you may be thinking I have a dirty mind, but I assure you that in my teenage years I heard more in the halls of my highschool than I've heard since. Most of you probably know that "peter" is slang for "penis". So it should come as no surprise that Melody believes that Pietersite can produce ("in the proper quantity") the hormones concerned with sex (among other things).

PLANCHEITE: (Pronounced "Plan-Chet") This has such striking similarity to the word "Planchette", which is the pointer used with a Ouija Board. Another type of communion with "the spirits" involves automatic writing and the mineral Plancheite "...can be used to stimulate automatic writing..."

POWELLITE: If you want power, Powellite "...is a good stone for support during presentations, oratorical displays, and when one is intent on convincing others..." It "...also activates the innate abilities to allow one to overcome physical handicaps and limitations."

PREHNITE: Do you notice how "Prehnite", "Prediction", and "Prepare" start out with the same prefix? So does Melody, who tells us that "It enhances ones ability for prophesy..." and "...prehnite is considered the stone to assure that the "commandment" to "always be prepared" is followed."

PSILOMELANE: Is it any surprise that this can boost psi powers?

PUMICE: This rock floats and it's very abrasive, so Melody has decided that "This mineral is a reminder for one not to "sink" into despair..." and "It helps to combat abrasive character traits..."

QUARTZ: The different varieties of quartz follow the usual metaphysical color associations. Among other definitions: Blue means fidelity, clear means clarity, etc. Melody also discusses different quartz formations and how they can relate to the user. As usual, what they look like has a great deal to do with what they supposedly can accomplish.

RALSTONITE: Does anyone remember the Ralston Purina company? They were famous for their dog chow. And speaking of dogs, Ralstonite can cure rabies! Look out, Old Yeller.

REDDINGITE: If you "red up" something, you're putting it right. And in the case of Reddingite, "This mineral can be used to assist one in correcting an unjust situation; to "right" a "wrong"..."

RHODOCHROSITE and RHODONITE: Coming in various forms of pink, these are obviously stones of love. Right? So if you love me, buy me a nice strand of the stuff: It's quite pretty.

ROSASITE: Have you ever hear the nursery rhyme about The Black Plague? It starts with "Ring around the rosy..." And there are many other diseases that produce a rosy skin problem. So Rosasite "...lessen(s) the affects of measles and chicken pox..."

ROSE QUARTZ: Like Rosasite, Rose Quartz is used to treat rosy skin. In this case, "It has also been used to diminish burns and to relieve and vanquish blistering due to heat."

SAGENITE: A sage is a wise man. And "Sagenite is a "stone for wisdom"," according to Melody.

SALESITE: What a coincidence! "It has been said to be an excellent stone for any "merchant" profession."

SANDSTONE: This stone is grainy and abrasive. Melody says "It can... be used to dispel abrasiveness..."

SCAPOLITE: Melody admits it looks like "cat's eye" and then states that "Scapolite can be used in the treatment of cataracts, glaucoma, dis-alignment of the iris..." [sic]

SELENITE: Selenium is a dietary supplement that is an antioxidant and helps prevent cellular damage. Selenite, on the other hand, can supposedly be used in meditation to "...facilitate regeneration of the cellular structure and the protective membrane linings which surround the cells - hence, providing a tool to both prevent and to overcome damage caused by the well known "free radical"..."

SERENDIBITE: Throwing all caution to the winds, Melody states that "It is known as a "stone of serendipity"..." What a happy coincidence.

SERPENTINE: Serpents are squiggly things that most of us would rather not pick up or have in our lives at all. Parasites are smaller squiggly things that... well, you get the picture. But Serpentine to the rescue! "It can be used... to eliminate parasitic infestations within the body..."

SIDERITE: For those people who are stuck inside, "Siderite is an excellent stone to use in the care of those confined, either to bed, to home, or to an otherwise confining environment."

SHELLS: (Composition: Calcium Carbonate) These supposedly treat calcium deficiencies (not through ingestion but through meditation) and can treat broken bones.

SILVER: (Mirror-like surface) "Can be used as a mirror to the soul."

SKAN: This stone is used to scan for problems during "Laying-on-of-Stones."

SODALITE: Am I the only weirdo whose parents used to give her baking soda for her acid stomach? It always worked but tasted like absolute hell. Interestingly, Sodalite "...can be used in the treatment of digestive disorders...", so I'm betting Melody has tried the baking soda remedy, too. Also, this stone is a lovely "true blue", so "It can be used to enhance truthfulness..."

SONOLITE: (As in "Son-O'-Light") Since it's masculine, "This mineral can be used to increase the male aspects of the character..."

SPHENE: This stone is only one letter off from "Sphere", as in "The music of the spheres", which is a theory about the stars and planets. So it's no wonder that Melody writes "This mineral can be used to promote contact with the heavenly bodies within the universe."

STITCHTITE: When you are suffering from hernia or ruptures and you need to be stitched tight, look no further than this mineral.

STILLWELLITE: If you can't stand still, "This mineral helps one to maintain motionless and stationary..."

STRENGITE: Strengite can supposedly strengthen the tendons and strengthen "...the power of the "silver cord" connection between the physical and astral bodies..."

SUNSTONE: This mineral can be used "...for a brightening of the chakras..."

TARBUTTITE: There is such a thing as a "Tartar Emetic", which makes you yip your cookies faster than you can say "Snickerdoodle." And Melody has found that Tarbuttite "...can also be used as an emetic."

TELLURIUM: In case you have trouble "telling" all, Tellurium "...is also a facilitator for communication..."

THOREAULITE: Henry David Thoreau is a famous philosopher who is renown for being an idealistic visionary. "Thoreaulite provides for an idealistic visionary state...," Melody informs us.

THUNDEREGG: "The ancients believed that the thundereggs were a result of the wrath and anger of the gods..." Melody declares. Therefore, it makes sense that "The thunderegg can be used to descrease anger and hostility."

TIGER EYE: Like Cat's Eye, it can help you see with clarity and "It has been used in the treatment of disorders of the eye..."

TIGER IRON: Showing no shame, Melody claims it "...stimulates the physical vitality to "put a tiger in your tank"."

TREMOLITE: If you have tremors, Tremolite "...can also be used to assist in stabilizing nervousness, shakiness, and those dis-eases related to these disorders." [sic]

TRILOBITE: A trilobite is an ancient critter which was covered in mud after it died. Eventually, it became fossilized. Melody writes "It is an example for humanity that one may be in charge of the world, and still, virtually, be required to "sit in the mud"."

However, trilobites first appeared in the fossil record during the Early Cambrian period and flourished up through the lower Paleozoic era. During the Paleozoic era, the trilobite had some competition. I wouldn't agree that he was King of the World.

TUFA: Tufa toughens you. "It can be used in disorders related to weakness in the body..."

TURQUOISE: Turquoise, which is sky-blue, "...has been used extensively in "cloud-busting" (initiating rain)..."

VALENTINITE: Valentine's Day and hearts go together like peanut butter and jelly. So it's pretty obvious that Valentinite "...stimulates... the heart chakra..." and brings "...the love of the heart to the actualization of the spoken word." It can be used to promote love in all relationships.

VARISCITE: Do you know someone who suffers from varicose veins? Variscite "...can be used in the treatment of... constricted blood flow, excessive blood flow..." and it "...can help regenerate elasticity in the veins..."

WAKEFIELDITE: If you are still awake in the wee small hours of the morning, "It has been used to alleviate insomnia."

WAVELLITE: Waves flow constantly. And "Wavelite can be used in the treatment of flows; energy flows, blood flows, etc."

WEEKSITE: "This mineral has been used to assist one in scheduling activities..." along with Daysite and Monthsite. Just kidding: Daysite and Monthsite don't exist.

WHITLOCKITE: Apparently "Whitlock" sounds like a mix of "Winchester" and "Flintlock" to Melody, as she writes "This mineral can be used to help one to "make a last stand"..."

WILLEMITE: Doesn't "Willem" sound a lot like "Welcome"? I think Melody would agree. "This mineral provides a "welcoming" aspect to those beginning the journey..."

WITHERITE: Withered (a.k.a. atrophied) limbs are not something that is healed easily (if at all). However, Witherite "...can also be used to ameliorate conditions of atrophy."

WOODHOUSEITE: "Woodhouseite can allow one to understand the meaning of the concept that the physical body is the temple of the soul..." I'm hoping my temple is sturdier than a wooden house here in Florida. Give me concrete block any day.

DANGEROUS OR FOOLISH CLAIMS

Certain stones, such as Ametrine, Eosphorite, Malachite, Sphaerocobaltite, and Mochi Balls supposedly "...stabilize and /or correct the RNA/DNA structuring within the body." Now how can Melody possibly know this without scientific research? It's easy to see a bone heal before your eyes, but RNA?

Similarly, Biotite "...has been used in diagnosing disorders associated with disorganized cellular patterns." Chiastolite is used "...to repair chromosome damage." Chromite does "...healing work on a cellular level." Kainosite "...can provide for cellular renewal..." Kasolite (which is radioactive) can treat "...cellular inadequacies." Lapis Lazuli is used to "...restructure cellular... disorders".

Some of Melody's claims are downright dangerous. As Jeffrey Shallit wrote:

"What's worse, however, is that this book is potentially extremely dangerous to one's health. First, here is the obvious danger that people who fall for this nonsense might avoid seeking competent medical treatment for serious conditions. For example, Melody recommends the use of a form of sphalerite for "the treatment of AIDS" on p. 592.

Second, Melody recommends various ways of creating "elixirs" on pages 62 and 63; this involves soaking the mineral in water and/or alcohol and then drinking the water. While most minerals are not very soluble in water, this process could still lead the user to consume small amounts of toxic minerals -- particularly because Melody almost never gives any warnings about the toxicity of various minerals.

Take witherite, for example. This mineral is barium carbonate (BaCO3), which is so toxic that it has been used as a rat poison in the past. The fatal dose for an adult human is about 5 grams, which is not that much because of witherite's high specific gravity. (See more about barium carbonate here.) But Melody doesn't say a single thing about the toxicity of this mineral. Instead, she says "It can be used in the treatment of disorders of the digestive system, providing for a cleansing effect on the unitary whole"! (p. 695) Anyone who followed Melody's recommendation and made an "elixir" of witherite might end up solving their digestive problems for good.

Other toxic minerals that Melody recommends for various uses include

* orpiment (arsenic sulfide) ("can be used to stimulate the intellect, to cleanse and to activate the solar plexus chakra, and to assist one in reasoning capabilities");

* anglesite (lead sulfate) ("It can be used in the treatment of nervous disorders, to stimulate neural transmitters, and to promote the circulation of blood")

* the radioactive mineral autunite (calcium uranyl phosphate) ("The energy emanating from autunite has been used to soothe the temper and to ameliorate heart disorders")

For betafite, a mineral which can be extremely radioactive, Melody suggests that it is "used to grid the body, via wearing and/or carrying". I would definitely not recommend wearing or carrying this mineral. You might set off radiation detectors at airports or borders, and you would be exposing yourself to a significant source of radiation, potentially leading to skin or other cancers."

SUMMARY

It may be that there is still a chance that crystalogy can work. But the supposed experts such as Melody have certainly done nothing to prove this. In fact, they have gone a long way to disproving it.

Are they merely as thoughtless and primitive as the savages who chewed on the bark of the white willow tree? Those savages knew that bark worked for them, but they didn't know why. It took someone of higher intellect to process it, market it to the masses, and call it "aspirin".

I don't believe they are equivalent at all. The savages had consistent results when they ingested the bark, but crystalogists do not and apparently cannot show such consistency.

If crystalogists are genuine, their standards need to be redefined, and crystalogy needs to be quantifiable (at least to a certain extent). Until then, I cannot buy into a system based on such ludicrous beliefs.

*Diamonds have only been used as an engagement ring standard within the last hundred years.

The GOP Must Stand United?

In an article yesterday, Newt Gingrich writes "However, all of us who oppose the Left need to realize that civil war within the GOP will reelect Barack Obama and make Nancy Pelosi speaker for life."

Nonsense.

This ridiculous antiquarian attitude is what defeated the GOP during the last Presidential election. No prominent Republican wanted to publicly admit that George Bush was an idiot and therefore the public identified all Republican candidates with a moronic, weak, lame duck President who refused to listen to the people.

This attitude is why Gingrich openly endorsed Dede Scozzafava: A liberal Republican who stands for everything the party stands against. Why did Gingrich endorse her? Because she was a Republican.

If this is Gingrich's policy, all Barack Obama must do is change his party and Gingrich will fall right in line.

The Republican party is riddled with cancer. It is rife with special interest groups, Big Business, and has long ago forgotten the blue collar worker who made it what it was in the 1980s. The blue collar worker's values have not changed, but the Republican party has.

It is time for that civil war.

Domestic Violence a Big Secret?

In a recent interview, recapping her beating by boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna says "Domestic violence is a big secret. No kid goes around and lets people know their parents fight. Teenage girls can't tell their parents that their boyfriend beat them up," according to The New York Post.

What?

Perhaps this is a cultural thing: I didn't grow up in Barbados as Rihanna did. What she considers to be normal is hardly the average American experience.

Of course there are cases in which domestic violence IS a big secret. But as a nation, we have grown much better about defining what it is, and what it isn't. In fact, we encourage people to cry "abuse" so often that there are times in which it has become like the Salem Witch Trials.

And it is easy to declare someone is abusive if it helps you get what you want: Does your mom demand you make your bed every morning? Threaten her with Child Protective Services! Does your wife want a divorce and you want the house? File a domestic abuse complaint with the court to have her forceably evicted!

On the other hand, there are genuine victims. We now have wonderful organizations that help abused women find shelter and jobs. In many states, stalking is now also considered to be abuse, which allows the victim additional protection.

And I have no doubt that Rihanna was abused.

But Rihanna's last sentence really seems to take it over the top. If, as a teenager, I had ever been beaten by a boyfriend, all I would have to do is tell my parents about it. They would have had the police at our door faster than you can say "body slam". And I firmly believe this is the way the vast majority of Americans would handle it.

But, sadly, we have become a nation of self-indulgent whiners. We can see this in the proliferation of daytime TV court shows and horrid train wrecks such as "Jon & Kate Plus 8". Marketing firms cater to this trend with slogans like "you deserve [fill in the blank]."

Why? Because we're special! We're unique! Just like everyone else!

This gullibility is alarming. Because we want to believe it, we do. It bars fact-checking because it reaches deep into our psyches and hits us where it counts.

Do we all truly believe, deep down inside, that we are better than everyone else? Yes: We all do. But it's up to us to realize that this instinctive belief is not the truth, and we must overcome this.

But I digress.

To sum it all up: Is Rihanna right? Is domestic violence a big secret?

No. Domestic violence has, for the most part, come out of the closet. And in the case of Rihanna, it is on page 1.

Going Rogue/Going Rouge

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin has come out with a new book, "Going Rogue". Judging from the comments that both conservative and liberal men make about her, I hope she has a few pictures from her swimsuit segment in that famous beauty pageant. Her book will be a sure-fire bestseller.

My colleague, "Sue", is a dead-ringer for Sarah Palin: So much so, in fact, that Sue is constantly waylaid in public by men begging for her autograph and asking for a picture with her. When we are in a business meeting, the men are inevitably staring at her until they finally screw up the courage to ask her "Why do you look so familiar?"

It is an amazing experience to be part of "Sarah Palin's" retinue.

But although Sarah Palin is a highly attractive, polished woman, I feel that there is less substance to her than I'd like. I admit immediately that I've not read her book yet (it's release is slated to be November 17th). However, it's not clear if we can really call it hers, as she had it ghost written by Lynn Vincent.

Interestingly, there's another book about Sarah Palin that will be released shortly. It's called "Going Rouge", and is supposed to be composed of a group of commentaries written about her by a group of people who are distinctively unimpressed with her.

Both books will be interesting to skim through... *ahem*, I mean read.

US Sponsors Plan to Restrict Free Speech

Goodness knows what I have, but that's why I'm not posting. See you on Wednesday, hopefully.

Meanwhile, I HIGHLY recommend that you read US Sponsors Plan to Restrict Free Speech. This affects us all.

The Strange Attacks Upon FOX

I am not a big fan of the FOX network. I prefer CNN news which, overall, seems to be more unbiased than the others. Yes, you do have the liberal wackos, but there are enough far right nut jobs to counterbalance them. Overall, most of what CNN produces appears to be middle of the road, which is fine by me.

But FOX Network seems to be in the crosshairs of the Obama administration. And while FOX tends to be more conservative-leaning, it is hardly the right wing conspiracy that Obama's group wishes to label it as.

Among attempts to demonize FOX, the Obama administration's Whitehouse.gov has an entire page dedicated to fact-checking Glenn Beck on a number of issues.

Additionally, Anita Dunn, the White House Communications Officer, made the improbable declaration "I mean the reality of it is that Fox News often operates almost as either the research arm or the communications arm of the Republican Party. When they want to treat us like they treat everyone else — but let's not pretend they are a news network the way CNN is." She has also stated "We're going to treat Fox News the way we would treat an opponent."

Does Dunn not realize that there are other news stations out there?

With irresponsible comments like this, can we really trust Obama's administration to make rational decisions in other areas?

Oddly enough, I don't recall a Bush administration site dedicated to arguing family values with Howard Stern. And as kooky as the Clintonistas got at times, I never saw an official site trumpeting "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

It is beneath the dignity of the executive branch to dally with such issues: Let the news organizations battle it out between themselves instead of wading into the dogfight.

President Obama, don't you have more pressing matters to attend to?

(Additional recommended reading: What Would Mao Do?)

Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth

I would love to keep this post up, but my attorney has advised me to remove it (at least for now). Thank you again for all your support in this matter.

Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Obama

Way to go, Norway. You just awarded Obama with another incentive to continue to send money and troops overseas, despite his promises to the American people that he would bring change.

So far the difference between Obama and Bush is... very little. Oh he's pretty, all right: He looks good on camera and he's a wonderful orator. But Obama is all talk with very little substance. Even his liberal supporters are beginning to grumble. Loudly. Turn to the recent episode of Saturday Night Live to see a not-funny depiction of where they think he's going wrong.

Meanwhile, troops die in Afghanistan, still suffer in Iraq, and our monies continue to be funneled overseas to whatever particular cause the President thinks will make him look good. This isn't restricted to Obama, of course. He's only one in a line of weak-kneed Presidents who put everyone but their own citizens first.

We have entered into a Depression, we have more homeless than ever, and the best the government seems to be able to do is extend unemployment benefits for a little while longer. Since the Depression cannot lift for some time, all this will do is prolong the inevitable.

What the American public needs is real change.

Enough with the lauditory awards. Enough with the talk. Enough with throwing money at banks and institutions with vague promises that it will help the economy and increase jobs.

Obama will only deserve the Nobel Peace Prize when he brings peace to America.

Lindsay Lohan's Fashion Disaster

The diva we love to hate has just released her clothing line to a chorus of boos and cackles of laughter. She just doesn't "have it", according to all the fashionistas and critics who have unanimously weighed in against her.

Joining the dogpile are Style.com ("“a bad joke of a fashion show"), the New York Times (who compared this disaster to a fry cook attempting to cook at a high class restaurant), and the LA Times (who pointed out that Lohan was teary at the end, and certainly had a reason to be). Of course the clamor is endless, with everyone pointing and laughing.

But, although I despise Lohan due to her horrific personal choices, I must say that her fashion line looks no less disastrous to me than anything you can find in the pages of Vogue. I admit her choice to plaster sequined hearts onto her models' heads is quite silly, but so is much that we find on runways and on the backs of starlets everywhere.

My biggest concern about her fashion line is that it appears to be designed for real bodies, and looks a little out of place on the emaciated corpse-like bodies of her models.

The colors are horrific, the style is definately a throw-back to the 80s, but hello? Has anyone out there ever heard of Betsey Johnson, Maven of Tackiness?

To see Lohan's notorious line, go here.

Why Longer School Terms Are a Bad Idea

Lately there is a group of unlikely bed-fellows, including Newt Gingrich and Al Sharpton, who are advocating longer school days and less vacation time.

Their argument is that our youth is undereducated and can't compete effectively with the rest of the world. Therefore, their conclusion seems to be that we simply don't have enough time to teach. Gingrich points out that our current school year is outdated, and we need to spend more time in the classroom.

This argument is greatly flawed.

I have been active in both the public and private school systems. I have seen what works, what doesn't, and why it doesn't.

Our education standards are not poor due to time constraints. They are due to disciplinary problems. Many public school teachers have told me that they could get the instruction out of the way in half the time if their time wasn't occupied in discipline and ineffective attempts at creating order out of chaos.

Many students (especially in public schools) come from homes where order and self-control are not imposed. They are then unleashed on the world by parents who couldn't care less. The school system is then expected to make all the difference by catering to these children, while the children with better societal skills are neglected.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

What is truly pitiful is that teachers are pouring the majority of their time and energy into kids who, at best, will be saying "Would you like fries with that?" for the rest of their lives.

Those of us who finally decided to home school our children have found that we can give them the exact same education in half the time. This is why my son became a college freshman at age 15, with a 4.0 GPA.

If we want to reform the schools, we do not need to waste our childrens' time any more than we already do. Instead, we need to improve our disciplinary standards. We need to stop penalizing teachers from referring students to the Principal when they are misbehaving.

And ultimately, we need to rethink our "No Child Left Behind" policies. Some children need to be left behind. Some children will never amount to anything. And we need to come to terms with this, or all children will be left behind.

The Travesty of Bush Gardens' Howl-O-Scream

I love a good scare. I enjoy ghost stories and most horror movies, knowing that they aren't true and cannot be possible.

There are different theories as to why many of us love to be frightened. I believe that we enjoy being faced with the absolute worst, knowing that we can still emerge into the comfort of our own homes. It gives us a sense of power (which explains why this genre is especially popular among teenagers).

But at what point does horror become horrible?

I refuse to watch anything that celebrates the depravity of humanity. This includes torture and sadism, and it's why I won't watch anything from the Saw series of movies. And I worry that when we go down that road as a society, there is no u-turn. It numbs us to the true horror of such actions and allows us to easily excuse what generations before us would never have excused.

That's why I won't go to Bush Gardens' Howl-O-Scream any more. The last time I went (three years ago), I saw things that should give anyone with a conscience nightmares for a lifetime.

But Howl-O-Scream is big business. And apparently the meat-grinder mentality never goes out of style. So, Bush Gardens is more than happy to continue to churn out tableaus that would make the most seasoned homicide detectives blanch.

To add insult to injury, they have peppered the Tampa Bay area with billboards depicting viciously evil vampires. Imagine the reaction of the vulnerable toddler who sees these billboards out the window as Mommy drives to the grocery store. That should drive the nightlight sales through the roof.

What recourse does a parent have? They can't blindfold their children. They can't make the choice to not expose them to this garbage, even though they can limit their television and internet experiences.

Bush Gardens has come a long way since their inception as a family-friendly park. Now families come dead-last to the almighty dollar, thanks to capitalism at its finest.

As their 2009 motto says, "Evil never goes out of fashion."

Osama Bin Laden a Failure?

Time Magazine, in the same wisdom that it uses to proclaim the man and woman of the year (as if narrowing it down to one candidate is ever possible) has also declared that Osama Bin Laden is a failure.

How puerile and sickeningly smug of them.

On the contrary, Bin Laden has been appallingly successful. He was able to rile up uneducated, evil people to kill masses of innocents, all in the name of Allah. And he continues to do so. He serves as an inspiration to serial killers and conscienceless minions everywhere.

And his battle is not over. The war to take over the world and subject it to Islamic domination has only begun.

If we err in taking this man and his faith lightly, we will not win this war. We cannot forget, we cannot diminish the utter evil this man represents. It is an evil which is shared by many other Islamic leaders as well. It is an evil that can bring the world to its knees if we choose to disregard or dismiss it.

Highway Overpasses in Tampa: Progress?

Tampa is beginning to look like Miami. A slew of highway projects are coming to final fruition and we now have a confusing snarl of under and overpasses that we are trying to re-learn.

I found myself taking the wrong turn and having to renavigate my way through Tampa twice last week. As a result, I lost at least an hour of travel time, if not more.

Tampa's road engineers apparently are the not the cream of the crop. These must be the "C" students: The ones that barely graduated. How else can you explain the off-ramps that go in the opposite direction of where they used to be placed? The needlessly long treks you must endure before you can find a way to turn around? The confusing lack of signage or signage placed in the wrong areas?

Just as I dislike travelling through Miami, travelling in Tampa has become a nerve-wracking strain. I pity the poor tourists who will be navigating through Tampa on the way to Pinellas County's famous beaches.

The President's Speech to School Children

There is a great old Southern word: Hootenanny. Ignore the official dictionary definitions. What it really means is a big fuss (good or bad). It can refer to a party or a riot.

Aren't you glad I gave your vocabulary a boost? This is your official Word For The Day. You use it like this:

Conservative talk show hosts are having a fit over Obama's upcoming speech to school kids. As a result, they're getting so many parents riled up that it's becoming chaos for those poor souls who answer the phones at our schools. Yup: It's a big hootenanny.

What is happening to our country? First we're dumb enough to elect Obama (a man with little experience and communistic leanings). Now we're overreacting like brain-dead rednecks.

I suppose both phenomenons can be attributed to the same source: A lack of education and the dumbing down of America.

The President's speech is no big deal. Certainly the controversy may have helped to force him to tone down his speech: We will never know what he originally intended to say. We only know that now he is focusing on something relatively inane.

But anyone with intelligence knows that the President's speech could not be full of communistic advice and fascist urgings. It would be a political death sentence and Obama's no fool.

I understand why some people got a little queasy when they heard that teachers would be following up with questions after the speech. These questions (suggested by the White House) could definitely be construed as an attempt to indoctrinate kids and perhaps pave the way to "The Cult of Personality" that so many people are citing.

On the other hand, I have raised my children* to be objective and thoughtful, so I wouldn't have worried.

The hippies had it right: Question Authority. A good teacher would also enforce this. But this message, if it comes from the home, should be enough.

With the dumbing down of America, we are leaving way too much power and authority in the hands of the government and there is too little personal responsibility. Until we start raising our standards in our homes, nothing will change.

* I have one of my own, and another that I have taken under my wing since she was five.

Kennedy Expresses Regret for Chappaquiddick

How convenient. Ted Kennedy finally gets around to apologizing in his posthumous memoirs.

The problem is that we will never know the entire truth about Chappaquiddick. (For a good, short article which raises more questions than it answers, go here).

But for someone who was supposedly truly regretful during his lifetime, Ted never showed it. He was famous for asking people if they'd heard any new Chappaquiddick jokes. And he certainly never tried to make amends financially (or in any other manner) to Mary Jo Kopechne's family.

Kennedy wanted these memoirs to be published posthumously because he was hoping that history would somehow treat him more kindly than he deserved.

Sorry, Ted. I'm not buying it.

Ray Garton: Violent Porn Disguised as Literature

I read whenever I get the chance. I go through a book a day, at times. So recently when The Dollar Tree had a bunch of paperbacks for only $1 a piece, I snapped them up. If something's not worth reading, I can always give it to charity or throw it away if it's a true piece of garbage.

Most of them are true pieces of garbage.

I read a wide variety of books, with the exception of autobiographies: Spare me from autobiographies. But at The Dollar Tree, I found a huge amount of horror and Sci Fi novels, and bought about ten of them.

As yet, I've skimmed through all of them because they're simply not worth reading.

There is one author that stood out among the rest: His name is Ray Garton.

Garton apparently won The World Horror Convention Grand Master Award. Did they honor him with this award after reading his novels? I hope not. Because these novels are violent porn, disguised as literature.

In one novel that I've skimmed so far, Garton has anally raped two heroines, followed by gang raping them (using thirteen men). In the coup de grace, he viciously decapitated one and mailed her head to her husband. The other was then repeatedly raped by a woman. Oh, and did I mention that Garton is highly descriptive?

In another of his novels, a victim is brutally raped by a werewolf in the first chapter.

Garton attempts to take no responsibility for these actions by portraying the men in these women's lives as being very sympathetic. It's almost as if he's saying "See? I'm on the good guy's side!" while he's relishing the details of the vicious rapes. This also allows the male reader to say and do the very same thing.

This literature should hardly be on The Dollar Tree's shelves. In my youth, it would have been hidden in the back of the bookstore, in the Adult section (at best). Now it's available to anyone who accidentally picks it up, believing it to be a "bargain".

Garton mentions his wife at the beginning of his books. He extols her praise and thanks her for her support. Really? She's supportive of this? She should not be supportive of this, or any other such garbage which relishes the brutalization of women.

Shame on Garton, shame on his wife, and shame on The Dollar Tree for selling such evil.

Jaycee Dugard: What Elizabeth Smart Could Have Become

(age progression from age 11 to age 25, courtesy of the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children)

Many of us were stunned to find that Jaycee Lee Dugard was alive after eighteen years. She was kidnapped at age 11, and is currently 29 years old. If I had been her mother, I would have given up all hope. And I believe where there's life, there's hope.

However, at this point, she and her two children will need a lifetime of therapy to even begin to approach normalcy.

The picture above would only show Jaycee the way she would look in ideal circumstances. However, as details have emerged, it has become apparent that she and her children have led a life of great deprivation. She can hardly be expected to look this good.

During her time in captivity, she was repeatedly molested by her kidnapper, Phillip Craig Garrido. As a result, she produced two daughters: A fifteen year old that was born when Jaycee was only fourteen years old, and an eleven year old.

Phillip Craig Garrido was reportedly very "religious" (as Elizabeth Smart's captor was) and that's what ultimately was his undoing (just as it was the undoing of Elizabeth's captors).

As more details emerge, it becomes increasingly obvious that Jaycee cooperated with her captors just as Elizabeth did. And yet, Jaycee was also very cooperative with the legal authorities as well, which shows that her brainwashing wasn't complete.

Perhaps Elizabeth Smart, now a successful and mentally healthy college student, will be willing to meet with Jaycee as she sorts out the nightmare that she has lived for eighteen years.

Most of us find such an experience almost beyond imagining. But perhaps most amazing of all is the revelation which came to parents who had mentally buried their daughter many years ago.

Recent Celebrity Death

Michael Jackson Was Murdered

The official report is that MJ was murdered due to a massive drug overdose at his request. Yes, MJ's doctor administered the fatal dose. But even though drug dealers might hand an addict that final, lethal dose... it is the addict's choice to take it.

Should his doctor be charged? Yes, of course.

But at what point do we hold the "victim" responsible as well? Let's not lose focus on the fact that MJ made some horrific lifestyle choices that finally caught up with him.

Ted Kennedy is Dead

Ted's moved on to the great Chappaquiddick in the sky. Years ago I watched a very disturbing movie called "What Dreams May Come." It doesn't show the classic version of hell: Instead, hell becomes whatever your worst fears are.

Will Mary Jo Kopechne be there to greet him with open arms or will his version of hell find him eternally drowning in the same car he left Mary Jo to die in?

I can't help but believe that Ted didn't end up in a happy place, despite what others may protest.

He will now be eulogized with great fanfare, and the only thing sweeter will be the sugary frosting on a cheap bakery cake.

But all I can think about is Mary Jo Kopechne: Alone, cold, trapped, and drowning.

Artist Jane Wooster Scott: Racist?

As most of you know, I am a moderate. I also have a great deal of common sense, which is why I don't scream "Fire!" in a crowded theater, or "Racism!" unless it's blatant.

But I was shocked to find a famous Americana artist had recently produced a work of art that appears to me to be questionable at best.

My best friend (Pov) has a teenage daughter who is obsessed with jigsaw puzzles. Knowing this, we all buy her jigsaw puzzles whenever we can. If I opened a Christmas present to find a jigsaw puzzle, I would be sorely disappointed. However, there is nothing that Bugs likes better. A friend of her mother's recently donated over fifteen puzzles, and Bugs got to work.

The problem with Bugs' puzzle obsession is that once they're assembled, she can't bear to take them apart. That means that either her mother or I end up spending vast amounts of time covering the puzzles in Mod Podge and mounting them so that she can either keep them, give them to friends and family, or donate them.

This weekend I decoupaged about ten puzzles. I ran it like a production line, which is why I didn't notice this puzzle until the Mod Podge had dried. It's titled "Flights of Fancy." (click on the picture to view it in a larger version):


Now: What is wrong with this picture? (Hint: Look at the roller coaster)

That's right. The Confederate Flag is pasted all over it. I've written about the Confederate Flag before. I find it to be offensive for two reasons: It is a defeated flag, and it has become a symbol of racism.

But I thought, "OK. There are still some simpletons who think that it's 'charming'... that it's symbolic of a culture and not overt racism." So, I looked for the token black person(s) that might offset it.

I can't find any. And I looked over this puzzle diligently.

Could this be a simple oversight? Possibly. But I find the combination highly distasteful, none the less.

Perhaps Wooster Scott would argue that this is supposed to be a piece of Americana before (or during) the Civil War. However, the outfits are post Civil War era. I grant you that this was definitely a time of racism, but do we really want to celebrate it?

I am amazed that Wooster Scott's paintings are so popular. They're hardly my style. I enjoy art that appears to take true time, maturity, and thought. Her artwork looks as if a sixth grader did it. I would praise the sixth grader, but I can't praise a full-grown adult who produces such primitive art.

However, her paintings are apparently collected by some major celebrities, including "Marty Allen, Marlon Brando, Carol Burnett, Robert Conrad, Charlton Heston, Paul Newman, Leonard Nimoy, Victoria Principal, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sidney Sheldon, Nancy Sinatra, Sylvester Stallone and Loretta Swit... the list goes on."*

I wonder which one has Flights of Fancy hanging in their living room?

* from mgcpuzzles.com

No Privacy With Blogger

By now, most of you know of the Liskula Cohen case in which she sued Google and succesfully won the right to discover the identity of a woman who was making disparaging comments about her online.

Were those comments accurate or slanderous? Not knowing Cohen, I couldn't say. But I do know that Cohen has dealt a severe blow to anonymity on the net.

For many who treasure their anonymity, this will mean a rush to alternative solutions such as IP anonymizers, but even those are not infallible.

I am not ashamed of what I write, but I hide my identity due to other reasons. For instance:

1. There are some groups that I definitely disagree with. These are groups who are not known for their debating skills or honesty. At best, they can harass you in unpleasant ways which make you wish you hadn't spoken up at all. At worst, their idea of a good debate can end with someone beheaded.

2. I am a professional business person. It is always wisest to never leave a trail that a potential client or employer may disagree with. Although it is smart to keep your opinions to yourself in the workplace, this rule should not bleed into your personal life. Writing under a pseudonym gives us all the opportunity to be ourselves without worrying about how it may impact our livelihoods.

Ultimately, honest opinions may be labeled as hate speech. At that point, none of us will be safe. Are you gay and you hate organized religion? Wait until the Catholic Church sues you.

Are you a Baptist who speaks out against Muslim repression? Wait until someone from the local mosque decides that he should put a fatwa (i.e. "hit") out on you and your family.

The KKK could target blacks, the Black Panthers could target whites.

Liskula Cohen's case is complicated by the fact that she's a minor celebrity. It's generally agreed that the public is free to speak about public figures. If not, Perez Hilton is out of business. But there are so many gray areas that it's safer to speak freely behind the mask of an assumed identity.

Blogger may have just taken away this freedom.

What is Really Going On With the Healthcare Protesters

We see it everywhere in the news: Protesters are showing up at townhall meetings about healthcare and are making spectacles of themselves. The left accuses the right of orchestrating the protests, the right declares that even the average person sees the flaws in the proposed system and the rioting is simply natural.

How can the "average person" see those flaws?

An article in CNNMoney.com, titled 5 Freedoms You'd Lose in Healthcare Reform, states "To be sure, it isn't easy to comb through their 2,000 pages of tortured legal language." If so, then how can the average Joe be showing up at the townhall meetings to protest all the problems in the proposal? Surely it's obvious that he's been given a translation... slanted, of course, from the viewpoint of the translator.

I don't believe that Obama's proposal is completely perfect, and the CNN article certainly highlights some of the flaws. But we are not dealing with rational people or rational arguments when we involve rhetoric.

I am tired of seeing Big Business paying off enough people to smother any true debate. And I'm not saying that the individual protestors are being paid to protest. Most of them are entirely unaware that they're being manipulated, even as they think their opponents are being manipulated.

But the people doing the manipulation (such as conservative talk show hosts) are being paid either directly or through the magic of influence peddling. And, sadly, they are working up those individuals who are enjoying their 15 minutes of fame. Don't believe it? Take a look at this highly transparent interview between Sean Hannity and Katy Abram.

Are these protestors any better than the average street Muslim in a third world country who gets worked up after a rousing Friday sermon by his local Imam? Yes, because they aren't being incited to mayhem and murder. But these "Average Joes" seem to be almost as pliable.

I am a conservative-leaning moderate who is opposed to some things on each side of the aisle. There is an article by Joel Kotkin that beautifully sums up my current viewpoint of the system, and I can't recommend it highly enough. Kotkin points out the flaws in both parties right now, and I wish it were mandatory reading for everyone on Capitol Hill.

Until we find a true party that represents the people, we are doomed.

Currently, we have none.

What is a Slumlord?

I own a mobile home in a very bad area. I had purchased it for my "friend", Zen, because she needed it (it was a rent-to-own arrangement). Zen then went on drugs (as did her son) and they trashed it and stopped paying on it, and I was forced to evict them. Now I'm stuck with it.

I could have sold it already, but because Zen owed me so much money, it would've been a terrible loss. So, I decided to rent it out while I figured out what to do. Finding a decent renter in that neighborhood was difficult, but thankfully the police have been intent on cleaning up that area by harassing everyone who sets foot there. This isn't necessarily the right way to do it, but I have access to a little higher quality renter as a result of it.

Still, there is little profit to be made there. Although it's one of the nicest trailers in the park, it has termites. It's expensive to treat termites (you have to tent the place) and because all the other trailers have them, it's only a matter of time before they infest your property once more. So, I do alternative treatments which aren't as effective but are not cost prohibitive.

Does that make me a slumlord?

At the risk of self-justification, I'd say no. I'm doing the best with what I've got. It's not as if I'm rich or will get rich by renting the @%$& thing.

So what is a slumlord?

Today the St. Pete Times has an article on a local would-be politician, Fabian Calvo. They say he's a slumlord, and from the description, I have to agree. If these are his business practices, let's hope he can never make any decisions on behalf of us. What's scary is that this guy is a conservative politico, full of rants and raves against liberals and "socialism".

Gee, thanks, Calvo. You are the reason we moderates are moderate.

What's amazing to me is that this idiot actually is running for a House of Representatives post. Obviously he'll never get it now (I hope) but the fact that he had the chutzpah to run at all simply amazes me.

Governmental Contracts

I spent all day yesterday going over a contract that was issued by Pinellas County (which is part of the Tampa Bay area). By the end of it, my head was swimming.

There were so many errors, omissions, and downright disagreements in that contract that it took pages to document it all.

I'm a moderate that believes in governmental healthcare (I've discussed this previously) and I think that we desperately need to reform our healthcare system. I've heard the conservative pundits claim that over 80% of us are insured and I know that this is not true. I've seen the evidence to the contrary and I find it remarkable that someone can repeat such a fabrication with a straight face. In fact, experience alone has shown me that this simply is not the case.

But insurance companies make a huge profit (they are known as "The Silent Bankers" among financiers) and you can be guaranteed that they are throwing everything they can into the fight, including paying off whomever they can to spread their message.

On the other hand, the system will need to be run efficiently and well and common sense will be required. They cannot do as they have always done by giving contracts to the lowest bidder, as this results in a continual drop in the quality of service. There must be a better way.

And the government must do the same with their personnel: Cheapest is by no means best. A poorly paid employee is no bargain. At best you have an employee filled with resentment who is continually looking for work elsewhere. At worst, you have someone who has been promoted to his level of incompetancy.

To do governmental healthcare the right way, the government needs to rethink it's entire system. If they don't, they might as well hand it over to Pinellas County.

Swamp Cabbage Recipe

I was talking to a co-worker at lunchtime and by the end of it all, I was positively drooling. First he shared his recipe for Lo Mein, which is basically cooked wheat pasta with stir-fried chicken breast and assorted vegetables in sesame oil with appropriate seasonings. Then he talked about Jamaican Jerk Pork.

Since he was so into cooking, I shared an old "Cracker" recipe.

Crackers are true, deep-south Florida natives. They're pretty rare these days, as most of them have died out and those of us who are natives in this area usually have parents who were northerners or were influenced by yankees as we were growing up. An old-fashioned Cracker talks with a deep drawl and usually grew up with no air conditioning in the middle of scrub palmettos, rattlesnakes, and pine trees.

Years ago, my ex-husband worked with an old Cracker. He shared a recipe with us that we absolutely love. It's something his mother and her mother before her used to make. They used "Swamp Cabbage" (which is the heart of the palmetto tree) but now we use regular cabbage.

Take a pound of smoked bacon, and chop it up. Fry it until it's crispy, draining the fat regularly into a mug or bowl. Make sure you wipe the side of the pan whenever you drain it, as the fat will drip on the burner and smoke.

Remove the cooked bacon and drain it on paper towels. Pour enough bacon grease back into the frying pan to cover it. Take at least half a head of cabbage, chopped, and put it into the frying pan along with generous amounts of salt and pepper. Keep stirring it until the cabbage has been reduced and is translucent. Add more cabbage, grease and seasonings as desired.

When all the cabbage is cooked down, stir the bacon back into the mix and serve with baking powder drop biscuits on the side.

Voila! Heart attack on a plate ... and it's sinfully good.

Needless to say, we eat this only once a year.

Tidbits

Florida Highway Patrolman Fired Because He Didn't Give Out Enough Tickets

An FHP trooper was let go primarily because he didn't meet his ticket quota. I love this validation of what many of us know but police departments deny: Cops do have ticket quotas.

Teenagers are Nature's Form of Birth Control

I've been having problems with Sonosaur lately, and was complaining to my mother. "Oh, we understand," Mom assured me. "One day after a difficult battle with you, your father turned to me and said 'Why didn't we just go bowling on the night she was conceived?!' ...and he hates bowling."

I Will Blog on Wednesday and Friday This Week

My apologies for neglecting you. I've been swamped with work, but it's no excuse when I can write something short and pithy, grab a cup of coffee, and hit the door. I'll be blogging regularly from now on.

Snail Mandelbrot Icecream

Lately I feel as if what I'm hearing from our leaders is nothing but a series of pithy sounding words and phrases, strung together in an attempt to sound more knowledgeable than they are.

What's new, right?

We are facing the world pandemic of Swine Flu which is destined to be extraordinarily serious, there is a new strain of the AIDS virus, and the pneumonic plague (which kills in 24 hours) has resurrected itself in a small town in China.

However, today everything goes on as it always has. Hillary Clinton has declared that we're "committed" to Africa's future. Yeah, we should be committed all right: Africa has little to offer us (except new versions of AIDS) but we are bound and determined to lavish attention on them. Why? It's not simply because Obama's relatives reside in Africa, because this sort of stupidity took root in the Bush administration.

The big news is the debate over the "successful" Cash for Clunkers program. How successful is it? It depends on who you ask.

There are some very good reasons why Cash for Clunkers is detrimental to our society, but even so, I am not going to stand on principle. If it's around when I'm ready to take advantage of it, I'll do so. But throughout this debate all I hear is a great deal of waffling without openly addressing the true concerns that arise from this program. Instead, the real issues are discussed in print by the people who cannot make the decisions for us.

How about a little attention to the genuinely serious issues, guys? I think we're going to need it. Right now we're looking at worsening economic conditions, potentially serious plagues that will or can find their way here combined with a lack of decent health coverage, and a rising sense of hysteria among the jobless.

But obstreperous juju masticus is key, while finagling the snitterbawls in August. I believe that we are perspicacious when we say that it is all purely scatalogical.