Pages

Saturday, September 17, 2005

The Murder of Crabby Crenshaw

Due to popular demand, we are going to do another 'mutual' story like we did on September 5th. I want each of you to contribute something to the story, please. I'll start out, the next person will pick up where I left off, and so on. Let's see where we end up! Please, keep any blue language to a minimum unless it's absolutely necessary. There are kids that will be reading this. ;o)

The air was thick and hot, and shimmered like quicksilver in the midday sun. In front of me stood Dot's Diner; an old-fashioned stand-alone metal restaurant that looked like Paul Bunyan's trailer.

I was investigating the murder of Crabby Crenshaw, the circus performer. Crabby was a nickname. His real name had been Archibald, so I kinda understood why he preferred to be called Crabby. His other nickname had been Lobster Boy, due to his being born with a strange birth defect that had formed his hands into claws. But Crabby was just one of many strange denizens down here in this little, steamy town in Florida. This is where all the retired circus folk came to live. You could walk down the street and pass a retired Bearded Lady, a Wolfman, and there were dwarves everywhere (we're supposed to call them Little People now, but I feel silly doing so).

Crabby had made many enemies down here. I suspected that the murderer w0uld be one of these sideshow performers. I was beginning my investigation at the hub of the town. Everyone came to Dot's Diner for breakfast. Everyone who was anyone, that is.

I squared my shoulders, and walked toward the diner.

23 comments:

Credit Dog said...

I pushed the heavy glass door open. It squeaked like it had never been oiled. I stood motionless as the Diner patrons stared at me. I thought they must know why I’m here. I walked up to the counter and sat down on a wobbly stool. Coffee and powdered donuts I told the cute blond waitress. She said ….

OldHorsetailSnake said...

"See that guy in the corner? That's the circus Fat Man. He's got all the donuts."

I turned and peered at this apparition -- 600 pounds of powdered, glazed, jellied donuts. This guy makes a living showing off his body, I thought.

I gave him no more attention, but I knew I'd be talking to him later. He knew about the fight between Crabby and....

michelle said...

Sideshow Bob. For now I sat at the counter and ordered the daily special. A greasier than greasy cheeseburger and french fries. Good thing I have stock in Rolaids.

As I waited for my order I looked around at my surroundings. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimps of....

Fred said...

Lobster Girl. I heard there was possibly someone related to Crabby in town; surely it was her.

She was walking towards Sideshow Bob and sat next to him. I then noticed she was whispering in his ear. Bob looked annoyed and then pushed her off the stool.

As she lay on the floor, she yelled...

Kathleen said...

so, you want to play it rough? You've really got me steamed and I'm seeing red. As she struggled to lift herself off the floor, she warned . . . Watch your back Sideshow. Crabby may be dead, but . . .

Underground Logician said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Underground Logician said...

"he isn't through with you yet!!"

At that, she clawed her way up, stood and glared at me with those crustacian eyes. "Mister," she bellowed, "If you knew what was good for you, you'd eat real fast and get the hell out of this town."

She stormed out of the diner, jumped into her 1974 Dodge Matador and drove off, flinging gravel into the tin diner.

With my curiosity at about a ten, I grabbed my "mug a mud" and sauntered over to Sideshow Bob. I thought I could maybe, probe a little.

"Gee, mister," I began, "What's got her steamed?"

Sideshow, took a deep draw from his Marlboro and exhaled an answer that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

"Mister, she just told me that..."

dddragon said...

"... she heard that Crabby's Last Will and Testament has been found." He took another drag on his cigarette before continuing. "We're all supposed to head over to the Big Top for the reading of the Will."

Before I could respond, I heard the sound of chairs being pushed back. As I turned, the door's bell clanged.

The Diner was now empty.

Tabasamu said...

I figured now was as good as any to head over to the Big Top. I checked to see where the cute blond waitress was, but she was long-gone, just like the others. So without any further glance back, I headed toward my car and toward the Big Top.

As I drove along, I could see a storm brewing on the horizon, and blurry grey streaks which indicated rain. Suddenly from the side of the road...

Senor Caiman said...

An assembly of fine middle-aged black women with cone heads mysteriously appeared wearing short shorts and tube tops that seemed to be cutting off their circulation. They got right in my face and firmly asked if I was looking for women with big tops? Initially baffled I regained my composure and told these fine ladies that I was looking for the circus big top not women with big tops. To save gas I jumped in their pink Cadillac convertible and we sang hip-hop songs as we raced to the big top. When we pulled up to the big top we were shocked to see …..

Saur♥Kraut said...

just how many people were assembled there.

I got out and milled around with the others, hoping to hear something while we waited.

I passed by Lobster Girl, who was muttering something to a dwarf and shooting dirty glances toward Sideshow Bob (who stood apart from the crowd, nervously checking his watch).

Lobster Girl was saying angrily "No, that's not a part of the plan. Stick to the plan and we'll be fine. If you don't, then we're all in the soup."

The dwarf's lower lip stuck out rebelliously and he was about to reply to her when someone whispered in my ear...

Kathleen said...

"why are you here?" Before I could answer he hissed, "if you want some advise, stop stiring the pot and get out of town! They keep turning up the heat and things are about to boil over. I promise you that you don't want to be a part of this stinking kettle of fish! Watch out," the dwarf yelled! At that very moment Lobster Girl took another dive and landed in the dirt at my feet. At first, I tried to help her up, but then I realized . . .

OldHorsetailSnake said...

...she might not be a friend of mine, after that warning.

Just then, Lawyer Pete Goforth called for everyone's attention. "I am about the read Crabby's will, if you please.

"I leave my entire estate to the blond waitress down at the diner, because she's the only one who ever let me lay my claws on her. I'm not telling her, though, because she'd kill to get her hands on my coin collection."

I perked up at this bit of news, and began to take stock of the case. It seemed, now, there might be a breakthrough, if I could just put two and two....

Captain Conehead said...

….together. But why would a blond waitress whose lips were so wonderfully pouty, skin like the driven snow and a brick house for a body be interested in a coin collection. The waitress had told me of the terrible experience she had had with her old boyfriend Jeff the dwarf whose body smelled of two-day-old shrimp left out in the sun. Then it dawned on me. What if …..

Underground Logician said...

COMMERCIAL BREAK #1:

MEANINGFUL BACKROUND MUSIC...

...This is who I aaaaammmm...
...This is what I belieeeeeve....
...This is where I liiiiiive...

This is Buuuuud-Wies-errrrrrrr...

Bud...Weiserrrrrrrr...

Bud...Weiserrrrrrrr...

Bud...Weiserrrrrr.....

BUDWEISER...THE KING OF BEERS.

COMMERCIAL BREAK #2:

DIRTBALL BOYFRIEND: "AWWW, HUNNEY, I CAME RIGHT AWAY WHEN I HEARD MUFFY DIED."

NOT A CLUE GIRLFRIEND: "HE WAS SO CUTE...

DBB, SEES DAIRY QUEEN MOCHA LATTE, WHICH NOT A CLUE HOLDS AWKWARDLY BEHIND HER: "SLURP, SLURP. MOCHA!

NACGF: "NO, SWEETIE, MUFFY!"

DBB: "RIGHT, RIGHT, MUFF...THE CAT!"

COMMERCIAL BREAK #3:

TWO WOMEN, TRYING TO OUT DESCRIBE EACH OTHER WITH THE GOODNESS OF YOPLAIT CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.

WHITE GIRL: "THIS IS GET A MASSAGE FROM SVEN GOOD!"
AFRICAN AMERICAN GIRL: "NO,THIS IS GET A MASSAGE FROM SHAQUILLE O'NEAL GOOD.
WG: NO, THIS IS GETTING A MASSAGE BY SVEN WHILE STANDING ON YOUR HEAD IN A JECUZZI GOOD!
AAG: NO, THIS IS GETTING A BODY WRAP WITH DENNIS RODMAN WHILE STANDING ON YOUR HEAD IN A JECUZZI WHILE GETTING A MASSAGE FROM SVEN--GOOD."
WG: YOU WIN.

BACK TO THE SHOW.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

the blond waitress down at the diner really is the same person as the bearded lady?

The bearded lady has a beard that grows so fast she can shave every morning for her breakfast shift at the diner, and still grow a nice beard for the circus show that night.

Then the dearly departed found out that his lovely blond was bearded by night, he was going to change his will. Naturally she decided......

Eddo said...

to get electolysis becuase she knew she couldn't go on with this charade forever.

Bearded lady be damned! She thought to herself. I love him and I should be with him.

She was just about to proclaim her love to her man when she walked in and caught him with...

Kathleen said...

Lobster girl! Blinded with rage from the sound of his voice croaking who's your clawdaddy, who's your clawdaddy, she began to plan . . .

Saur♥Kraut said...

It all came to me in that blinding flash of intuition. That's why I get paid the big bucks.

From there on, it was all Easy Street. I stopped in to the police department to let them in on the gig.

It all goes to show you: Some women are sweethearts, some are sour, and some are just plain crabby for the halibut.

The End.

Fred said...

Another great story. These are fun - thanks for the really innovative idea.

Credit Dog said...

…..As I walked away I could hear the black girls chanting “who dat with OPP” from behind the Big Top.

Lesser_Lumpkin said...

Darn. Missed it. I'll be watching for the next time you start one of these up.

The Lumpy

Savtadotty said...

Commercial breaks? In a story chain? Bwaaaaaaaaaah!