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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Leave it to Florida: The Freak Show State

I live in Florida: Land of Chads, where circus freaks retire, mermaids dwell, and 38% of us voted for Katherine Harris. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Florida attracts weirdos because it's easier to live on the cheap here. Many of our transplants couldn't make it anywhere else, so they moved to Florida where they can find just enough work to supplement their addictions, habits, and other neurotic behaviors.

After all, how many qualified people choose to work in a "Right to Work" state, where they can be easily fired for no reason whatsoever? That isn't to say there aren't good quality people here, but they're the minority. Most of our workforce is a living example of the maxim "You get what you pay for." My friends The Lazy Iguana and Michelle will back me on this, I know.

Yet another bizarre story was reported yesterday. Bizarre for you, that is. For us, this is the norm. A 38 year old woman went missing 3 days before Halloween in nearby New Port Richey. She was living with her parents and sister, who called the police to report that although she was missing, her purse and other personal effects were left behind.

Yesterday she was found. Rotting. Upside down. Behind her bookcase.

Her family says they noticed a bad odor but thought is was rats rotting in the wall. Why didn't they open up the wall to extract the rats? God only knows. The police do not suspect foul play. Yup, that's right. And you know what? I believe it was truly an accident (read the article for the reason).

Only in Florida: Land of the Freak, Home of the Brazen.

Update on Julio

He's home, resting. Until the swelling goes down, they can't operate on his eye. The men that attacked him have all been arrested and charged. One is an unregistered sex offender, another is an ex-felon with a record as long as your arm. The others that stood around him and encouraged the attackers were also charged.

14 comments:

Ed Abbey said...

Now I've heard of everything.

Ted said...

Tell Julio we are proud of him. Sorry for all the rednecks in Fla.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Not to be insensitive or anything, but my profile does say I live in FloriDUH.

They thought the stench was rats? RATS?!?!? And they just did....uhhh....nothing? The neighbors poisoned a possum that died under a shed and it STANK UP THE YARD here. And that was one possum! And the stink was outside. It still stank. I can not imagine that stink inside and me doing nothing about it.

eshuneutics said...

AOL reported this, but missed all the main details i.e. people were in the house and no one noticed the smell for days! It is hard to believe, demonstrating the fact that in Florida life flowers stranger than fiction.

The race attack was horrendous, glad your friend survived, and justice will be done. A Muslim friend of mine was beaten in front of his daughters. The police said it wasn't racial because the yobs didn't call him any names. The UK is getting as freaky as Florida!

~Deb said...

Are you kidding? Get the damn plug fixed! But how do you get caught in a bookcase? Holy crap!!! I couldn't believe it when I read the article. Wouldn't she have screamed though? "HELP????!!!!!!" Seems strange, doesn't it?

QUASAR9 said...

Hi Saur Kraut, so you don't work for the Florida Tourist Board ...

There was me thinking, hmmm could be nice moving to Florida. Sun & Sea, where the living is easy ...
oh wait, that's California.

Well, I guess you helped me choose!

Mr. Fabulous said...

Plus I hear that some people in Florida get freaky with bananas...

Oh Wirra said...

Sadly my first thought when I read the article was, "Gee, I wish my body would fit behind a bookcase." Then the family went on to view their daughter's body (against the advice of the funeral director) and describe to the reporter how she looked after all those days stuck behind the bookcase. Ick, and shut up now please.

Senor Caiman said...

Saur,

When I read that story I thought there is nothing I could add to it to make it more interesting. Before I got a serious tank I lost some fish behind a bookcase.

Julio needs to move to a better hood.

Paul said...

Hey. I've been to Florida. Hurried away, too. I have relatives there. A few of them might fall into one or more of the categories you mentioned.

I added "Here come the judge!" to that list on my blog. Remember that one? And the 'Say Goodnight, Gracie...' was #62 on the list.

Thanks for stopping by.

uncle joe said...

Ted, you got enough rednecks around OK to worry about...!!!!

Hey, Ted is Back!!!

Welcome back Ted!!!!!!!!!

I never been to Florida but I kinda like the music...

R2K said...

Ugh florida.

When I drive there I make sure my rental car doesnt have any stickers on it.

Anonymous said...

i truly don't understand why people have so much hate in them to cause so much physical harm to another human...or even aniamls, for that matter.

(i'm a lover not a fighter ;0)

tell Julio there are many people who care and hope he gets better and can retain the use of his eye.

Edge said...

Why do they call it a "Right To Work" state? That is so misleading. I was let go in Texas - a "right to get fired state". I tried to sue, but then read the stupid clause EVERYONE has to sign that they can let you go for NO reason whatsoever. I quit before they really fired me. This being the same place that I had to tell HR that people were sexually harrassing me. And the same place whose home office wants to serve you "baby back ribs". Wink. Glad I'm done with them.

~Jef