This is a large, metropolitan area with millions of people. What would be the odds that I would run into someone I know at a comedy club? Pretty slim, I would imagine (though I know a lot of people). But last night one of my friends and I went to Coconuts Comedy Club. She thought I should go there to get a weight off my mind, and she was right. I had a great time.
But, who do you think I saw?
Remember my story about the young woman who'd died suddenly? My original post is here. If you recall, she left behind a husband and a boyfriend. So last night, I looked up to see the boyfriend there, surrounded by an entourage of young, beautiful women and men. He moved freely and happily about the club, chatting with a waiter, throwing an arm around one of the girls...
I'm not a prude, and I don't insist on a year of mourning while wearing black, but this is ridiculous. I was really shocked to see him yucking it up less than two months after her death, when they'd been supposedly discussing marriage and he'd been in near hysterics at the funeral. Is all youth this calloused? Or is it just the useless ones?
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18 comments:
Awful. I understand wanting to move on with your life, but he hasn't even given himself time to mourn. Unless she wasn't all that important to him to begin with, of course. But in your other post, they all sound shallow.
I don't want to rain on your parade, Krautsome, but I don't see the point of mourning. Maybe for a week, but what the heck, it's over.
I could be wrong about this, but I doubt it, since I am never wrong. As you well know.
I'm torn on this one. I can see both points of view, as articulated in the above two comments.
I always joke to The Missus that when I die, mourning is optional; celebration is mandatory.
I think the issue here is two months. If I were in his place, I'd be celebrating in a different way, trying to dedicate my energies to reaching out to those things she cared about, completing whatever she started. I could then look back knowing I completed any work she started. That would be my way to celebrate.
I don’t know what the time frame would be to start getting out, but two months would be entirely too soon for me.
I think it depends on he mourner. Everyone is different, and some people just can't handle being alone. Besides, the girl is dead. What does she care about what he is doing? It's only the people who are still alive that have an issue with it.
Whoa Polanco insensitivo...
However, I think of Frost's poem "Out, Out" whenever someone dies. Life is for the living, but we should never forget the dead.
People handle death and grief differently. I've known people who do just as you posted about, and it seems very odd to me, but no one knows what's going on their minds and hearts. Some just need to move on quickly rather than wallow in grief and self-pity. It would be WAY too soon for me, but that's just me... and you, apparently... oh, and Fred. Hoss, on the other hand, is more the move on and party type. I don't think it means these people are hurting any less than we would.
Maybe he's in denial of his pain, maybe the tears were for show, maybe he's a callous fuck, maybe he never learnt how to grieve, maybe he's throwing himself into the arms of another woman to ease the pain, maybe he was drunk or high, maybe I agree with PC and that when you're dead you don't care what your ex is doing.
Well, I've been thinking about it. I think everyone has a point, here. Daniel, Horsetail and Polanco have rightly pointed out that the dead are gone for good (while we're on earth, at least), so in some ways it might be similar to a breakup. As a friend of mine says, if you fall off the horse, get back on and ride again.
But a death to me is more serious than a breakup. And the death of a fiance (or spouse) or even a breakup with a fiance (or spouse) is tough.
And death is worse than a breakup, because everything was wonderful until it was abruptly halted. Breakups happen after a series of problems, so it's easier to let go.
This guy is the typical schlub, from the looks of him. He has a little mephistopheles beard, and piercings, and hangs out with strippers. Probably not a quality guy, would be my best bet.
Jamie Dawn said pretty close to what I was going to say.... :-)
I know what you mean about the shock of seeing something like that. I knew someone who found love with a man who had just lost his wife. (The wife had been ill for a long time.) It was obvious that they would end up married, but she wisely said they had to wait a year and she had to have met his family first. They were married for 15 years before he died last week.
When my favorite aunt died (also after a long illness), her husband remarried. We all knew he would, SHE knew he would. He isn't the kind of guy who could remain single (needs taken care of). The shocker was when he married two months later. That was hard to take, and still is. Yeah, I know she's gone, but it still hurts that he did that. It's like she was just replaced.
Saur,
A normal heterosexual male can’t go 24 hrs without sex/gratification. His sex drive is stronger than his need to mourn. He’s probably still a jerk but male genetics cause him to move on. If when he saw you, he curtailed his game, he might have a passionate side.
Every time I drive by those strip joints on 19 those girls always wave. It seems to be a friendly occupation.
Saur, your projection in your original post was very accurate, his period of mourning was indeed short. When looking at it, consider it in context. Here was a man willing to date a married woman? I certainly would not expect much in the way of depth of character from this individual.
Some what cruelly, I must say that as far as this womans husband is concerned, her death may be a blessing for him. He was at least spared the extended fall out of her infidelities
Saur, on a related topic. We lost our Mom last December, my Dad has been making "noises" about a "friend" etc etc etc,,,turns out he is comtemplating having her move in with him. None of my brothers or I particularly care for the situation but not because our mom is so recently gone, or the fact that none of us like her. Our issues mostly relate to legal issues as the owners of the house etc.
More power to my Dad *S*
saurkraut, if you want gmail, send me an email at mcgblog@gmail.com and i'll send you an invite..
later.
Sounds like you lead a very busy and interesting life.
Today, I have a post on how somethings are not always as they appear to be.
On a side note, what I loved about Miami were all of the Coconuts!
Thanks, everyone, for your comments! I read all of them but I simply don't have time to respond to them today. I had to be in the office very early this morning and worked without a break all day, and now I'm on my way to my daughter's school to meet her new teacher.
Mcgibfried, I'll take you up on that!
Barbara, I do! If you ever come this way, I'll show you around. There's TONS to do here.
Actonbell, good point about the 'crazy season' and getting drunk. You're right, I hadn't thought about that.
Mallory, good point about someone willing to date a married woman. I'm glad your dad is happy, and you're happy for him. At least he won't be lonely.
Mr. Gator, he DID seem to sober up when I said HI.
Dddragon, TWO MONTHS? Whoa.
"This guy is the typical schlub, from the looks of him. He has a little mephistopheles beard, and piercings, and hangs out with strippers. Probably not a quality guy, would be my best bet."
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Your only surprise should be that he didn't start sooner (which he likely did).
Bill R, *G*
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