I love Chinese fortune cookies. Sure, you can buy them by the box but they lose their mysterious appeal then. I've had everything from the truly banal ("You like the color blue") to the truly weird ("He is over there right now, go to him") to the analytical ("It is not wise to throw stones at tigers") to the mysteriously prophetic ("Blue eyes are about to change the course of your life").
I had a friend that used to make everyone read their fortunes outloud, and then add the words "in bed" to the end of each fortune. It made for entertaining reading, if you didn't have a repressive grandmother nearby, scowling at you.
Another friend thinks that if it's authentic, every fortune cookie should begin "He who..." I disagree. Fortune cookies are a potpourri of one sentence sayings, and I won't be boxed in by that rule.
I am convinced we could write better fortunes for these clowns. Give it your best shot! Oh, and if you need a little inspiration, here are some great fortune cookie sites: Bad Cookie which has nothing but evil fortune cookie sayings, Fortune Cookie has random fortunes, and this site allows you to choose which fortune cookie you want. But don't read these first if you think you'll be easily influenced! Get creative on me!
16 comments:
" You will soon miss your Kitty"
LOL on those links.
I've been sitting here and trying to come up with something, but nothing so far. I'll stop by when the "ah-ha" moment strikes.
"You will meet a Hooter's girl who loves cooking, giving nightly back rubs, doing laundry, cooking, has wealthy parents and enjoys wild sex." Wait a minute, I just described my wife.
"Bandinage isn't what you need to cover the wound."
If you want your child to listen to you, speak in a mysterious whisper.
If you don't wish your child to listen to you, call his or her name out first. This will ensure a lack of attention.
"Mr. Gator is a lucky fuck!"
It's a title of a Lenny Bruce album but I think it will work...
"To is a preposition, Come is a verb"
"A tear will ruin a reflection in water but a smile provides clarity"
I just made that one up but it somehow seems poetic to me in my own reflection.
"A puppy now cries, 'have you seen my mother?'"
That would be pretty funny!
For the poker fans, my personal motto...
"As a flush beats out a pair, willing beats out good looking any day."
This would be scary...
"Big Brother is watching..."
"Two mean words are more powerful than a million kind ones"
From the movie Pure Country...
"Funny thing about the white spot on top of chicken shit...It's chicken shit too."
And for all of us because I could easily do this all day...
"Don't forget to type into your own blog as you waste your entire day typing in someone else's"
Until later...
Hey Saurkraut, you can say the same thing about hubby's as you said about kids. HA HA HA
TC and Jeff,
I've always credited my good fortune with the fact that I can touch the end of my nose with my tongue.
More New Age filth!
"Man who goes to sleep with itchy balls wakes up with sticky fingers"
"Large storm will cause you to make a home buying decision"
"When inside a large birdcage, do not look up with your mouth open"
"When at the zoo, if you see a monkey poop in his hand, RUN!"
"You will have a dearth of ideas today."
We ate at a Chinese Restaurant recently that had the lamest fortunes. They weren't really fortunes at all.
They were just stupid statements like "You are kind." or "You are intelligent." What a disappointment!
I kept a fortune that I got in my cookie YEARS ago when I was 8 months pregnant with Courtney. It simply said:
"Something wonderful will happen next month."
It sure did! I've got that in her baby book.
This is a true cookie fortune I have kept pasted in my office notebook:
"He would would soar like an eagle must first waddle like a duck."
It IS rather inspirational, don't you think?
Bill,
It's good to know that the Chinese people have as much trouble with English grammar as I do.
I have to admit I had to read it a few times. Deep stuff.
You will be wiser than others. Because you are wise, you will not share this information.
"You are skeptical and dismissive."
Post a Comment