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Monday, March 24, 2014

Java Jive

Who has ever been so tired they dumped the ground coffee directly into the coffee maker without the filter? This girl.
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My brother still laughs about Mom's daily ritual, which was to struggle to the kitchen, pour a cup of coffee and sink blissfully into a chair muttering "Ah, coffee. My life's blood." I now completely understand it.
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I had an eye opening revelation years ago when I read an article that said the cheaper coffee beans are overcooked (actually burned) to give them that supposedly "rich" (i.e. bitter) flavor that Starbucks is notorious for. The better coffees are actually supposed to be mellow and trip lightly over the palate. Starbucks uses cheap stuff and then advertises the heck outta it.
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The other day I picked up a bunch of gourmet coffee. Deciding to be adventurous, I grabbed a bag of Mayan Mocha Spice. What could go wrong? ...until I made a pot of it this morning. Their "spice" is red hot chile pepper, and lots of it... as if heartburn from coffee alone isn't enough! Leave it to the Mayans, well-renown for their torture methods. This "delightful" combo makes as much sense as tomato ice cream.
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Speaking of which, I once bought "Gloria Jean's Butter Toffee Coffee." I tasted no toffee. However, there's this unholy sensation of drinking movie theater butter... :-P I think these coffee companies are getting a mite too creative these days.
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How is the amount of water that I put IN to my coffeemaker so much less than the amount of coffee that comes OUT? Does it all go into the same black hole that my socks go to?!

Somewhere out there, there are extraterrestrials who are going about their day, minding their own business, when they're suddenly slapped upside the head by a mismatched pair of soggy socks.
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...and on the morning of the 8th day, God invented coffee and said "This is even better than Adam."

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