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Saturday, October 01, 2005

Avast, Ye Land Lubbers!

It's time for our weekend story! As always, please contribute to it as often as you'd like. Just keep it as clean as possible (kids will be reading this). Remember to pick up the story where the last contributor left off.

Although One Eyed Joe was feared among his men, he was feared by others even more. His cruelty was renown and One Eyed Joe never took prisoners, unless there was a ransom involved. He was careful where he put to port, because he was wanted in almost every country where he would immediately be put to death. In England it would be by hanging, in France - the guillotine. One Eyed Joe was too fond of his own neck to take unneccesarry risks, so he often sought harbor in islands and other out-of-the-way places.

This evening, One Eyed Joe put to port so that he could replenish his stores. He was running out of rum, and they had no limes left. With no limes, his crew ran the risk of scurvy and he couldn't have that. He needed a relatively healthy crew.

As always, the men had been warned to be careful. They knew that their ship was to be referred to as "The Red Rose", and their captain was merely known as "Gentleman Joe." They had already gone ashore with just a skeleton crew left aboard. One Eyed Joe had supervised the loading of the new stores all afternoon. Now it was time for him to go ashore as well, and have a little fun.

"Rawk! Trouble tonight, trouble tonight!" squawked a beautiful multi-colored parrot. "Arr, Polly," said One Eyed Joe, as he removed her from her perch in his cabin. "It's time to hit the town."

Beer Cheese Soup

OK, this is a recipe that is getting requested, but I'm going to put it in Tabasamu's recipe blog (you'll see her link to the right). Just look under her Vanilla Cream Pie post.

13 comments:

Fred said...

... as he went into town. Joe had several pubs that he always visited; he needed to find women and alcohol. He stopped in the first two, grabbing prostitutes and trying to get them to come back to the ship with him. He promised adventure and liquor, hoping to entice them to say yes. Each time, he failed. “No problem”, he thought, "I’ll get me a woman at the next pub."

He left the second pub and went to the third, which was known as Magpies. It was an unusual pub; it was owned by someone rumored to be in the clergy. One Eyed Joe really didn’t care, he just wanted more alcohol and a few women to take care of him.

But, things would go horribly wrong at Magpies. He turned around and saw...

Anonymous said...

Friar Parsifal. One Eyed Joe had had a run-in with Friar Parsifal before. Everyone knew that Catholic clergy was nothing to mess with. They had started the Spanish Inquisition. They were intimately acquainted with all forms of medieval torture, or so the rumors went.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Since One Eyed Joe had already found a table, he felt it wise to stay put. Getting up and leaving immediately would be very obvious. People would notice.

Dave said...

Argh, there she blows, One Eyed Joe thought that’s the kind of booty I’ve been looking for. That’s a true treasure chest. Load the cannon I’m taking aim at the porthole. He approached, she smiled, and he said “do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon I need to get the barnacles scraped off my rudder. The lady then said, “ Come show me how ye bury yer treasure lad.

TLP said...

One-Eyed Joe could not believe his good fortune. He grabbed her my her arse and up the stairs they went to her room.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

She, being a modernist, asked him, once they reached her room:

"Are you gellin'?"

And he said, "Are those melons?"

The parrot said, "Sheesh."

One-eyed Joe was careful in circumstances like this not to remove his sword, for he knew how crafty Parsifal could be.

"This is going to uncomfortable," Joe thought to himself. But the worst was yet to come.

"She" disrobed, whereupon Joe found he had picked up a guy. So they decided it might be fun to pitch pennies, for Joe had forgotten his jacks. But suddenly the door slammed open....

TLP said...

and in walked "her" boyfriend, BIG BAD JAKE.

One-eyed Joe ran for the window. But he couldn't get it to open. Then he dove under the bed.

"Damnitall!" he thundered. He knew that he had made a big mistake going under that bed.

Then he...

The Lazy Iguana said...

I could use that beer cheese soup recipie :)

Fred said...

(I'll continue TLP's thought)

..rolled over and found a dead body under the bed. Joe recognized the corpse; it was a pirate he met while in France and remembered his name as Jean-Luc Pidarc.

Pidarc was known for fighting Big Bad Jake many times, yet Friar Parsifal wlways brokered a truce between the two.

For some reason, the Friar could always get the two rogues to stop their fighting. He knew that the two...

Anonymous said...

could be reasoned with, unless it involved a woman.

One Eyed Joe was worried. This could look as if it indeed was him, with this hoyden as the excuse for the fight. Was he being set-up?

Big Bad Jake was arguing loudly. With a sudden push, he shoved her out the window. During the distraction, accompanied by the noisy shattering of glass, One Eyed Joe was able to make it to the door and out into the corridor. He escaped down the stairs as others were racing up the stairs to see the source of the disturbance. He had to get out, assemble his men, and get out of town. Something wasn't right.

Saur♥Kraut said...

One Eyed Joe continued toward his ship. "Gentleman Joe," nodded one of his sailors, tipping his hat to him.

"C'mere," whispered One Eyed Joe fiercely. "I think we've got trouble. Spread the word and have the men assemble at the ship. We are dealing with something I don't understand, but I think it involves Friar Parsifal."

That sobered the man up immediately. "Aye, Cap'n," he nodded, and he took off running to the nearest tavern.

"Rawk! Trouble tonight!" repeated Polly.

Anonymous said...

The men gathered at the boat, eager for a fight. One Eyed Joe began "Men, we're gonna hafta cut shore leave, arrr..."

Just then, a group of angry friars appeared at the dock. "There he is!" shouted one of the friars. "One Eyed Joe!" Ranting and railing against him, they began to approach the ship as the pirates hurried aboard. Pirates and friars alike drew their swords. One particularly enterprising young friar eagerly swung a mace...

Saur♥Kraut said...

and coshed in the head of 'Ol Lame Bill Smythe. But the others fought their way back up the plank and into the ship with little loss of life.

The ship cast off, while angry friars swarmed about the dock.

"What was THAT all about?" asked Peg Leg Jeb.

"Rawk, out of the frying pan and into the friars," squawked Polly.