We are finally getting people placed in the judiciary that are putting some bite back in the law. Over the years, I have heard many people say that they feel it is an injustice to hold parents accountable for their kids' behavior. Then there are those with common sense, who admit that if you have a child, you are responsible for that child. If you choose to take no responsibility, give the child to someone who will take that responsibility.
How people love to deny responsibility, while crying for their leaders to assume some.
Being an adult connotes responsibility unless you're in an asylum or living under a bridge. But we live in a time where I see people working just as hard at not working, or excusing juvenile behaviors. If they did a personal analysis of the time, energy, and stress they committed to such justifications and avoidances, they would realize that they'd do better to simply do the right thing the first time and look better for doing it!
And yet, these are not people governed by logic. They're not governed by will. They're not governed by much at all. How sad to be the illustration of a man with little or no self-control: The person that is the example of "what not to be" in the neighbors' discussions over dinner. Of course no one will tell them this to their faces, so they go on blissfully, believing they have cheated the world effectively when they have only cheated themselves.
I have a friend who is constantly taking his daughter out of school early to play, or sleeping in in the morning and dropping her off late. The excuse is always the same: She has a doctor's appointment. At this point, one wonders how alarmed the teacher might be. This child could be the next Typhoid Mary!
This is a gifted child, who should be encouraged to make school a priority if she ever wants the chance to be anything more than a counterperson at MacDonald's. But she's being encouraged to play hooky and lie about it, because it feeds her father's neediness. This is not the underpinnings of a future CEO.
But thankfully, the government is beginning to step into such cases. In today's paper, there is an article about parents who are now being fined, jailed, put on probation, or have their driver's license taken away because they've allowed or encouraged their kids to skip school. And it's effective. Other parents are calling in, nervously asking if they might be next. Ahhh, at last, some parental concern.
"But what about me?" wails a reader. "My child just won't listen! Am I going to go to jail because of her? I can't control her!" Then may I suggest that you take it seriously enough to get some professional advice and change tactics, or give her to someone who will take control. Because, you see, it's not all about you. It's about them, and our future as a nation.
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21 comments:
The OH is a teacher and the greatest frustration is the students with the biggest problems have the parents who are least engaged in the process
It is good if some ownership for the problem gets put where it belongs
Wow, interesting post. I TOTALLY agree with what you said about people working hard at not working. Those people really drive me nuts and if i could get them all together, i would gladly be the one to tell them to their faces what losers they are and what losers they are turning their children into.
My mom used to let us skip school one we were in high school. Every now and then, if our grades were up, and if we had enough absences left (b/c you only get so many per semester). As long as we werent missing anything pertinent (like a test) she would say ok. She beleives we deserved those "personal days". And we very responsible with them. It never affected our grades, and it did make the rest of the week easier to deal with.
I would hate to think that something like that would get my mom in trouble in today's world. Or that kids that go to school and then take off could be putting their parents at risk for getting in trouble..the kids who are 17 years old and have their own car and can just leave. The parents are at work and dont know it's happening. I hope the courts can distinguish b/t what is the parent's fault and what tends to be just out of their direct control. But people like your friend should be held accountable, for sure.
or might I suggest you get out the wooden spoon? a quick smack will shock them into submission and if that doesn't work: all those gadgets such as celli, ipod, mp3, etc. take those away!
Good for them.
Our school system sends us a letter after so many tardies or absences and tells us we will be called to a mandatory meeting with the principal to discuss WHY our kids are tardy or absent..
You make some good points. Still, I can't help but feel sorry for parents (and I know some) who have kids that are just OUT OF CONTROL. These kids are just way out there, and it's not from poor parenting. It happens. These parents suffer enough as it is!
Aral & KristieD, well, they're not just going after parents that are completely innocent. These parents have been spoken with and received numerous notices. They have willfully ignored the situation because they don't want to deal with their child(ren).
And if the kids are in their teens, they're still the parent's responsibility unless they've moved out of the house. If kids were fully responsible for themselves at that age, then we'd be trying them as adults in the court system. They can't have it both ways.
KristieD, I understand your mom's reasoning behind allowing a kid to play hooky. But as you pointed out, she did it carefully and made sure it wouldn't negatively impact you in any way. Would *I* do it? Maybe, rarely.
Uncle Joe, all schools should do that.
Some Random Girl, isn't that the truth??? So many parents don't want to be seen as the 'bad guys' by taking away a kid's expensive toys. Instead, they are the bad guys by setting them up for a lifetime of failure.
Mike & Mallory, ;o)
This is a hard call. I really can't comment as a parent, because I'm not one. But seeing what my sister goes through--she has a defiant child (but the kid is so young yet) but if she were to act up, and not be 'controlled'----it's hard to give them to someone who will take control...even so...they end up rebellious anyway. And if the parent loves them so much, it's really hard to let them go.
I have no opinion on this, but I do feel bad for the parents going through such a dilemma. But if the parent is very lenient to the point of letting their kids do 'whatever the hell they want'---then that's a whole different story.
Hmmm......Not a parent....thank God. I can only imagine though. I think 'today' it's more lenient and less disciplined...which leads to kids straying in other directions.
Parents do need to be responsible. I can check my daughter's grades and attendance online.
My mother used to let me skip every now and then to go skiing. First day of deer hunting season was a big skip day as well. Not sure that would go over too well now. I read an article in our local paper about a varsity athlete at our school failing P.E. for attendance because he was leaving school early (with the team) to go to games. What's up with that?
Yes, parents often scream a little too late. Going to school or not going wasn't even an option for us growing up. We wanted to go to school for the most part.
I'm going to agree with you here, for sure. And I am a parent, so I can say something about it. It is my fault... No, my responsibility when my children screw up. I raised 'em, and while maybe they didnt learn everything they know from my wife and I (in fact, I'm sure this is true), I'm still supposed to monitor their behavior until they reach adulthood. Sure, give'em more lead as they get older and (hopefully) more responsible. But you've still got to keep an eye on them, and if they cant handle the responsibility, then rein them back in.
But I'd like to extend this idea outward. We have CEO's who claim to not be able to control their companies, and we have political leaders who claim that things under their watch were out of their control. What kind of example is that? Maybe they to need to be held more accountable. The load of "responsibility" that they carry is the reason given for their large salaries and power, isnt it? Hold them to it.
As Dr. Phil would say:
"The worse form of child abuse is giving your children TOO MUCH."
I was lucky that my son never skipped school. He suffered from childhood migraines, and did have to stay home a bit during the elementary years... but he did stay home, and stay in bed all day. And just for good measure, I took his computer mouse away for the whole day... regardless if he was *feeling better* at 4:00. If you're going to be sick, you need to stay in bed! No computer, no games, no nothing! Those were the rules.
His school had a great system anyway as they would call the parents the very same day the child was absent just to be sure that the parent was aware their child was not in school. Then would only accept a note from the parent for the children to legitimetly be excused. They also rewarded children for perfect attendance, which turned out to be a great incentive program for children to show up.
I feel for parents who have kids that have serious behavioral problems.
Even still, the responsibility lies with the parents to deal with the kids and do what is necessary to teach them that rules matter in life.
We have friends with two daughters. The younger girl is basically a normal kid. The older girl is hell on wheels and has been all her life. She was always doing awful things as a little girl and now in her mid-teens she has tried to kill herself a few times. She is a nightmare.
The parents have done the right thing and put her in a hospital for treatment a few times. They have worked hard to not let her get away with the awful stuff she does. She is one of the worst kids I've ever known, and her parents are such kind, loving people.
Parents must take action! It's the best thing they can do for their kids.
Good post.
You know how I feel!
(Sorry I did not call back, tell you about that one later. I'll say this much...KIDS!!!!AARRGGHH!!!)
Saur,
Another excellent post.
Most studies place the failure of the family unit squarely on the female partner. I remember way back when my wife was considering going to work instead of taking care of the children. I suggested she join the spa instead. Sometimes there is such an easy fix to problems seen as insurmountable.
I'm torn here, not about penalizing parents for their children's actions, I see no problem with that, though I know from experience that your control of kids has some limitations but with the fact that it has to happen. Parents nowadays often consider the schools the enemy. Even those who would be indignant at the thought that they don't control or influence their kids will come have a screaming match with the teacher over low grades or disciplinary action.
I spent the last few years before my retirement coping with what those parents did to their children. I have often had to explain that being on time and being present in class occasionally is important. When students asked me for a recommendation I often had to refuse, because I couldn't recommend anyone who was not likely to come to work any day that he/she could find and excuse not to come, or who was unlikely to be on time more than once a week. When I explained my reasoning, more that one threatened that the parents would take legal action or "would come to talk to my supervisors". It got worse every year. It was one reason to retire.
I completely agree. I posted something similar a while back ~
Where are the Parents?
I think parents should be held responsible and accountable for their children.
I agree that it is still the parents responsibility to look after their kids even at high school age. You're right, otherwise, they would be able to live on their own. I was only remembering some of my high school acquaitances who would skip school no matter what the consequenses. A more recent person: The girl who babysat for me continued to skip school even tho she was actually court ordered to attend school or she would be sent to a sort of home for girls if she skipped. I work with her mother and know she does all she can to try and make her go. She meets with her teachers and adminstrators and the case worker and the judge, but the daughter continues to skip school. Its a hard situation for the girl's mother. I would feel terrible if she were to be fined or jailed when she is doing everything "they say" you should to correct this sort of behavior.
Of course, maybe if this girl knew her mother could be held accountable, perhaps that would curb her behavior a little. She thinks right know it is her life and she's not hurting anyone else.
I dont know about all of this. Skipping school is great training for a CEO. What does the CEO do anyway? Not work. Does the CEO of Ford Motor Company design, build, or sell cars?
Anyway, parents who have no control over their kids should blame themselvs. I am not the one who says that a little ass blistering is not OK.
I see a difference between an ass blistering and child abuse. Child abuse happens when an adult strikes a child for no reason. An ass blistering is what you get when you steal your grandmother's car or set fire to the house after playing with matches.
Mr. Gator,
Will you marry me? Work vs. Spa, let me think....SPA!!
Michelle,
You don’t care about the relaxation or the spa you’re just thinking about that 20 seconds of ecstasy, I know how hot mermaids operate.
Have fun Friday night with Dr. Wilcox.
Mr. Gator,
I am otherwise engaged on this Friday night, so if you are able I would appreciate it if you would take my place.
PS. Only 20 seconds???
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