The rules are simple: Pick up the story where the last person left off. If, by some chance, two people publish at the same time, then the first one posted is the one which continues the story.
Snow White grimly reflected that there were reasons no one ever wrote a fairytale sequel, as she plunged her hands into the dishwater and began to scrub another dish.She knew that Princesses shouldn't scrub dishes, but having been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, she also knew why she had to make sure things were always clean and sparkling. She just hoped the Queen didn't catch her in here again.
She had really tried to resist the lure of the dishes this time, but the scullery maid had snuck out behind the castle with the gooseboy, and those dishes sat there, tempting her with no chaperone.
Of course the more upset she got, the more she itched to clean something. And settling into life in the castle was difficult when you'd had the run of the woods and a rather exciting childhood.
Her initial reaction to Prince (Gerald) Charming had been purely hormonal, she realized that now. He was still as handsome as ever, but less-than-acceptable traits had emerged soon afterwards.
And the Queen was quite tyrannical. The dwarves were all banned from the castle since the Queen was prejudiced against "midgets" because they were "abnormal." The Queen also insisted that the name "Snow White" was as common as "Bobbie Sue" and would only address her now as "Neve", which was the Italian word for snow.
Recently they had a famous visiting dignitary over for dinner, and Snow White had sat there stupidly, looking as if she was daydreaming (when she wasn't) because she hadn't recognized the Queen was speaking to her when she asked "Neve" a question. Gerald had merely rolled his eyes. Snow White had been so very tempted to throw a hard dinner roll at him, but had restrained herself with supreme effort.
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Oh indeed, things looked grim for Snow White, and she often wondered if she hadn't been better off reacting to on of the Dwarves' kisses. (This is the narrator's wording. Snow White is very politically correct and always refers to her reduced-size friends as little people.)
At least, she would have been free of her time, and Grumpy would have been, in comparison to Gerald, a ray of sunshine...
The Queen though was the 100 pound fly in an already smelly mess. Snow White had not realized that the queen had married her husband (the deceased King) for his money, Titles and lands. Prince "Gerry" was an accident of some magnitude that she was still regretting since it inhibited her search for the ideal "Trophy Husband"
Sadly, while handsome, Gerry had less education and experience than a stable boy and it showed in his ability to relate with the world and more importantly, Snow White. Snow White had yet to discover whether he had any significant talents beyond "pretty boy"
Suddenly there was a scuffle at the door and the scullery maid came in, breathless and laughing at the gooseboy beside her. They jostled each other as they walked into the kitchen.
Snow White guiltily jumped and grabbed a towel, wiping her hands rapidly. The scullerymaid stopped and both grew silent. "Oh, Snow White! Yer need to be more careful," she gasped. "Lawks-a-me, I dunno WHAT would've happened if the ole Queen were to ketch yer. She'd let me go, fer sure!"
Snow White looked properly abashed, stammered an excuse, and fled the kitchen.
"Oh there you are, my dear," said Gilbert indolently, as she fled past him in the hall.
The Queen, miffed, told Gerald, "All I wanted to know was where she got such pretty hands."
The Dignitary interrupted. "In my country we don't."
"Don't what?" asked the Queen.
"No, never," said Mr. Dignitary. "Not that it matters."
The Queen: "What I was asking....No, never mind. I better go look after Neve. She's such a silly...."
The Queen found "Neve" in her room, crying.
"What are you sniveling about?" asked the Queen.
Snow White said, "I'm pregnant."
The Queen nearly fainted, but then realized how happy the Kingdom would be to have a royal heir.
What the Queen didn't know was...
That in fact, "Gerry" could not possibly be the father of this unexpected baby. Ever since she had realized the error of her ways, Snow White was secretly...
meeting with Grumpy and Happy for a bit of sureptitious hand holding and toe fights behind the stable. It seemed so innocent at first, but eventually . . .
...she was being courted by Gerry's long lost twin brother that was seperated at birth.
Once in the past, the King was traveling alone when his horse was spooked which resulted in throwing a shoe. Fortunately, this was close to a farmhouse. If it hadn't been the farmer's help, the King would have been delayed for an important ceremony. The farmer shoed the horse. The King wanted to pay the farmer, but he graciously declined. While refueling on porridge and fresh milk, the King discovered the farmer and his wife could not have children which they so much desired. The King promised to repay the farmer. When his wife (the Queen) gave birth, the first born son was Gerald and the second son was Herald. While the Queen was still "out", he secretly gave Herald to the farmer and his wife. Herald....
Herald grew up a farmer's son. His foster parents were kind and honest people, working hard to make a living and to survive the harsh conditions imposed on them by the Queen after the King's death.
He got the education the farmer's son could receive: he knew all about horse-handling, seeding and harvesting, and was a seasonned hunter and fisher. Living on the farm had also helped him connect to all things of Mother Nature.
So it was natural that....
Herald would become friends with Grumpy, who would hook him up with Snow White. What a lovely girl -- "I think I would like to ride HER now...."
Ride her? Do you not know what this gesture might entail? Please do not be so self-centered, and look beyound your own needs, and make room for a bit of shared affection and think of something else, that would give you just as much, if not more pleasure....
So this to say that... well, before you can say "apple", Snow-White and Herald were enjoying a serious case of mistaken identity... and having a great deal of fun together.
Unfortunately, the fun would come at a great price, a price Snow-White was about to pay...
…dearly because Gerald came up and said “sit your use-to-be fine booty down girl”. Gerald continued, “girl I love you and I want you to cook, clean and rub my back but I need my freedom”. “A man can’t be tied to just one woman”. What if a hot Victoria Babe wants some of Gerald’s stuff”? Snow White sheepishly said, “ You make a very valid point Gerald”. Gerald then said, “Girl where did you get that tube top, my sister TC wears one of those to garden in”?
Snow White let his silly insults slide off her like rainwater off Turtle Wax. She was tired of Gerald, or Gerard, or Gilbert, or whatever he went by these days. She much preferred Herald, who was as yet unspoiled. She rubbed her growing belly and wondered what would happen if Herald tried to take his rightful place in the Royal Family...
but knew that it would never happen. Herald had a child of his own resulting from an affair with a maid who now worked for the Queen. The maid's son, Collin, also worked at the castle. Snow White, in her earlier days, saw to it that Collin was well taken care of and stayed out of trouble. In fact, while she was helping him one day in the stables, she felt romantically attracted to him. However, right when she was going to kiss him, something happened that frightened her. He...
began clucking like a chicken and squawking, "Run for your lives. The bridge is falling down." She slapped him in an effort to bring him to his senses. It did not help and he turned and ran pecking and scratching down the path to the river. She heard him shouting back to her, “watch out for the chicken hawk.” Seeing Collin in this rather unattractive light released her from all romantic attraction she had for him and convinced her that she must . . .
... somehow switch Herald with Gerald. She started to hatch a plan.
If Gerald wanted to play the field, let him, as long as the field was a LONG way away from here ...
Just then Snow White remembered that hot and steamy night last summer that she had spent with the maid and the dwarfs was the most fun she had in a long time. Snow White pondered whether the queen would be receptive of an alternative lifestyle in the castle. Snow White started thinking about the wonderful foot massages the midgets would give and oh the maids feather duster. She then heard a sneeze and someone slapped her butt she turned and saw …
...the king!!
"Whoa!" she hollered and stood herself up straight. She slapped the king. "What's going on here, your majesty?"
"Oh good grief!" the king hollered in disbelief. "I thought you were my queen."
"Hah!" Snorked Snow White. She slapped the king again. "That's a good one, you fresh corona rack!"
"No, really," pleaded the king. "She's got pimples on her but she's pretty. Just like you," he blushed.
After Snow White slapped him again, he said, "Forgive me, Miss White. It was a case of mistaken identity. How can I ever repay you?"
"Well, In that case," said Snow White, "I think you can...
"You know what?" asked the King, struck by sudden inspiration. "I think I have a solution. I will announce my retirement, take the Queen and retire to Jamaica. I'm sick and tired of living up here in the cold and the snow, 9 months out of the year. As for Gerald..."
"Oh you couldn't possibly wish for him to assume the..." began Snow White before she again realized her place, and snapped her mouth shut.
The King gave her a knowing smile. "I'm King, remember?" he said. "Just because I choose not to do anything about it doesn't mean that I don't know. I realize that Gerald is a loser. I had hoped for more, but he was strongly influenced by the Queen. However, there is another! Gerald is, in fact, a twin. His brother Harold is the elder by only minutes, but he is the rightful heir. I gave him to a farmer and his wife, believing that if he was raised by honest and good people, he might escape his mother's influence. Therefore, I'll collect Gerald and leave the keys of the kingdom with Harold."
"Where does that leave ME?" asked Snow White, breathlessly.
"I hear you may be expecting," said the King with a pregnant pause.
Snow White blushed. "It's Harold's," she admitted, shocked at her own candor with the King.
"Well then it will be easy enough to get your marriage to Gerald annulled, and you shall marry me," said Harold, walking up behind her.
"Actually," said Snow White, "You really need to pay more attention to your son Collin, who is your rightful heir. As for me, I'll make my own decisions as to whom I'll marry. In the meantime, I think I need to go back to the woods once more. I know of 7 dwarves who need a good housekeeper."
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