Do Career Women Make Rotten Wives?

An anonymous contributor asked for my take on an article concerning the latest Career Women Debate: Do career women make rotten wives? My answer is... yes they do, and no they don't.

If a man is looking for a traditional Betty Crocker style wife, then a career woman would definately be the wrong choice. If a man is a muslim extremist or a member of the Shantar Religion and believes in the subjugation of women, his best bet would not be a career woman.

However, if a man wants someone who is a mental equal, is dynamic, interesting, and exciting, then a career woman might be just what he's looking for. NOTE: there are stay-at-home moms that also fit this description. I was one, once. But I am not the sort of woman that can remain a "shut-in". Most career women will agree.

Interestingly, this questionable article is based on American studies. Many European males cannot fathom the American male's perspectives, or so my European friends tell me.

This article says "If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy. They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be more likely to fall ill. Even your house will be dirtier."

Let's tackle this, one statement at a time. First, "If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy." Yes. I agree that most of us would be unhappy. However, this doesn't mean that there isn't room for compromise. Children are not helpless forever. At a certain point, women can certainly return to the workforce. Additionally, men could step outside of the traditional role and become the caregiver, instead.

Second, "They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do." Ahh, but why would a woman be more unhappy if she makes more money than her husband? So often, these studies neglect the why.

I surmise that the career woman would be more unhappy only if her husband is. After all, money is a nice thing which provides all sorts of extras. So it can't be the money itself which would upset her. But a surly husband who feels that this is somehow de-masculizing could make a career woman wish she were as poor as a church mouse.

So why would a man be unhappy if his wife makes more? If he falls for the traditional American expectations, then ultimately he believes the wife should be "barefoot and pregnant" and at home. But perhaps its time for the American male to become a little more civilized and grow beyond his neanderthal roots. For the men who have such a poor self image that they are threatened by a woman with earning power, I suggest... "get some therapy!"

Third, the article asserts that men "...will be more likely to fall ill." Perhaps that's because in a traditional setting, the woman stays home and nurses the sick children and gets the brunt of the sicknesses. In a true partnership, husband and wife take turns and therefore the husband is exposed to more "yuck".

Fourth, we hear the warning to men that "even your house will be dirtier." Well, duh! Learn to pick up after yourself, then! If you want to hire a maid, look in the yellow pages. Why is it that women must clean? Are the duties somehow attached to sex organs? You've got a vagina, so you must cook and clean. You have a penis, so go mow the lawn. Aren't we past all this silly sexual stereotyping by now?

Finally, we're cautioned that women are more likely to cheat on their husbands if they're career women. Well, of course that's true. If a woman isn't isolated at home, she will have more opportunities... just as men have always had. The key to this is that a man can no longer take his wife for granted, any more than a wife could ever take her husband for granted.

I remember reading of a book that was written in the 50s, admonishing women to make sure they are clean and pretty and attentive to all their man's needs when he got home from work at night. There is no mention of how the husband should behave.

The tables are turned, and we now have equality. It's high time that we have a book written for the neanderthals which still skulk about in our society. They need the social and marital skills which have always been expected of us women.

One more thing: I am not saying that a woman who stays at home is less than a real woman. I stayed at home with my baby for 3 1/2 years, and it was the toughest job I've ever had. But I prefer to do something other than that now, and I prefer a companion who understands and accepts that. Until I find one, I am happy to live alone.