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Thursday, August 10, 2006

Fashion Guide to Choosing a Mate

This is Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler. I had never heard of this couple before they announced their divorce. I wish they'd called before the marriage. I would have willingly counseled them to run like hell. Hello?

"One of these things is not like the other, can you tell me which thing does not belong?"

They look like characters from two different comic strips: Daphne from Scooby Doo meets Mutant Boy.

Other unlikely couples: Pee Wee Herman and Angelina Jolie, Roseanne Barr and Ben Afflack, David Duke and Tina Turner. Now these people had the sense to stay away from each other. What in the world were Travis and Shanna thinking?

At what point did Shanna not realize that Travis is an attention-seeker who's only solution is to look like an idiot? He could only look dumber if he were wearing a clown suit with a big red nose that honked when you squeezed it. This guy has the sex appeal of an unwashed street bum. He has a heart of gold? Great. Then he needs to stop sending mixed messages. This fashion statement says: loser!

And at what point did Travis not think that he might have a little more in common with a girl that doesn't look and dress like a Barbie doll?

Inquiring minds want to know.

FASHION GUIDE TO CHOOSING A MATE: each partner should have roughly equivalent tatoos, body piercings, and medications. Ex. If he has a death's head tat on his arm but you've got a large stripper tatoo in the small of your back, it's all good. Break this rule at your peril.

And girls, unless you're willing to share the vanity with him, pick a guy with lower maintenance hair. Of course Travis is single now, and he obviously uses Elmer's glue in his hair, so the fighting over the hairspray would be minimal.

19 comments:

mal said...

I dunno.....I think he is kind of hot.....

YEEEEECCCHHHH

Hopefully my daughters have the good sense to not bring something like that home. I really do not want to see the OH cleaning the shotgun

Reverberate58 said...

This is just too weird. Not that they got married and are getting divorced but that they actully dress like that AND go out together in public! Fashion is not at issue here, but what asylum did they escape from!!

Mindless Dribbler said...

Hey SK...don't be trying to hook my lady up with PeeWee Herman.

I've already been promised.

But I'm with you on that couple divorcing...such oddballs.

Kathleen said...

Great laugh! I needed that!

Miss Cellania said...

They say opposites attract. Maybe, but its HARD to maintain over time! This couple takes the cake on that one!

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Good fashion tips!

mckay said...

didja read the internet story about the gal who took a sleeping pill and woke up with a tattoo she didn't want? her bf had been bugging her to get a matching star on her ankle just like his - she refused, so when she was out like a light he gave her a homemade tat.

she kicked him out the next morning.

Eddo said...

Saur,
this has nothing to do with this post...

I am publishing the Marry Me reasons in a coffee table book pretty soon and I am going to list a few blogs in the acknowledgments section.

Is it okay if I list yours?

It will look like this:

These are the people and the blogs that inspire me every day to continue writing reasons and to be a better man blah, blah, blah:

Frankly Saurkraut http://franklysaurkraut.blogspot.com

Let me know if it is okay to use your site. Some people are letting me use their real names, or just their first names, but a number of people are just using blog names and that is perfectly okay with me.

Ellen said...

The picture of the couple reminds me of "Redneck goes Vegas". Who says what goes there stays there?

Off subject as well, I just came over from Waiterrant, and he's publishing a book also. Can't wait till that comes out!

Heather said...

People are strange.

R2K said...

Well a model and a rock star. That is pretty much normal, and also the key to failure.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I still do not know (or care) who these two goobers are. I have bigger things to worry about.

Like the fact that I have to take my $#%%^$#$#% shoes off at the airport now. I WORK THERE! I have full security clearance. But it seems my shoes do not.

Talk aobut a big, steaming, festering, liquid sack of crap.

uncle joe said...

Okay, which one is Travis and which one is Shanna?

Senor Caiman said...

I try never to judge someone by their outward appearance. You can’t judge a grouper by the menu you know?

Some of my best workers have some sort of grotesque feature. The hardest thing for me is not to stare at the grotesque feature.

Kathleen said...

Every time I lay eyes on tatooed, mohawked, fashion impaired folks I can't help but think that they were someones baby. Life can be cruel! Extremely cruel!

daveawayfromhome said...

I think that opposites attract due to an instinctive leveling meme that maintains the species somewhat in the average of size and behavior. It also helps when raising children, avoiding reinforcement of potential bad traits, both behavioral and physical. This instinct may have been what put these two together.

What split them up was hopefully an instinctive knowledge that neither of them should ever breed.

Heather said...

Oh but they did breed. I think they have 2 kids together. And she has an older one w/ Oscar de la Hoya.

Old Man Rich said...

So I need a girl who dresses like a bum? Seems harsh.

daveawayfromhome said...

they bred? woe to mankind!