Forgive my not visiting your blogs recently. The weather changed about 4-5 days ago, and when it did my neck got very bad, very quickly. I've been in a lot of pain and babying it. I'll be so glad when I'm totally healed.
My family never had Santa as being part of the family Christmas tradition. We still loved Christmas, we still loved knowing that mom & dad were putting out the presents after we went to sleep, and we still loved the excitement of Christmas morning. We loved the carols and the hymns, we loved the lights on the trees and the houses, and couldn't wait to see the surprises. We also loved getting each other presents, and I adored watching people's faces when they opened the presents that *I* had got them. So, we never missed Santa. Santa? Santa Who?
When my son (SaurKid) was little, my ex and I were in agreement that we'd raise him the same way. When he got a little older, he couldn't help but hear about Santa, so we told him the truth: There is no such thing as Santa. Of course now he knows that the concept of Santa was really a marketing conceit of the 1800s and I just don't like lying. Plus, I like getting the credit for being the one who got him the toys. Why give the credit to a fictional character? I'll only do it when he lets me use his credit card!
Anyway, one day when my son was about 3 1/2, I had taken him shopping in a major department store. It was getting close to Christmas and people were everywhere. I should add that my son was a strikingly beautiful baby and toddler, and people would find any excuse to touch or talk to him (we kept wetwipes handy).
We were standing in line behind an elderly man and his wife. The well-meaning man turned to SaurKid and said jovially "Have you been a good boy so that Santa will bring you presents this year? What have you asked him for?"
SaurKid looked up at him solemnly and with some pity, and politely replied "There is no such thing as Santa." (You'd think an old guy like that would know this already!)
The man appeared as if he was about to have a heart attack. I got a look from him that spoke volumes. I could almost see the banner flying above my head: Worst Mom of the Year. "Um, we've never lied to him about Santa," I said apologetically. He never said another word.
Funny, isn't it, how seriously some people take this deceit? And if you choose to not play along with this piece of fiction, you're branded a traitor? I had never set out to send a message to the world about it. I wasn't some sort of militant Anti-Santa Crusader! I simply chose to practice Christmas differently in my little corner of the world.
And SaurKid, bless his heart, remains forthright and honest to this day. Sometimes a little too honest. I wonder where he gets it?
No, I'm not saying that it's evil to promote Santa. Many of my friends do, and SaurKid was taught a long time ago that 'discretion is the better part of valour'. But I'm suggesting that parents think twice about it. That is, unless you've got Santa's credit card in your back pocket.
How My Boyfriend's Daughter Found Out
She came into my life when she was 5. She was backwards and poorly developed mentally, having been neglected by her mother all her life. However, she was always loving and sweet. Over the years (and with work from myself, my family and friends) she blossomed into an intelligent, gifted and thoughtful young lady who is amazingly mature. We continue to share her with her mother.
Her mother always perpetuated the Santa Claus Myth. It was difficult to respect her mother's unspoken wishes and yet celebrate Christmas as we did. SaurKid and I learned to excuse ourselves from discussing anything about Santa. When she asked why Santa only brought presents to her mother's home, we would hem and haw and say "What an interesting question!"
One day as I was driving her to school, she asked "Saur, is Santa real?"
Being in Full Counselor mode and keeping my eyes steady on the road, I asked her "What do you think?"
"I don't think he is," she said carefully, studying my face.
"And how does that make you feel?" I asked. Thank goodness for a college education. ;o)
"I'm OK with it, I guess," she said. "But I feel a little silly since I'm the last kid in third grade that said they believed in him!"
I nodded. "Now you know," I said. "We wanted to tell you for a very long time, but it wasn't our place to do so. But look at it this way: all these years that you've been receiving gifts from Santa, you really have your mom to thank. And it's pretty important that you should know that."
She thought a little more, turning it all over in her head. "I don't think we should tell Mom that I know yet," she said wisely. "It means so much to her."
So, we kept it secret a year. Sometimes we have to protect the parents.
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32 comments:
After the way Santa treated me this year I am now heading up the Boycott Santa Now Corp.
I truly hope you have a quick recovery because I am selfish and miss you when you are gone.
Saur - we're spoiled. Our change in the weather still means that our low for the day is higher than most of the cities up north.
I had fun with the kids; they had such joy in their eyes whenever we brought up Santa. And, I think it helped them to be a tad bit cleaner when we told them that Santa likes clean rooms.
I was also happy when the game was over. It was a lot of work to keep up the facade.
Fred, *LOL* I know. Others have told me it's a lot of work. Weren't they mad at you for all that though? Or maybe mad isn't the word for it... Didn't they feel a little betrayed? I've heard some kids say they did, and that the disappointment wasn't worth it(?) Others had fun and pass it on to their kids.
Uncle Joe, thanks, hon. I want to stop in and will read your posts soon. I feel horrid. I would, otherwise. (got a call in to the dr. to see if there's something wrong...hope not...shhh)
I agree with the No Santa thing. How do you teach children gratitude if they think some invisible guy brings their presents?
We do the Santa thing. The kids in are family are all good with it. My sisters and I believed in Santa, so do all of our kids. As we got older we just figured it all out and life went on. The there are two little one's left that believe in Santa. And they are loving this time of year.
Michelle, I know you do. And the little one is SO cute! ;o) Do a refresh on the screen. I added the Stepdaughter's experience at the end.
Wow.
Goa'uld was mad when I let on that there wasn't a toothfairy. I thought I was being honest. She didn't want the fantasy to stop. (lol - or the money!)
I was a little disheartened when I discovered that Santa wasn't real for the first time. Actually I always wondered why my gift tags (which were signed by Santa) were in my Mothers handwriting.
I loved your story about the little old man and Saurkid... bet that was a priceless moment.
My stepson kept it a secret that he knew Santa was not for real for at least a year. I knew he knew, but he wouldn't admit he knew. I think he thought he would get less presents. Now we just giggle about it and he says, but I DOOOO believe in Santa. (I think he STILL thinks he will get less presents.)
PS. The little one LOVES you Saurkraut. Saturday morning he woke up at 7am, got dressed, made his bed and made himself oatmeal for breakfast. He combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and put his cool big boy necklace on. Then he came and got me from bed to ask if it was time to go to your house to play.
I'm not very fond of the "Santa" thing. I have a 3 year old daughter and 6 year old son. We "pretend" Santa. That's what I tell my kids - we're pretending. My theory is, how can I lie to them about that and then expect them to believe me about other things. I too only keep this within our little world and not worry about what others do.
There's no Santa??!!
I'm in complete agreement, and second what anne said: "..how can I lie to them about that and then expect them to believe me about other things."
It's difficult to teach them discretion though, but they're learning. They know better than to discuss it with other children. But, I feel bad when some adult says "Have you been good enough for Santa to bring you presents?" and the kids tell them they don't believe. It's almost like you've ruined it for the adult!
No, Saur. They weren't mad. I suppose they could have been upset, but I think they took it like a good joke. They also had a secret that gave them "power" over those that were still believers.
Our daughter, then about 8 was sitting with us in the new church we decided to visit. The church was very full so we sat in the middle section on the second row in the middle of the row. The preacher, who had a "Kids Time" every Sunday called all the children to the stage for their "lesson". Carly, being the dark mysterious shy beauty that she is elected to watch from Mom's arms length. The preacher began to explain that "a lot of people are going to ask you about Santa, well I am here to tell you the truth. There is no Santa and Jesus is the real reason we celebrate Christmas" (Parapharased) The look on her face was one of horror and surprise. We had not ever made a big deal about Santa, just celebrating Jesus. She absorbed some of the "magic" (?) anway and when that bubble burst, her comment was "Tell me the truth, is there a Santa? Why would parents lie to their kids?" She was way more ok with it that we ever gave her credit for.
A choir member came to me after the service and said he knew what she was saying...he could read her lips and he said the look on both our faces was too funny.
I hesitate to tell my 6 yr old the truth about Santa because she cannot keep a secret and will RUN to school tomorrow and tell everyone in her Kindergarten class "My mom said there is no Santa!" I don't want to have this discussion with all those parents right now, so maybe we'll tell her next year.
BTW...love your blog. Check you out every morning before Uncle Joe gets up. He is such a blog hog.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
am not.
Santa was a big deal in our family. We thoroughly enjoyed that whole Santa thing, even up until my bro and I left the house. I think each family develops their own holiday ways, and it's great for their family. I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way. It's all about family and traditions.
I bet it was funny seeing that old man's face when your son said that!
I hope your neck gets better soon. Hopefully, this flare up is just temporary.
Sorry about your neck pain!
That's the way we were raised, too... there is no Santa Claus. Good ol' TLP!
Interesting story about the Other Half's Daughter. Good for her! Wise kid.
I always enjoy putting on my Santa suit. I’m pretty confident my teenagers know that it’s me but I don’t know about my wife, she just yells fill my stocking Mr. Claus.
On Sunday I was worried that you were actually Richard Pryor.
You're the anti-yes, Virginia. I disagree with you in terms of cultural currency, but I guess I feel the same way about religion.
Well...the oatmeal was cold. Our water gets hot fast so I don't have to heat the oatmeal. He tried, but didn't know how to get the water hot. Poor kid had the water drizzling out of the faucet waiting for it to get hot. He ate a couple bites and when he came and got me I heated it up for him.
(He does not use the microwave, but he does know how to make his own scrambled egg in a skillet on the stove. He plans on making Santa cookies in the oven too.)
Sorry Saur, we will take our arguement elsewhere.
Husband and I raised our kids without that myth. I was also raised without the myth. But dddragon did tell her kids there was a Santa. It doesn't seem to matter in the end. All comes out in the wash.
Heh, we've never said anything to Junior one way or another about Santa. He loved seeing Santa as a kid and figured it out on his own. But Santa never brought him presents, just filled up the stocking with candy.
We had a lot of imaginary characters we made up and those people bought him presents, including the ones he made up. He knew, but it was cool anyways.
I've always been indifferent about Santa, although I've always loved Christmas.
No, we love the Santa myth. Never had a complaint from the kids.
Sorry about your neck. Let us know what the doctor has to say. Take it easy, stay warm and rest.
I loved this post, we chose not to lie to our children about Santa also. We felt the same as you do and have never regretted it.
I made the mistake of asking one of my friends child what she hoped Santa was bringing her for christmas. She leaned in and whispered in my ear 'I don't really think there is a Santa'. 'so who brings you all those presents?' I asked. 'I'm not sure'. she replied. 'I think it must be the government'.
If only.
During the toy drive this year, a child in my daughter's school asked the teacher why Santa doesn't bring toys to the poor kids. I guess this is another reason I don't perpetuate the myth. I try to get them to focus on giving to others, and it would be a little more difficult to do that if they think that some magical guy would bring the less fortunate what they want anyway.
Who is Santa?
Sorry to hear about your neck pain, and I am sending you many healing vibes.
Yes, I love how you put it: parents need protection too!!!
My dad plays Santa every year for one of my cousin's families. He already has the look with a white beard. The 3 & 4 yr old nephews who ordinarily love him run screaming from the room when he shows up at dawn in a huge red suit....I wonder why?? :)
Old Man Rich, I really chuckled over that one. That's a classic! It needs to be written down for family history. As you said, if only!
Aunt Josefina, clowns used to have the same effect on ME...
(((Barbara))) Thanks, hon.
Daniel, well, the description is a jolly old elf but I think he's mutated somewhat because he's as big as we are. So, he's basically a mutant elf with a predilection for wearing red. He also likes to wear animal fur trim (barbaric!)
Always Questioning, ewww, that would be a very tough one to handle.
Live, Love, Laugh, as I've told Eddo, your family is remarkably like mine.
Kathleen, thanks, hon! BTW, I'm curious about this: how soon do the kids figure it out and how do you handle it when they do?
Zombieslayer, Creative! I like it!
TLP, true enough!
Acton Bell, Ft. Lauderdale? Hope you dropped in on The Lazy Iguana! It's cold for here (about 50s-60s) but at least it's not any colder right now.
Michelle, argument? Not on my part, hon...? Or am I misunderstanding something? Anyway, the baby's cute as anything and if you want to talk about Santa, I'm good with that! We won't squeal on ya! ;o)
Jessica, *LOL* I've never thought of myself that way. But it's not that I don't preach hope, peace and love. I just preach that we are ultimately responsible for it.
Bandmom & Michelle, ahhh, the argument is between YOU two! Sisters! Yeah, Michelle's little one is quite self-sufficient! ;o)
Mr. Gator, Shhh, don't tell her but... I think your wife is an opportunist. Just make sure you don't get her diamonds...
(((AP3))) Thanks, hon. She IS a smart little cookie. Very mature and wise (she's had to be).
Jamie Dawn, traditions are fun. My mom sometimes compromised and would write 'From Santa' on the package just for fun. We'd all know who it was and say slowly (while looking out of the corner of our eyes) "So....what d'ya suppose Santa brought us?"
Aunt Josephina and Uncle Joe, I'm so glad you two enjoy the blog. It's very nice of you to continue to drop by! And Josephina, your daughter's story is quite funny. I gather you go to a fundie church of some type because there are a lot of churches that don't touch the Santa Myth.
Fred, nothing like a little superior knowlege!
Always Questioning, we agree entirely.
Dddragon, I know what you mean. Telling me about the Tooth Fairy Incident reminds me to tell of my own at another time.
Anne, we see eye-2-eye on this, and for the same reason.
Ellen, thanks! It is permanently engraved in my head. I tell him about it every Christmas (the 'family tradition').
My son figured it out about 3rd grade. He is an only child so he didn't have an older sibling filling him in. He really wanted to continue with the fun even after he knew. He never expressed any concern about deception. In fact, he was deep into Santa with my grandson. My Grandson is now in the 5th grade and still wants "Santa" to bring him this or that. With a wink of course.
When I was about seven, my mother sat me down and told me the truth about Santa. That afternoon I went to visit my grandmother, and then I went out in the street and told all the kids on the street. One little boy ran home screaming to his mother who came over, grabbed me by the ear, took me to my grandma and berated her for awhile. I was not popular with either grandma nor her neighbors for awhile. With my own six, we did santa, and still do (the youngest is thirty -- some. From us they each get a Santa gift and some stuff from mom and dad. I have no idea when the myth broke, it just seemed to happen by itself.
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