My Tangle With NASA

If my parents had never intervened, I'd probably be living on the French Riviera on the ill-gotten rewards of being a cat burglar.

Undoubtedly, I wasn't an easy child. Of course, no one in my family could be categorized as easy. We're all very intelligent, strong-willed individuals. As they say: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

As I begin to tell this story, I wonder if my little brother (who sometimes reads this) has ever heard it. It will be interesting to hear his reaction. He was just a baby when this all occurred.

How I Stole a Moon Rock

When I was 6, I was placed in a private Christian school. I was a misfit from the start. The little girls were freshly washed with their hair carefully styled, wearing pretty little store-bought dresses. I wore simple homemade dresses which I would have cheerfully traded in for a pair of shorts any time, and dress shoes that I would have gladly kicked off (they pinched). My hair always hung in knotted strings, and I wore granny glasses. I preferred to play with the boys, and despised those insipid, smirking and self-satisfied girls.

No one knew what to make of me. I'm sure my mother despaired of me entirely. My father understood, and was in somewhat sympathetic agreement.

One day some representatives of NASA showed up. Their arrival had been expected, and the school was very excited to welcome them and their exhibit. Throughout the day, different classes were allowed to go visit the exhibit and see (among other things) a couple actual rocks that were brought back from the moon during one of NASA's recent expeditions.

I don't remember much about that day (after all, I was very young). But I remember going with my first grade class and filing past the tables under the watchful eye of the NASA representatives. I remember the items were displayed on blue felt-covered tables with ruffles, neatly labelled in white paper.

I was especially enchanted with this one particular moon rock. It was a lovely mottled gray, with large white dots with little striations emitting from the dots. It beckoned to me! Even at that early age, I understood the value of it. So, I took it.

How I palmed it, I don't remember. I know that I innocently asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom, and she absent-mindedly said yes. And I know that I was able to slip that moon rock into my panties and emerge with no one the wiser.

At first, no one noticed it was gone. When they finally noticed it, there was a hue and cry. I remember my teacher taking me aside and asking me if I'd taken it (was I that obvious a choice?). I earnestly said no.

I made it home with the moon rock.

That afternoon after school I began to worry. The heat was on, and I knew it. I began to rethink my impetuous move. Taking out the rock at one point, I examined it closely. It was only gray; hardly worth the effort! After all, it wasn't the Hope Diamond! Was it worth risking my fanny over it? I decided it probably wasn't, but chose to put it to one last test. I'd ask my mother.

So, as mom and I were taking our evening walk, I casually pulled it out of my pocket and said "Hey mommy, look what I found!"

"Yes, dear," she replied.

"Don't you think it's pretty?" I asked.

"Not particularly," she answered truthfully.

Shrugging, I tossed it into the overgrown field next door as we passed it, already feeling lighter for having shed my burden.

But that evening, after my mother received a phone call, everything changed. Mom put two and two together and sent me out into the field to find it.

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. I thought I would never find it, and my fanny twitched at the thought of the spanking I'd receive (I probably still got one later, though I don't remember it).

Happily, I found the rock and it was returned the next day to it's rightful owners. I'm sure they never forgot me. And, I like to think that they remember me fondly as the little girl who taught them to beef up their security. Just look it as Saur's contribution toward national defense.

c. 2005