The Other Half's best friend (and our next door neighbor) is about 20 years older than we are. He ("Dan") is old enough to be our father, I suppose, though we never see him like that.
Yesterday Dan found out that his brother-in-law died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was very close to this man and it caused him to ruminate about life, and death. Dan said as he grows older he has to deal with more of his loved ones dying. It's a harsh reality-check, and one that people in our age group don't have to deal with (much).
Dan mentioned how (when he was a little boy) an uncle had died and the family had a massive 'going away' party. They prepared the body and put it 'on view'. There were many visitors, and the corpse was set up on the family's front porch. Older, more important relatives were given his bedroom and he had to sleep on the floor in the family room, on the other side of the wall where the corpse lay. It still gives him the shivers.
Thousands (and even hundreds) of years ago, if you reached 40 you were way past your prime. Horrifically, the women had it harder than the men. Lots of women died in or after childbirth *shudder*. Many others died of other gynecological complications such as sexually transmitted diseases or something as simple as a urinary track infection. These were excruciatingly painful ways to go.
Yet it's amazing to see how many people made it past that age. Here are some famous people and their ages when they died (Note: These people were of the privileged class, and so they had access to better foods and shelter) :
Christopher Columbus: 56
Nathaniel Hawthorne: 60
Betsy Ross: 84
Louis XIV: 77
Aristotle: 62
William Butler Yeats: 75
Mark Twain: 75
Mary Cassat (painter): 86
Still, there was a very high mortality rate prior to the discovery of penicillin. Because of that, people tended to view children in a calloused way (you had to remain somewhat removed from the children, because the chance that they would survive to become adults was slim). People also viewed death as more common-place than we do now, because it was so common-place.
And yet, our forefathers (and mothers!) treated their dead with respect. They were washed, dressed, and sometimes laid out for viewing and extended morning before they were buried. Afterwards, graves were carefully attended by the individual families whose loved ones were buried there. It was common to see families regularly attending graves, leaving flowers and mementos. Even bodies that were unclaimed were given a common (though inexpensive) burial. Cremation was considered to be an abomination (only the heathens cremated their dead).
Now cremation is seen as commonplace, and unclaimed bodies are donated to science or even exhibits such as the Bodies Exhibit. Death, though less common, is also treated with less respect.
I come from a very strong scientific background, so I don't take offense at any of this. I just find the change in our societal burial customs to be fascinating.
In your view, what do you consider to be 'respecting the dead'? Should we continue to demand it or is the body simply a shell which is discarded easily?
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12 comments:
It's funny you should bring up the Bodies Exhibit. I saw the pictured from this and it's so interesting! As far as respecting the dead, I believe it's a personal issue, much like abortions and sexuality. We all have preferences of how we should be treated after we pass. Some may choose on a religious basis, personal beliefs, traditions, or otherwise.
I'm a science-person like you, and personally I wouldn't mond contributing my body to science. Even if for an exhibit or a study or organ transplant, it's for the betterment of science, and this our world. Science now allows us to live into our hundreds (which may or may not b a good thing), so why not contribute in return?
Oh and the story about him sleeping by the corpse? Creepy!
I'm sure you won't be surprised by my view, but IMHO, respecting the dead has nothing to do with the body. You respect the dead by honoring their memory, not their grave. My husband and I want to be cremated and have a tree planted in us.
I did feel cheap asking for the plywood box and the cardboard urn but I’m sure the kids will appreciate it when the time comes. I view the body as a shell. It’s amazing how many people have a will but have no instructions on what they want done with their shell.
Mr. Gator, you know that's very true. Due to my surgery recently I re-did my will and left a letter with explicit instructions to give me the cheapest funeral arrangements possible. It would really have ticked off the guys at the Moss-Feaster Funeral Home!
Polanco, That's a nice arrangement. I have a friend who's a die-hard sailor and wants to be cremated and scattered over the ocean.
ActonBell, that's where I'm coming from, too.
Brianne, thanks for taking a couple minutes from vacation to weigh in! Yeah, it WAS creepy, especially for a little kid! I wouldn't have been able to handle it at that age. I would've ended up in hysterics.
I think the body is just a shell and I think it is sad that people will pay thousands to bury someone when someone living is going hungry.
I'd like to be cremated and then I would like my ashes sprinkled into a peppermint mocha. As soon as the mocha was cold, they could just toss me in the trash.
Very well written piece, you can tell you are a writer. Something so simple can be so fascinating when it is well written.
I believe in having respect for the dead. It is important for loved ones to have that and to remember the one they lost.
It's funny how loved ones of a dead person whose body has not been recovered cannot rest or feel any closure until that body has been found and properly laid to rest.
That was a very good post. I agree that respect for the dead should be done, but I really do not like a viewing. I was telling someone the other day, I cannot understand how that became a ritual. I would much rather have a memorial with a picture there, so you can remember your last look to be one of their living days. That is just my thing, it is too hard for me to view.
I do not know about this whole "you must respect the dead" thing. Lets face it, there ARE alpha-hotels out there who simply do not deserve to be respected, in life or in death.
Do we respect Hitler? Or Stalin? Or Pol Pot? Or Ted Bundy?
To me, if someone was respected in life than that same level of respect will carry over into death. By the same token, if the person was a prick while they were alive, they are still a prick when they are dead, but easier to deal with because thety just lay on one spot and no longer cause any problems for anyone else.
And another thing about the "respect" that people supposedly had "back then". Was it really that way? How about when a slave died, or when a "savage" was killed? Bodies would be left in the open to rot in the sun. Christian funerals were reserved for white people.
And then there is the whole catacombs of France thing. As land became more valueable, cemetaries would stack bodies on top of each other. At some point, the majority of bodies were dug up and placed in tunnels under the city. Bones were not kept together, rather they were stacked to make patterns and stuff.
Respecting the dead sounds like a horror movie title.
To respect the dead you respect their wishes, so if they want their remains blasting apart in a firework display or being wrapped in sheet metal and being welded to the Brooklyn Bridge then so be it.
Daniel, I agree, as long as it doesn't gross others out. I mean, I'd hate to try to honor someone's wishes who asked to have their head displayed on a pike at the entrance of the Brooklyn Bridge...
Lazy Iguana, I agree with you on all but the part about only white people getting decent funerals. It simply depended on whom the ruling class was loyal to as to whether or not that particular person got a 'decent' burial. Yet even after horrible wars, families would sneak onto battle fields to retrieve and bury their dead; so as I said before, loved ones respected the bodies of their dead.
And, if we're going to talk about barbaric burial customs, what about the cannibals? Their victims were buried in their stomachs, the heads were made into shrunken heads, and the skins used for coverings, furniture, or covers on shields.
Lee Ann, I believe that viewings started at a time when there weren't photographs. Some relatives travelled many miles for that last look at a relative they may not have seen for 20 or more years.
I agree. Open casket viewings are macabre. Bleah.
Jamie Dawn, interesting you should bring that up! I find it odd, too. I suppose it's their way of making sure that their loved one is really dead.
Eddo, ditto, and thank you very much. From you, that is high praise indeed. Glad you won't force anyone to DRINK that, tho... ;o)
Gonna have to blog it, too long for here, again.
I feel funerals are for the living to comfort each other. While a body is a shell when I am done with it, it was MY shell. Be gentle with me!
You can hardly believe how little as a 70+ old cripple who has been having pain problems all day, I needed to read this. On the other hand, we have planted most of the family pets in the back yard (legality marginal) and planted trees and bushes (you should see the doggy gardenia)on them, and I have often said that if you can find a legal was to dispose of me in a tuffy black garbage bag, that's fine with me. I see the sums people pay for funerals and shudder.
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