My life has come full-circle and I am my mother.
When we were kids, my mother grew tired of telling us repeatedly "don't take my tools and not return them", "don't eat the chocolate chips in the pantry", "don't eat these cookies, they're for company tomorrow", etc. If we did it, and she called us on it, we would plead ignorance.
Overnight, the house was transformed into what appeared to be House O' Idiots. If you violated one of her rules, and you qualified as being That Stupid, out came the labelmaker: click, whir, click, whir.
Suddenly every tupperware container that was off-limits bore labels like "Don't Eat!" with an artsy little skull and crossbones sketched below in black permanent marker. Every tool or item that was off-limits was labelled "Mom's. Do Not Touch." Mom's biggest problem (and now mine) is how the spoons went missing. She would've labelled those, if the labels would've held up in the dishwasher. Alas, they hadn't invented waterproof labels yet.
And now here we are in 2006, and I face the same uphill battle.
Every pair of good quality jewelry pliers has been used for electrical wiring and left outdoors to rust. So many spoons have gone missing that I had to buy a new set of silverware. Drawers and cabinet doors are left open.
Someone Who Will Appear Nameless continually left drawers to a cabinet open in the entryway. I would forget to check, company would come in, and there sat the cabinet; drawers open, stuff scattered, and looking like an unmade bed.
I finally snapped, and everyone came home to a giant, printed sign on the cabinet reading in massive letters: "Close Drawers". Yessir. We have become House O' Idiots: The Sequel.
Next was the silverware drawer, which now has a label reading "Silverware is for EATING ONLY." This has apparently never been clear before.
Another time, Someone Who Will Appear Nameless decided that it was a marvey idea to give the dogs some sweet tea. I have a very nice water dish with a gallon water jug on top, and it's a bear to clean. But guess who got to clean it? Not the Idiot! Nosiree! So, it's now labelled "Nothing but WATER goes in here!"
Now there's a cabinet in the bathroom that is continually left open while Someone Who Will Appear Nameless goes after Q-Tips. I haven't decided yet if I'll simply label it, or nail the doors shut.
26 comments:
Weclome to my planet.
Reminds me a lot of Flo, the mom in this novel who uses the same labelmaker for the same reasons. If you ever want a good beach book and need a title, I recommend this one by Shannon Olson.
Jessica, I'll check it out! ;o)
Brilliant!
This may well become the most popular post you have ever made.
I had to put up a sign that reads:
"Please wear drawers". Otherwise I will forget to put mine on....
do you think the monster that made your spoons disappear is related to the monster that makes socks disappear?
Oh no, I have done this. We moved, but I am about to start over. HELP!!
Bathroom - Hang towel, pick-up dirty clothes, put tooth brush and tooth paste away...
Kitchen - rinse dishes, put away salt, pepper, ketchup and mustard...
Bedroom - make bed, put toys in labled bins...
So crazy, so easy, it works.
I have been in bed for a few days and just now read your blogging about faux christians, incence and labels. I have always felt the pressure from fauxers to put on an act. I have even had them tell me to "get my act together" I don't want to act like a good christian because I don't believe it does any good. I do want to be constantly reminded of the price Jesus paid to redeem me from my sin. I don't have to walk around saying "Glory" and "Bless God" after every statement.
It sounds like you expect christians to be good citizens and responsible humans (what a concept)
Gene used to say if heaven is full of fundimentalist christians then it's hell. I agree. Thanks for being so open about your beliefs, this forum has brought about like minded or at least accepting folks who could never have this discussion at the local assembly.
ROTFL....
A fun post, Saur!
Hope you and the family are well.
so what else does your famliy use silverwear for?
Katie, Digging. I think.
Barbara, ;o) Better every day!
Mike, glad you stopped by!
Ted, My pleasure! I'm glad you liked it. I'll check in your blog to see how you're feeling.
Michelle, you are worse than *I* am. ;o)
FTS, cats are tricky that way...
Mallory, it's very possible, although my theory is that there may be another dimension for socks; The Sock Dimension, where socks are sucked away from dryers all over the world.
Uncle Joe, Ah! I've got you beat! I think there's a market for Grown Up Garanimals for men (all color coordinated clothing). Most men are lucky if they can figure out that red and green don't go well together.
Daniel, ;o)
Running behind, caught up with you again. I try to live by the golden rule and I belive what goes around comes around.
I don't go to church any more, either. I get too angry. Smokers can't be members but men who have abandoned families teach sunday school....etc.
I started a box it the top of my closet. If I picked it up it went there. If you wanted it back it cost you a chore or a quarter. If they didn't turn it off, put it away, close it throw it out or clean it up I took it off their allowance and spent it on things I liked. (books) House was neat and box was empty in 6 weeks.
Good luck with the labels!
I need a label for our mudroom door. Those Who Will Be Nameless in my family keep leaving it open and letting the cold air in the house. I'm constantly asking my daughter if the door is open. She thinks I sound like a broken record (even though she has only heard about these relics).
Good luck with your labels!
Saurkraut- I do believe your silverware is with my silverware... as I had the same problem. What is it about people who use knives as screwdrivers, and spoons as digging utensils... while the proper utensils for both sit neat, clean and ready to use.
(and well in plain sight, mind you.)
I love Valeries idea about the box... and wished I had thought of something that clever a long time ago. I'd be a rich woman!
Great post! I've always wanted a labelmaker - I'm not sure why. But if I do decide to get one, I know exactly what will get labeled first. The thermostat - "Do Not Touch!" With 6 people pushing the thing up and down, the a/c-heat would never shut off. I finally threatened their lives. That seems to be working..... for now.
Great post! I must admit, I have been tempted. Fortunately as my boys have grown (16, 18 and 21, the eldest living on his own), things are staying put much better. This is not to say, however, that all is well and wonderful all the time. But comparatively speaking, I sure can’t complain. Besides, I’m not exactly the model of perfection myself!
Mike
PS: I deleted my previous post because of a glaring typo. Sorry, I'm funny that way.
Oh, and I think I'm going to try Valerie's idea.
Love the post! Silverware, socks, towels!
Kathleen, ;o)
Always Questioning, I like her idea, too!!! I'm trying it. And threatening lives works great for the first couple of times, until they realize you're not going to do it. I find that secretly throwing icewater on them in the shower does the trick, tho...
Mike, How nice that they're getting older, huh? You have a great deal of writing talent. Don't be too hard on yourself in BlogLand; mistakes are tolerated. But I do the same thing, sometimes... mild obsessive/compulsive disorder. ;o)
Ellen, ...knives as screwdrivers... so that's why the knives kept ending up outdoors...
Not So Cranky Yankee, I don't understand how they can leave the door open... down here if you do, you're likely to be carried off by mosquitoes...
Valerie, as others have said, I love your box idea. It's fantastic, and so easy! I will do it starting tomorrow!
Saur, LOL - I had done that ice water thing to my roommate - back in the day.... But I did it to punish her for using all the hot water....
Oh that is wonderful. I love that.
Sometimes it feels like we're surrounded by people who don't use their noggins. I think they are lazy on purpose, until we put our foot down and demand some structured, civilized behavior. If it takes hauling out a label maker, then so be it. Go get' em!
Great post! Love the little e-labels!
Yeah, it's weird how we pick up our mothers' little quirks -- pet peeves of mothers are especially contagious, I think.
I want a label maker too!!!
I needed a label maker yesterday. I came home for lunch, and for some unknown reason I looked for my anniversary ring. It was gone from the jewelry holder! My 6 yr old, Cassidy had so very sweetly and considerately moved all my rings to a small trinket box. My worst fear was that it fell in the trash next to the night stand. After many questions she stuck to her story that she didn't know where it was. I was resigned to the fact that it was my fault for leaving the rings within her reach. I was sick. I woke up early this morning and prayed for God to help me find it. I thought that if it was important to me surely he would consider it......just like he considers my other prayers.
I came home from work today and opened my jewelry box thinking: wouldn't that be wonderful if the ring just appeared there? It was. I called to Carly, my oldest, who had asked lots of questions about the ring last night where the ring had been found, and Cassidy had an awfully funny look on her face. She told me she found it in a pottery bowl on the tv in our bedroom. She says she doesn't know how it got there or how she found it. I don't know either, maybe God helped her! I am glad it is back safe in the jewelry box.
If I had a label maker I make this label:
MOMMY'S JEWELRY DO NOT MOVE!
Nice post. To Mallory I have to say that somewhere back in the archives of my blog I have an explanation of the sock monster. I will try to work up the energy to go back and give her a link (not one of my great successes in life)
This is my first time reading your blog and I'm laughing so hard. I got my husband in here and he's laughing too.
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