Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Fallen Woman

Remember, click on the pic to view it in larger size.

My poor parents. Shortly after my breakup with my last boyfriend, my dad sat down next to me and asked for an update on what was going on. I caught him up on everything. Dad sat there in silence for a moment, and then said gently "You know, you really need a different class of friends, my dear."

ARGH! No matter how much I tried to explain to Dad that this guy was the exception and all my friends were kind, upstanding, loyal people who didn't do drugs or anything else illegal, I could see my Dad remained skeptical. Visions of his daughter whoring about in nightclubs, snorting coke and holding up banks probably pranced through his head.

Despite the fact that it remains unsaid, my parents secretly wonder what is wrong with their daughter. She's about to turn 40, has a series of failed relationships due to poor choices, although she's successful in every other area of her life. (Well, OK, I'm not a successful housekeeper, that's for sure).

And you know what, there's nothing wrong with me. Oh sure, there's something wrong with my choices so far. And I'm fully aware of that, and am trying to prevent such horrible decisions from happening in the future. But if you can't live life, make mistakes, and pick yourself up and brush yourself off and try it all over again, what is there that's left?

I'll tell you what. Sanity. That's what. :P


Ed Abbey said...

I've always thought you had a good head on your shoulders. I would ask your father why you should dump out an entire bushel of apples just because one of them was bad?

~Deb said...

You said it right there... "Sanity"... You have it. Maybe men are intimidated by your intelligence and your self-awareness which is rare to find in a woman a lot of the times. I know for me a lot of women I meet are insecure and full of self-doubt. You're the total opposite of that. There is NOTHING wrong with someone who is over 40 who is single and has her shit together.

Parents are only concerned about us because they lived in a different time. They see things differently and they feel that 'we' need a 'helpmate'......someone to be our companion, when we fully know that all we need is ourself and our independence--which you have.

I know that you're a beautiful woman inside and out. Your mind is the most attractive and without a doubt, you'll be snatched up by some lucky man in no time. And then there goes MY chances with you! (hehe)


Homo Escapeons said...

As a Dad I know from whence he speaketh. Lets face it, nobody can ever be good enough for your little princess.
It hurts to watch your children make mistakes and take their lumps..although you realise that despite warning them ONE MILLION TIMES they still have to find out on their own. sigh.

Your Dad doesn't really think that you'll go 'Patty Hearst' and start robbing banks fror the SLA.
We Dads trust our kids (crossing fingers) but the unpredictability of the OTHERS is always a concern.

We know what is really going on out there..we were young once too..believe it or not.

Fred said...

Well, Escapeons pretty much said it for me. Every time one of my daughters makes a mistake, my heart breaks a little. Sometimes I let them know; most times I play it like the dad and try and lecture them without pissing them off.

You're fine, Saur. You have a great life, wonderful parents, and terrific friends.

Thanks for the story this weekend. I came out of vacation hibernation to make sure I got in my two cents.

The Lazy Iguana said...

The voices in my head tell me I am sane!

Notsocranky Yankee said...

Your dad is just concerned about you. It's his job. :)

I'm sure the right guy will show up in your life when you least expect it. Just enjoy Saurkid and everything else will fall in place.

Ellen said...

You'll be the same way when Saurkid gets older... it's the parenting gene, and the fact that you can't stand to see anybody hurt your baby. Whether we like it or not it exists in all parents.

As far as the bad experiences with the boyfriend... well, you learn by them if nothing else. Unfortunate as it seems, we all do have to take the bad with the good, and hope that somewhere down the line a person comes along to appreciate us without an extra "me-me-me" angle in the mix.

Take care, at least your Dad is on your side if he cares enough to sit you down and ask how your life is going. I doubt he sees you as a fallen woman, as much as he sees himself as a concerned parent.

United We Lay said...

My parents seem to feel the same way about me. No matter what I do, they seem to be able to find fault with it. Somehow, the believed that the reason I left my last job was my fault and I had done something to bring it on. I don't talk to them about issues with my husband becvause I'm tired of being blamed for everything.

Christine said...

Yeah, I remember becoming introspective once.
It was around the time I became 40, too.

Now that you've gone through it (the introspection part), give yourself all the credit you deserve. You are intelligent, successful, beautiful, caring, funny as hell, talented and you have people in your life who adore you.

Look at it this way, being 40 gives you license to be who you are. Embrace it and live it because it is a wonderful milestone.

ps..Daddy just wants his girl to be happy.

Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

You gotta watch out for all the chameleons who camouflage their flaws by a confident persona. They pass for the right, substantive stuff, but it's just skin deep.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

green said...

sanity is waaaay overrated sometimes...

Senor Caiman said...


I'm with your Dad on this one. You are an extremely poor judge of character.

Thanks for shortening the post.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Gator, that must be why I like you. And you're welcome! ;o)

Green, agreed!

Horace, you said a mouthful!

Chris, thanks, my friend. *hugs* Looking forward to going out next week!

UWL, sometimes it's best when we keep some things "in reserve", huh?

Ellen, you're right, of course. Dad just worries himself silly about me. Happily I think overall he's felt better now that he's met Michelle's hubby and sees that my choice of friends isn't as radical as he'd thought. ;o)

Notsocranky, you know, I think you're right!

Lazy Iguana, go with that! :D

Fred, thanks, hon. Glad you liked the story. We should do it on your blog someday!

Homo Escapeons, you're completely right. ;o)

Deb, thanks, hon! I feel you're a gem, too. Isn't it wonderful to meet people who value us? I appreciate it so very much.

Ed, thanks, sweetie. ;o)

KristieD said...

my dad always says that to me when something happens with one of my friends. "you need a new crowd of people to hang with". Even tho its only 1 friend who turns out to be a bad apple. And how often does it really happen? not very. They are just looking out for us. Thats their job & we will do it to our kids too i am sure.

Unfortunately, we can be a great judge of charcter for others, but when it comes to who we love-- we tend be a little blind to certain things. Trust is what love is built on. If you love someone, you usually just trust they are doing good until it is put RIght UNDER your nose for a while. And when the smell of shit gets too strong, you finally look down and notice. At least thats my take on it.

Kathleen said...

Oh my. I rush in for just a peek and suddenly feel that I need to say something profound that will become a pivitol piece of advice that will change your life forever. Funny, all I can think of is what I have always told my son and grandson . . . actions REALLY do speak louder than words. You have come to a time (a beautiful one) in your life when you can really judge a man by his actions. What has he done in his life ... how does he treat his family and children ... how does his community view him ... what kind of neighbor is he?

Now, don't get me wrong, but it is time to fill in that hole you keep falling in. Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

Regarding my advice changing your life forever, forget I said that! Hang in there. ;o)

Jamie Dawn said...

Your parents sound to me like they love and care about you, but they can't quite figure you out. You are doing what kids are supposed to do to their parents - baffle them and drive them nuts! :)
Your dad wants you to be happy. I'm sure he marvels at all that you are and wishes you had made better choices in men. Hey! So do you, but as you said, we live and learn. I know you have landed firmly back on your feet, and you will forge ahead and turn forty with gusto.
Watch out world!!!

~Qser said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Badoozie said...

about the only thing left for me to do is sit here, and glance down at my gut, getting bigger by the day. maybe i could choose to do some situps. but why. i might make myself attractive, thus attracting another a$$hole man, thus becoming unhappy after they use and abuse and i kick them on.

pass the ice cream

daveawayfromhome said...

I'm willing to bet that the number of people who have bad relationships is no higher now than it was 100 years ago. But I'll also bet that you've got more options when it is bad.

AQ said...

I don't know your friends - or your dad. But I'll bet your dad just doesn't like it when you get hurt.

He sounds like a patient man. "Dad sat there in silence for a moment, and then said gently.....

I like him.

Miss Cellania said...

I think all parents are like this. Nothing and no one is good enough for their kids. My parents were like that, and I'll be that way with my kids. They just want the lest for you. BUT YEAH, it will drive you nuts!

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Clean house is very important.

I judge people on how dirty their bins are.

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

I want to add here, Saur, that I beat myself up for years on picking lousy partners.

I just realized last year that husband one never mentioned that he had been institutionalized twice at 15 and 17 and his mom went once a year like clock work for 'nerves'. So how was I supposed to know he had mental problems until they manifested?

Husband 2 never mentioned that he would rather be a submissive female because his mom liked girls best. When that one showed up I was out of there! But I still blamed me for picking poorly.

Why? I wanted to take responsibility for my actions is part of it. The other part is it took years for me to realize that you can't make a good choice with bad information and admit I got tricked by these men.

They should have been honest with someone they were going to marry and they weren't. It just shows how low they really were.

So don't worry about your ability to choose, just investigate a little deeper next time. This was probably all in his history that he didn't share with you.