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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Weekend Story: Humpty Dumpty

OK, due to Fred's request, we are going to embark on another Weekend Story.

The rules are simple: Keep it PG-13 or cleaner, if you post something at the same time as someone else, the one posting sooner keeps their post up and the one posting secondary needs to delete theirs and start fresh (believe it or not, this rarely happens). Feel free to contribute as much or as little as you want, and enjoy!

Humpty Dumpty

Prime Minister Dumpty was strolling among his roses when some street urchins went running by, chanting that obnoxious chant:

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Dumpty together again!"

The Prime Minister shuddered. He positively loathed children, and this was one reason why. Couldn't he be allowed to forget that traumatic incident? He was still missing a small part of his shell, which had to be filled in with spackle. But thanks to the miracle of Super Glue and some very talented girls at a nearby nail salon, he was as close to his original self as he ever would be.

His butler, Tom Thumb, came running up to him with his cell phone. "It's for you, sir!" reported Tom breathlessly. "The King!"

14 comments:

AQ said...

Ok, I'm absolutely horrible at this, but I'll try just because someone should have posted by now. I'm very sorry for the amateur addition that you are about to read.....

Humpty took the phone. Before he could finish his respectful greeting, the King exclaimed, "We think we've found your missing piece!" His excitement could hardly be contained.

"Sure you have," Humpty thought, "we've been through this before." "Really?" he said aloud. "Are you sure?"


"We're positive this time. It's been so long since the...umm.. accident, and the piece looks a little discolored, but the shape is perfect!" "I'm bringing the men over right now. In fact, we're almost there!!"

Humpty wouldn't allow himself to expect much. He'd heard these words before, only to find that the recovered piece was just an unusual rock or seashell. But he did long to be whole again.

Before the accident, Humpty and his new bride, Priscilla, were anxious to start a family. That one fateful day, all those dreams of parenthood and playful days where shattered with Humpty's shell. The doctors couldn't explain it medically, but they believed the missing piece was responsible for their infertility. Not only did they have to deal with the physical injury, but they were both facing psychological distress as well. Humpty, who used to love being with people, especially children, withdrew from his friends and family. Priscilla was desperately trying to help her husband, while still trying to accept the fact that they might never have children of their own....

As he heard the King's company approach, Humpty thought, "Oh, why couldn't this be done another day. I'm really not in the mood to see all these people."

Priscilla heard the commotion and came running out......

Senor Caiman said...

… knowing that Humpy’s psychological stress would bring back memories of Vietnam. Humpy actually enjoyed fallin off the wall and suffering a chip because he loved telling stories to the Vietnamese nail ladies. These ladies weren’t your hard core Vietcong they were male order.

Humpy was just a local yokel to many but the nail ladies enjoyed hearing the stories of his adventures in Vietnam. Dong the nail lady would say “tell us the one where you were throwing Vietcong Dudes out of the helicopter”. I always told the ladies to hush, those boys slipped and fell out on their own. Then Priscilla ….

Saur♥Kraut said...

*LOL* Mr. Gator, I don't know if you intended "male" order as a pun or not, but it works beautifully! And AQ, it was perfect! Thanks for getting the ball rolling. You did great!

OK, on to the story...

...saw the King and his retinue approaching. She ran to the King. "Your Highness," she said, respectfully curtseying. "Is it... is it too much to hope for?"

"No Priscilla," said the King mournfully. "The sighting in the truck stop wasn't Elvis. But on to the other news. We may have the missing piece of Humpty's shell!"

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

A missing piece of Humpty's shell? Could Elvis have hidden it in the most unlikly of places? His hair, his guitar, his shoe, or even his.....

Jamie Dawn said...

...moldy PB and banana sandwich that was stashed in the glkove compartment of his favorite golf cart?
Yes, there it was.
When the doc went to re-attach Prime Minister Humpty's baby making appendage... uh, piece, he couldn't believe what happened!

The Lazy Iguana said...

It still worked. And not only that, but the media circus around the event caused much public interest.

EVERYONE wanted to see it. So of course Humpty quit as Prime Minister and became a(n).................

Tabasamu said...

Motivational Speaker for other Eggs who Lived Shattered Lives.

He would gather in front of roaring crowds of fellow eggs and cry "My people! One who was once shattered is whole again!"

Humpty became famous for his Eggcelent Telethons, which often hosted celebrities like Goldilocks, Sleeping Beauty (a narcoleptic), Little Jack Horner, and ...

Mr. Althouse said...

... Chicken Little. A distant relative of the Dumptys and a well known for suffering from drug induced paranoia and psychosis. Between his numerous Elvis sightings, Little has been know to claim that the sky is falling! Indeed, it was that fatefull day of Humpty's accident that Little was convinced that the sky had in fact fallen, and ran through the kingdom creating quite a stir.

After being addmitted to Ye Old Detox center for adiction to prescription pain medication, Little overcame his dependance on pain medication and returned to school to become a chiropractor, gaining fame and fortune from an appearance on Oprah. Little's tale comes full circle as he was able to treat Dumpty and restore him physically in every way except for that one missing piece.

Although able to help repair many broken shells through talk show appearances and by writing several best-selling books, Little's greatest frustration was that, even with all the King's horses and all the King's men at his disposal, he never could put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Little was in his vacation home in Acapulco when the call came in:

- Little here. What's that? They found the missing piece? Wonderful, wonderful. Just as soon as I call Oprah, I'll book a flight back to the Kingdom....

Herb said...

Little Boy Blue, whose narcissistic tendencies often caused him to toot his own horn. But he knew the secret. He knew that the Elvis was really only a cleverly disguised agent from another kingdom who had planted a small GPS chip in the piece of shell so he could follow Mr. Dumpty's (who was still in government service) every move.

LBB looked in his mirror again and tooted.

Badoozie said...

Humpty and Priscilla were so excited by this turn of events, and the celebration ensuing, that they failed to notice, she had missed her eggvulation! OH MY, could it be true? could that missing piece be the ONE, could it be that a little humpty would soon be appearing?

if only they knew, the trouble that was brewing at CIA headquarters in the US. LBB? that guy was the one who started it all. the golden opportunity. to clone his closest friend, dead for many years. he had just needed an involuntary donor, someone kind of dumpy, frumpy, and a little on the lumpy side. PERFECT!! he had watched the news, and been aware that humpty was not whole for a long time.

this was the perfect opportunity. the time had come. the covert operation must be initiated at once. he sent his agent out as the "bearer" of the lost piece. everything was "falling into place".

now humpty and priscilla were eggstatic about the news. she was indeed going to hatch a youngling. what more could they want? yet somewhere, in the back of her head, there existed a quiet stirring, a gentle whisper of things not quite where they should be.........................

Fred said...

...because she knew that something was amiss with Project Otis. And, sure enough, when the time had come, the little bundle of joy was not what she had expected. The baby was born with a horn.

Uh, oh, thought Priscilla. Somebody at the CIA had messed up royally. Now, because she was staring at the wrong hatchling, that means someone else had the egglet she was expecting. Where could it be? Who had it? Would it mess up the entire operation? She was terrified that Humpty would...

Lego Star Wars Dyl! said...

fall of a dang wall again and join the CIA. she was wondering who had the egglet, and she wanted to shoot that person with a frickin 12 gauge, and suddenly..........

~QZ~ said...

humpty burst through the door with the king and all the horses, and other such regalia. he was furious. for he had found out she had a the wrong baby, and his first thought was that she had cheated on him. Not only that but he had a 12 gauge shotgun in his hand, the same one used when they got married.............

EmmaSometimes said...

I don't think I have that version. hehe. You can see mine over at my blog...