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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Resignation from Match.com

I briefly signed up with Match.com but decided that I have way too much going on in my life to have to field emails from a bunch of different guys. It's difficult and draining.

And I've also re-affirmed that men are very visual creatures. Post a photo and if you're good looking, they don't care if you drool while you talk. ;o) Or course, I'm somewhat visual, too. We all are. But there's a difference between being attracted to someone or allowing it to make-or-break the deal. I was instantly bombarded when I posted a couple pictures, and I know it wasn't because of my sparkling wit!

Following is what I posted.



At this point, I've decided to remove my information. My dance card is full. Thank you so very much for your interest and I wish you the very best in your pursuit of The One.

As long as I have this platform, I'd like to say that I've heard repeatedly from many men that most of what they encounter are "gold diggers". To those men, I'd like to advise that you check to see what income bracket the woman has chosen for her date before you pursue her. Unless she's making the same income, she has no right to demand that of you. It's the mark of someone shallow and self-centered. Run while you can.

If for some reason you are going to turn someone down, be kind enough to at least write her and tell her why you're not interested or you changed your mind. She has the need to hear that. I've done it myself. It's not pleasant, but it's important.

Remember that "he who hesitates is lost". If you take too long to ask her out, she may get asked out by someone else. Of course she may be a serial dater (just out for the next meal) but she also may be looking for a relationship and you've just lost out.

Avoid talking about how "hot" she looks, or how you'd like to lick that outfit right off her. Unless she's a ho-bag, those comments are the kiss of death. Keep such comments to yourself until you've established a better chance of doing it.

If you're too choosy, you'll meet no one. Remember, you have baggage, too! Everyone does. She may be no Cinderella, but let's face it, guys - you're not Prince Charming, either.

I think this forum is the best one I've seen. I tried eharmony with terrible results. You're in the right place, and you have the opportunity to meet the woman of your dreams. I wish you the very best of luck.

30 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

I haven't tried any of the dating services because of experiences like yours. Now I'm sure I won't! I've had better luck just by blogging. In the blogging community, you can make friends with all sorts of people, male and female, married or not, all ages, with no set agenda. And its better to start as friends, I think.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Miss C, it actually wasn't too bad! I did speak with/exchange emails with a couple very nice guys. But when your profile's been viewed 700 times in a week, and you've only found a handful of nice guys (and I've only dated one out of that handful) then it makes a powerful argument FOR a dating service. How else are you going to be easily able to find eligible men and sort through them?

Eddo said...

Hrmpf! I AM PRINCE CHARMING!!!

Ha ha. Not really, Prince Charming is a bit of a fruit from what I hear. Speaks with a British accent and has to have his Tea and biscuit or he gets real pissy.

I tried e-harmony for one month and hated it. I only went on 2 dates. the first one looked NOTHING like her picture and she was bizarre. The second one was very attractive - EXACTLY - what I was looking for in a girl - but she sounded like Janice from Friends and she was from New York and she was italian and I don't think we would have ever worked out because her voice would have annoyed the crap out of me.

Eddo said...

Oh, and she gave me the "I just want to be friends speech" after I took her to TinStar for lunch. You have to give someone at least 3 dates before you give them the just be friends speech. Especially if they are...

Christian
Straight
Educated
Nice Paying job
Nice Car
Nice Apartment or House

Which I have all those check boxes checked and so come on... you gotta give a brother more than one lunch - I would have given her a second shot even though her voice did annoy me.

AQ said...

Eddo - LOL. I like your honesty!

AQ said...

I met my husband through a mutual friend - when I was the least interested in dating in my life! (That sentence doesn't sound right, but I hope you get my meaning).

I have a cousin who's tried all sorts of dating services. She's had some very interesting experiences, but her biggest accomplishment is that she's beginning to learn to be comfortable without a man in her life (other than her son). She's still working on it.

Miss Cellania said...

Saur, with me, this small town location is a problem. I looked at some local profiles, and it turns out I know just about all these guys. And they are all lying about something!

Mindless Dribbler said...

There you go SK...let those guys down easy :p

I met Trish "on-line" but it wasn't through a dating service. A very long story and a quite unusual one....I'll have to tell it one day.

Badoozie said...

or the men who say cheesy things like "you're my melon, let me squeeze you" or, i'm your honey, let me drip on you". actually i HATE that crap. or you put an age range 29-39 and you have 55 yr olds responding. HEY, you blind old buzzard, did you SEE the AGE RANGE??????

oh forget it. who cares. whats for supper.

disclaimer: i'm not dissing on people who are older than me, just making a point

Saur♥Kraut said...

Suzie, I forgot about the old guys still sending you emails even when the age range is wrong! Good call! For dinner... hmmmm... I dunno? I'll find out when I get there, I guess. We're talking about going for Cuban tonite. Mmmm!

MD, Well... it wasn't MEAN, just real. I think if more people were real, they'd be happier. For instance, when I meet a guy I tell him up front that I crack my knuckles and have tried to stop but never will. So if he can't stand that, I'm not The One. You know? Can't wait to hear your story!

Miss C, Susie suffers from the same problem, I'm afraid. I need to get you gals to move down here!

AQ, I've met significant others when I least expected them, but because I wasn't actively looking, I also let my standards slip. I decided to approach dating as seriously as I approach business deals.

I'm glad your cuz is learning to live on her own. That's never been my problem. I enjoy my space. The thing that helped ME eventually was getting a dog and a great alarm system. I can putter about on my own, peacefully. Tell her I highly recommend it!

The only reason I was going after this now is that my life has been on hold for 7 months since I initially broke up with him 7 months ago. The reason I was shattered a month ago was when I realized that I had let him stay with me out of charity, only to discover that his "Epstein-Barr Virus" was really crack. :P No more charity, out the door, don't come back here any more -Saur.

Eddo, I agree. It's wise to never make a snap decision if you've gone to the trouble to meet. At least for ME. Because I don't meet anyone unless I'm really sure I'll like them to begin with! You know? And you're right, you're much better than Prince Charming. He IS kinda wimpy, isn't he? And not nearly as much fun! I know you'll find Ms. Right in Texas. I just know it!

Mike said...

I've never thought of those dating services/sites as a good idea myself. I'm kinda hurt to know that I'm not Prince Charming either...just saying.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I almost tried e-harmony. But the signup procedure asks you far too many questions! I felt like I was a detanee at GETMO. It was an endless stream of questions.

Slightly less than half way through the mess I just closed the window.

AQ said...

AQ, I've met significant others when I least expected them, but because I wasn't actively looking, I also let my standards slip.

Good point. God must have been smiling on me then, because this one was exceeded my previous standards. But your analysis does describe many of my previous relationships - which is why (at that time) I was not only not looking, but actively avoiding any kind of real relationship.

I've since been very blessed.

Saur♥Kraut said...

AQ, yes you were. ;o) You got very lucky. I hope to get as lucky, myself. I've just decided that this isn't the avenue I want to pursue for the moment. Still, I think it's the best dating service out there...? Unless there's one I don't know of yet.

Lazy Iguana, if you HAD signed with eharmony, you would've only been sent women who look like Roseanne Barr. I got repeated variations of Jabba the Hut.

Mike, I'm sure your hunny thinks you're Prince Charming (in a non-gay way, as Eddo would want me to point out).

Mike said...

I have a hunny?...Please point them out for me please.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Mike, Sorry! I was confusing you with Mindless Dribbler (another Mike). Forgive me. But you're a great guy, so no more negative talk about how you're not Prince Charming! ;o)

Mike said...

No worries...a lot of people confuse with a mindless dribbler.

*snickers*

Reverberate58 said...

Ok all I can chime in with is am I ever so thankful that I have met, fell in love with and married my Prince Charming! At my age this is not something I want to have to deal with!

Fred said...

Try the supermarket, Saur. It always worked for me. :)

Happy belated 4th, BTW. I just got back into town, and I'm off again tomorrow for four days.

Any chance the weekly stories will resume?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I just been wondering: Would you say you are "hot"? "Warm"? "IceBergian"?

I guess nobody will ever know.

Senor Caiman said...

Man this is heavy stuff. It’s gotta be tough for a 39 year old intelligent woman with a child to find a decent Dude. If you were about 10 years younger I would date you just to give you a good ole noogie and 20 seconds you would never forget.

I’m very fortunate in that I’ve been blessed with soft hands and a strong arm. This really fits my busy lifestyle. Have you looked into peripheral devices?

Good luck with your search.

green said...

saur: I've actually been a mamber of eharmony for almost a year now. It's not that bad. I've talked to more people there than when I had memberships to yahoo personals, match.com, etc. I've tried most of them with no satisfactory results.

Even with the one other site I have a membership with now, I've seen at least two different profiles with the same picture but with different ages and locations. No one seems to reveal their proper age or location. The ads all say "seeking honest men", or most of them do, anyway.
This is funny because most of the women's profiles (that I've seen) probably are a bit dishonest.

As for me, my profile is spot honest on every site I've ever had a profile on. You can't build a relationship based on truthfulness and honesty if you're lying from the get-go. And if the ladies on whatever site don't like my ad or pic - well then THEY miss out.

Ellen said...

I loved your letter of resignation.
You did a great job of letting the potentials down without stomping all over them... and gave them great advise in the mix. Very generous and kind of you.

Best wishes that you find the thugly of your dreams in the most romantic of settings. You deserve that after all you've been through.

serendipity said...

Finding a life partner can sometimes be so mind-boggling it seems like the most tedious task ever to be undertaken in an entire lifetime. But apart from searching desperately sometimes one has to just let your hair down and join some common activities and there you go, BAM! It may just happen so unknowingly you dod not even need to TRY.

So yeah even though it may sound bullshit but a large part of getting the one you really love counts on Fate itself. So till then, it will be a veerrry hard task.

Lee Ann said...

I think you said it well.

EmmaSometimes said...

You are not up for a 'wild and crazy guy'???

I've heard I have no clue what the dating scene is like. You have to tell me how different is it from 10 years ago, or is it?

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Ho-Bag is a good phrase.

Eddo: there is nothing wrong with a British accent (if it existed), during my travels in the US it seems to be a dead cert winner with getting some American ho-bafs on my jock.

WORD!

Beaver said...

poom poom poom. I'm sure those guys who are now reading your profile are thinking "too bad. she looked like a cool chick" or "how unfortunate, at last, someone with class."

Blow'em away as you usually do :o)

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Ho-Bafs is not a word.

Sorry.

Instantiable said...

I, myself, have also given up on match. I still occasionally get winks, and wink back, but I do not feel it is a good investment for me right now. I tried actually making a FRIEND through match, but she was looking for a life-long partner. There was no sexual tension, not sure why we could not be friends...
I tried displaying intelligence and honesty in my profile, and although I get less reaction, I feel the ones I recieve will be more sincere...