My ex-boyfriend called last night. He's now in a rehab program and has been clean for 3 days. I would avoid his calls, but this is my business phone and I don't recognize the number."What are you wearing?" he asked, seductively.
"What am I...? A MuuMuu," I snapped.
That took him aback for a moment but he tried again. "What's under the MuuMuu?" he whispered.
"Another MuuMuu," I snarled. "OK? Basically it's layers of MuuMuus, I've gained 50 pounds in a month, and I don't shave any more. Anywhere. Look, I know it's my wallet that you miss. She's looking fine, and she's in leather today."
27 comments:
I liked how you describe your wallets attire... way too funny!
And glad to see "she's" doing fine... how are you?
Ellen, better with each passing day. There are nights that I go to bed feeling a little despondant, but the tears left a week after he did. Overall, I feel very blessed and very happy with the single life. Thanks for asking. ;o)
Ummm... you look quite nice in leather! ;) Tell the ex-boyfriend Deb knows whatchyer' wearing! ;) It gets them every time!
Saur,
You are so hot I can't concentrate on the Israeli crisis. Some women look great obese and you're one of them.
I'm going to get a smoothie and a cinnamon pretzel right now.
Gator, *LOL* I was waiting to hear from you. Hubba hubba!
Deb, Nah, that would just turn him on. The wrong thing to do would be to tell him the truth; that I'm a size 4 again. :D
Susie, I took your advice, and modified the pic to read "This is NOT Saur"! ;o) I like your suggestions and will use them next time, if there is a next time. :D
Way too funny, Saur. Remind me not to get on your bad side.
Personally I would tell him to not call again and certainly don't show up at the front door. If he calls have a whistle around your neck and blow. If he still doesn't get it or worse yet shows up have take one of those rusty tools my husand found in the front yard, let him know you have learned how to use tools, and then show him you know how to use the tools by grabbing him by the you know whats clamping down and don't let go.
Than say in your sweetest phone voice ever, "does this explain to you how I feel - honey?"
Clean for a three whole days? Give that man a cigar (and access to your bank account).
if you can't block his numbers, then buy one of those obnoxious boat horns in a can. when he calls again, give his ear a good long blast then HANG UP.
Sorry you're still having to deal with him but you do so admirably.
Hope you have a great weekend.
That wallet in leather sounds interesting. What sort of leather? Tight leather? Color? Texture? You've left out so much...
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Horace, *LOL* She's in a saucy little brown leather number, with zippers, studs and buckles everywhere.
Heather, thanks, hon. You have a great one, too!
McKay & Michelle, you're both on the same page today! Yeah, but I don't wanna freak out my dogs or myself. I am so scared of loud noises. Even when I know they're coming!
Old Hoss, ;o) 'zactly!!! I'm thinking, hey big boy, come on back home, ya know? Whew!
Fred, :D Don't worry. You never will be.
Ok I will do it for you. Little man and I don't have red hair for nothing. We both yell so we are use to loud noises.
Way to go, Saur! You tell him.
Great comeback!
I hope your wallet gets FATTER and FATTER now that the ex is gone. If it is not you that he appreciated, then forget him.
There's much better for you ahead I am sure!!!
Jamie, ;o) You know, the "fat" wallet crossed my mind. I almost said that *I* am losing weight, but she's gaining!
Acton Bell, thanks, hon. I've been leading a more-than-interesting life lately.
Mindless, my wallet is free, and she's really smokin'!!! But she's dedicated to me alone. A muumuu is that thing that the girl is wearing in the top pic.
Miss C, :D
Michelle, K! I'll give him your number and tell him you're rich.
This guy has a lot of nerve! Did he actually think you would play along?!
Funny, very funny!
Saur,
That was cruel, maybe you have trouble with men because they don't know when you're teasing. You really got me.
I'd say that was crystal clear... Think he got it??
~Mike
Everyone needs a MuuMuu!!
probably should have also told him you have given up bathing to help conserve water for the lawns
OOOHHH! Leather huh?
Speaking of wallets, allow me to take a few moments of your time to tell you about the plight of a class of people ignored by the world. While other people get to sport around in 40 or even 50 foot yachts, there are those who have to make do with a mere 18 foot powerboat with NO cuddy cabin! The horror!
But you CAN help! With only a few (hundred) dollars a month, you can see that one person CAN obtain a 25 foot walk-around cuddy cabin powerboat, with twin engines so that it can go to the Dry Tortugas for a long weekend. You will get a photo of the person you sponsor, along with a lovely handwritten note AND as a special bonus a monthly copy of the boat's log! You can take pride knowing that someone you sponsored is able to spend a weekend drinking beer and fishing.
nwa ha ha! Muumuus are so comfortable though :o)
Do you know that in Africa countries, a nice muumuu is the epitome of sexiness ?
*Hugz*
Beav'
I'm so proud of you... you always impress me Saur...
Did he call collect?
I guess that he is lonely and he just hasn't had the time to really 'connect' with anyone in jail.
I thought that you were extremely nice about it. I would have offered him a 'reduced' sentence. One that starts with an F and ends with an F!
Hang tough.
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